04x04 - Good Charlotte & Lil Jon

[bunniefuu]

Hello. Hi there. Hi. Who's this?Hello.

Hey. Who's this?Hello. Hello

Hell yeah. Hey, how you doing there, man?

Hello. The new addition Mr.

Telephone Man Somebody playing on my line

Running as fast as you can And I've been

the cop in my phone from out to man

Because I can't prime dine and laugh

again Know who it is Telephone

gangsters, pranksters Don't click over

the cranky ankers Who is this?Who is this?

I don't know, man I'mma beat your a*s Who

playing them games for I know y'all

making the names It's racing us all But

I'mma catch you after work 'cause I'm

tracing the cops And then with Star 69

and call outyou

ain't always me Crank

yankers.

Hi, who's there?Uh, hi, I was calling

about your personal assistant job. Oh,

great, great, desperate need of help.

I've been in the country for a few months

and work's really taken off for me. I got

to get a little help for me and my

brother. We've been very successful in

the last few months here in America. Now,

when you say personal assistant, you mean

personally and with your job, right?Right

It's a bit of a, you know, I like to say

in Ireland, you know, the ship can't

carry the load without the rest of the

flock. Not if you've ever heard that

saying, but I'm actually just came back

in from a pretty wild night myself. I

don't know about you, but. You're new to

town then, huhOh, yeah. You know, it's

only been here a few months. It's much

different from Ireland. Do you like

whiskey?I like Scotch. Oh, Scotch.

Bloody. Patrick, who you're

on the phone with, baby?He's calling

about your ad. What's your experience

like?I'm semi retired. I

own my own company. Great. Well,

don't tell me how to handle this. Who did

you post the ad or did I post the ad?I

posted the ad. But I, you know, I'm a

better judge of character than you and

I've got a good feeling.

Would you like me to send you my resume?I

don't know, but it sounds a little

sketched out. Well, I mean, I'm talking

to two Irish guys and they were out all

night. You're right. I completely

apologize. I'm completely wasted right

now. I mean, you guys sound like, um,

you guys need reprimanding or what?I

mean, if I call you, I need directions

from MapQuest. Give me the directions.

That's your job. People will take

advantage of you in this town. I'll have

you know. I tell you, I do it to watch

exactly what I need. Someone to keep me

straight. Well, my God, you guys don't

sound very straight. All right, then.

That's why we took out the sad. You guys

are just like partying. We're not

partying. We're I wish since we were

three. Well, in the sound of the

wind in Ireland, I'm going to soak a Nerf

football in whiskey and I can't believe

that you actually are talking to people

in the condition that you're in. We want

someone to party with. So if I came and

met you right now, maybe we met in a bar

and we were face drunk. Oh, I think I'd

remember you. I'm quite a ladies man. You

might not. Wait, that that mean you

would. You just put yourself down, Sean.

I'm so wasted right now. I can't feel my

face. You guys sleep?Absolutely

not. Most of the time, I don't know where

I am. In fact, I don't know whose house

this is. You guys are out of your mind.

Absolutely. We're gonna go to church

right now. Oh, my God. I think I might

start a fire before my nap. What?You guys

are like children. Goodbye, Mommy.

Hello. Hi. Yes. May I please speak with

the job placement supervisor?OK. Can

you tell me your name?Oh, my name is

Rashidi. Rashidi. Basically,

it's an assistant position. I'm a

brilliant physicist. I basically need

help with my scientific experiments.

Have you ever heard of non Euclidean

space?No, Sir, I haven't.

Do you know quantum theory or have you

studied quantum mechanics?

No, Sir, I haven't. That's fine.

Hold on one second.

That was a close call. I

think the cat died. Oh, that's

terrible. It's been

being exposed to heavy doses of

radiation. It started as an

experiment. I was trying to increase its

powers. Its strength was

growing beyond its potential, but the

tumors just got too great for its body.

Since you don't know physics, perhaps you

could help but experiments with

women. Yes, I

can help. Basically, I need someone

that can go out. Round up a few

chicks at a bar and bring them back.

It would be fun for you too, because I

mainly just like to watch.

OK, you down or what?

Yes, I'm down for that. Do you

have any problem being nude in front

of me?Being nude?

No. Nice.

So when do you want to start working?

I can start immediately whenever is best

for you. How do you feel about being

exposed to very low levels of

radiation?Well, it can't hurt me, can it?

I cannot promise anything. Oh,

well, long as I don't die. No.

If my experiment goes well, the

entire continent of Australia will be

underwater.

Wow. Do you have any immediate

family?Yes.

Yeesh. Have you ever been

electrocuted?No. The interface

I am using right now is going to help

me prove some of my theories to the

world. I want you to help me

rule the world,

OK?Right. Hold on. Sorry.

I'm working on an atomic generator that I

have to adjust. No problem.

Hello.

HelloCan anybody hear me?

I can hear you. Please

inform the local

authorities that it's

too late.

Good afternoon, Travel Options. May I

help you?Yes, I'm

here in New York City, and

I need to go back to Israel.

Oh. Yes, I I need to fly

one-way ticket because

I wasn't sure. Then

I was going to go back.

Now I realize that Rosh

Hashanah is next month. You

know Rosh Hashanah?Yes.

Is the new

year. Yes. Now, have you done

business with us before?Never. I got

your number from the

white pages. I never done business

with you before. No, no, noBut but you're

in New York. In New York, yes.

Yes, I can tell you that we are in

Kentucky and it would be better for you

to do that with an agency that is in New

York. Because

I'm in New York?Yes. But

where would I get an agent?Is

there a reason why you can't

help me?Yes, because I

think you cannot come in. and

pay us for your ticket. But this is the

country where you can

order anything by credit card.

I order

chicken falafel. Um, you

must call someone else. I'm so sorry. Do

you have any uh..

number that I can uh..

call?Where are you in New York City?

New York

City, yes. YesWell, I think you should

use their telephone book and you should

look under travel agencies and you're

bound to find one. That is a telephone.

You mean to look in the telephone book to

find a travel

agency?Yes. Or, you know, better

still, call the number for the airlines

that you choose to fly. That are the

airlines that go to

Israel.

Call El Al. El

Al?Yes, call El Al and I do not have a

local New York phone number for them.

Maybe can I talk to a a manager?

I'm the only one here. I'm sorry, I

cannot do it. You're the only one there?

I'm the only one here. I'm sorry, I

cannot do it. I'm I'm a

single, are you?You're

what?Are you single?

Customer service, can I help you?Yes, hi.

I have received a second notice today.

Because there's a package that needs to

be delivered and signed for. Uh-huhIs

there any way that I can pick up this

package this afternoon?I would have to

transfer you to the mailroom for that.

OK, then. Can you hold?Sure. Please hold.

Yeah, this is Willie. Can I help you?

Hello. What's you doing there?Excuse

me?What's all the noise in the background?

The water in the background?Yeah. You

cleaning the out of the toilet?

Hey,

listen up here, bitchDon't be talking

this kind of call up here. Who?Who the

hell you calling for?I'm calling to try

to get a package delivered. You

need to talk to customer service, you

jive Turkey. Your mother's a jive

pussyHey, you, you, you

Customer service, Sir. Whoever's the man

that's answering the phone in your

mailroom, he's disgusting. Who did

you talk to?He sounds with a very hoarse

voice and the water was running because

I'm running some water for the dishes.

He's going, what are you doing?Cleaning

the out of your toilets?Who was saying

this?The guy that picked up in the

mailroom. I apologize. I'm so

insulted. Well, you need to speak to

customer. You sound like a jive a*s hussy

So I told him his mother was a jive a*s

hussyYeah, I I understand. You know you

wanted to make sure. I want to make

arrangements for a damn package to be

picked up. Yeah, you wanted to intercept

a package. The thing is for that I would

need to transfer you to the mail room for

that. I'm. I'm sure somebody

different will pick up. Can you hold

please?I hope someone does.

This is Willy. Who is it now?You.

You jive Turkey.

Customer service. May I help you?

Hello. HelloI need customer service. What

the hell is going on with you people, man?

I'm. I'm a customer service Rep. How can

I help you?You know, you're either drunk

or you're Ret*rded man. I'll call back

another day when they have a

better staff picking up the damn phone.

Customer service. Can I help you, Sir?

Yes. The guy's name in the mailroom is

Willie. Willie. You're Willie was the one

doing this. He picked up the phone. This

is Willie. Who?Who is this now?And what?

And what?Did he call you names?What?Oh,

yes, he did. And what kind of

is this, man?Give me the phone. Get out

of here. Who?Who it is?Is you the one

that was talking trash on the phone?

That's right. I'm the one. You're over

there cleaning the bathroom and talking

this kind of to me. I don't need to hear

this. I didn't. Get the hell out of here.

I'm talking to them

on the phone. Get away from me. You ain't

tell this. Give me that. Ain't gonna file

no claim about my. Yeah. And you sound

like you got postal office workers

syndrome too. I don't. I don't give a

damn where your package at. Too bad.

Get out of here.

Yeah. Let me just answer the phone.

Hello. Customer service. Can I help you?

Hello. Yeah. Oh, you know what's going on

here?He he just ran up here from the mail

room and I guess he he was thinking you'd

call back. Oh, here he comes again. Get

out of here. If you still

called up here talking this kind of

trash, you know I'm you, OK?You got a lot

of nerve called up here talking this kind

of.

Central Arlington Visitors Information

Center. Hi, I'm in Arlington

and I'm bored. Oh,

really?Yeah. Yeah, really.

How may we help you?Um,

make me un-board. Tell me

what I can do. I have no idea how to do

that. What's going on?It depends on what

you want to do. I want to have fun,

man. Well.

You want to go to Six Flags?No.

You want to get wet and go to Hurricane

Harbor?No. You want to

wait till 7:00 and go to a Ranger game?

Um, no. You want to go

bowling?No. You want to

go play putt-putt?No.

Then I don't know what you're going to do

in Arlington. That's all you have?

Putt putt and a. Well, I'm sorry.

I don't know what you want to do. Oh, my

God. What do you do?Like, sleep all

day?No, ma'am. I

work. Oh, just like

today. Oh, wait a

minute. Maybe I could come down there and

work in your office. No, I don't work in

an office. I'm working in the visitor

center. Yeah, I want to come work at the

visitor center.

Oh, never mind. Oh, I know. Like, what

are the dangerous places?I want to get,

like, in. I want to get into trouble.

Where would someone get mugged?Some of

the sleazy bars. You'll get into trouble

in a hurry, probably. Yeah.

YeahLike, do you have a do you have a

waterfront or a place with lots of

snakes?Nope. No.

Boy, you you're something else.

I am something else. That's what I need.

You're a real toot, huhI'm a toot and



with a guy named Spike. Well,

can't help you there. All right.

You'll find something to do. Excuse me.

I've got another call coming in. OK.

Well, enjoy your day. Bye. Bye.

Good afternoon. Hi, this is John. Who am

I speaking with?Miss Wilson. How you

doing, Miss Wilson?I'm just, I'm moving

into the area and I'm trying to

enroll my son in your program.

OK, what kind of services?Are you a

paying parent or are you on child care

assistance?He's my son by just like a

baby mother. And I've been trying to

homeschool him, but it ain't really been

working too good. So I'm trying. How old

is the child?Eight years old. He should

be in school if he's eight. We can't

provide the services. He's a little

special. I need somebody to just give him

some extra help because I need help with

him because he gets on my nerves. Yay.

We are going to have a tutorial services

and I can take your name and number and

give it to that person. Hello. Who's

this?Ed, I'm on the phone. Who's this?Ed.

Ed, put the phone down. Is this Mrs.

Wilson?Yes, it is. Hi, this is

Ed. Do you got dirt there?Ed.

Ed, get off the phone. Mrs. Wilson, do

you have dirt?See, this is what I'm

talking about, Mr. Wilson. I love eating

dirt. Yay. You want to eat some

dirt with me, Mrs. Wilson?Sand.

I don't. I I thank thank you for your

call, but I don't think we're going to be

able to provide y'all with service. How

you doing, Mr. You got candy there?

Yes. See, that's what I'm talking about.

It's like I can't do anything without the

child interrupting me, just all up under

me and just saying all kind of crazy

stuff. What do you call those kids?Is

there a place for me to poop?Tourette

syndrome. Well, I don't think we better,

like I said, provide you the services

that you need. I'm just about ready to

pull my hair out and just strangle this

dog little kid. You see

what I had to deal with, though?I had to

deal with this every day, all day. I

can't even get on the phone. Well, you

got my prayers, but we already closed.

Can you help?I'm getting strangled. We

already closed. I'm getting neck hugged.

So just call the university and they

might be able to help you out. Shut up.

You got it?Get off the phone. I'm tired

of you messing with me when I'm on the

phone. I'm just trying to get you some

doggone help. Will you sit down and shut

the hell up?I'm sorry, Miss Wilson.