04x01 - Lil Jon & Sarah Silverman

[bunniefuu]

Hello. Hi there.

Hi. Hello. HelloHell yeah.

Hey, how you doing there, man?Hello.

The new edition Mr. Telephone Man

Somebody playin' on my line Run as fast

as you can And I've been the cop in my

phone from out to man 'Cause I hand pine

dine and laugh again Know who it is

Telephone gangsters, these pranksters

Don't click over the drank yankers, love

Who is this?Who is this?I don't know, man

I'mma beat your a*s who playin' them

games for I know y'all makin' the name

disgrace and solve I'mma catch ya after

work 'cause I'm tracin' the cop And then

we'll start 69 and call outHow the

f*ck you gonna say you ain't more with me

Crank yankers

Hello, this is Laurel. How you doing,

Laurel?This is Lil Jon. I'm a hip-hop

artist and producer. I'm going on

tour, and I gotta bring out a real

harpist. Uh-huh, I'm a classical harpist.

I'm not really available to tour just

because of you. Have you heard of me?You

ain't never heard of Lil Jon. You know,

I'd be like, yeah, you know, I'm in my



you heard of Usher. Yeah. Well, you know

that song. Yeah, yeahI use harp on that

one, too. Oh, OK. Yeah. So

September, October, we're going to get

together and I want you to come out on

stage and do a harp solo. You slay flute

too, right?No, I play harp and I sing.

Yeah, I'm a classical singer. You can

sing classical music, so that's gangster

. We gonna be famous. When we

go on tour, we gonna be playing like

maniacs. You'll fall right in.

You know, as far as like touring

extensively, I I just can't do that

'cause I have family commitments. But

it'd be cool to do a few gigs. You like

girls?I'm married and

have a son. Hey, what happens on tour,

baby?Never happened, ha ha!

Yeah!

ohh Hey, why don't you sing me something?

Let me hear how you sound, baby. Sing me

some of that classical gangsta .

Yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeahThat's

perfect. That's perfect, yo. And I'm

gonna put that, like, that's some intro

type too. Like we can go in the

studio and you can sing like some stuff

like that and stack it up with like 20

tracks, put a lot of reverb on it and it

sound like some some gangster a*s scary

music. Would you get a gold

grill?No, I'm very there's

like a look that harpists have and I've

got that look. So do you like get freaky

with the harp?Like, you know, there's a

couple of jazz harpists that might be

better suited. No, it's like fish out of

water, baby. It's like me. I'm the hip

hop gangsta thug. And then you like you

the straight up old white lady. Like

that's perfect.

I'm gonna make you famous, baby. You're

gonna leave your husband for a 21 year

old. Yeah, right. I mean, on stage

though, sometimes we get a little crazy.

We be throwing water. If you get water on

my harp, I'll k*ll you. We ain't gonna

your harp up, you know?Because I love

harp, man. I'm telling you, I used it on

one of my biggest records, man. My other

record I I used the harp on was Let Me on

Your Forehead. That was like number one

all over the Europe. Uh-huhThat's why I'm

saying you might get a little wet, 'cause

when we you get wet. Oh, OK. Go, you

know, just give me a call as things draw

closer. All right. And I gotta, like,

bling your harp out. Like, I got this cup

I carry around with diamonds on it. So,

like, your harp gotta match. OK. You know

what?Hip harp is the new you

and me. Yeah, I know it stayed around for

a long time. You know what?Before you go,

you gotta sing me one more song, 'cause I

love that classical style. Sing me, like,

your favorite. Let's see. What's my

favorite song in the world to sing?Yeah,

but original. Like sing some of that. Oh,

gosh. Let's see. There

you go.

Oh, don't stop. I was. I was feeling you

right there. I was vibing. You have to go

cause the Carpenter's about to come back

and I got to get some wood for him. Yeah,

you got to get some wood from the

carpenter. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Yeah,

next week. OK.

All right. Next week. Know you. Bye,

bye.

Thank you for calling. This is Eddie. How

may I help you?Hello. Do you rent trucks,

please?Yes, we do. Great. Do you

have trucks for moving stereo equipment

and blankets?Yeah, most

definitely. OK. Do you have it for moving

a parakeet cage too?Like a

truck?Yes. Yeah. I mean, they're pretty

much moving trucks, so they got a big box

in the back. OK. Do you have for

items for food too, if I have a

refrigerator with the cheese and milk and

tomatoes and lettuce and onions and

things like that?Like, would the truck be

able to hold that stuff?Yes. Yeah, most

definitely. I mean, we have a lot of

different sizes of trucks. OK. And a

broken bicycle. Yeah.

And a toy chest with marbles and string

and Cabbage Patch key and some broken

crayons and a little a dog bone.

Well, yeah, yeah, you could fill that in

the truck. And CDs and records. Yeah, yeah

It would just depend on how much stuff

you'd have and how big a truck you would

need. OK And plates. Broken plates. Yeah.

And cups and mugs. Yeah. Yeah, most

definitely. And a coach tape dispenser

and an easy bake oven. One more time.

I'm sorry. Is Scotch tape, dispenser, an

Easy-Bake Oven and things like that?We

have like moving tape. OK. And gloves?Uh,

yes. OK. Underwear, balloons,

friends, calendar, and leaves?Yeah, you

could fit that stuff into the truck. OK.

And beakers with chemicals?Uh,

yeah. OK. And ball bearings

and toning poles?

Yeah, you got a lot of stuff, huhYeah, I

have to move a lot of stuff. I got a sand

from the beach. Tambourine, bass

guitar, lead guitar, rhythm guitar,

keyboard, synthesizer, snare drum,

cymbals, electronic drum kit,

big bass drum, trumpet, cornet, flute,

piano, bassoon, bass also.

Yeah, I mean, you would just have to.

You'd have to kind of like have a rough

idea of how much room you would need. OK.

And then we could figure out which truck

size would be the best to accommodate all

that stuff. OK. And animals like hamsters

and peanuts and dogs, ping pong table,

egg beaters, fireplace utensils, toenail

Clippers, podium, gym

shoes, tapping shoes, shoes repair kit,

basketball, baseball. Yeah, yeah, most

definitely. Did you want to make a

reservation?No.

Please help me move. We

actually don't actually help tech and

stuff like that. We would refer you to a

website. Oh, but you can help me move?

No, we can't. We can just help you with

the rentals for the equipment. What if I

say please?Well, I don't know. OK.

I will help you move if you need me to.

All right. OK. And so I'd like to make

the reservation for

maybe six months from now. By

the way, I have exercise equipment.

Laziness equipment, weights, stretchy

things and balloons. OK, yeah, that would

be fine. OK. And

turntable. All right. Also, paint

buckets and paint and an empty bucket and

a small g*n and paint ba*ls and regular

ba*ls and more paint. OK. I'll be right

with you as soon as I can. OK. Thank you.

Thank you.

Hello. Dr. Octopi, I love your

bread-buying dance. It's all the rage.

Dance for carbs, y'all dance for carbs. I

dance for carbs, 'cause I dance for

carbs. Car-- car-- car--

Really hot door for my home. Hello.

Hey, Mr. Gumtrop, I heard you lost your

best trophy trophy. I'm sorry you lose so

many trophies. You should get a trophy

for losing trophies. Oh, wait, you did

and you lost it. And then you should get

a trophy for losing trophies that you

lost trophies that have the best trophy,

trophy, trophy. La, la, la. Trophy,

trophy, trophy. Do the trophy shuffle.

Trophy shuffle. Hey, do the trophy

shuffle, you lose a lot of trophies.

ohh Hey, Papa, Papa, Papa, keep your

tangled arm hair up your sleeve. It's

giving me the itchies. Hi, who's this?

Hey, Papa, Papa, Papa, keep your tangled

arm hair up your sleeve. It's giving me

the itchies. Itch, itch, itch, itch,

itch. Hey, Papa, Papa, Papa. Hey, Papa,

Papa, Papa, give your--

Hey, Papa, Papa, Papa, Keep your tangled

arm hair up your sleeve. It's giving me

the itchies. Who is this?Hey,

Papa, Papa, Papa. You might have the

wrong number. Hey, Papa, Papa, Papa. Keep

your tangled arm and grab your sleeve.

Excuse me.

Hello. Hello James. Yeah, I'm giving you

a call from credit counselor. Hello.

Hello. Yeah. Hey, dude, you still on the

phone?Yeah. All right, 'cause I gotta

call. my brother and find out if he had a

good new year. Yeah, I'm still on the

phone. Okay. Hello?Alright,

do you have a few moments?Yeah, I have a

few moments, yeah. Yo, you still on the

phone?Yeah. Okay. That

consolidation is a program. Yo, you still

on, June?Yeah. You on the phone?Yeah.

Okay. It was developed to

help consumers pay their debt. You still

on the phone, bro?Yeah. All right. Well,

if you want, I can give you a call back.

No, this is fine, actually. I gotta run

out to work a little bit, so I'd rather

get sorted with now. It was what?

Developed what?That consolidation is a

program. Joe, you still on?Yeah. Okay.

All right. That consolidation is a

program. Right. Oh, you still on the

phone?Yeah. Okay.

Okay

That consolidation was what?It's a

program. It was developed. Joe, you still

on the phone, dude?Yeah. All right. Could

you bear with me for a moment?I'd like to

get this done now. Okay. Alright, debt

consolidation is a program. Well, are you

still on the phone?Yeah. Alright.

Okay. Is a program... Is a program

developed by the bank... You still

talking on the phone?Yeah. Okay.

Ok Now, let's try it again, debt

consolidation is a program. Right. Hello?

Yeah. Yo, you still on?Yeah.

Yeah, consolidation of the program.

Right.

OK. It was developed by the banking

industry. Is developed still on the phone?

Yeah. OK. Who's that guy that keeps

picking up the phone?It's my roommate.

You know, we only have one phone in the

house. Oh, OK. We haven't picked up too

many times, so I can give you a call back

later. No, this is fine, because I got to

go to work in a little bit. Because he's

picking up every three seconds. Well, no,

he seems like he's not picking up right

now, so maybe we can get through this.

That consolidation is a program. Yo, you

still on?Yeah. All right. Yeah. I'll give

you a call later. Sure.

I'm right. Security Officer Williams

speaking. Hi. I

was shopping today. I was

drinking a Jamba Juice.

Right. I had only drank about half

of it. I left it at one of the stores and

I need it. You want your

juice?Yes, my Jamba

Juice. This is security. We handle

serious situations. That's why I'm

calling you. We handle serious situations

like robberies, loceny, things

like that. You understand?You could come

in and file a report if you would like.

Do you help with missing children?Of

course. OK, great. Because

this juice was like a child to me.

Your juice was like a child to you.

Yes. And I named

her Juicy.

Hello. Hi. Oh, could

I speak with your supervisor?This

is the supervisor. May I ask who's

speaking?Yes, I have a missing

child. A missing child?

Yes, I do.

Where was your child last seen?She was

somewhere in the mall. Can you give a

description, please?Yes, she's

white with letters

and about half full with some

berry mango juice and a

boost. Her name is Juicy.

Well, somebody else just called and

reported the same missing child. What?

Wait.

K5 Security Officer Williams speaking.

Hi. Is the supervisor there?

Yes. Hi. I'd like to report

a a missing pair of earrings.

A missing pair of earrings. Yeah. Where

did you lose your earrings?Somewhere in

the mall. I'm not sure where. They

are like like a berry...

Like a berry mango color.

Yeah. And a

protein boost kind of shape.

Those don't sound like earrings, man.

They're real fancy. That sounds like a

cup of juice. I don't know. I was

wondering if you could look around for

them. I'll have somebody look around.

Just give me a call back, OK?They're

delicious and they're

nutritious.

Security, how may I help you?Uh, I lost

my purse. Where?

Somewhere in the mall. What kind of purse

is it?It's a Berry flavored purse

with a boost. All right. When I call PD,

I'll find out if you're

legit in that. OK?Who's PD?

PD is police officer. So after I hang up,

I'm going to call them so they can trace

your call. OK. What are you busy doing?

Watching a black and white television?Did

you hear what I just said?No, I'm deaf in

one ear. Hold on. OK. What?

Do not call our phone and harass us, OK?I

feel harassed by you because I've been

robbed by half a juice that says the

value of $4.00. It was my free one, but

it was by you wasting my time on the

phone with some other person who could be

hurt or needing a mess. And I'm wasting

enough time on the phone with you. Why

would they call mall security?Do not call

us no more, OK?

Thank you for calling Infinite

Tranquility. This is Jenny. How may I

help you?Hi there. I'm Terrence. I am

Jessica Simpson's assistant, and I was

calling to make an appointment for a day

of beauty there at the spa. What kind of

services does she want to have?Let's

start with that. I think she'd like a

facial. I think she'd maybe like some

waxing. OK, well, what I can do is I can

book her for the signature facial. That's

wonderful. OK. And what kind of waxing

does she need done?Do you know?I just

want to make sure that, of course, it's

very discreet. Of course.

She has a

protrusion of sorts that

she is a little bit embarrassed about,

and we just don't want anybody to be

surprised or alarmed by it. OK, that's

fine. I'll make a note. I'll talk to the

aesthetician personally. It's almost like

a p*nis.

OK, I know it's a little bit weird and I

was thinking about a phone. It's not a

problem at all. It's the most feminine

little p*nis you'll ever see. I mean,

it's not, it's not like it's some

weird giant. You know what?We all have

our own little weird quirks. I agree with

you. I agree. I mean, this is the reason

why she she was a virgin for so long. I

mean, it was that that's how

uncomfortable it is for her to reveal.

But it is definitely not a full

p*nis. We she calls it her little, not a

p*nis. Not a p*nis. That's funny. So

yes, it's cute. But we got to make sure

not to get any wax on the not a p*nis,

just the bikini area underneath the p*nis

area. And then, yes, the tops of the legs

as well. We just need the the esthetician

to be discreet about it. That's all.

I absolutely understand. And I will let

my manager know and she can go ahead and

few people know it's possible about

Jessica's little not a p*nis. That would

be wonderful. OK, Yeah.

No, just to be sensitive because she's

so sensitive about it. I told her to

get it removed, but she likes it. Not a

problem. I mean, for as weird as it is,

it's fun to have. It's fun to play with,

I guess. You know, that's fine.

OK. And was there anything else while

she's here?I think she would like a

massage too. Also, does she prefer a male

or female therapist?Well, I think because

of the p*nis, she'd probably rather have

a female. OK. Right. No, no, I

understand. I I I understand that.

That's not a problem. And tell him not to

massage the little not a p*nis also

because it, you know, it's active.

Not a problem. You just type in there,

steer clear of the p*nis. So we're going

to do the massage at 4:00. Yes. Followed

by the facial at five.

OK. Yes. And what above all, what is the

most important thing?Not the not a p*nis.

Correct. Thank you. You're very welcome.

I'll see you Saturday. OK. Thank you. OK,

Don't stare. I won't. Bye.

Bye.

Security officer William speaking. Hi,

this is Hadassah Guberman. I'm calling to

apologize for the calls. I

actually found my Jamba Juice. It was

right near my foot. And the foot, I

never look around. OK,

one question. Why would someone in

emergency call mall security?Security.

Because we are the first response besides

PD. OK, you was bored.

I guess I was a little bored. More than

that, I was thirsty. I felt like what's

really important to one person may not be

as important to another person, and it

was important to me. OK. Alright, so I'll

tell. I'll tell my supervisor that you

apologize. OK. OKI'll see you tonight.

Tonight. HuhWhat'd you said?I

just said I'll see you tonight. Why?

I don't know. I just thought I might see

you tonight. What are you doing tonight?

Yee-haw.