01x14 & 01x15 - To Dad and Back/Survivoring

[bunniefuu]

- Hi! I'm Patrick Star,

and I live with my parents.

This is my dad.

This is my mom. [chuckles]

This is my sister. She's shy.

This is my grandpa.

This is my room.

And this

this is my show!

- [whistling]

Huh?

[groaning]

- [muffled] Hi.

- [screams]

- [screaming]

[groans]

[glass breaking]

Welcome to "The Patrick Show."

It's time for viewer mail.

- Ooh! Guten morgen.

I'm Klaus.

- International mail!

- I vood like to know

vat is going on

inside der body.

Inside. [giggles]

- Maybe we should go inside

der body und zee.

But where do we get a body?

both: Ooh!

- Hey, son.

Why not a take a trip

inside your dear old dad?

- Okay! I'm going in.

[laughing]

- [grunting]

- No! For this show,

you've got to get small first.

Now run down the hallway.

- [laughs]

- Okay, that's far enough.

[giggles] Aww.

- [high-pitched laughing]

- Oh!

- Dad, can you please remove

one of your socks?

- Sure, honey.

[giggles]

- [exclaiming]

- How you feelin', Dad?

- Like mashed potato

underpants.

- Okay.

Patrick, how are you feeling?

- Oh!

I'm feeling like

mashed potato underpants.

- [sighs]

Like father, like son.

- Ooh.

Wow.

[giggles]

Whoa, the directory of Dad.

[bell dinging]

- Welcome to Cecil Star.

Patrick Star, are you here

for the big tour?

- Yes.

You know my name?

- Sure do!

Your dad screams your name

whenever he stubs his toe.

My name is Rube Goldfish,

and I'll be your guide.

Where would you like to start?

We got shin bones,

knee bones, funny bones,

hip, snips and total eclipse.

The gut, the butt

and how about a jump cut?

- Whoa.

How about we start at the top

and work our way down?

- Excellent choice.

Express elevator going up.

[alarm blaring]

- [gurgling]

both: Oh!

- Patrick Star!

[alarm beeping]

- [groans]

- Top floor,

your daddy's brain.

- Ooh!

So this is where

all my dad's ideas come from.

- Oh, look,

here comes an idea now.

- Oh. Ooh.

- A brick in your shoe

will help you to chew.

- Ah!

Your dad's a genius.

- He gets it from me.

I bet Klaus would love

to know what's in here.

- These are the three feelings

that rule your dad's behavior.

- I'm feeling silly.

- I feel confused.

- I'm hungry!

- Knock it off.

[all grumbling]

[all gasp]

both: A remembery!

- A remembery!

All: A remembery!

[expl*si*n]

- Huh?

I just rememberied.

I have a job, whatever that is.

- Dad, your son

is still inside your--

ugh, never mind.

- [vocalizing]

- You're a half minute late,

Star.

This is

the Undersea Space Agency,

and we demand punctuality!

- No, thanks. I'm on a diet.

- This is the brain-to-muscle

impulse board.

If the brain thinks it,

then the muscle does it.

- Amazing.

[giggling]

- [babbling]

- Brain to muscle,

go very fast!

- Huh? What's happening to me?

- Oh, huh?

- [struggling]

- Ah!

- [panicked muttering]

- We could use a man with

that Star's speed and agility

in outer space.

Send him up to astronaut

training on the double.

- Yes, sir,

General Grouper, sir.

- [wheezing]

- We're riding the optic nerve

on our way to the eyeballs.

- You mean the peepers.

both: Peepers! Woo-hoo!

Whoa!

- Please read the chart

in front of you,

starting with the top line.

- Let's see.

- Ooh!

- There's my son, Patrick.

- Ooh!

- My son Patrick.

And my son, Patrick.

- [humming]

- Ha, that's strange.

- Hmm.

- General wants a rush job

on this guy.

- Perfect.

You passed.

- Woo-hoo!

[laughs]

- This here is

your daddy's mouth.

- [sniffs] Ah!

I recognize his morning breath.

- This stop is the lungs.

Get ready to slide.

both: Whoa!

[lively accordion music]

- Whoa!

- Oh! [laughs]

- Wow. I never knew my dad

was such a windbag.

- [panting]

- Mm. Hmm.

- Okay.

- Whoa!

- Amazing!

- Oy gevalt!

- I heart this place.

It's the heart!

- Ooh!

- Or as I like to call it,

the discotheque.

[upbeat disco music]

- [laughs]

I bet Klaus could do

a good folk dance in here.

[laughs]

[both whooping and laughing]

- This is your dad's liver.

- I know this.

De liver is de part of de body

that brings you things.

[chuckles]

That's why it's de liver!

[laughs]

both: Ooh!

- Oh!

- Oh, don't worry.

That's just bile.

Bile breaks down fat

and fatty acids.

- Oh, then it should work

on my baby fat.

- Oh.

- Did it work? Am I pretty?

- Yes. You know you are.

Now hold on tight.

'cause I know a shortcut

to the next organ.

[expl*si*n]

both: Wee!

[both screaming]

[laughs] I know where we are!

Dad's stomach.

Look, there's Mom's waffles.

both: Whoa!

What's happening?

- I don't know,

but it sure is amazing.

- [screaming]

[groaning]

[gurgling]

Where's the nearest restroom?

- You go down the hall,

up the stairs,

take the elevator

to the top floor.

You can't miss it.

- Rocket test in ten, nine,

eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

All clear.

Blast off.

both: Whoa!

- [retching]

- We are in orbit.

- [gasps]

[flushing]

[screams]

[both screaming]

- [giggles]

[inhales deeply]

- Whoa!

[laughs]

- Yeah!

- You belong inside.

Aah!

- Ooh!

- And zat, Klaus,

is vat is going on

inside zee body.

Klaus? Klaus?

[upbeat disco music]

- [giggles]

Danke schoen, Herr Patrick.

- That's right.

Now you've got it.

Amazing.

- Wunderbar!

- Oh, boy!

This camping trip is gonna make

the most exciting episode

of "The Patrick Show" yet.

- Uh-oh.

- Just imagine, a sea star

versus the elements.

A TV host versus the wild.

It's k*ll or be k*lled,

eat or be eaten.

- I could eat.

- And eat you shall.

You'll be living off the land.

That's why we're bringing

only the bare essentials.

A compass,

a flint and tinder,

some twine

- Ooh! [slurping]

- And a change of underwear.

- Phew, just in time.

[grunts]

- Eugh!

- [chuckles]

- Uh-huh.

- [vocalizing] Whoa, there!

You kids can't bring all that.

- We can't?

- Of course not.

I could only afford

the extra, mega, jumbo size RV.

Oh, this baby

is so chock-full of color TVs

and king-sized beds,

there won't be any room

for that bundle.

- Wee! [laughs]

- All aboard for fun!

[engine starts]

[tires squeal]

both: Wow.

[angelic music]

- Dad, I'm producing

a show about Patrick

roughing it in the wilderness.

This isn't roughing it.

- I don't know.

This massage table's being

pretty rough on my back.

Oh, baby.

- Don't worry, sweetie.

Once we get to the campsite,

we'll really be roughing it.

You'll see.

Why don't you two watch

a fun camping movie

to get in the mood?

[owl hoots]

all: One little, two little,

three little teenagers ♪

Four little, five little,

six little teenagers ♪

- "Campfire m*ssacre Seven."

I hope it's a comedy.

All: Seven little, eight

little, nine little-- ♪

- [roaring]

[all screaming]

- [crunches, belches]

[both scream]

- Dad, will there be

any monsters

in the woods

where we're camping?

- Oh, son.

Of course there will!

That's why this RV

is packed to the gills

with anti-monster technology.

[alarm beeps]

[m*ssile blasts, explodes]

[upbeat music]

♪

["La Cucaracha" horn]

- [groaning]

Ah! [grunts]

And now it's time to rough it.

[humming softly]

Ah! Now this is roughing it.

[snoring]

[groans]

What's going on?

Where's the RV?

- Don't worry, Dad.

I just needed more space

to set up for Patrick's

survival competition show,

"Toughing it Out."

The RV kept

getting in the shot,

so I asked Patrick to move it.

- Yup.

Parked it right over there.

[expl*si*n]

both: Wow!

[both giggling]

- Patrick, you blew up the RV!

This is great!

I hope you're ready

to struggle for your life

'cause now

we're really roughing it.

[cackles]

- Dad, I'm scared.

- Don't worry, son.

When dads go camping,

they always bring

the three Gs with them:

gadgets, gizmos, and gear.

See? I've got all the doodads.

- You sure do, Dad.

[laughs]

- Doodad.

- Doodad!

- Doodad.

- Doodad.

- Doodad!

- All right.

We're rolling on camera one,

so pull it together, you two.

Now this surviroring

competition

is all about

the first thing you do

when lost in the woods,

building shelters.

You'll each have 30 minutes--

- Oh, Squidina.

The first thing we need

to build is a toilet.

'Cause I've been holding it in

since we left home!

[device beeps, whirrs]

[groaning]

- Cool. That's way

better than my toilet.

We have a winner.

- Ugh,

that's not how this works.

You two have to build shelters.

[both laughing]

- I don't think so.

Since I just made bathroom,

I'm ready to eat again.

The next competition

is forest food.

First one to make lunch wins.

On your mark, get set--

- Done.

- Oh.

both: Ooh.

[sizzling]

- Who wants omelets?

- Oh, I do, I do!

- Mmm!

[crunching]

- Dad, that's just

leaves and dirt!

- Well, all my ingredients

were on the RV,

so I had to rely

on the bounty of nature.

Ooh.

Who wants seconds?

- Ooh, I do, I do!

[belches] Mmm, piney.

I declare Dad

the winner, again.

- Fine. If I'm going to make

a show about roughing it,

I'm going to have to build

a shelter myself.

- Squidina!

- Oh, let her go, son.

She'll be back.

Remember,

there's no forest so dark

it could stifle

the light of a woman's soul.

- Wow. That's beautiful, Dad.

- Thanks.

I read it on the wall

of the bathroom I built.

[thunder crashes]

[both shivering]

- Gosh, maybe we

do need shelter.

Did you bring some

automatic tent-y thing?

- Hm, I can't seem to find it.

Must have left it at home.

[thunder crashes]

- [grumbles]

Whoa!

both: I wish Squidina was here.

- There. Now that's how

you build a survival shelter.

[wind gusting,

thunder crashing]

Maybe Dad had the right idea.

Anyone living out here

without gadgets or gizmos

is a real ding-dong.

Huh?

[creatures hissing]

[indistinct rasping]

Oh! Uh, I didn't mean you guys.

[gulps]

- Okay, son.

The shelter is ready.

Sea bears have thick fur coats,

so we should be warm

and dry inside.

- Oh, boy.

Squidina's going to love

this when she comes back.

[door slams]

[all growling]

- Maybe I should've

used sea lions.

[both gasp]

- That sounds like that

teenager-eating monster,

and I'm a--hold on.

Ahh! I'm a teenager!

- And I still suffer

from mild acne breakouts,

so it might mistake me

for a teen.

Curse my youthful complexion!

[both screaming]

- Please don't eat us!

[clams snapping]

[electrical zapping]

- Squidina, where are you?

- There's a monster loose

that wants to eat you.

Ahh! The monster!

- That's no monster.

That's my daughter.

- Squidina? Oh, thank goodness.

I could really use

another change of underwear.

[ghostly moaning]

- [rasping whisper]

- My daughter is the monster!

Run!

[creatures hissing]

[both screaming]

- Oh!

- Please, Squidina,

you can't eat my boy.

He hasn't experienced

the world yet.

- Yeah, eat Dad.

He's experienced enough.

- Oh, I don't want

to eat either of you.

I was just trying to show you

my survival shelter.

both: Ooh.

- So, sis, if you just wanted

to show us your shelter,

how come you were making

all those scary noises?

- I was speaking Isopod.

[rasping whisper]

- [pleasant chattering]

- After I met them

in the woods,

I spent the

next several minutes

learning their language,

assuming their manner of dress,

and becoming their leader.

With their help,

I was able to build

the shelter of my dreams.

- Now this is how you rough it.

I declare Squidina the winner

of "Toughing it Out."

- Here, here!

all: Woo-hoo.

- [roaring]

[all screaming]

- The end.

♪