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02x09 - The Snow Shoo Shoo (a.k.a. Snow Beans)/Irreconcilable Dungferences

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Camp Lazlo". Aired: July 8, 2005 – March 27, 2008.*
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Series follows Lazlo, an anthropomorphic spider monkey who goes to a camp called "Camp Kidney", a Boy Scout–like summer camp in the Pimpleback Mountains.

02x09 - The Snow Shoo Shoo (a.k.a. Snow Beans)/Irreconcilable Dungferences

Post by bunniefuu »

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were 2 scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o

L

A

Z-l-o

L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o

And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o

L-a-z-l-o

L-a-z-l-o

L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ She'll be comin' 'round

The mountain when she comes

She'll be comin' 'round

The mountain when she comes

She'll be comin' 'round

The mountain

She'll be comin' 'round

The mountain

She'll be comin' 'round

The mountain

When she comes ♪

Ooh, scoutmaster lumpus,

Doesn't leaky lake look

Beautiful from up here?

Oh, oh.

Yes, very nice.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I've been wanting to ski

Mount whitehead for years.

Um, me, too, jane.

Maybe we can ride the chairlift

Together.

Well, maybe.

We will, uh, we'll see

What happens.

Hey, scoutmaster lumpus,

I thought mount whitehead had

Snow year-round.

Well, yeah, I thought so,

Too.

Hi, sweetie.

Hey, what gives, slinkman?

Actually, we're coming up on

The snowline now.

Ah, there we go.

See?

Penguins.

Achoo!

Cool, frozen nose swords.

[Sneezing]

Achoo, achoo!

Now, now, boys and girls.

I don't think that's safe.

Scoutmaster lumpus, why don't

You say something?

You have such a way with kids.

I do?

I mean, yeah, yes, I do.

Ok, that's enough.

We all know that blowing ice

Snots is very dangerous.

For instance, let's say

Slinkman, oh, I don't know,

Drives the bus off a cliff.

Then these frozen nose swords

Would stab all of you in

The brain.

[Screaming]

Maybe I should have rephrased

That.

Cool ski apparel.

I am not taking any chances

Of my brain getting pierced

By icicles.

Good tidings.

Hey, guys.

Ready for some snowboarding?

Yeah.

We're going to slap some moguls

On the black diamond,

Newton's revenge.

Did you understand any

Of that?

I do not speak austrian.

Hot dog.

Chip, quick, look!

Darn.

I missed it.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, ms. Doe, I'd be more

Than happy to accompany you on

The chairlift.

It can be a little scary

At times.

I don't know,

Scoutmaster lumpus.

The way you made the children

Shriek in terror on the bus...

But, but--

Excuse me, sir.

We need to divide the children.

Divide the children?

Uh, yes, I assure you it is

For the youngsters' safety.

See, all the beginners must

Start on the bunny slope.

[Booing]

But if they improve,

They get to ride the chairlift

In the afternoon.

We have 2 beginners this

Year.

Lazlo...

Hurray, whoo hoo!

And...

Carmine slinkman, who's the

Other poor sap?

Uh, you, scoutmaster lumpus.

Hey, slinkman, hey--who,

What--what?

The ski resort insists

Because of the, you know,

Accident last year.

Oh, yes.

Let's not mention that to

Ms. Doe, hmm?

I think it's wonderful that

You're volunteering to chaperone

Young lazlo.

Chaperone?

Yeah, I mean, yes, of course.

Well, these children are the

Light of my life after all.

Well, I certainly misjudged

You, and I would love to

Accompany you on the chairlift

This afternoon.

Scoutmaster lumpus?

What do you want?

You dropped your antlers.

All right, young feller,

Just grab the rope tow and off

You go.

Would you look at that.

All right.

You're next, sport.

Just give that old rope a good

Strong grip, and we're off

To the races.

Good job there, short stack.

Next!

Aah!

You make me sick.

How you doing,

Scoutmaster lumpus?

Scoutmaster lumpus?

What?

According to the bean scout

Handbook, the best way to ski

Slowly is to pretend your skis

Are a slice of pizza.

And then to go fast,



Pizza, french fry, pizza,

French fry.

Lazlo.

Yes?

Some people don't need

Gimmicks to ski.

They're just born with it.

See you at the bottom,

Pizza boy!

[Yelling]

Pizza, french fry!

Pizza, french fry.

[Yelling]

Pizza, french fry!

Aah, da--

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

There you are,

Scoutmaster lumpus.

We made it to the afternoon.

Can we go on the big mountain

Now?

Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Knock yourself out.

I'm just nursing my--hey, that

Means I get to ride the big

Chairlift with ms. Doe.

Where is she?

Scoutmaster lumpus.

Ms. Doe, there you are.

My work is done on the bunny

Slope, and I'm ready for our

Chairlift ride.

Ah, ok.

Where's your little protege?

My proto what?

Oh, there he is.

Scoutmaster lumpus?

Yeah, what?

I'm a little frightened to go

On this big chairlift by myself.

Well, go find a bear or

Something to ride with.

Can't you see I'm busy?

Now, where was i?

Scoutmaster lumpus, he can't

Ride with a bear.

He's going to ride with you.

But I thought--

And I certainly hope your

Attitude changes after this run.

But, but, but--

Otherwise you and I will

Never ride this chairlift

Together, never!

But ms. Doe, i--

Ever!

She's spunky.

You are getting to be a

Nuisance!

How am I ever gonna ride with

Jane doe?

[Yelling]

Thanks for riding with me,

Scoutmaster lumpus.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

How high do you think we are?

I don't want to know.

Let's find out.

Wow.

It hasn't hit the ground yet.

It still hasn't hit the ground.

Maybe we should drop

Something heavier.

What the--what's happening?

We stopped.

What do you mean, stopped?

Stopped means--

I know what stopped means!

Do you think they'll let us

Stay here a long time?

I hope they let us stay here

A long time.

Well, tough nuggies.

We'll be moving again in

A second.

Then another meaning for the

Word stop, is--

Grr, let's see how long

It takes for this to hit

The ground.

I can't believe it.

My chances for riding with

Ms. Doe are slipping away,

And I'm stuck 50 feet in the air

With no chance for survival!

Why don't you just tell

Ms. Doe that you're running

A little late?

Scoutmaster lumpus?

Little monkey?

Quick, give me your jacket.

Yoo hoo!

Jane!

I'm up here!

Quick, give me your hat.

It's too late.

She's gone.

Scoutmaster lumpus?

We're never getting out

Of this chair.

My ears are going to fall off

From frostbite.

The bean scout handbook

Suggests huddling together

To stay warm.

Ms. Mucous, I can't find

Scoutmaster lumpus and his

Bean scout anywhere.

Listen up, everybody.

Lumpus and lazlo are missing.

It'll be dark soon, and the

Weather is unpredictable and

Dangerous, so we're going to

Split up into very small

Leaderless search parties.

Good luck.

Scoutmaster lumpus!

Lazlo!

Scoutmaster lumpus!

Where are you?

Maybe they're behind

The tree.

Footprints.

They must be behind the tree.

Footprints!

Ashes, ashes, we all fall--

I can't take this anymore.

I'm going to jump!

What?

I'm not going to sit here and

Turn into a forgotten popsicle!

The bean scout handbook

Says--

I don't care!

I'm going to--aah!

Scoutmaster lumpus, is this

Very safe?

Lazlo, I changed my mind.

Help me up.

I think we're supposed to

Stay put and wait for help.

Isn't that what the scout

Handbook says?

Lazlo, your obedience is

Wearing thin.

Help me up!

What was that?

Did you hear something?

Yes.

What did it sound like

To you?

Like a moose screaming at

A monkey.

Are we lost?

Yes.

Footprints!

Lazlo.

Lazlo!

Come on, scoutmaster lumpus.

You can do it.

Think positive thoughts.

Aah!

Uh-oh.

Aah!

I'm alive.

I'm alive!

Scoutmaster lumpus, it's like

The chairlift in reverse.

What?

[Yelling]

Ooh, it's getting late,

And now I think the other

Campers are lost.

[Yelling]

There's that noise again.

[Yelling]

Big ride, big ride!

[Yelling]

It's scoutmaster lumpus,

And he's rescued all of the

Children.

What?

They're coming in too hot.

[Cheering]

Oh, scoutmaster lumpus,

That was such a courageous,

Selfless act of rescue.

It was?

Sit by me on the bus, hmm?

Oh, why, sure.

I'll be there in a jiffy.

Quick, slinkman, I was holding

This chair so tight my fingers

Are welded to it.

Should I get the pliers

Again, sir?

Whoops!

Too late, ha ha ha.

I'm already sitting with

The monkey.

See you onboard!

Aah!

I think for lazlo's safety

I'll leave you here for

A little bit.

You wouldn't dare.

Slinkman!

Slinkman!

Oh.

Pizza, french fry.

[Yelling]

Pizza, french fry!

[Yells]

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!

[



[]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were 2 scouts

Who made a friend

And lazlo was his name-o

L-a-z-l-o

L

A

Z-l-o

L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o

And then that trio

Went to camp

And turned it upside down-o

L-a-z-l-o

L-a-z-l-o

L-a-z-l-o

And lazlo was his name-o ♪

Fly fishing is a dance

Between equal partners,

The fishing fly delicately

Skips above the surface,

The fish following behind below

The surface.

They are 2 parts of the same

Whole.

But exactly when in the next



A fish?

There's one.

Where?

Right there.

See it?

No.

Lean over.

I still don't see it.

Further.

I still don't see it.

Further.

Further.

I got a fly!

Ooh, skip, good catch.

Thanks.

What gives?

Fish for your own flies.

Whatever, dude.

Come on, fellas.

Let's blow this dive.

You dumb heads, you're not

Supposed to catch the actual

Flies, especially your own!

Nice going, skip.

You made everyone leave again.

No, you made them leave.

Well, you made all those fish

Guys leave, dummy head.

Don't call me dummy head.

I'm 3 seconds older than you.

And 3 seconds dummier.

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

Fascinating.

Even their arguments don't make

Sense.

Lazlo?

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

Hey, guys.

Hi, laz.

Oh, hey, lazlo.

What's going on?

Oh, nothing.

He thinks that flies are for

Catching fish.

Well, actually, yes.

Chip is right.

Fly fishing uses flies to catch

Fish.

See?

Thanks, lazlo.

You're the greatest, pal.

But you know, skip,

Fly fishing can be anything you

Want it to be as long as you're

Having fun.

See?

I knew it.

Thanks, lazlo, you're the best,

Buddy.

Come on, guys.

Let's all fly fish.

Yeah!

You're a great friend, lazlo.

Lazzie?

Lazzberries?

Oh, great, now you made lazlo

Leave.

Nuh-uh.

You scared him off.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Apparently.

Aren't you going to apologize

To my buddy lazlo?

Me?

You're the one who made him

Leave.

You have to do what I say

Because I'm 3 seconds--

Dummier.

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

You're dummier.

You're really dummier.

You take that back right now!

Really, really dummier!

That's it!

I'm not ever talking to you

Ever again!

And I'm not talking to you

Ever again!

Fine!

Good!

You ok?

Uh-huh.

Thanks.

♪ Do wah da wah

Do wah da wah ♪

♪ Do wah da wah

Do wah da wah

Do wah da wah ♪

Yeah!

Yeah!

He he he!

♪ Do wah da wah wah

Mission control to lumpus



Are you ready to launch?

Yes, mission control.

Ready to launch.

Captain lazlo to engineer

Clam.

Ignite thrusters in 5, 4,



Thrusters!

[Cheering]

Hi, lazzberries.

Buddy?

Oh, hey there, skip.

What's up?

I'm going to hang out with

You.

Um, ok.

Where's your brother chip?

I'm not speaking to him.

Oh.

Well, we're playing rocket ship.

Hop on.

Hop on what?

The rocket ship.

What rocket ship?

Our totem pole.

That's a totem pole.

Yes, I know that, but we're

Pretending it's a rocket ship.

Oh, then where's the

Totem pole?

Let's just play already.

Skip, you can be the engineer

Instead of clam.

All right!

Crew of the lumpus 3,000 is

Now ready to launch.

Ready to launch!

Ok, engineer skip, ignite

Thrusters in 5--

Aah!

Like that?

Hello?

Guys?

Where'd they go?

The crew of the lumpus 3,000

Has crash landed on a strange

And desolate planet.

They cautiously fan out to

Locate caloric sustenance or

They will perish.

Hi, lazzie, pal.

Oh, hi, chip.

Where's your--

I'm not talking to him.

I'm going to hang out with you.

Cool rocket ship, raj.

Crash landed?

Yes, actually.

Good imagination.

Would you like to play?

Sure.

So the crew of the lumpus



When suddenly they stumble upon

A deadly nest of...

Space mosquitoes.

Aah!

Chip, they're not real!

They're sucking my brain

Juices!

Quick, raj, sh**t them with your

Photon disk!

[Screaming]

My eyeballs are shriveling!

It burns!

It burns!

[Screaming]

Lazzberries?

Where are you?

Hey, log, watch where you're

Going.

Lazzberries, you in here?

Lazzberries!

Lazzie, pal!

Hey, rock, watch where you're

Going.

Lazzie!

Hello!

Just look at them.

They belong together,

Don't they?

Certainly, as long as they

Don't belong to us.

It's like we need to match them

With 2 more dung beetles to

Make them right again.

You're brilliant.

I am?

Brilliant!

Come on.

Time to make a few new dung

Beetle friends.

I've got enough dung beetle

Friends already, thank you!

Lazzberries!

Oh, there you are.

I've been looking all over for

You, buddy.

Oh, hey, skip.

Lazlo, why didn't your lips

Move?

Over here.

Oh.

I see you've met my new buddy

Shazlo.

New buddy?

Yep, he's my perfect match.

Pleased to meet you.

Wow.

I wish I could meet my perfect

Match.

Say no more, skip, because

Now you can.

I can?

How?

"Buddy match instant friend

Service."

Um, hello?

Hello, skip.

Are you here for your buddy

Match?

Uh, yeah.

How did you--

Just sign in here.

You may not want to use your

Real name.

A lot of our clients prefer

To be more discreet.

Oh, right, discreet.

All right, kip.

You're all set.

Down the hall to the right.

Oh, and we're overbooked today,

So you will be sharing your

Appointment with another client.

Good luck!

In here, kip.

Oh, hi.

Have a seat.

We're just getting started.

Wait a minute, aren't you--

Shazlo, that's right.

This is dip.

Hi, dip.

Hi, kip.

This is the profiling section

Of the service.

Question number 1.

How tall are you?

Uh, 6'1".

Me, too.

Hmm, what a coincidence.

You are both the same height.

Yeah, how about that?

Neat.

Part 2 is a sampling

Portion of the buddy match

Program.

Here you will get a side by side

Comparison of potential buddy

Candidates to help you make your

Final choice.

Excuse me, shazlo, we're one

Candidate short.

Do you mind filling in, dip?

Oh, sure.

Ok, send him in.

Kip, you just speak up when you

See someone you think would be

A good buddy to you.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yes, yes,

Very good.

Well?

No, ok, next.

Familiar looking chap, right?

Remind you of anyone, kip?

You sure?

Yep.

Ok...

Next.

And there's our last candidate.

That's him, officer!

That's the guy who stole

My kindness!

Stop him!

Look out, dip!

He's coming for you!

And this in here is our

Fitness portion of our buddy

Match program.

Right after this is our

Graduation ceremony.

Hey, kip.

Hello, dip.

Did you meet your perfect buddy

Match yet?

No, you?

Nope.

They said they found him, but I

Don't know.

Same here.

You know what I was just

Thinking?

I think you were thinking

That you and I would make the

Perfect buddy match.

That's exactly what I was

Thinking.

See?

Wow.

But what about graduation?

We are gathered here today to

Celebrate the sacred buddy

Matches of kip and clem and dip

And simpson.

Before we begin, is there anyone

Here that objects to the buddy

Matches here before us today?

Wait!

I do!

I do, too!

What?

[Gasps]

This is all wrong.

Simpson isn't my perfect buddy!

Kip is!

And dip is my buddy!

We're buddies.

Oh.

Well, who am I to stand in

The way of 2 true friends.

Dip, do you take kip to be your

Best buddy?

I do.

And kip, do you take dip

To be your best buddy?

I do.

Then by the friend in me, I

Now pronounce you best buddies.

You may now fish together.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You need to sign the buddy

Certificate.

What buddy names will you

Be taking?

Oh, we hadn't really thought

Of that.

How about skip, and you could

Be chip.

Hey, yeah, that sounds good.

Good luck.

Hmm, chip.

I like the sound of that.

Skip is pretty good, too.

It's like I know that name.

[Bell dings]

Hey!

We are chip and skip!

My buddy.

My brother.

[Yelling]

Pizza, french fry!

[Yells]

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!

Pizza, french fry.

Oh!

Pizza, french fry!