03x46 - Formula One Bunny/Daffy Goes to Hollywood

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

This is it,
the Forest 500.

A 500-mile Formula One
car race through
the entire forest.

And I think I got the car
to win it this year.

Actually, I think I've
got the car to win it.

(ANGRILY) Cecil.

There's no way
you'll beat me.

My car is way,
way faster than yours.

Are you sure
about that?

Really sure.

Really, really sure?

Really, really sure.

Really, really, really sure?

Really, really, really sure.

Really, really,
really, really sure?

BUGS: Well, I've never been
really, really, really sure
about anything before.

That's four reallys.

You gotta be super confident
to be that sure.

Wait a minute,
why am I thinkin' to myself?

Oh, no! Cecil tricked me into
having an internal monologue.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
- And he started
the race without me!

Nice try, Cecil,

but this ain't gonna
end well, Half-Shell.

Time to turbocharge
this beast.

-(ENGINE REVVING)
- CECIL: Oh, yeah?

Then I'll super-turbo.

(ENGINE REVVING)

BUGS: Overdrive!

-(ENGINE REVVING)
- CECIL: Underdrive.

-(TIRES SCREECH)
- Hey!

(LAUGHING)

I took low rider
to a whole new level. (LAUGHS)

-(DISTANT expl*si*n)
-(YELPS)

Oh, dear.

-(TIRES SCREECH)
- How fortuitous.
A mechanic.

Boy, have a look
at this vehicle
right here.

This sure is
a fine specimen of
automotive excellence.

She's having
a few issues.

Maybe the issue
is it's being driven
by a nincompoop.

- Hey!
- I'm just kiddin' ya, partner.

Here, have some
beefy jerky.

Now, have a seat
in the waiting area.

It was a long operation
but the patient survived.

Great.
Where is my car?

Right over there.

(SPARKLING)

You turned my car
into a tricycle?

Don't you worry,
this'll go fast.

It's a 10-speed.

-(CHOKES)
- Here, have
some more beefy jerky.

(SPITS) What kind
of a mechanic
are you, anyway?

Oh, I'm not a mechanic,
I'm Bugs Bunny.

-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS)

Hello, Potato Puds.
Don't mind if I do.

(ENGINE REVS)

VOICE OVER INTERCOM:
How can I help you?

One dozen Potato Puds, please,
and make it snappy, Chappy.

I got a race to win.

10-4, good spuddy.

What dipping sauces
would you like?

Uh, I don't really
have time for the...

We have ranch,
barbeque,
honey mustard--

- Fine, I'll just take the--
- Let me finish.

We have honey chipotle,
garlic chipotle...

- I get it. Just give me that--
- Let me finish.

We have coconut curry,
teriyaki and spicy buffalo.

Okay, teriyaki.
I'll take the teriyaki.

We're all out of teriyaki.

Let me start
from the beginning.

We have ranch,
barbeque--

(YELLING) Just give me
the spicy buffalo!

Spicy buffalo
comin' right up!

I'm one spicy buffalo.

(BUGS SCREAMS AND GROANS)

Hey, Bugs, looks like
your fondness for potatoes
has left you mad.

-(LAUGHS)
-(GRUNTS)

Not so fast,
you rancid reptile.

Uh-oh. Looks like
I'm running low on gas.

- I better get to a pit stop.
-(ENGINE REVS)

All right, boys. I need
four new wheels and a tank
of premium unleaded gas and...

Huh?

(HUMMING)

You know what,
just give me the gas.

(CLINKING AND SPUTTERING)

(YELLING) Would you
pick up the pace? Argh!

Maybe you should
try to relax.

Here, have some
beefy jerky.

-(CHOKES)
- Disgusting, isn't it?

(SPITTING) Big mistake, Cecil.

I'm gonna take
that little smile
off your face and--

-(CHIRPING)
-(GASPS)

- Whoa!
-(VULTURES SCREECHING)

We must have accidentally
put helium in your tires.

-(LAUGHS)
-(TIRES SCREECHING)

-(HISSING)
-(LAUGHING)

(SCATTING) Huh?

I'm going to have to
shift into turtle-mode.

Turtle-mode, activate.

What the...

Huh?

(SCREAMS)

CECIL: Uh, yup. I'm a robot.

See you at
the finish line. (LAUGHS)

(GROANS) What was that?

Guess what, Doc?
I have bunny-mode.

(CECIL LAUGHS) Silly bunny.

That plasma cannon?
So last year.

You really should upgrade
to my photon blaster.

BUGS: Huh!

- Cecil!
- Bugs!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(BOTH GROANING)

Well, since you two
blew yourselves up,

you're gonna have to be
in these wheelchairs
for at least six months.

- BUGS: I can't wait that long.
- Neither can I.

BUGS: Race you down the hall
to the vending machines.

You're on!

(WHEELCHAIRS WHIRRING)

Regardless of who wins,
they're both losers.

(BELL RINGS)

MAN: Timmy Times
Hot Dogs, take 29.

And action.

(QUACKING)

(CHOMPS)

(QUACKING)

(BURPING)

ELMER: Cut! Cut!

Oh! You need to take
a bite out of this hot dog
for the commercial.

Take a bite,
you mindless mallard.

(GASPS)

Mindless mallard?

Do you not know
to whom you are speaking?

I played Demetrius in
A Midsummer Night's Dream at
the local community theater.

I am walking
off this travesty.

You, sir,
are a neophyte.

Good day!

- Wait.
- I said, "Good day"!

Oh, now where
am I gonna get a duck
to be in this commercial?

DAFFY: Look out!

(GROANS) What the...

I didn't start that fire,
that grandma
looked at me funny.

- What?
- You've gotta hide me!

OFFICER: Excuse me,
sir, did you see
a duck come through here?

Handsome, charming,
a personality that could
sell you anything.

Uh, no, Officer.

I didn't see a duck
come through here.

OFFICER:
Well, keep an eye out.
He's around here somewhere.

Oh, I will, Officer.
(CHUCKLES)

Oh, where did that duck go?

Whoo-hoo!
Thanks, buddy.

Like I said, that building
was flooded when I got there.

Uh, excuse me. How would
you like to be the star
of my commercial?

I don't know. I'm not sure
I wanna sell my soul
to hock some product

or business
I don't even stand behind.

It pays a lot of money.

- When do I start?
- Okay, first things first.

- Let's get to make-up.
- Good call.

I'm glad you said
something because
you look terrible.

I do?

- Oh, yes.
-(GROANS)

You're a worst case scenario,

but I'll give you
my best shot.

Yeesh! That's no good.

Better.

- Perfect.
- Will you knock it off!

I'm not going to be
on camera, you are.

Oh, that makes more sense
'cause you've got
a face for podcasting.

Just get on the set
and let's get started.

Fine by me.
Ready when you are.

And action!

You got us surrounded, huh?

Well, no way, coppers.
No one takes me alive!

(MIMICKING g*nshots)

(GROANS) They got me, Ma.
It's curtains.

They got your baby boy.

Can't go on much longer.

(FARTS)

Cut! What are you doing?

You said "action."
I was doing
an action movie.

"Action" doesn't
mean do action,

"action" means
say your lines.

And action!

- Your lines.
- No!

I meant you say the lines
that were written for you.

Okay. Okay. Got it.

ELMER: And action!

The lines that were
written for you.

No! No, no, no!

The script! The lines
from the script.

Oh!

ELMER: And action!

I don't know my lines.

(SCREAMING)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

Can we get Mr. Duck
some cue cards, please?

Okay, just read the lines
on the cue cards.

- No problem.
- And action!

Um, those words
are too small,
I can't read it.

Cut!

(WEARILY) Can we have
bigger cue cards, please?

You got bigger cue cards.
And action!

- Still too small.
- Cut!

- How's that?
- Still too small.

- How 'bout now?
- Nope. Too small.

- Now?
- Uh... Too small.

We can't get
any bigger cue cards.

Now, can you
see the words or not?

I can see them fine,
thank you.

Finally!
Let's try this again.

And action!

(CLEARS THROAT)

- I can't read.
-(GRUNTS)

Okay, we're gonna just
feed you your lines.

Ooh, good. 'Cause I'm hungry.

Craft services has been
really phoning in today.

No, I mean I'm gonna say
a line and you repeat it.

- Great!
- Okay, action!

(WHISPERING) "Timmy Times
Hot Dogs are the best."

(WHISPERING) Timmy Times
Hot Dogs are the best.

Cut! You don't have to
whisper the lines.

I whisper the lines.
And action!

(WHISPERING)
"Timmy Times Hot Dogs
are the best."

Timmy Times Hot Dogs
are the best.

"Because we really
care about you."

You care about me?

(SCREAMS) No!
That's your line! Cut!

So you don't care about me?

No! I do care.
I mean, not really.

Then shouldn't the line be,
"Timmy Times Hot Dogs.
We do care."

-"I mean, not really."
-(SIGHS)

Let's try a different line.

How about
"Timmy Times Hot Dogs.
We've got your back."

I don't like it.
You've got my back?

What about my front,
my top and my bottom?

(GROOVY MUSIC PLAYING)

Oh, stop it!

Cut! Excellent. Great job.

I didn't see this
in the script, but I love
everything you're doing.

I thought you couldn't read.

No wonder I didn't
see it in the script.

I'm the director
and you're the actor.

You're supposed to do
everything I ask.

I did do
everything you asked.

- I did your make-up!
-(GROANS)

- I did your action scene!
-(GROANS)

I even did
your cue cards.

-(GROANS)
- Too small! Still too small!

-(GASPS)
- Perfect.

The only thing
you didn't tell me to do
was take a lunch break.

Ooh! Look at that!
Snacky snacks.

(SCREAMS)

Man, you should
try these taquitos.

I just want you to say,
"Timmy Times Hot Dogs
are the best."

(GASPS) What did you say?

Timmy Times Hot Dogs
are the best.

Oh, well.
A paycheck's a paycheck.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)