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01x04 - Episode 4

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Darby and Joan". Aired: 8 August – 29 August 2022.*
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Widowed English nurse Joan Kirkhope is on a quest to find answers about her husband's mysterious death, while ex-detective Jack Darby has taken to the open road to escape his past.

01x04 - Episode 4

Post by bunniefuu »

"Ian and Rob, the Lindwall, 1974."

So, this Rob guy was your husband?

I'm not even Mrs. Kirkhope. Not really.

I'm just I'm just nothing!

What if Ian is someone I never knew?

Wouldn't want to know.

You daft bugger.

What were you thinking?

Why do men do that?

- Do what?

- Run away from the truth.

Isn't it easier to just be honest?

Darby. Like the detective inspector.

Common name.

What was it like being a detective?

Lonely.

My sister was a Mrs.

Darby a few wives back.

How many times has he been married?

Two, three? Two-and-a-half, I suppose.

But who are you? And how

do you even know my mother?

I wanted to say how much

I liked your daughter.

I thought she was lovely.

Yeah, she's not so sure about you.

I'm so happy for you,

Dad. Rosemary's awesome.

This isn't gonna work.

What?

Dad. Dad!

It's better this way.

What are you doing?

What I should've done weeks ago.

No, no, no, no, no, she's totally

in love with you. Don't.

Jack, is something wrong?

Look, I cannot go through with this.

What?

Watch out!

Hello? Are you okay?

That's it. Easy, now.

You're gonna be alright.

- Diesel.

- Good.

Diesel, that's it.

That's it. Sit down, boy.

Let's have a look at you.

You come out of that alright?

Yeah, he's alright.

Jack. Jack Darby.

Joan. Kirkhope.

Lindwall. Looking for a

boat called the Lindwall.

Sounds fancy.

Plenty of money around here.

You've never been tempted?

I could see you at the wheel.

- The helm.

- Oh, the helm.

You might be better at

steering a boat than a car.

Little captain's hat like the

skipper in Gilligan's Island.

I used to have a thing

about the professor.

Brains over brawn, anytime.

Yeah, right.

There's no Lindwall here.

Bloke at the office said so.

Well, someone might remember it.

Needle in a sodding haystack, I know.

I don't know why you

think it'd still be here

after all these years.

They might have renamed her.

I reckon we should go straight up north.

You know, for your

first Aussie Christmas.

Why do that? It's so beautiful here.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Merry Christmas!

Rowdy bunch. Not too late to head north.

Oh, no. Let's not join

the holiday traffic.

It's lovely here.

- If we're being too noisy

- Oh, no. Not at all.

It's Christmas, it's for celebrating.

Glad you said that.

Apparently, these are mandatory.

Oh. Thank you.

Couple of days early, aren't you?

Yeah, tell me about it.

Welcome, welcome.

Merry Christmas. I'm Cassidy.

I'm Joan, and this is Jack.

For you. Couple of beveraginos.

- Beveraginos?

- We're from Melbourne.

It's rose.

Yeah, not our first, definitely

not gonna be our last.

This is Brad. He's my husband.

Husband.

I'm not sure why I love saying that.

I love hearing it.

Sorry.

When was your big day?

A week ago. This is our honeymoon.

- Mexico was the plan, but

- Took a wrong turn.

- Somebody talked me into diving.

- Why's that?

Cass needed to get her hours up, so.

- Yeah, something like that.

- We're here.

- Something like that.

- Ugh.

Do I need to throw a bucket

of cold water over you two?

Oh, Nicola. Always

spreading the Christmas joy!

So, how long have you two been married?

Oh, Jack doesn't do marriage

anymore. He's my toyboy.

That's me. Toyboy Jack.

- Alrighty.

- We gotta go.

Um, hey, come and eat with us.

Oh, we couldn't impose.

Oh, no. You wouldn't be at all.

- Come on.

- We'd hate to.

Come on.

Here comes your toyboy.

How good do these look?

- What?

- Barbecued prawns.

Oh. You speak Greek now, do you?

Pete is Brad's best man.

Oh, so the best man goes on

the honeymoon, eh? Lucky boy.

Yeah, you know when your

boyfriend has a boyfriend

and they have to do everything together?

No, not really.

Well, he's gonna get crushed on the dive

tomorrow, aren't you, big fella?

And what's crushed?

Oh, who's the better diver.

I mean, there's no competition but it's

not gonna stop him

from trying, is it, eh?

No, please, come on.

- There's no chance.

- Oh, here we go.

Me, though?

Don't start this with me!

Neither of you muppets will

make it a 100 feet down.

A hundred feet?

Yeah. Most people, meaning

me, freak out at ten, so

So will Brad.

- He's full of sh*t.

- Nic, can you not?

I've warned you about my husband.

And your hubby, what was he like?

Oh, you don't want to know about that.

Oh, go on.

She won't stop until you tell her.

Well, he would've loved all this.

He was a big fan of Christmas.

He would play carols over

and over just to annoy me.

But I didn't mind.

We were a good fit that way.

Yeah, in every way.

Romantically, intellectually.

Imagine being that together

as a couple. One day.

I suppose you could say we

were in love from day one.

Christmas without him must be hard.

Oh, dear.

I think I've had too

many of those beveraginos.

You're not the only one, look.

Brad! That pen is impossible to get off.

I know!

I swear, everything is

a competition with them.

Hey, leave that to me.

Join us for the dive tomorrow. Please?

No, no, no. I don't dive.

Well, you can start a

new Christmas tradition.

You have snorkelling gear?

- Yeah, snorkelling is amazing.

- Yeah.

- You'd like that.

- Would I?

Don't have to go underwater.

- Oh

- What about it?

Yes, Mr. Toyboy. Come on!

Alright. You're on!

Yes! You're coming?

- Yeah.

- Oh, you're gonna love it.

It's gonna be the best day!

We're gonna have the best day.

They're so sweet, aren't they?

Yep.

Bit over the top, maybe.

What do you mean, "Over the top"?

Well, you know, he was

flinging his arms around

and then he had his

arms around her neck,

very nearly strangled her

He was expressing his feelings.

Unlike some people.

So this is about you missing Ian, is it?

No, it's about you.

You've never loved him.

He lies to you all the

time. And you let him.

You're jealous.

Tragically single, Nicola.

Cass. You're going there, really?

It's true though, isn't it?

God, I hate you sometimes.

Yeah, the feeling's completely mutual.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to

Joan.

It's sisters, it's it's fine.

Are you alright?

Nicola doesn't like Brad much, does she?

Look, I know Brad's not perfect.

But he loves me.

Makes up for a lot, you know?

Yeah.

How are the chakras aligning?

The chakras are all

over the sodding place.

- You alright?

- It's a lot.

- First Christmas on your own.

- Yep.

I never doubted what Ian and I had.

Not once.

But now I've got 250,000 reasons

to think it was all a lie.

And here I am.

Other side of the

world. What am I doing?

Nothing wrong with looking for

answers if it helps you move on.

Am I, though?

Moving on?

God.

What a sad sack.

No time for that, not with

what you've got us into.

- What's that?

- Snorkelling. Come on.

Morning.

Oh. Morning.

Cassidy and Nicola aren't coming?

No, they're running a bit late.

A bit hungover, I bet.

Yeah, they're a bit dusty.

But they're not as bad as Pete,

he's pulled the pin on today completely.

Do you think it's a

good idea they go diving

if they're not feeling well?

Well, Cass and I are

gonna be scuba-diving

the wrecks of Fiji next month, so

She needs all the practice she can get.

Whether she likes it or not.

Come on, Danny, give us a smile.

Have you even got it turned on?

Ah.

Looked much easier in the manual.

- As if you even read it.

- Who does read the manual?

You're not helping.

If I get eaten by something

Don't worry. Sharks only feed at night.

- Oh, that's a relief.

- Depending on the species.

What?

Yep. It's the bad eyesight

you've gotta worry about.

You know, seal, wet-suited Englishwoman,

they all look the same.

Stop it.

Hi, this is Anthea, your skipper.

Welcome aboard. Be ready to suit up.

We're approaching a beautiful dive spot.

- Okay, let's do this.

- Yup. Go.

Yep, ready to go.

Say "Happily ever after."

- Happily ever after!

- Happily ever after!

That's lovely. I'll text it to you.

Thank you.

Alright, Mrs. Townsend. Are you ready?

- I'm so nervous.

- No. Hey, hey.

Don't worry about a

thing, you're with a pro.

I'm gonna take care of everything.

- You're safe with me, alright?

- I know.

See you down there.

Are you ready, Danny? Giddy-up.

And don't worry, the camera's on.

Right. You ready?

I don't feel like getting wet.

You really are afraid

of sharks, are you?

I know, it's crazy.

Nah, it's not crazy. I mean,

we all have our fears, don't we?

Yeah.

Let's go, wifey.

- Alright.

- Two, one, go!

They must be having a

good time down there.

Why don't you go? You can go.

I want you to come with me.

- What's down there?

- Fish.

- But will you stick with me?

- Of course I will.

- You promise?

- Promise.

- Okay then, come on.

- Good, come on.

Cass!

What? What's happened?

Is she conscious?

Get the gear off.

- Have you got a kit?

- Yep, I'm onto it.

Let me help.

I'm checking her airway.

Cass, can you hear me?

Cass, can you hear us?

Buoyancy control device activated.

Pushed her straight back to the surface.

Ring for help.

She's not breathing.

I'm gonna start CPR.

Cass!

What the hell's going on? What happened?

Cass.

What happened down there?

I just turned away for a

second, and she was gone.

You left her?

She saw something and swam away. Okay?

Let's get back as fast as we can.

Cass?

All that time without oxygen.

Her chances of survival are not great.

She's lucky you were there.

Brad's in shock.

You b*stard.

What did you do?

You did this.

You did this!

- Nicola. Come on.

- Nicola, Nicola.

No, Nicola. Look, it was an accident.

It was a terrible, terrible accident.

If it was an accident.

Can I ring someone for you?

Want me to ring your parents?

No, no.

Cass would tell me to

stop being such a baby.

Your sister is not as

fearless as you, is she, eh?

I mean, you're a pretty

good diver, right?

Yeah. Mis-spent twenties in Vietnam.

Tour guide, diving instructor.

But Cass, you know.

She wouldn't even stick her head

underwater when we were kids.

And now she's diving wrecks.

Because of Brad.

Everything always has to be his way.

I'll go and see if

there's any news on Cass.

Alright.

Pete's a good friend.

On the boat, with the police, I just

It's just too much.

That guy's a sociopath.

That's a heavy statement.

He's broke. Again.

He wanted Cass to ask

Mum and Dad to bail out

this Tex Mex franchise

he ran into the ground.

- Did she ask them?

- She still believes in him.

But our parents can't afford to lose

their life savings like I did.

Brad talked me into investing. Pete too.

This morning, I begged

Cass to tell Brad no more.

How'd he take that?

Went nuts.

Before the dive, I

was worried about her.

She was nervous.

She was fine when I checked on her.

And I turned around for like

a second, and she was gone.

I thought she had surfaced.

What if she never wakes up?

You know, we had this

perfect life planned together,

all these adventures, a house

Kids.

Why would Brad hurt Cassidy?

Life insurance.

He bragged about it before the wedding.

Huge pay-out if anything

ever happened to Cass.

Brad, if something happened down there,

something you didn't mean to happen

What are you trying to say?

We all want to understand what happened.

Is there something?

Anything?

You think Brad did this to Cassidy?

Of course he did.

Nicola's relationship with

Cass, it wasn't healthy.

The wedding really seemed

to dial up her crazy.

Why was that?

Because no one was ever

allowed to love her.

No one was ever good enough.

Especially not you.

This morning, Cass told

Nicola that when we got back,

they needed some time apart.

Nic lost it.

It didn't show.

You've seen Nicola. She's a sociopath.

Do you think Nicola's capable of this?

I don't think either of them are.

- Me either.

- "Me either?"

- Yep.

- Do you mean "me neither?"

- Or better, "me neither?"

- Either.

Anthea, we were wondering if

maybe the problem was

with Cass' air supply.

The gear she rented from

us was triple-checked.

Making foul play the likely cause.

Easy, Miss Marple. We're not there yet.

All I know is Brad isn't

as experienced a diver

as he likes people to think.

- Meaning?

- First rule of diving.

Never leave your buddy.

Yeah, right. Thanks.

You don't know of a boat

called the Lindwall, do you?

- Smithy's old dive boat.

- You know it.

He names his boats

after sporting heroes.

- Who?

- Ray Lindwall.

Of the "Invincibles." Cricket legend.

- He had a Warnie. Now the Pup.

- Pup?

Australian captain, Michael Clarke.

- Wreck of a thing, it is.

- Where is it now?

Far side of the marina.

- Good.

- Thanks.

You know your cricket.

Not a sodding haystack after all, eh?

Nope.

Somewhere up here.

Reckon that's it? It's a

pretty nice-looking boat.

That's it. The Pup.

Ahoy, there!

Smithy, is it?

We got a name.

Joan.

- I'm fine.

- Oh, yeah, I can tell.

What? What am I supposed to say?

We got a name.

Yeah. Rob Deacon. Rob Deacon.

Flipping Rob Sodding Deacon.

I don't know who that

is, but apparently,

I was married to him

for the last 40 years.

- Joan, look

- Just

Haven't heard from

you since the wedding.

Oh, other than to take delivery

of a wrecked Land Cruiser.

Merry Christmas.

You alright?

I got caught up.

Oh.

Have you thought about calling her?

I'm the last person Rosie

needs to hear from right now.

Oh, right. Closure is overrated.

Think you can run a name for me?

I see. Not a father-daughter

call on Christmas Eve.

- Come on, Lizzie.

- Detective Inspector.

Come on, Detective Inspector.

You know how they are

about the database.

It's not the Wild West anymore.

I wouldn't call you if I didn't need it.

I'm listening.

Rob Deacon. Can you run that name?

Graffiti?

How old are you?

Happy Anniversary, my darling.

I thought you'd forgotten.

Me?

Never.

Oh, Ian.

Who were you?

- You okay?

- Yeah.

Fancy talking to the best man,

see if he can shed some light?

Stellar idea.

Brad hurt Cass? Come on.

He's hopelessly in love with her.

We heard about the insurance money.

Yeah, well, we're into adventure sports.

Brad just wanted Cass looked after

if anything happened to him.

And if something happened to her?

No way.

Brad thinks he's a player.

Always got some sketchy scheme

going, but this?

Not possible.

Nicola mentioned a

franchise that went bust?

You lost a bit of coin

on that, apparently?

Brad went too big, too fast.

Risk you take bankrolling a mate.

No hard feelings, then.

You think I drowned Cass as payback?

That is sick. Where do you

get off saying sh*t like that?

You're a pair of clueless Grey nomads

sticking their noses

in, not helping anyone.

Hey!

Listen, son.

When you're this lady's age,

and you've got the

curiosity and the enthusiasm

that she's got, then maybe

you'll earn the title "Grey nomad."

Until then, just pull your head in.

Her lack of diving experience,

the alcohol in her system.

Maybe she just panics

and runs out of air.

Before the others, yet

she was the last one in.

Yeah, and everyone's

down there together,

and they don't see anything.

Or somebody did.

What if Nicola pulled

that ripcord thingamy

knowing that the fast

ascent might k*ll Cass,

and conceal whatever was

happening between them?

You really don't want to

believe it's Brad, do you?

The insurance money? Bit obvious.

And one sister kills the other sister

because she married a liar?

Yeah, also a stretch.

We need to find out what

happened between the time Brad

left Cass, and Nicola found her.

- Hi there.

- Oh, hi.

That smells good.

The boys. And that fancy camera thingy.

- GoPro?

- Yeah.

Maybe there's something in it?

The police told us they think

it was a terrible accident.

Thank you.

I don't know how helpful this will be.

We really didn't see anything.

Anything could be useful to see.

We haven't looked at any of it yet.

This is the start of the footage.

Might just fast-forward it a bit then.

Just play it from there, will you?

That's Brad and Cassy

behind the two of you.

Pause there.

Are they fighting?

Brad.

Any change?

Can we have a word, mate?

What's all this about?

This was taken during the dive.

I should get back. I want to be

there if, when, Cass wakes up.

No, you'll stay here.

You knew she was in trouble.

There was something

wrong. She was out of air.

Wasn't the thumbs up "okay,"

she was telling you she needed

to surface, she was in trouble.

But you pushed her away.

She was so out of control, I

thought she'd drown us both.

I panicked.

I should've shared my reg.

I could've saved us both.

But you didn't.

Sometimes you do things

and you realize

You're not who you thought you were.

I can't believe that Brad

would do this to Cass.

So you think that

he's telling the truth.

Nothing to do with the insurance.

I'm hardly an expert in knowing

whether men are telling the truth.

Well, I can't work out

how she got into trouble.

Tanks were full of

air, regulator was fine.

Her regulator.

Hey. Look at this.

Say "Happily ever after."

Happily ever after!

Cass's regulator was black

before she went into the water.

But chrome when she was underwater.

Why change it at the last minute?

To screw with someone.

You think Brad would've sabotaged his

and given it to Cass?

Either way, he abandoned her.

Who would do that to

the woman they love?

To their bride. Pillock.

This isn't gonna work.

- What? What are you doing?

- I cannot go through with this.

We should go tell the police.

I'll leave you to do that.

- Really?

- Yeah. I'll catch you later.

Well, where are you

- Jack, is something wrong?

- I can't go through with this.

What?

It's not fair on you.

What?

Rosemary?

Jack. Got your text.

Somewhat out of the blue.

I didn't want to intrude, you know?

What are you doing here, Jack?

Well, I was in the area, and I thought

maybe we could have a chat.

I got two minutes. I'll come down.

I want to apologise.

Shitty thing to do,

leaving you like that.

What, is that it?

Well, I was, you know, I was

a mess, I was no use to you.

You deserved better.

And I know I let you down.

Oh, no. You didn't let me down, Jack.

You humiliated me in front

of everyone I care about.

We'll get a drink, we'll

talk everything through.

Everything will be fine.

I know that you were

getting over a heart attack

and you felt vulnerable,

but why did you have to

punish me for seeing that vulnerability?

Because that's what happened, isn't it?

I am sorry.

Truly.

That's what I came here for.

Bye, Rosie.

So, where's he got to? Hey, Diesel.

There you are.

Hello, darling!

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, Joan!

Oh, how's paradise treating you?

Frida, it's wonderful here,

you have to bring the kids.

Hey, kids. Come and say hello to Nana.

Kids!

Hi, Darling.

Hi, Nana.

How are you? Guess who I am.

- Nana, you're Rudolf!

- Rudolf.

Yeah!

We miss you, Nana.

- Yeah. We miss you, Mum.

- I miss you too.

Kids, I need to speak

to Nana. Say bye-bye.

- Bye, Nana.

- Bye, Nan.

Mum, I've been worried about you.

We're having a lovely time here.

In the sunshine, in

December. Can you imagine?

We? Is that you and Jack? You're

spending Christmas together?

Yeah, it's no big deal.

Rebecca, I need to tell you

something about your father.

Something I just found out.

What are you doing

lurking about out here?

I'm not lurking. I don't lurk.

You're definitely lurking.

Where were you tonight?

I had stuff to do.

Oh, yes. Your famously

important "stuff."

Diesel's sleeping on my bed. Diesel!

- Hey, mate.

- He's been fed.

- Thank you.

- Have you been fed?

- Yeah. No, I'm good.

- Are you sure?

I've got some Christmas

dinner left overs

and we could have a whiskey.

I'll take a rain check. Thanks.

Okay.

- You're not in a snit, are you?

- No, I'm not in a snit.

Okay. Sleep tight.

Goodnight.

Will we get in this way and face

there, or face the other way?

What do you wanna do?

Turn around, alright.

- Merry Christmas!

- Thanks.

Not exactly.

Cass' regulator was tampered with,

which means she would've run out of air

well before you would've expected.

You mean someone sabotaged it?

Brad didn't confuse the

hand signal, he ignored it.

But why? Because he knew

she would run out of air?

Hold on, mate.

This won't take long.

We wondered how Cass ended

up with your regulator.

Because my regulator was top-shelf.

I thought she'd feel

more comfortable with it.

And you gave it to her just

before you went in the water.

Yeah. She was nervous.

Who else had access to

the gear before the dive?

Everyone. It was stowed

outside on our balcony.

You didn't tell the police

about the swap? Why not?

My wife almost drowned,

it's not really a detail

I thought was important

at the time, I

Wait a second.

You think someone did

this to her deliberately?

Or to you.

How would they know

that you were going to

lend your regulator to Cassidy?

They wouldn't.

Thanks.

Okay, well, I've really

got to go now. Okay.

It's understandable you

might want to bring Brad

down a peg or two.

Look, I despise the

guy, but Cass loves him.

If I hurt him, I'd be hurting her.

Yeah, but you did a lot

of dough on that franchise.

This is ridiculous.

I'm a high-school art

teacher, why would I

Yeah, but you're an expert

diver, you had access

to the gear, and you've

got a bit of a temper.

Exactly.

So piss off and take your

shitty accusations with you.

If Nicola wanted Brad

dead, she's the type of girl

to just walk up and

sh**t him point-blank.

What if nobody was supposed to get hurt?

What if the tampering was just

something an experienced diver

would've easily fixed?

Those boys like a prank.

Pirates of the Caribbean beard, anyone?

Pete's a good diver, though.

That night before the dive,

the footsteps that I thought I heard.

Maybe that was Pete accessing the gear.

He had been on the turps

all night. Makes sense.

What if Pete's left?

Car's here. Surfboards are gone, though.

They've gone to the beach.

- If he's with Brad

- And now Brad suspects Pete.

I dunno, man. Just not

really vibing it today.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Hey, don't you want to be at the

hospital for when Cass wakes up?

You know she's going to, right?

She'll be alright.

Let's get into the water.

You can finally show me who's boss.

Come on.

It's all about the one-up

bullshit for you, isn't it?

Here.

Eh? Eh?

- It was only a joke.

- A joke!

No one was supposed to get hurt.

You did this to her!

I'm really sorry.

Get off him!

What're you doing? Get off!

Get out of it! Get out!

Get back! You've done enough.

Your husband and the

best man facing charges.

Not the best news to wake up to.

Better than not waking up at all.

I'll take this.

Hey.

Lizzie?

Impressed you had the stones.

You've been talking to Rosemary.

Mm. How was it?

She was thrilled to see me.

So, Rob Deacon. Colourful guy.

Remind me again how you know him?

How colourful are we talking?

Open investigation-colourful.

Really?

- So, where do you wanna start?

- Beginning.

Ah.

You thought I'd be rubbish, didn't you?

Such a beautiful spot.

I just love the skies here.

Huge skies.

I rang my daughter, Liz.

Liz is your daughter!

I thought she was one of your floozies.

She's a detective.

Ah.

- I asked her about Rob Deacon.

- Yeah.

On the off-chance that he had a record.

Right.

And what did you find,

parking in the loading zone?

What?

He's wanted for m*rder.