03x41 - Samurai Bugs/Duck in the Mist

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(TRADITIONAL JAPANESE
MUSIC PLAYING)

You know the best thing
about being a carrot farmer
in Japan?

You add a little tuna
and you've got carrot sushi.

(GRUNTING ANGRILY)

(GULPS)

Who was that?

I am Cal the Samurai.

I am the greatest warrior
in all of Japan.

I defeat all
who are in my zone.

My Cal zone.

-(HORSE NICKERS)
- A-ha!

I will defeat this cart.
(GRUNTS)

I will defeat these carrots.
(GRUNTS)

And I will defeat this horse.

(GRUNTING)

(WHINNIES)

(LAUGHING)

Hey, you can't come in here
and start slicin' and dicin'
my stuff.

This is my farm.

Not anymore.

I have defeated you.

Now, get out of here, loser!

(BUGS SCREAMING)

Of course, you know
this means w*r.

(WHISPERS) Samurai w*r.

Watch as I defeat you,
spicy tuna roll.

(LAUGHING AND CHOMPING)

(IMITATING SIREN BLARING)

Hold it right there.
Samurai police.

I heard there was a samurai
operating without a license.

No. Um, yeah,
I have a samurai license
right here.

This license expired
five years ago.

Uh, what do I do?

Well, I can either
write you a ticket or you
can go to samurai school.

I will go to samurai school.

(TRADITIONAL JAPANESE
MUSIC PLAYING)

Welcome to samurai school,

the school where we teach you
all things samurai.

I am Sensei Bugs.

I am going to take you
through a series of tests

so that you can get
your samurai license back.

I am ready to pass the test.
(GROANS)

What was that for?

Your first test.
A samurai must be able
to defend himself

from a sneak attack
at anytime.

But I wasn't ready--
(GROANS)

A real samurai
would have sensed
I was going to attack him.

In order to sharpen
your skills,

you will put on this blindfold
while I attack you.

Ouch! Ooh!

Now, let's work
on your swordsmanship.

(CAL GRUNTS)

Take these two swords
and chop up these onions.

Now, chop up these eggs,

chop this tofu,
put oil in this grill,

steam this rice,
flip that egg over your head,

make that onion
into a little volcano.

Mmm. (CHOMPING)

Congratulations, you passed.

(CAL GROANS)

- Argh!
- BUGS: Hey, metal-head!

It is I, Samurai Bugs,
prepare to be vanquished.

And you can prepare
to be split in half.

Then I will dice you
into itty, bitty-- Hey!

Hey, what kind
of samurai are you?

A dodgeball samurai.

(RAPID GRUNTING)

You surrender?

Never! (GAGS)

Good. 'Cause I'm just
gettin' started.

(GRUNTS)

Then two
can play at this game.

(GRUNTING)

(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

(YELPS, GRUNTS)

(STRAINING) Oh! Oh!

(GROWLS)

(SCREAMING)

Looks like Cal went
from playing dodgeball

to getting dodge-mauled.

(GIGGLING)

- Hold it right there.
- Oh?

FSA. Forest Security
Administration.

You have to go through
the metal detector

before you go into the forest.

-(BUZZING)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

Bring it back.

All right, buddy,
lose the skirt, shoes too.

Ugh. Fine.

-(BUZZING)
- Whoa! No, no, no, no, no.

Let me hit you with a wand.

Arms up, now.

(SCANNER TRILLING)

-(BEEPING)
- What is this?

My St. Zonicus medallion.

(HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS)

I've never taken it off.

Lose the necklace, buddy.
Come on. Keep it movin'.

We got a line formin' now.

(FLIES BUZZING)

Finally.
Can I have my clothes back?

Sure. Catch.

(GRUNTS) Whoa!

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

That is it. I challenge you
to a sumo wrestling match.

You're on.
Step right this way.

Ha! I will crush you.
(CRACKS KNUCKLES)

Oh, no, no, no.
You're not wrestling me.

You're wrestling
Sue the Moo.

You're sumoo wrestling.

Then I will crush that cow.

I will crush that cow
with my sumo strength.

Don't let the name fool ya.

(GRUNTING)

Sue's a bull.

He's a bull named Sue.

(HUFFING)

(GRUNTS) Ouch!

(GROANING)

- I have... Ooh!
-(THUDDING)

Been... Ahhh! Defeated.

(SUE BELLOWING)

Looks like that bull
has Cal by the horns.

-(CAL GROANS)
- And look what I got.

(SING-SONG) My zone!

(STATIC WARBLES)

Hello, and welcome to

Tad Tucker's Wild Walkabout.

I'm your incredible host,
Tad Tucker.

Mwah!

Jealous much?

Today, we're going to explore
the ferocious predators
of the jungle.

(GROWLS)

-(TAD WHIMPERING)
-(GROWLING)

(LAUGHING EMBARRASSEDLY)

What makes me
such a great host?

Other than my good looks
and stunning personality,

it's that
I'm so still stealth-like,

I'm able to show you
these magnificent animals
in their natural habitat.

Like that ordinary duck
swimming in the pond.

We'll get up nice and close
so he won't even notice.

♪ I'm gonna to lay down
my heavy load

♪ Down by the riverside
Whoo!

♪ Down by that riverside ♪

- Aye, knock it off.
- What? I'm trying
to be entertaining.

Gotta show the folks at home
I got the goods.

- Please, folks,
the phone lines are open.
-(MUSIC PLAYING)

Call up now and vote for me,
Daffy Duck.

Make sure I'm voted
into the next round.

This isn't a talent contest.

It's a nature documentary.

I'm trying to film
the ferocious creatures
in the wild,

so I need all you animals
to act natural.

(GRUNTS)

Boring!

Tell you what,
why don't you let me help you

make this TV show
something people would
actually want to watch?

No! Tad Tucker
doesn't need help

making anything
more entertaining.

I'm spicy enough as it is.

Phew! Your breath's
more smelly than spicy.

Get out of here,
you crazy duck.

-(SCREAMING)
-(THUD)

Hoy, sorry about that, folks,

everyone wants to be
in showbiz.

Now, come with me
and let me show you
these creatures

up close and personal.

(FIREWORKS EXPLODE)

Here are the kings
and queens of the jungle.

The fierce, savage lions.

These are true predators
that will attack any creature

who dares even approach them.

♪ Bongo, bongo, bongo, bongo

♪ A-mah-boom,
mah-boom, mah-boom! ♪

Hoy, get out of there, Duck.

Oh, come on, you can't expect
people to watch a bunch
of sleeping cats.

This is my documentary.
Now, get lost!

(ROARING)

Oh. Good kitties, right--
(SCREAMS)

(THUDDING)

(GROANING) Hi, there.

Huh. Sorry about that.
Cat got my tongue.

And everything else,
for that matter.

Now, you're in
for a real treat.

Not only do you get
to look at me,

but you'll get to witness
an animal grudge match.

You see that there?

That's a wild honey badger.

Now watch what happens when
he meets his mortal enemy,

a cobra snake.

A cobra approaches the badger.
(STRAINING)

Once these two lock
in brutal battle,

the only way out
is certain doom. Watch.

-(GROWLING)
-(HISSING)

DAFFY: And we're back,
with everyone's favorite
daytime talk show,

Why So Mad?

Mortal enemies,
can they learn to get along?

I'm your host, Daffy Duck.

Now let's find out,
why so mad?

Mr. Honey Badger,
Miss Cobra tells us you tried
to eat her egg babies.

(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(SOBBING)

You know, Mr. Badger,
it's never too late
for second chances because...

You are the father.

(BOTH GASP)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Stop! You're ruining my show.

This isn't supposed to be
all lovey-dovey.

It's supposed to be violent.
(GRUNTS)

Now I demand
that you two fight.

-(METAL MUSIC PLAYING)
- Fight! Scratch! Scream!

Show no mercy!

-(GROWLING)
-(HISSING)

Oh, no. (SCREAMS)

Don't be sad, Tad,

you'll be glad,
'cause we'll be right back
with, Why So Mad?

TAD: Help!

Now this is something
I wanted you all to see.

These gorillas are even
more magnificent
than I could imagine.

They are strong,
powerful and handsome.

Just like yours truly.

We have to be very careful,

the last thing we want to do
is startle them--

- Surprise! Happy birthday!
-(TAD WHIMPERING)

(TAD GROANING)

So, who wants cake?

(GRUNTS, MOANS)

Save me a corner piece.

Now this is what
I'm talking about.

We hit the jackpot.

This is the watering hole,
where a bunch
of jungle animals

- gather to drink and bathe.
-(UPBEAT MUSIC
PLAYING ON STEREO)

We're seeing these creatures
in their natural habitat.

This is true, honest
animal behavior.

Tad Tucker
always delivers the...

- Hey! Stop it!
-(MUSIC STOPS)

What do you think
you're doing?

It's a flash mob.
Pretty cool, huh, brah?

No! These animals
shouldn't be dancing.

Animals need
to act like animals.

This is what
you should be doing.

(IMITATING GORILLA GRUNTING)

"I'm a gorilla,
I'm smelly and scratchy."

"I'm a gazelle, so graceful."

"Look at me,
my nose is a faucet."

"Oh, I'm a hippo,
this is what you sound like."

(IMITATING HIPPO ROARING)

(IMITATING MONKEY CHATTERING)

And so concludes
Tad Tucker's Wild Walkabout.

Honk, I am an animal!

- Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
-(TAD HOOTING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)