01x10 - The Yard Sale

[bunniefuu]

Hi!

I'm Patrick Star!

And I live with my parents!

Oh!

This is my dad!

This is my mom!

[giggles]

This is my sister!

She's shy.

This is my grandpa!

This is my room!

And this

♪

This is my show!

♪

[snoring]

♪

[thud, crash]

[stammering]

-[thud]

-[GrandPat] Ohhh!

[snoring]

♪

[crash]

[grunting]

[cork pops]

♪

Bblbblbbl!

[yawns]

[crash]

[Patrick] Oh, oh.

Uh! Ooh!

Oh, oh!

A yard sale?

Why would anyone

want to sell

their pricelessly valuable

belongings to strangers?

Yech! I wouldn't part

with my stuff for the world.

Oh, no!

They wouldn't dare!

Aah!

I knew it!

I've been robbed

by my own family!

[grunting]

[motor whirring]

Oh.

[groans]

Gah! Ah! Yah!

How much for the jewels?

They're kind of old.

How does two bucks sound?

Aaah!

Oh!

Cease and desist!

My belongings

are not for sale!

I'll give you a buck 50.

Sold!

[bell dings]

[chuckles]

Patrick,

it's not yours to sell!

Hey, I paid for that!

Here's a booby prize,

you boob!

A lollipop!

Oh, boy!

[Cecil groans]

[grunting]

Don't be a grouch, Dad.

[coughing]

Everyone in the family

contributed to the yard sale.

We're selling old junk,

and everything you have

is old junk.

Do the math.

Hand it over.

[whimpers]

Come on.

[whimpering]

You don't understand.

Each one of

these precious vintage antiques

represents a precious

vintage memory of mine.

Oh, just what

I've been looking for!

[groaning]

How much for this?

Hey!

Oh! A lollipop!

Mmm-mmm!

Take this novelty thumb,

for instance.

It's a souvenir

from ancient Rome.

That's way back when I was

a whippersnappin' young buck!

Who-o-a.

[babbling]

[groans]

What is it, Grandfather?

What do you see?

I see the Clamosseum.

[GrandPat] The Clamosseum was

packed to capacity that day

for the glorious

gladiator battle.

[crowd booing]

And no gladiator

was more feared or revered

than the great

and stupid warrior Moronicus.

[growling]

-[chanting] Moronicus!

-[crowd cheering]

Whoo! Whoo!

His fans loved to watch him

crush his opponents

with brutal strength.

And, boy, did he give them

something to nerd out about.

[chuckling]

[gladiator #1]

Let me out of here!

[gladiator #2]

It's not funny!

He came from a famous family

of battling morons,

but he was

the all-time champion.

[crowd cheering]

Some fun, eh, son?

[laughs]

Yeah!

That monster

was so big and dumb

that he couldn't tell

friend from foe.

So it was my duty

to keep him in line.

[laughs]

[crowd booing]

[roars]

♪

I was a Clamosseum clown,

the most dangerous job

in Rome.

[roaring]

♪

[laughing]

Mwah!

[crowd booing]

But on that day,

that big dummy bested me.

Ooh, and he had

horrible halitosis.

Suddenly, I was on trial

for my life.

They unanimously voted

and it wasn't good.

[crowd cheering]

I knew I was a goner,

for sure now.

I needed a plan

and I needed it quick.

[grunting]

♪

Ha ha!

Ooh!

Aha!

[shouting indistinctly]

[growls]

♪

I didn't mean

to hurt the big moron.

[babbling]

[chuckles nervously]

Ta-da?

Oh, I knew the crowd

would tear me apart for it.

How wrong I was.

[crowd cheering]

They loved me!

Yah-ha!

[crowd cheering]

Way to go, buddy!

I was showered in thumbs!

Which really hurt 'cause

they were made out of cement.

Yay!

Bblbblbbl!

[groaning]

[laughs]

So!

Tell me about ancient Rome!

Oh, I just did!

Didn't you see the flashback?!

Ohh.

I must have dozed off.

[sonar pinging]

Uh! Oh!

Hello, sir!

Could I interest you

in a lovely array

of rusty old tools?

Rusty. Ooh!

Hmm.

[clanking]

[snaps]

How much for

the vintage nose-hair pullers?

Those ain't

nose-hair pullers!

They're teeth-yanking pliers

from my

mediaeval dentistry days.

[groans]

[babbling]

It was the Dark Ages,

and I was the only toothsmith

in the kingdom.

[grunting and groaning]

♪

Almost got it!

♪

[grunting and groaning

continues]

Waaaah!

♪

[crash]

There!

That's the last one.

You'll never have

a toothache again.

[lisping] Thanks!

You can rinse now,

my good man.

[zapping]

Ohh.

A royal jelly message

from the palace!

It's from Princess Pearlina.

She says, "Dear Dentist,

I've got a malignant

mandible molar

that's in need of your

marvellous medical magic!"

Oh!

I will yank out your pain,

my princess!

By my pliers,

I swear!

[zapping]

[donkey braying]

♪

Whoa, Bicuspid!

This is it!

♪

[spits]

[braying]

Cast your eyes skyward,

noble dentist,

for I am "hair"!

[laughs]

Princess Pearlina,

let down your hair,

that I may climb

your golden stair.

Not now.

I just washed it.

I'll come to you.

[laughing]

♪

I applaud your swift arrival,

good dentist.

The pain of this tooth

has become quite unbearable.

And it "hoits"!

So I shall not disappoint you,

milady, and I shall not dally.

Oh.

Okay, where's that

nasty old tooth hiding?

Oh, no, no, no.

It is not my tooth

that is in horrible pain.

[both] Huh?

It is his.

[inhales deeply, whistles]

[roaring]

[whimpers]

[sobs]

Ohh!

This is Mr. Boots,

my royal guard dragon.

[whining]

Open your mouth

for the nice man, Mr. Boots.

Aaaaah!

I'll catch up with you later,

Bicuspid!

Guh. I hope.

Ohh.

So many teeth.

But which one's the bad one?

I guess there's only

one way to find out.

Alley-oop!

Is this the tooth?!

No!

Hmm.

No!

No.

No.

Hyah!

-[Princess Pearlina] No.

-[GrandPat groans]

Ouch!

Watch it, Buster!

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't see you there.

Honest mistake, my good chap.

I've been stuck here

for so long

I can no longer

tell the difference

between a day and a "knight."

Ha ha ha ha!

Break out the onion dip, Roddy.

We have company!

Uh, no, thanks.

I'm just looking

for a bad tooth.

Oh, what's that, Roddy?

Roddy says the rotten tooth

you seek

is down the tongue

and to the left.

Much obliged, fellas.

Ta-ta!

Whoa!

Ah! Ooh! Oh!

Ow! Ooh.

Is this the tooth?!

[sighs]

-[Princess Pearlina] Yes!

-[GrandPat ] Finally.

♪

[grunting]

[grunting]

♪

[sighs]

I can't do this alone.

I need help.

Okay, everyone.

We yank

on the count of three.

One, twothree!

[grunting]

[pops]

Oh h* h*!

[all cheering]

-[Princess Pearlina] Mwah!

-[GrandPat] Oh!

Roddy wants kisses!

Goodbye, Sir Dentist!

[Knight] Ta-ta!

[GrandPat] Goodbye!

Don't forget to floss!

And that's why

they're not for sale!

You call this a lollipop?

Pathetic.

Now, that's what

I'm talking about.

Mmm-hmm-hmm!

[slurping]

Barnacles, GrandPat!

I almost had that sale.

And you're not selling my

dragon-tooth furniture either!

Yaah!

How much for the brain?

[giggling]

[babbling]

Oh. Not mine.

Oh!

Num-num-num.

It's not mine either.

Looks like you got yourself

a free brain, mister.

You are free now,

little brain.

Free!

[giggling]

Free stuff, eh?

Can I have this

old vacuum cleaner for free?

Ah, of course not!

This old vacuum reminds me

of my days in the Old West

when I was a rootin'-tootin'

travelling salesman.

[babbling]

♪

It was 1849,

and this brash young man was

selling vacuums door-to-door.

Go away "Elsie."

Good thing

my name ain't "Elsie."

[groans]

Good morning, sir!

I'm here to tell you about

a newfangled automatic broom

you can't live without --

the vacuum cleaner!

Now, I don't need to tell you

that a clean mine

is a happy mine.

A clean "mime"?

I wash my mime twice a day,

sonny!

And it don't make him happy.

♪

You're no mime cleaner.

You're a gold stealer!

Get off of my claim,

you carpetbaggerer!

Oh, wait! Yow!

[miner chuckling]

Just let me demonstrate

how much power

is in this incredible

little vacuum.

[whirring]

♪

[giggling]

Ah!

♪

Whoo-hoo.

Whoo-hoo.

This little sweetheart

is handy, dandy,

and even picks up candy.

Ooh!

[chuckles]

Ha ha ha!

And if you thought that sucked,

let me show you

some real suction!

[rattling]

Whoa!

Whoa-oa-oa! Whoa!

I knew you were fixing

to steal my gold!

Sic 'im, Marcel.

[bell dinging]

Yee-haw!

♪

Aah!

Yeah, that off switch

is a little sticky.

Hello?

Hmm?

Where'd they go?

No sale again.

But I got closer that time!

Doop-be-doop-boop ♪

I never struck it rich,

but my memories

are more precious than gold.

Quick, before he snaps out

of his trance, let's haggle!

I'll give you a rock

shaped like a nickel for it.

Hmm

Sold!

[chuckling]

[miner] Hello?

Has the West been won yet?!

[groans]

Hey, where's my vacuum?!

Huh?

♪

Memory stealer!

[grunts]

[child] Whoa!

Oh!

Yeah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Where do you think

you're going with that?

It's a loopy-hoop.

That's where I'm going with it.

That is not a child's toy!

It's an Oldie-O.

Everybody had one of these

when I was living

in thefuture.

Uhhh

What's the future like,

GrandPat?

Are there snacks?!

Everyone in the future

is older than they are now!

Even you will be a geezer

in the future.

No way!

Way!

[babbling]

Who-o-a.

I remember it

like it was tomorrow.

The year was 3000 A.D.,

and I went to

the mall of the future

to stand in the line

of the future

to buy products of the future.

[laughs]

Ooh!

[Robot] One Oldie-O

for the g-g-geezer.

Yeah. Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Ha ha!

Oh! Yeah.

Whoa, hey!

[laughs]

Top of the chrome dome

to you.

Lovely day.

-[GrandPat grunts]

-[beeping]

Huh?

What's that, now?

Oh, boy!

Lunchtime.

Mmm!

♪

Uhh.

Bblbblbbl!

[gasps]

Ahh.

Whoa!

Oh! Ah! Ooh hoo!

Uh! Whoa.

-[beeping]

-[GrandPat] Huh?

Uh!

Back to work!

Hee hee hee!

♪

Hee hee!

Go to work!

[laughing]

♪

Uh?!

[growling]

[crowd cheering]

[laughing]

♪

Bblbblbbl!

[roars]

♪

♪

Yeeah!

♪

[growling]

[beeping]

Ooh oh!

♪

[crying]

♪

[belches]

500 angry Romans agree --

Even in the future,

I'm the undisputed champion.

What?! That's the biggest load

of barnacles I ever heard.

Are you calling me

an untruthful, fibbin',

poppycocker?!

Bingo! I don't believe

in your future, beardy.

This is just

an old loopy-hoop.

Now give it!

Ohh.

[laughs]

Mm-hmm.

Enh!

Ah!

[laughing]

Uh. Hey!

Aaaaaah!

Bblbblbbl!

Another satisfied customer!

Stop peddling my past!

Huh?

Not for sale!

Not for sale!

Not for sale!

Not for sale!

Next wiseguy who touches

my memories gets the teeth!

Raargh!

How much are you asking?

What do you got,

cement in your ears, lady?!

My stuff is not for sale!

[laughs] I'm not interested

in your stuff.

I'm interested in you.

♪

What?

We're in the market for a new

grandpa, aren't we, Billy?

I guess.

Get off!

Our old grandpa

is on the fritz.

♪

I'll give you 50 bucks

to be our new grandpa.

Absolutely not!

My GrandPat is not for sale!

Then how about 50 bucks

and one of these?

Ooh, a lolly!

[gasps]

Oh, tapioca-flavoured!

Sold!

So long, Star family!

I'm going to a better place!

With a pool!

♪

I wish I had a new grandpa.

Did you say "new grandpa"?

Yeah.

Then come on down

to Pappy Farms grandpa ranch.

We've got broom-fed

free-range grandpas

just waiting to read you

a story,

blather on about the w*r, or

fall asleep watching a recital.

-[Boy] I got three grandpas!

-[Grandpa farts]

I got a chicken!

Patrick, we're here

for grandpas!

Aww.

So come on down to Pappy Farms!

[Announcer] Exit 9,

just off the bubble freeway.

♪

♪

♪

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