06x07 - Yes! Yes! Oh God! Yes, Prime Minister!

[bunniefuu]

[bubbles popping]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Ooh yeah ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

[static buzzing]

Hey, Ma, look.

Oh my god, Percy, you're walking.

After 17 long months.

Takes more than some
f*cking West Nile virus

and an overwhelming fear of employment

to keep her Percy B. Spencer on his a*s.

Like maybe this bottle
of this a*s-pie removed.

[bubbling]

[crashing]

Percy, I gotta say it, I'm bored.

Somehow the smokes and the booze,

they just ain't doing it for me no more.

[mischievous music]
[crashing]

You sounds like that
chick from Jo-Jo Day.

You know she only hassles
us, 'cause she wants me.

[sad music]

I gotta do something different, baby.

I'm suffocating in this relationship.

Narrator: Normally Kevin
could have cared less,

about whether his homework
was finished or not,

having chosen to spend most of his life,

simply coasting anyhow but
this was a special project,

consisting of compromising
photos of various school staff,

arranged in an exotic
multimedia presentation.

Why don't you do like
that Blondie cartoonist,

start catering your lazy a*s.

You can learn the cook something,
on account you can read.

[mischievous music]

Just cause I can read,
don't mean I want to.

Are we stealing any good cooking channels

with this here cable.

I'll just copy that sh*t
you know more or less,

depending on what's in the house.

'Cause I don't go in for none of

that shopping bullshit neither.

You want my f*cking
family fed, you provide.

That's my motto.

[guggling]

[anxious music]

Ah, yeah, its to endure
that most humiliating

of job-hood exploitation.

Selling candy bars to some
bullshit school funding drive.

Let's check out these here ingredients.

Triglycocynaid, Methomorphine.

Shriveled pigs an*s smother in underwear.

Keep up the free work, boy.

[giggling]

[slow upbeat music]

Candy bars.

Holy frig dude, this sucks
like so many different ways.

I can't even begin to tell you.

Come on in, I'm in my folks
liquor cabinet while they try

to ignore the stifling onset
of middle age disillusionment

by wife swapping at the cottage.

Narrator: Kevin like Timmy's parents

because their liquor cabinet
had an open-door policy.

Not to mention the fact
that their alcoholism,

coupled with their privilege made

for more sophisticated partying.

[space music]

Selling candy bars, huh?

How'd you like in on a real
business opportunity, stupid.

Come outside, I'll show
you my grow operation.

Narrator: Kevin told Timmy,

he thought marijuana grow operations

were too costly and obvious.

It's not marijuana, it's tobacco.

I told my folks it's spinach.

They're allergic so I
know they won't eat it.

I saw this cigarettes bootleg.

See, I even disguised the
boxes like the real thing.

Narrator: Kevin was impressed

with Timmy's entrepreneurial drug dealing

at ten bucks a pack, normal
cigarettes were just asking

for shoddy knockoffs to
cut into their margin.

Kevin wanted a piece of that action

and asked how he could help.

[giggling]

Well, for one thing, you can start

by holding still so you can model

for the forged warning label on the box.

[camera clicking]

You been eatin corn chips
and processed cheese again?

No, I did like you said,

I started a catering business from home.

I said, what now?

You remember?

Here, try one of my snacks.

Why, why do I gotta--

[smacking]

That's the worse tasting thing, ever.

Yeah, I made these
brochures and everything.

What can you cook that
ain't refried in the microwave?

Look at these.

Plump piggy porky pops,

crispy crusty crappy capers.

Ooie, gooey, donut topas.

No, listen ain't no wife of mine,

gonna piss her f*cking day away,

running around the house cooking sh*t,

like dumb stupid friggin house wife.

I'm going to get hammered, f*ck off.

[upbeat music]

[crowd cheering]

And it is because of the future

that we must look to the past

because yesterday is tomorrow

and it is for the mistakes
of our forefathers

that we will be remembered
forever for repeating them.

And further more, tax cuts,
more lacks pollution laws,

ban h*m* marriage and
also if you vote for me,

I'll bring back family values.

Like how the father is always right

to beat his family with a stick.

[crowd cheering]

Oh, you're such a public
speaking Mr. Wednick.

All I need is a crowd

and I'll put them in the palm of my hand.

Wow the only thing my
husband ever had in the palm

of his hand he got arrested for.

Argh!
[crashing]

I'm in politics, baby.

I could make your life real easy.

That's a coincidence,
'cause it just so happens

that I'm real easy.

Care for some meat surprise?

[romantic music]

I'm a vegetarian and
besides what I'm looking for,

ain't on the menu.

Mr. Wednick?

Perhaps this is something
best done privately?

That's my adviser talking.

Come on baby, let's hit the party limo

and I'll show you what I can
really do with the party whip.

Oh, a c*ck joke!

Sophisticated.

[upbeat music]

Hey there, Spencer.

Nice to see you at school, for a change.

Here, I brought you something.

It's a suspension.

Narrator: Kevin asks what the hell,

Principal Big-asses problem was?

Oh, it's one thing to
smoke near school, Spencer

but to sell smokes on school property,

you even took out an ad in
the commencement program.

As it is we already have
too many carcinogens,

in the g*dd*mn insulation.

Mandatory suspension.

You and McNaughton are canned.

See you in three weeks, boys.

[sad music]

I'm gonna miss ya, baby.

[shocking music]

You're too fat so don't
know how I'll get used

to having a bed all to myself.

I'll see ya later, boy.

I'm going to Ottawa I gotta
a scholarship to University.

I'm gonna take a cooking class.

Must be a special class on account

of her food still taste like sh*t.

See and a few months
when I finish University.

[angry music]

Woman: Oh God, oh yes!

Yes, oh yes.

Anastasia: Turn off that
damn shampoo commercial

and come back to bed.

But Anastasia I have to get
some rest for work tomorrow.

You primed the f*cking engine,

you better start the f*cking car.

you know what I'm saying?

It's been six hours.

It takes me a while on
account of the drinking.

Is that my fault?

I'll buzz room service.

[buzzing]

Yes, sir?

Would you mind taking
over here for a little while?

Happy to oblige, Sir.

[coughing]

Oh, of course.

She is a tad wee
bit of a bush pig, Sir.

Well I guess, whatever.

Put the rest of my
parliamentary credit card.

Oh thank you, Sir.

Have a good night.

I'm Anastasia.

And I'm delighted you chose
to stay at our quality line

of fine hotels.

Oh, oh yes, Christ your good.

Freshen my drink while your at it.

Oh, baby, it's so nice to
see my tax dollars at work.

[classical music]

Wow, I've never been to such a swanky do.

Usually the only functions I
attend are the bodily variety.

So are these all celebrities?

It's Canada, who knows.

So, you's don't know no one?

Hmm, oh that's Minister Lautrec

and the intern that he's f*cking.

Anastasia: Oh and who's that?

Mr. Wednick: That's
opposition defense critic Pepino

and the wh*re he takes everywhere.

Frig, and that guy?

Mr. Wednick: That's Billy
Swanson, the poster boy

for cerebral palsy and
the high-paid prost*tute

who pushes its wheelchair everywhere.

Gosh to think you
politicians are supposed

to be so responsible and
you're actually just a bunch

of drunken sh*t bags like everyone else.

It's kind of depressing actually.

Isn't that opposition leader Wednick

and the garbage bag he's
been having sex with lately?

Rumor is, she's married.

[upbeat music]

Without that income from the school,

our grow operations gonna
have to find other ways

to expand man.

Narrator: Kevin told
Timmy that his mother

was living in Ottawa now and
that he could bring a supply

of bootleg tobacco down there

to sell in schools around
the nation's capital.

Now you're talking like
a businessman, Spencer.

Good thinking.

Narrator: Kevin sure
was excited to be part

of the bootleg cigarette
smuggling industry.

He couldn't wait until he
finally got to return to Ottawa,

which was too bad because the dumb a*s,

still had such shitty sense of direction

and he could barely find the place.

[slow upbeat music]

[crowd cheering]
[slurping]

Kevin?

Oh my baby, Kevin.

It's so good to see you again.

Take a look at this, Mama's
living pretty sweet, huh?

Now when I eat dinner
it's in a private box

and I can watch the Ottawa
Senators play hockey.

Narrator: Kevin said,

this didn't seem like any University,

he'd stolen anything from before.

I uh, I yeah, I gotta come
clean with you there, boy.

I was kind of blowing smoke

up the old mans a*s on that count.

I kind of took a tumble
with is here politician

and he's connected up to ying-yang.

Narrator: Kevin didn't
know what a ying-yang was

but upon reflection he had to admit,

the whole situation seemed pretty sweet.

[giggling]

Anastasia: Percy,
sorry I missed you, baby

but things are, they're
tough here at university.

I gotta look at books all day.

[gasping]

I'm always boning up on my homework.

[giggling]

Stop it!

He can hear you.

Remember, the can opener's
in the kitchen draw.

[hammer banging]

[suspenseful music]

[electrical buzzing]

[expl*si*n]

[comical music]

[door knocking]

What the f*ck you want?

You know what to say, Timmy.

Yeah I guess I'm like
supposed to apologize

for getting your kid involved
with my shady operation.

What?

He had a shady operation

and he wasn't cutting the
old man in on the bargain.

I'll kick him a new as*h*le.

Get in here I wanna hear the whole story.

[upbeat music]

Mr. Wednick, is it true

that your party consistently
blocks legislation

that would tax industries who pollute?

Sit back Bucky, I'll tell you a story.

My name's Shecky.

It's the story of a
man who is born on a farm,

who had to haul manure into the field.

The more sh*t I hauled,
the more plants grew.

That's when I learned that sh*t was good

for the environment.

That's why our factories pump
sh*t into the environment,

every day for our own good.

Between you me and
my readers Mr. Wednick,

I think you'll be our next
prime minister, Mr. Wednick.

That's why I gave the exclusive

to the best reporter in the pool kid.

You really think so?

Yes for a pig ignorant
compliant wannabe,

from Butler Junction, you
should be just smart enough,

not to rock the boat.

What?

I said send your photographer over

and I'll let you have an exclusive photo

of my family by the jacuzzi.

After I get my wh*re into a hotel.

No worries Mr. Wednick.

Well, boy I gotta say it
don't get sweeter than this.

We live in a rich house,

your momma's politically untouchable

and your father have no
forwarding address to find you.

Finally everything's
just the way we like it.

Come on, let's go pursue
the cough syrup cellar.

[guggling]

Anastasia: No way, baby,

there's no way I'm getting rid of my boy.

Mr. Wednick: Oh come on, baby.

He's cramping our style.

Besides you're enough
of a political liability

without dragging el
retarder grande around.

It's not his fault he ain't
got a decent school system.

Oh and I suppose the fact

that the public school system sucks

is the governments fault.

Son of a f*cking wh*re.

They're trying to cut you out, boy.

There's only one thing to do.

Reinforcements.

[military music]

That's a Lemur, Kevin.

Go use the phone in the celarium.

Are you the son of a b*tch

that's been tossing it into my wife?

What?

No, of course not it in fact
I was just rescuing her.

As you can see someone tied her up and--

[crashing]

[brawling music]

[triumphant music]

Come on baby I'm taking
you back to university.

Put me down you f*ck,
I don't wanna go with you,

get your hands offa me!

Jesus Christ I can't
appear in the House,

looking like this.

Don't worry I got a
plan that'll distract

and confuse the opposition.

[crowd arguing]

Order, order.

The House recognizes Prime
Minister Fluster Flabbergast.

I'd like to know how we
in Parliament are expected

to carry on the nation's business,

when the Honorable member in opposition,

can't even be bothered to show up on time.

[motor revving]

What in the name of fuddle puddle?

Are you insane?

No, I'm on a jet ski

because that's the kind of dynamic hip,

with-it guy I am.

You look like sh*t.

That's because I've
been fighting corruption,

in my search for family values.

I opened the copy
of Fink Magazine today

and found this photograph.

Sir, you're a married man,

running on the family values platform

and yet with three children
and other business interests,

here you are having it off
with a skank from up the line.

[crowd shouting]

Hey, hey, we're all in politics.

Everyone knows we're out
whoring around up here.

Oh yes.
Well, I guess he's right.

Oh, yes.

But did they know that you
were simply using this woman

to hide your h*m* activity?

So what you have against h*m*?

Nothing, except
you're using your affair

to hide the h*m*
that you're using

to hide the fact that
you're hiding millions

of dollars in offshore
accounts to avoid taxes.

Who cares!

Have we spent any of
our budget on anything,

besides spying on that dickwad?

Remember we'll refer to
the leader of the Opposition

as Honorable Dickwad.

Holy frag, nothing's
sticking to this guy.

Wait, I wanna try, I wanna try!

During sex, he likes to dress like a woman

and he makes me call him Daisy.

He can't fight like a man.

He slaps and pulls hair, like a sissy.

This is ridiculous.

I don't have to endure this
sort of specious barrage.

I have a Klan meeting.

He's a vegetarian from Alberta.

[crowd chattering]

Now you're f*cked.

That's a lie.

No it's true.

He always ate my crappy
crummy candy cruelest

but he'd never touch my meat surprise.

[crowd shouting]

Well baby, I hope he's
not feeling bored no more.

Nah, but from now on the
only cooking all be doing

is in the bedroom.

[giggling]

Who needs a bedroom, baby.

[bells tingling]

[clock bell chiming]

What the?

But it's only 3:00 p.m.
the clock must be broken.

You think they'll notice
there's too many dongs?

There's never too many dongs, baby.

Hey I ain't finished yet.

Ooh, yeah, okay that's better.

[crashing]

[comical music]

[laughing]

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

♪ Kevin Spencer ♪

[bubbles popping]