01x11 - Land Jumpers

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold, adventurous man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

- Well now look at this, dead.

- Jim!

- Rezin, you get right back in that chair--

- Oh, Ma.

- Until that doctor tells you that you can walk around.

And put your feet up here.

- Oh.

- I just can't keep this boy in this chair.

- Well if you feed me now and then.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah I worry myself sick about momma.

I grieve about you for 50 miles.

I ride a good horse into the ground,

I get back home, what you doin'?

You're sittin' here eating rhubarb pie.

- I'm hungry, now look out, it's not, grabby.

- I was told you was shot and k*lled.

- Well he was shot, and it's just God's mercy

that he's not dead.

You quit pickin' on him, the poor boy.

If you was so worried about him,

why don't you do something about his good name?

- Hey now, wait a minute.

What's this all about?

- Now, Jim, we're in trouble, plenty of trouble.

- Now just let me tell him, you're not supposed to talk.

Jim, I want ya to listen. - Yeah?

- Rezin here almost sold off the whole track,

when this fella.

- Duprais.

- Yeah, Duprais, and he came along with a prior title,

to the whole shabang.

- I thought you got it from the government?

- Well I did.

But he had a land grant from some old French king or other.

- Well, why can't we just refund all their money,

then we can recover from the government.

- How you gonna recover his good name, and yours, and mine?

These poor settlers are bein' turn off of their land,

and they're blamin' us.

Why, some of em' even been burned out,

and one man's wife and little boy were k*lled!

And they're claimin'

that we are swindlers, thieves and murderers!

- I just can't see how this could happen.

Now Rezin, didn't ya get advice from a lawyer?

- Sure, Judge Koford.

- Who?

- Judge Jonas Koford.

- From Kentucky?

- I don't know where he's from, he didn't say.

- He wouldn't.

- You know him ma?

- Ya mama, aren't we related to some Koford's?

- Why didn't you tell me you went to him?

- Why?

'Cause ever since I come home you shush me every time I op--

- Uh Rezin, was he a good lawyer?

- Well, he had an office full of class.

Drives a new carriage,

he just bought the old Anderson plantation.

Well, he must be a good lawyer.

- Yeah mama, isn't he a cousin of yours?

- He certainly is not!

Grandmother Hutchinson, her sister married Ed Mcgreivey

and they begat Sophie, and Madge.

And Madge married Ellahugh Koford,

and they bega--

[laughs]

Well alright he's my second cousin once removed.

I never told you this before.

Minnie, go out and see if the wash is dry.

His grandfather Ezra Koford sold wooden nutmegs,

and his father was a horse thief.

And before this Jonas Koford was a lawyer,

he was immoral, he's as slick as a boiled eagle.

Jim Bowie if you don't stop that laughing at me

I'm gonna take the broom to you.

- Ma, I'm not laughing at yah.

- You just see that you don't,

you go up there and see that Jonas Koford,

and straighten this out, and take care of those poor people

if it's the last thing you ever do.

We're Bowie's and I'm proud to be a Bowie.

And if it takes every last cent we got

before some other people get hurt, do you hear?

- Yes mama, I hear.

[laughs]

And I'll go.

- Now what are you standing around for then,

Jonas Koford's in champion, go up there and fix it.

- Man that's good pie, alright, just tell me one thing,

before he was a lawyer, how was he immoral?

- He was a play actor.

- Jim Bowie, Elbie's son, admirable woman Elbie,

so stern, so dutiful, so upright.

She's well your dear mother?

- Yes thank you, total well.

Of course she's mighty upset right now about my brother.

- And he would be--

- Rizen Bowie, he was a client of yours

- Rizen Bowie is your brother, oh why didn't he say so.

But he's the one who just passed on,

most unfortunate affair, please accept my condolences.

- Thank you, but they're a little premature.

I just left Rizen back home at Oppelusis.

He was in the kitchen eating rhubarb pie.

- I'm delighted to hear that, one shouldn't trust

the veracity of rumor.

- Well who can you trust these days,

not even the government deed it looks like.

- Regrettable, regrettable situation.

Who would have believed that Rizen's deed

would be superseded by a prior title from a Bourbon king.

- It's got us real curious, sure like to see that

French grant.

- You should see it James, I may call you James may I not.

- That's my name.

- Well you should see it immediately,

your mind won't be at rest until you do see it.

Mine wouldn't, why should yours.

- Alright show it me.

- Well now I'm afraid I can't do that James,

unhappily it's not in my possession.

I'll try to arrange it for you.

- How?

- Well by speaking to the man that has it.

Monsieur Armand Duprais, he'd be reluctant naturally

but I think I can persuade him.

I'll say, it's only fair monsieur, the boys are fine people.

They won't like this blot on their scutchen,

they'll want proof of their mistake.

- We sure do.

- And you shall have it, I'll go at once.

It's just a mile up the river road.

My carriage please, Monsieur Duprais bought the old

Kyle plantation.

- I understand you just bought the old Anderson place.

[laughs]

- A grave stroke of luck James, an old aunt of mine

in Albany, New York died, and left me quite a legacy.

Most unexpected, but not shall we say unwelcome.

Thank you, you're at the inn I suppose?

- Yes.

- I'll be in touch with you before the day is up.

I'll be on my way as soon as I revise this deposition.

- Before you revise the deposition cousin,

I'm kinda in a hurry.

- Of course, this is nothing that can't wait.

My Panama boy, well this has certainly been a pleasure

to meet you cousin James.

- It's been mutual cousin Jonas,

in fact it's so mutual I think I'll just go along with you.

- I mean, you will, well splendid.

- On the way I'd sure like to hear some of the stories

about your early days as a play actor.

- Oh my days as a thespian, yes sir, I was indeed

a poor player who frets and struts his hour upon the stage

and then is heard no more.

- Well dog my cat.

- You want to inspect the French grant do you?

- I insist on it Monsieur Duprais.

- Well there's no reason why not,

you will find it not only a valuable document,

but actually a work of art.

Oh good morning my dear.

- Forgive me I did not know you had guests.

- Please Marcella, you know Judge Koford.

This is Monsieur Bowie.

- Judge Koford, Monsieur Bowie.

- Ma'am.

- You wish to see me.

- It is of no importance.

- Oh but it is, speak freely my dear.

Oh yes, you wanted some money, was that not it.

- Yes if you please Armand, women never seem to have enough

buying bows--

- And largest to the poor.

- Yes that too.

- When I married my dear wife gentlemen

she was the widow of a Marquis,

and she has never forgotten it.

One moment my dear, I shall fill your empty purse.

- No doubt I have been too open handed with my charities,

but these poor settlers evicted from their homes

and forced to move on God knows where,

they have touched my heart.

- We can understand that ma'am.

- Here is your money my dear Marcella.

And now we must get to business huh.

Perhaps there will be another occasion for them to hear

of your past glories.

And now Monsieur Bowie, your problem.

Here is the grant, I trust you will handle it carefully,

it is beginning to show it's age.

As who is not in these hectic times huh?

[laughs]

Is that not an excellent likeness of his majesty.

- I can't blame you for being proud of it Monsieur,

it's a real handsome document.

Not to speak of it's other value.

- You are a connoisseur monsieur.

- Well cousin Jonas, I guess there's only one thing

for Rizen and me to do, and that's take action

against the government, selling us land it didn't own.

- You are also a philosopher.

- Yeah, thank you.

Well cousin Jonas.

- Thank you Monsieur Duprais, we're very grateful

for your courtesy.

- You've been most welcome gentlemen.

- Good day Monsieur.

[people murmuring and chattering]

- If I can be of any further service cousin,

drive Mr Bowie where he wishes to go.

- I'll drive myself.

Anybody wanna hang the real thing?

- You aint welcome here, no Bowie is.

- Duprais kicked my family off the land

we bought from your brother, there's my wife and kids,

where we gonna go?

- Anybody that needy I'll stake the food,

I come here to try and straighten things out

and that goes for you too.

First thing I did this morning was go the bank

and establish credit here.

I told them I'd stand behind loans for any

of you needy settlers who had bought land

from Bowie and Bowie.

So all you've gotta do is go to the bank and ask too--

- Hey, hey, look at this counterfeit.

I went to the bank and it's no good.

- Where'd he get it?

- From that woman, the one that's been

helping us our around here.

- Mrs Duprais?

- There she comes, that's Mrs Duprais, that's her.

- Wow, hello Mrs Leyland, I was looking for you.

- Don't touch it, don't take that money.

Take that counterfeit money out of here,

haven't we got enough trouble.

- Counterfeit?

- Ma'am, you men go into the bank and get your loans,

I'll take care of this, move on away.

Madam Duprais may I see that?

Is this the money your husband gave you?

- Yes, he might have spared me this last indignity.

- You sure couldn't tell it was counterfeit,

looks good to me.

Tell me did you ever see that French land grant

that he showed me, the one that gives him

title to the land?

- Yes.

- I mean did you ever read it, did you ever study it closer?

- No, not closely.

- Oh.

- He wouldn't dare.

- Well if this is, why not the grant?

- Those poor people.

- Don't cry ma'am, now listen to me.

Here take this, I need your help.

- I help you.

- About the grant.

- How?

- Well there was a picture on it, King, Louis the something,

- There were many Louis'.

- Louis XVI I think this one was,

wasn't he the one who kind of lost his head?

- He did indeed, it was the year I was born, 1793,

but why do you ask?

- Well this King Louis, you know how old he was

when he was--

- Guillotined?

About 40, 39 to be exact, I believe.

- I see, and he died in '93, so let's see

he was born in 39 from 93, er, he's born 1754.

- That sounds right, but why?

- The date on that land grant was 1765,

he could only have been 11 years old at that time.

- Yes.

- But don't you see, the picture was one

of a fully grown man with his name on it

and his signature underneath.

- But this is so stupid of him, he knows better then that.

No it is not stupid at all, it was deliberate.

- I don't think I understand.

- Of course it was deliberate, he makes a glaring error

in history and dates on the assumption that no one here,

yourself for instance would know the difference.

That American's are all ignorant backwards men.

And from this his mean, soulless fate,

from this he feels superior.

Oh the arrogance, the conceit of him.

- Don't ma'am, don't.

There's, there's some way out of this.

- I don't know, I have prayed that there might be.

- I don't want to intrude on your privacy,

I mean you don't have to answer this if you don't wanna.

- Please Mr Bowie, I have no secrets from you now.

- Well, do you wanna see this man, this husband of yours

get what he deserves?

- After this, yes Mr Bowie.

- Well then I think the best thing

is for you to invite me back to your house this afternoon

as a sort of a surprise for him.

I'll bring Judge Koford.

- Are you sure you want to do this?

Don't underrate Armand Mr Bowie, he is a dangerous man.

- So am I sometimes Madame Duprais.

- Then come to tea, at four.

- Tea at four.

- This has been a day of revelations indeed.

When you were here this morning Monsieur

I had no idea you were the famous Jim Bowie.

- I doubt I'll be in the history books Monsieur.

- Oh but of course you will, you should be certainly.

Did you not invent a new knife.

- A small accomplishment.

- Oh but not at all, I'm very interested in knives,

it is also a specialty of mine.

May I see one of yours?

- Oh, but magnificent.

My dear wife does not like me to discuss the subject,

it offends her aristocratic sensitivity.

But I maintain that cold steel is the only civilized weapon.

The poison of the Borgias was one sided

to a coward they'd agree.

And the g*n, the g*n is nothing more then

a shattering expl*si*n, robbing the duelist

of the excitement of quiet, personal combat.

Steel, steel Monsieur, silent, deadly,

exquisitely tempered, is the only true weapon.

Primitive some may say, but I doubt the future

will develop anything more civilized.

[knife thudding]

- May I have some more tea please Herbert?

- Where'd you pick up your liking for the blade Monsieur?

- Abroad, eight years I studied the dagger

with such masters as Gino Lardi the Venetian,

Pedro Pizarde, the Portuguese.

Herbert, pour Monsieur Bowie some brandy.

- No, no thank you, I have to be riding back to town.

Lawsuits take time, and I haven't any to waste.

- Oh but I want you to see my blade monsieur,

please don't go, Herbert pour me a brandy.

My own dagger, really a poignard,

copied after those used in the highlands of Scotland.

Thank you Herbert.

[metal tinkling] [glass tinkling]

[laughs]

The music of the wine glass, and the music of death,

are almost identical are they not monsieur?

Herbert, take an olive from that basket

and stand up against the wall.

- Please don't do it sir, please.

- Armand, you know how it terrifies him,

it does the same for me.

- Hold it against your cheek in the usual way.

- Please Armand.

- But I've only had one brandy my dear.

Herbert.

- Don't do this awful thing again.

- As you see monsieur, I laid my forearm flat on the table,

then I get my blade well fixed between my thumb

and my index finger.

- No Mr Duprais.

- Then I get my target well fixed within my range of view.

- Stop Armand.

- Once I have the target engraved in my mind,

then I can throw with my eyes closed.

Please observe, you will hardly see my wrist move.

[knife thudding]

I throw the knives in this house monsieur.

- You can go Herbert.

- You have offended me.

- It was intentional.

- Why?

- Because you've offended me.

- How?

- By having the stupidity to think that I was stupid.

- Are you not stupid monsieur?

- Maybe but I was able to figure out that Louis XVI

was only 11 years old on the date of that land grant.

Brilliant, that's grants a forgery Monsieur Duprais,

just like some of the currency you've been making.

Who's been putting it into circulation for you anyway?

Cousin Jonas, we never did have any kin

in Albany New York did we?

In fact you bought the old Anderson place

with some of this money, didn't yah?

Where did you pass it?

- Well I found gambling houses the best outlets,

Memphis, Nachess, New Orleans.

- Well momma's gonna be very upset

when she hears about this, very upset.

- I think you can be excused Marcella.

- I am not going Armand.

- I do not think you will like what you will have to see.

- And what will she have to see.

- He intends to m*rder you Mr Bowie.

- So, the moment has finally come huh?

- Yes Armand, at last, watch him carefully Mr Bowie,

he spoke one truth today, he did study the dagger

under Lardi and Pizarde, they were his fellow inmates

in prison in France, where he served

seven and one half years for forgery.

- That makes certain that no one but me

must leave here alive.

- Now this whole matter can be solved Mr Duprais

if we just come to town and make a clean breast

of this whole affair.

- Quiet, fatuous windbag.

- Keep your fingers away from that steel Monsieur.

- But is it the only weapon in the house?

I have no g*n, I told you the sound offends me.

On guard monsieur.

[knives clinking]

- I don't wanna k*ll you Duprais.

- Judge Koford is next, I'm saving the Marquess until last.

It would be interesting to see how she will die huh.

- Alright you can drop that knife

from the Scottish Highlands, go on drop it.

[knife thudding]

Now get up.

[g*n firing]

[somber music]

So it's all cleaned up now, every one of those settlers

back in his land, and the rest of it sold.

- Bowie and Bowie are out of business.

- For the time being.

- Much obliged Jim.

- Well think I'm going to bed.

- No you're not, not before you tell us what happened

to that poor Marquess.

- Madame Duprais, well she bought the old Anderson place,

she's doing fine.

- Oh no Jim, you got that mixed up,

Judge Koford bought the Anderson place.

- Yeah, yeah, but he decided to sell real cheap,

just before he took the steamboat North.

Said he was going back into medicine show business.

- What I can't get through my head

is why he didn't sh**t you.

- That's just what I asked him.

- What'd he say?

- He said, sh**t you, why James your kin folk.

I couldn't sh**t the sun of my own first cousin.

- Why that's a fib and a story, and a barefaced lie.

Now grandmother Hutchison, her sister married Ed Macrevie,

and they begat Sophie and Madge, and Madge,

yes she married Ellehue Koford, and then no--

- Good night momma.

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter of fearless and mighty ♪

♪ Adventuring man