03x43 - Dorlock Vice

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

trying to take down
crime boss, Mr. Big.

That handsome fellow there
is me,

South Florida
police detective,

Cloudy Dorlock.

(SPUTTERING)

(STUTTERING)
Any sign for me
to leave, Dorlock?

Not yet.

DAFFY: That's Pigs,
he's my partner,
he's also undercover.

(STUTTERING) I hope
he shows up soon,

because it's really hard
holding my... (STUTTERING)

(GASPING)

(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Looks like someone's
up to no good.

Today's forecast
calls for a Cloudy
with a chance of justice.

Police, freeze.

Freeze, drop the bag.

What? I'm just
throwing out
the garbage.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
Nice try, bub.

But this is clearly
someone's lunch.

Now, are you going
to come quietly

or do I have
to get rough?

I should warn you,
I am trained in yoga
fighting.

It's a mix of yoga
and karate.

Warrior one,
warrior two.

(GROANS)

Downward duck.

-(PORKY PIG EXCLAIMING)
-(GRUNTING)

I got him
(STUTTERS) Dorlock.

Book him, Hammo.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

LIEUTENANT: You are
on thin ice, boys.

Not only did you
not catch Mr. Big,

you arrested
an innocent garbage man.

He may be innocent
of stealing lunches,

but he's guilty of
waking me up every morning
with his truck.

Beep, beep, beep.

(IMITATES GARBAGE TRUCK)

Enough!

I don't have time
for your nonsense.

Well, do you have time
for my shenanigans?

Woo-hoo, woo-hoo.

(NERVOUSLY) Woo-hoo.

-(SHIVERING)
- Man, that is one
intense glare.

At the police academy,

I graduated top of my class
in intense glaring.

Now, every moment
you waste here

is a moment
Mr. Big is out

wreaking havoc
on this city.

Lieutenant, we'll find
Mr. Big, no problem.

(SCOFFS) You couldn't find
your way out of a paper bag.

Oh, yeah?
Watch this.

All you gotta do is, uh...

Well, this is harder
than I thought.

Oh, no, help me,
I'm lost in this paper bag.

LIEUTENANT: See?

Now, you listen to me.

I'm giving you two days
to find Mr. Big,

and if you don't,
I'll find someone else
to bring him down.

- You hear me?
- Mm-hmm.

Now get out of my office.

Well, what are you
waiting for?

If I can't find my way
out of a paper bag,

there's no way
I'm gonna find my way
out of your office.

(GROANS)

I hate to admit it,
(STUTTERS) Dorlock,

but I have no clue
where to find Mr. Big.

Don't worry, Chuckles,
I know a rat within
the organization.

Okay, Minnesota,
give me two wheels
of cheddar

and a baseball mitt.

What's the baseball mitt for?

I like to play
with my food.

(LAUGHS) Riot.

Get out of here.

Got any cheese
for two famished detectives?

Well, what can I do
for you two?

(STUTTERS)
We're looking for Mr. Big.

I got nothing
to say to you, copper.

Hey, put me down.

We know you're working
for him,

just like we know
you stole all this cheese.

This cheese isn't stolen,

it fell off
the back of a truck

that I stole.

If you don't talk,
we're going to eat
every piece of cheese

in your shop.

Well, I ain't talking.

Then we start eating.

No, wait, wait, stop.

You can't.
Not my cheese wheels.

(GASPS)

(GRUNTING)

- Stop.
- Are you ready
to rat, Rat?

All right. There's a boat
coming in tonight
down at the docks.

The boat's name
is the SS Sinksalot.

That's where
Mr. Big will be.

We have all
the information we need.

Let's go, Pigs.

Pigs?

He gave us the information,
you can stop eating now.

Here's the ship.

The bad guys
must be on board.

Let's go get them.

Wait,
they'll be expecting us
to come thought the front.

Let's surprise them
by climbing up the sides
of the ship,

using these high tech
suction devices.

Those are just
plunger tops.

That's right,
we're going to unclog
the toilet of justice.

Start climbing.

(GRUNTING)

(PANTS) This is harder
than I thought.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)
Dorlock.

You gotta get off me,
I can't carry us both.

- Yes, you can.
-(MUFFLED) No, I can't.

- Can.
- Can't.

- Can.
- Can't.

- Can.
- Can't.

- Can.
- Can't.

MR. BIG: I hear
you're looking for Mr. Big.

Yeah, and we wanna
ask him some questions.

MR. BIG: Well,
I have the answers.

Or should I say,
"hamsters".

(CACKLING)

Seize them.

Stop chewing
on those ropes

and tie up
the policemen.

(LAUGHING MANICALLY)

MR. BIG: Well, well, well.

The infamous Dorlock
and Pigs.

I thought for a guy named
Mr. Big, you'd be...

Uh, you know, big?

Silence, you fools.

Minnesota, thank you kindly
for your warning.

My pleasure, Mr. Big.

Minnesota, you sold us out,
you filthy pile of garbage.

Actually, I sold you out
for a pile of garbage.

I've heard so much
about you, Dorlock.

So you've heard about
my super cool exploits
as a cop.

No, I heard you can't
find your way out
of a paper bag.

Sheesh, word travels fast.

And now that I trapped you,
Dorlock,

I'm going to rob
the biggest bank
in the city,

and your partner
is going to help me.

(STUTTERING)
I'll never help you.

Oh, but you will,

after I hypnotize you

with my super cute stare.

(GASPS) Look away,
Picardo.

I... I can't,
he's too adorable.

You will do everything
I say.

I... I will do everything
you say.

You will wear skinny jeans,

bow ties,

and put your hair
in a man bun.

You turned him
into a hipster.

This is the power
of the super cute stare.

Goodbye, Mr. Dorlock.

Hamsters and hipster, away.

Well, this is it,

I guess all there is to do

is watch my life
flash before my eyes.

She definitely
wore it better.

Wait, I didn't finish
that magazine.

I'm not ready to die.

Look, Rob,
we're going to have duck
for your birthday.

Mazel tov, Kevin.

(SCREAMING)

I just remembered,
I have a three-day-old
Liverwurst sandwich.

(BURPING)

Hey, sharks.

(LAUGHING)

-(SNIFFING)
-(BOTH RETCHING)

- Too smelly.
- Birthday ruined.

I did it.

Now, how do I get
out of this net?

Just one more toothpick.

Lieutenant!

My statue! Phew.

- This is an emergency.
- What do you want?

The hamsters have
hypnotized Porky
and are robbing a bank.

We've got to stop them.

It's go time.

It's dark.

It's so dark.

It's really, really,
really dark.

It's gloomy and bleak.

I can't see past
my beak.

♪ You're about
to run into a... ♪

- Tree!
-(SCREAMS)

(WHISTLING)

Hey, Porky,
I like your new look,

Although that hipster food
is making you look a little
lumpy and what not.

I need you to let me
into the vault.

Sure thing, Porky.

Much obliged.

I'm being taken down
by a bunch of hamsters.

They've got such
cute little eyes
and noses, and...

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Let's get the money
and get out of here.

Don't eat the money,
steal the money.

Have no fear,

Dorlock is here,
to save the day.

(GROANS) Or not.

How did you know
we were coming?

How could we not know?

Dorlock has a musical
soundtrack playing
wherever he goes.

I keep forgetting
to turn that thing off.

Porky, grab the money
and let's go.

Porky, look at me.

DORLOCK: (GASPS)
The glare.

You are not a criminal.

You are a policeman.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY) Huh?

Don't just stand there,
let's get moving.

I'm not going anywhere.

And you're going to jail.

He's Porky again.

Which might not
be a good thing.

Minions, seize them.

(PORKY GROANS)

(PIGS EXCLAIMING)

(DORLOCK GROANS)

Hey, guys.

Fresh hamster niblets.

You fools,
do I have to do
everything myself?

No one can fight the power
of the cute stare.

Actually, I can,

and your stare can't match
the power of my glare.

I don't believe it,

you've defeated
my cute stare.

No matter,
you'll still never catch me.

(ENGINE STARTING)

(LOUD CRASH)

Got ya.

You're going to jail,
Mr. Big.

Well, boys,
Mr. Big is no longer
a threat to the city.

I guess the solution
to this crime

was staring us
in the face
the whole time.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

-(MUSIC STOPS)
- Wait a minute,
where'd Mr. Big go?

Uh...

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)