03x47 - A Duck in the Laundromat/Primo Bugs-erino

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

FOGHORN: I say, I say,
let me see here.

Five shirts,
three pairs of pants
and one "Go green" headband.

These'll be done
by later today.

Groovy. I'll catch you then,
mi amigo.

Wait. Before you go,

do you think that
these light bulbs
are eco-friendly?

Uh, no.
Absolutely not.

Hey, you got, I say,
you got a stain there
on your shirt, son.

- You better wash that.
- Ugh. You're right.

How did I miss that?

Oh, wait, and you also got
a little stain there
on your pants.

Ginkgo Biloba! Where did
all these stains come from?

Oh, probably global warming.

No doubt.
It's even ruining our clothes.

But now I've got
nothing to wear.

Yeah, well,
for a small fee of $50

I can lend you a loaner.

Oh, okay.

Ah, put on this here
leisure suit.

It's been here
since the '70s.

Sweet!

-(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
-(CHUCKLING) Hipsters.

Boy, I swindled him good.

And now, I'm one rooster
with a little extra scratch.

A feather coat?

I don't remember
cleaning this.

Do you mind?
I'm trying to sleep.

Hey, this ain't a hotel.

Get out of here,
you coat impersonator.

(GRUNTS)

Probably flew into
too many windows. (CHUCKLES)

DAFFY: (IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
You're late.

(GASPS) Late for what?

You're attending
a red carpet event.

And I'm designing
your outfit.

Who are you?

World famous
fashion designer,

Dafio Dressamore.

(GASPS) I've always wanted
to wear your clothes.

Then let's get to it.

I'm gonna make something

- that'll leave
the fashion world breathless.
-(GROANS)

Something that'll knock them
off their feet.

(GRUNTS)

Something that'll send them
to an early grave.

No, no, no, no, no,
I'll get it. I'll get it.

You sure?
'Cause I can assure you.

Yeah. I'm sure.

Well, then give me some room
and let me work my magic.

(YELLS)

(GROANS)

(GASPS) Why,
this is a ball gown.

And you look
so beautiful in it.

But do I look good enough
for the red carpet?

Of course, you do.

Because you are
the red carpet.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

I've heard of people
walking all over you,

but this is ridiculous.

Now where did
that duck go? Huh?

(DAFFY EXCLAIMING
IN EERIE VOICE)

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
It is I, the ghost
of the dirty underpants.

And I have come here

to avenge
all the dirty clothes

you haven't cleaned.

(STUTTERS) I don't know
what you're talking about

Silence! Now,
listen to my story.

I was the number one
pair of underpants
in the world.

-I did TV.
- Oh, it's you, underpants.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Movies.

Now let's make this brief.

And I even hosted
my own nightly talk show.

- You have one guess left.
- Uh... B?

Ha! Wrong!

You know
what that means, audience.

ALL: Tuna casserole shower.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

But what does this
have to do with me?

Everything!

I came here
to this stingy laundromat
to get cleaned.

But you, you dropped me
behind a triple-load washer

where I wasted away for years
covered in dryer lint
and old chewing gum.

And now,
it is time for me

to get my revenge!

(SHRIEKS)

Ouch! My tuchus.

Wait a minute.

- You're that duck.
- And you've got
underpants on your head.

- Woo-hoo!
-(GRUNTING)

Famous underpants.

- Woo-hoo!
-(GROWLS)

(DAFFY LAUGHING, WHOOPING)

(GROANS)

Oh, look,
I made a little puppet.

♪ Don't lay down
my happy glow

♪ Down by
the riverside, yeah!

♪ Down by the riverside, hoo!
Down by the riverside

♪ Don't lay down my happy glow
Down by the riverside

♪ 'Cause I don't want
These dirty clothes no more ♪

Ta-da!

(GRUNTS)

DAFFY: Whoops! Forgot
to unlock the door.

No!

(SCREAMS)

All right,
enough of this nonsense.

I got laundry to do.

Good gravy!
Hold on there, boy.

You can't overload
the machine.

Why, you'll turn
the whole store
into a big old washer.

Hey, that's a great idea.

(SQUEAKING, SCREECHING)

-(FOGHORN GROANING)
-(DAFFY EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)

There! Good as new.

Hey, I'm back for my clothes.

Right here, pal.

And as a special
customer bonus,
a coat on us.

I'm sorry, bro.
But I can't wear anything
made of real animals.

Trust me, buddy.
Everything about this coat
is 100 percent fake.

Sweet. My friends
are gonna freak out
when they see me in this.

I say, I say, hipsters.

DIRECTOR: Attention, everyone.
In just a few moments,

I will begin auditions
for primo ballerino.

If I choose you,
it means

that you are
the finest male dancer
in the company.

Uh, uncle director,

I want to be
the primo ballerino.

You can't dance, Leslie.
Plus, you literally have
two left feet.

We will begin
the auditions momentarily.

Best of luck.

(EXCLAIMS)
I want to be in the ballet.

Wait! I know.

Uh, look, everyone,
there are free donuts
in this room.

Who doesn't love
free donuts? (GROANS)

(LAUGHS EVILLY) Yes.

Now, my uncle
will have to make me
the primo ballerino.

I'm the only one left.

♪ I'm so delicate on my feet

♪ I'm so delicate on my feet

♪ I'm so delicate on my feet

♪ I'm a dancing bunny ♪

Heya, short stack.
I'm here to audition
for the bluegrass band.

That audition is tomorrow,
you nincompoop.

- Get off the stage.
- DIRECTOR: Wait!

Mr. Rabbit, that little dance
you just did,

makes me think
I may have found
our primo ballerino.

This goofy rabbit?
He can never be in the ballet.

I demand a proper audition.
Me versus the rabbit.

Fine. Mr. Bunny,
is it okay with you?

Sure. I got
nothing to do till
the banjo auditions anyways.

All right then.
I'll be back in a few
to get this over with.

Don't you think
you can best me, rabbit.

I'm a superior dancer.

I love the boards
and the boards
love me. (GROANS)

Must be a real
love-hate relationship.

When that rabbit
stretches on this bar

it will fall
and cause his ankle
to go twisty-twisty.

(LAUGHS EVILLY)

What's so funny, doc?

You! You're wearing a tutu.

- I find it to be flattering.
- Really?

Well, two-two can play
at that game.

I meant it looks
flattering on me.

Oh! Enough of this!

Why don't you
stretch out on this bar?

You don't want
to pull a hammy out there.

That's great advice.
Thanks, doc.

Let's break a leg out there...
(CHUCKLES) Literally.

I don't care what he says,

I think it looks nice.
(SCREAMS)

Oops. I guess I'll stretch out
some place else.

(SCREAMING, GRUNTS)

(GROANING)

Ow! (GROANS)

No wonder why
this thing's acting funny.

It's loose.

I got to move it
before someone gets hurt.

(GROANS)

Let's see
how this rabbit dances

when his feet are covered
in itching powder.
(CHUCKLES WICKEDLY)

Oh, Rabbit?
Might I suggest trying out
a pair of ballet slippers?

Gee, thanks, Leslie.

Oh, I'm always
itching to help.
(CHUCKLES WICKEDLY)

These slippers
are way too small.

Oh, well.
I'll just go au natural.

(GRUNTS) I'm itchy! So itchy.

(GROANING) Itchy, itchy...

(GRUNTS)

Nutcracker.

Oh, Mr. Rabbit?

The audition
is right this way.

Thanks, Leslie. Let's have
some fun out there, huh?

Yes.

Let's keep on
trucking, right?

(LAUGHS WICKEDLY)

MAN: (IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
So you want to be
primo ballerino, yes?

Who are you?

I'm the one
who'll turn you into

the greatest ballerino
of all time.

-(GRUNTS)
- Now let me control your body.

- Demi plie.
-(LESLIE STRAINING)

Grand plie.

Then suplex plie.

Now saute.

Grand jete.
The oopsy basset.

Now that you have the moves,
you must have the bravery.

All great ballet dancers
are fearless.

Are you afraid of that bear?

(GROWLS)

- Yes, I'm afraid!
- Well, you have to
face your fear.

(YELLING)

I want you to get in this cage

and tell that bear
you aren't afraid of it,

then smack it repeatedly
with this mackerel.

After you hit him,
just run out of the cage

and the door
will lock behind you.

(LESLIE SIGHS)

(GROWLING)

Nice bear. I'm just gonna
slap you with
this mackerel and... (GULPS)

- I'm not afraid of you.
-(GROWLS)

I did it! I faced my fears.

I am the greatest
ballet dancer of all time.

-(LAUGHS)
-(GROWLS)

(WHIMPERS)

Oops. I forgot to lock it.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GRUNTING)

- DIRECTOR: Stop!
-(MUSIC STOPS)

This is
the most wonderful ballet
I have ever seen.

Congratulations.

I'm casting you both
as primo ballerinos.

You'll be doing
this exact ballet

every night
for the next six months.

What?

(GRUNTING)

(IN NORMAL VOICE)
I'm glad Leslie
brought his ballet-A game,

because for a minute there
I thought I was
gonna get the job.

(LESLIE GROANING, SCREAMING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)