02x39 - Tad the Skydiver/Duck of the Flies

[bunniefuu]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[STATIC BUZZING]

Hello, Australia!

You all know me,
Shelley Lipa!

We are broadcasting live
from Sydney, Australia.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Later, we'll visit chef
Enrico Mostacholi,

who's going to make us
a special lunch

of steamed Dungeness crabs.

But our first guest
on our show

is the Australian
adventurer, Tad--

Tad Tucker.

Good day, Shelley.

Now, Tad, you just got back
from an exciting adventure.

- Tell us about it.
-[RECORD PLAYING MUSIC STARTS]

Well, Shelley, I just crossed
the Australian outback

with nothing but
a canteen of water

and this wooden stick.

That sounds incredible.

But how did you survive
without food?

I was lucky enough
to capture and eat

an entire family of rabbits.

-[RECORD SCRATCHES]
- AUDIENCE: Oh...

You can survive for weeks
by eating nothing but rabbits.

They're nutritious
and delicious.

I think they taste so good
because they're so
cute and innocent.

Oh-h*, rabbits are
my favorite animals.

Oh, they're my favorite,
too, Shelley.

I love eating 'em.
[GROANS]

Oh, my gosh, are...
Are you okay?

[GROANS] Didn't hurt a bit.

My head's harder than a rock.

[GROANING AND EXCLAIMING]

I felt that last
one a little bit.

[GRUNTS]

Well, folks,
Tad is not listening
to our doctor's advice

and has decided
to continue the show.

I don't need doctors,

not when I've got
Tad Tucker's bat
guano ointment.

Just rub this healing remedy
wherever it hurts

and you'll be right as rain.

It smells terrible.

That means it's working.

Okay, Tad,

let's just stick
to talking about why
you're on the show.

This thing behind us?

Righty-o, Shelley-Sue.

This invention gives
the experience of skydiving

without ever
leaving the ground.

I call it the iSoar.

It certainly is.

You know what
isn't an eyesore?

Your pretty face.

- Why, Tad I...
- Oh, not you...

I was talking to myself.

Hello there, handsome.

Just talk about the machine,
Tad.

You see, the iSoar is
a skydiving simulator

that's completely safe.
Let me show you.

All right, Shelley.
Turn it on.

-[BEEPS]
-[FAN TURNS ON]

Look at me, I'm soaring
through the air
like a tree monkey

- in a tornado.
-[BEEPING]

[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

- Tad, are you all right?
- Yeah.

Slight mishap,
let's try again.

Okay, turn her on.

-[BEEPS]
-[FAN TURNS ON]

[BEEPS]

[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

You sure you're pressing
the right button?

Yes, that button.

Okay, let's try again.

-[BEEPS]
-[FAN TURNS ON]

Oh, that's it,

now I'm really soaring.

Getting a little too high.

No worries, I can--

[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

-[BEEPING]
-[TAD GROANING]

Stop... Pressing...
The button...

I'm not pressing anything.

-[BEEPING]
-[TAD GROANING]

I'm sorry folks, Tad's machine
isn't working like we'd hoped.

I've got it figured out.

I just needed a little
duct tape on the cord here.

I also decided to add a fan
to the top of the machine.

That way I'm stabilized
from above and below.

Fire it up, Shelley-Sue.

- It's just Shelley.
-[BEEPS]

Ah-ha, there we go!

Now we're really
waltzing, Matilda.

[BEEPING]

[TAD GROANING]

[BEEPING]

[STRAINING]

[SIGHS]

[TAD GROANS]

Let's cut to Enrico Mostacholi
and his Dungeness crabs.

No, no, no, no.
This is thoroughly normal.

[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

Are you sure
you don't want to cut?

[SCREAMS] I'm in me skivvies.

- Are we allowed to show this?
-[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

All right, since we've had
a couple of
glitches with the controls,

I had the brilliant idea
of using a remote,

so I can adjust it on the fly.

Instead of leaving it
in the capable hands

- of Shelley.
- I'm doing my best.

-[BEEPS]
- And off we go.

Oh hey, it works.
Quick, do some tricks.

I call this one
the ornery flamingo.

Ha! Flustered barista.

The disappointed badger.

We'll look at that folks,
it's actually working.

And the seductive... Crab?

-[CRABS BITING]
-[GROANING]

- Wait, the remote!
-[BEEPS]

Oh, look, they're doing
the ornery flamingo.

That's very impressive.

-[CRABS BITING]
-[GROANS]

Oh, look at that,
the flustered barista...
[GROANS]

TAD: Oh, no,
not the disappointed badger!

[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

[GROANS]

The remote,
where is the remote?

[TAD SCREAMS AND GROANS]

Tad, maybe your invention
isn't safe to use.

Well, I'm fine.

And to prove
this machine is safe,

I don't want you to let me out
no matter what I say.

- But, Tad...
- Now, turn on the machine.

Oh, wait a minute.
Are these bananas?

Strawberries?
Protein powder!

[SCREAMING]
Get me out of here!
Turn off the machine!

- But Tad, you said--
- I don't care what I said.

Turn it off!

- Okay, okay!
-[BEEPING]

I can't stop it.

[CRASHES]

How did I survive
the outback, Shelley?

Well, I made
Tad Tucker smoothies.

Ew, it smells like bat guano.

TAD: That means it's working.

[STAMMERING]
In just a few more hours

and I will be the first pig
to fly across the Atlantic.

Er, the Spirit of St. Louis?

[STAMMERING] More
like the Spirit of St...
[STAMMERING] Sooey!

There is nothing
more relaxing than a
little Sunday morning flying.

-[PLANE APPROACHING]
- Ugh,
what is that awful racket?

Hey bub,
will you keep it down?

You're ruining my peace and--

Airplane! [GROANS]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[BOTH SIGHING]

[BOTH GROANING]

[STAMMERING] Crazy duck,
you ran into my plane.

No, your plane ran into me.

And now we're on
an uninhabited desert island,

where there is
no hope of survival.

How do you know?

[GASPS] We're doomed.

[SCREAMING] Doomed.

Stop it.
There's no reason to panic.

Well, of course
you are not panicking.

You can fly!

Don't tell me,
how to get off the island.

Right now, we gotta focus on
how to survive on the island.

-[STAMMERING] But...
- You're being hysterical.

And that's my job.

[BOTH EXCLAIMING]

Hey, it's my... [STAMMERING]
My survival guide.

It must have
fallen out of my plane.

It says the first thing
we should do is...

[STAMMERING]
Build a shelter.

I don't need some lousy book
telling me how to survive.

I rely on my gut.

Right now, my gut tells me
to build a shelter.

Watch and learn, chum.

See?

[STAMMERING] I,
uh, found the guide.

It says we should
designate a leader.

Great idea, you're in charge!

Of fetching this book.

Can you... [STAMMERING]
Stop doing that!

Can you stop telling me
what to do?

You do it your own way

and I'll do it mine.

[GROANS]

[GROANING]

I should have known
this would never work.

That's your shelter?

[STAMMERING] The survival
guide showed me how
to put it together.

Ha! [STAMMERING]
Beat you to it.

Let's see if
your survival guide
can teach you how to get food.

Because my gut is telling me
to grab this pointy stick

and use it to spear fish.

[GRUNTING]

Hmm... Where'd you learn that?

[STAMMERING]
The survival guide showed me

how to make fishing
tackle out of vines
and bamboo shoots.

Well,
let's see your survival guide

catch this monster.

[GRUNTS]

We're going to need a bigger--

[SCREAMING]

[STAMMERING] Go fetch.

[SPITS, PANTING]

Let me guess, survival guide?

It says sharks
get easily distracted.

Enough of that nonsense.
I need food!

This pill bug should be
good for protein.

And this huge pile of bananas
should be enough potassium.

[STAMMERING] Mr. Duck,
you can't eat all those
at once, you'll choke.

The survival guide
knows exactly how to aid...
[STAMMERING]

A choking victim.

"Firmly place hands
between the navel and sternum

"and [STAMMERING] push."

[SPUTTERING]

"Cradle the victim
to assure they're okay."

There, there, little duck.

Everything's going to be okay.

I'm out of here.

From now on we go
our separate ways.

And whoever
survives first, wins.

Whoops, whoa, whoa.

[DAFFY EXCLAIMING]

That's a lot of bananas.

[SPITS]

A two, three...

[GROANS]

Mr. Duck, there you are.

I've been looking
all over for you.

You look terrible...
[STAMMERING] And nuts.

Don't you mean coconuts?

I wouldn't forget
about you, Nelson.

Drink up... Nom, nom, nom!

What? You want my share too?

Oh fine,
drink up, greedy pants.

You're talking
to a tether ball.

Don't be ridiculous.

This isn't a tether ball.

This is my best friend,
Nelson.

And I have to protect him
from the smoke monster.

The smoke monster?
[STAMMERING] Right!

Yeah, I'm going to head back
to my side of the island now.

[STAMMERING]
Good luck, Mr. Duck.

Did you hear that, Nelson?

The talking ham
wants us to leave.

He obviously doesn't know
how hungry we are.

PORKY: Er, why are you
looking at me like that?

Because you look delicious.

[STAMMERING] Stop it,
Mr. Duck,
you're delirious.

No, I'm Daffy.

[STAMMERING]
No, I'm a pig,

that's a tether ball and
there's no such thing as a--

BOTH: Smoke monster!

[BOTH PANTING]

Wait a minute, I can fly.

[STAMMERING] I told you that
when we crashed here.

I wasn't paying attention.

You're not, uh, going to
leave me here, are you?

No way.

Actually, I'm going
to leave you here.

- Good luck, chum.
-[CRASHES]

[BOTH SHIVERING]

Oh, hey fellas, I thought
I was the only
one on this island.

Are you marooned here, too?

Marooned?
No, this is my beach house.

This place has everything.

A swimming pool in the back,
an outdoor grill

and I found
my old tether ball.

Nelson?

I missed you so much.

Jeez, someone's a big fan
of tether ball.

I'm so sorry, Nelson.

I promise I will never
part from you again.

I'm sorry, Nelson.

[WHIMPERING]

I'm so sorry.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]