01x35 - Country Cousin

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventurin' man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventurin' man ♪

[eerie choral music]

- [Jim] In 1830, the Shorin' Up Barrel House

was the toughest dive in New Orleans'

toughest waterfront section, The Swamp.

Here at almost any hour,

you'd find a cross section of waterfront society,

shipmasters and commission merchants,

river men and smugglers, crimps and thieves.

Not to mention the owner of the Shorin' Up,

Marm Colby, who certainly didn't look

like the wickedest woman in New Orleans.

And occasional businessmen outsiders,

such as yours truly, Jim Bowie.

That's a mighty tempting offer, Colonel.

If I could leave New Orleans,

I think I'd take you up on it.

Thank you.

[clanging]

[grunting]

Go get 'em, Country!

[glass shatters]

Hold it!

Drop that.

I said drop it! [bottle clatters]

All right, Country.

Come on. - It ain't all right.

And don't call me Country. - Well then don't act country.

You're liable to get hurt. - Well, look,

if you hadn't stuck your nose in,

I'd have ate him up. - Yeah?

You'd have stopped the rough end of a broken bottle, Bub.

- Don't call me Bub neither.

My name's Bowie. - Yeah, your name is...

Your name's Bowie? - Yeah, Bowie.

B-O-W-I-E.

Abner Bowie, of Posey County, Indiana.

Son of Redmond Bowie.

Cousin to Jim Bowie.

You ever hear of him?

- The name does sound familiar.

- Yeah, I guess so.

Bowie Jim, if he'd been here,

things'd been a little different.

- He is here. - Huh?

- I'm Jim Bowie, cousin.

- Well, now look at this.

♪ Aah, Bowie

- Sit down, cousin.

Have a drink.

- I don't hold with drinking. - Oh?

Well, how 'bout cider?

- Well, maybe cider. - Two ciders, waiter.

What started that ruckus anyway?

- Oh, that sailer tried my toes.

- You're kinda touchy, aren't you?

- That was after that lady shortchanged me,

and that gambler tried to cheat me.

- You gotta know how to handle these characters.

- What I gotta do is learn how to handle myself.

Seems like I just can't stay out of trouble.

- I know what you mean.

I have a little difficulty that way myself.

What are you doing down here in New Orleans?

- Built myself a flatboat.

Loaded her with pelts and ginseng root to float her down.

- What, from Indiana, all by yourself?

- I don't take to partners. - Neither do I.

- Ma said I wouldn't even get here,

let alone sell my stuff.

- [laughs] Well, I tell you what.

I'll sell it for you. - Already sold her.

Flatboat too.

Got gold coin. [Jim shushes]

- There's men in here who would slit

your gullet for copper, let alone gold.

- Just the same, they've been watching us.

Let's move over there.

- Oh, Mr. Bowie, sir. - Yes, Colonel?

- I've had a message from my ship captain, sir.

He's mighty anxious to sell.

He wants to lay in stores and set sail.

Now his last word is a dollar

a pound in one-ton lots. [chuckles]

That's hard to look past. - Yes it is, Colonel.

But I'm afraid, as I told you...

Oh, wait a minute.

Could I think it over a while longer?

- I'll be here, sir.

- Hey, Abner.

I mean, Pig Iron.

How would you like to make as much money

going back north as you did coming south?

- I wouldn't bar it.

- That older gentleman there,

he's got a ship captain friend who put in for supplies.

Has to sell part of his cargo of peppercorns

to raise cash in order to-- - What's peppercorn?

- Oh, it's black pepper before it's ground.

Now I can get a ton of it at a dollar a pound.

Take it up river and sell it to stores and plantations,

it'll sell for, oh, $3 a pound at least.

- In Indiana, it'd bring five.

- Five?

- Pepper sells for 40 cents an ounce to stores.

That's 16 times 40 is...

Carry the two, $6.40 a pound.

- Hey, that head's not all pig iron.

- Of course at retail, it'd still bring five wholesale.

- Well then we're in business.

Come on. - Now, wait a minute.

No, we ain't in business. - Why not?

- Well... - Go on, why not?

- Well, I ain't gonna give into it.

You're too dang much like pa.

- Well, what is it you won't give into?

- That Bowie blood.

- And what's wrong with your Bowie blood?

- It ain't trustable!

First thing you know I'd be adventuring around.

I can't do that.

I've got responsibilities.

Why do you go out and sell these peppercorns yourself?

- I can't leave New Orleans. - Well, then there's no deal.

I don't aim to buy no pepper with no Bowie.

- Look, I'm not asking you to buy any.

I'll put up the money.

I'll pay all the expenses.

All I'm asking you to do is sell it on commission.

- All I gotta do is take 'er on up and home and sell 'er?

- That's right.

- How much commission? - Oh, 10%?

- 10%.

See, if I sell it $5 a pound, that's 2,000 pounds.



- Well?

- Supposin' I was to buy $500 worth myself.

Would you still give me 10% for selling yours?

- No, I don't want you putting up any money.

- Just supposin'.

- Well, I guess so, yeah. - I'll do it.

You got a deal.

- Oh, I got myself a deal, huh?

Well, let's go.

Bowie blood he says.

Colonel, is that offer of yours still open?

- Eh? - The one ton of peppercorns?

- Ooh.

I never go back on my word, Mr. Bowie.

- Fine, I'll pay on delivery.

Where will that be? - Right next door, son.

- Uh-huh.

Be there in about an hour.

I gotta raise a little cash.

- I shall await you, gentlemen.

- Come on, Pig Iron.

[eerie choral music]

- One ton, my little passionflower.

Cash on delivery, madam.

- Your bill of sale. - Thank you, Colonel.

That's $1,500 from me. - Wait a minute.

Let me have that cutlass of yours.

- Huh?

- Go ahead and sniff it.

[coughing]

[both laugh]

- Your pepper will be safe

with this young feller, Mr. Bowie.

- Yeah. [both laugh]

- Now, keep the soft soap.

I'll see you. - Yeah.

- Well, Colonel, thank you.

[eerie choral music]

- Here we are, my little magnolia blossom.

- [Jim] Never in my life had I felt

an investment was in safer hands.

[eerie choral music]

- What's the matter?

What's that? - Catch!

[both grunting]

Sooner or later you're gonna have to get up.

- Sooner or later you're gonna

have to say what's eating you.

- My money's eating me!

Gravel ain't much demand up my way.

- Talk sense.

What did-- - Now, you know as well I do

them bags are full of gravel!

- That smell like gravel? - Dig deeper.

- Well dog my cats.

- Six inches of pepper at the top and bottom, each one.

The rest of it's all gravel.

I heard about you confidence men.

- Look, don't be smart.

Didn't you see me pay out $1,500?

- Ha!

You got that back with interest

before I got around the corner.

- Come on.

You and me are gonna have a little talk with that Colonel.

- Yeah, how do I know you and this honest old gentleman

ain't gonna knock me on the head?

- Get up!

[upbeat choral music]

[people murmuring]

- They came back.

- Bust it up, boys.

Come on, Colonel.

Hide in the warehouse.

Here come your pepper suckers.

- He's not here. - So I see.

- Come on.

Ma'am, I have some business with the Colonel.

- Well, he ain't here right now,

but I expect him back any minute though.

Won't you stay and have a drink boys?

- All right, two ciders.

- Right here.

There you are.

- Here's luck.

We're gonna need it.

- Hey, put that down. - Huh?

- You think I ain't heard about knockout drops.

- Ooh, Pig Iron.

[eerie choral music]

[tense music]

- Go get that Captain Slocum.

He might like to take these two on a little wailin' voyage.

[eerie choral music]

[both grunting]

Both prime, Captain Slocum.

- How much? - 100 each.

- 40.

- Now I know you had to put 'em here to piece out your crew.



- All right, 50, but you gotta come get 'em.

There's a trapdoor there and I'll leave it unlocked.

All's you gotta do is run your gig up to the ladder

and pass them down. - Done.

- [Marm] They may need breaking though.

- [Captain] Two years in the Antarctic will break the best.

[eerie choral music]

[Jim grunting]

- I take it all back, what I said

about you being a confidence man, cousin.

[Jim grunting]

You ain't smart enough! [Jim grunts]

Gotta know how to handle these characters, Abner.

You gotta learn how to judge people.

Just leave it to the famous Jim Bowie.

[Jim grunting]

- Well, that Captain Slocum

ain't got no claim to their clothes.

Better get 'em stripped before he gets here.

Shoestring, give the Colonel a hand.

- What I think of you I'll save for later.

- How do we get their clothes off with them tied up?

- Untie 'em.

- I ain't much stuck on that idea.

They might come to.

- I'll cut the big one loose with this pig stabber of his.

Then I'll hold it on him while you strip 'em.

Then we tie 'em back up again

and I get that billy goat kid.

[grunting] [blows thudding]

- Tie him up.

- [grunts] I'm looking for my money.

- Tie him up! [eerie choral music]

Here they come.

Duck!

- I'm gonna get my money.

[water splashing]

[trapdoor creaks]

- There they are, my hearties.

Handle 'em gentle.

They'll need their strength.

Drag 'em over, Harry.

[men grunting] Pull 'em up!

[eerie choral music]

[water splashing]

Out oar!

Pull, pull.

- Come on, I'm going. - Going where?

- To grab that lady! - And then what?

- Well...

- All right, you go ahead.

- Hey, you'd like to get rid of me, wouldn't you?

- I sure would. - Well, you ain't.

I'm staying right here until I get my money back.

More gravel.

- Well, they had pepper to sod it with.

Hey!

Pepper!

- By gee, real pepper!

More!

There's more than 40 here.

It's the ton we paid for. - Yeah, and a few extra.

- No, sir.

We got 40 coming to us, and that's all we're gonna take.

- Who said any different?

We'd be lucky to get these 40 outta here

before they come looking for their friends.

Come on!

[door creaks]

You back the tray up.

We'll switch loads.

[people murmuring]

- When you get a breathing spell,

step into the warehouse and see

what the Colonel and Shoestring think they are doing.

[hammer thuds] [man grunts]

Now you've had your drink.

Git!

[people murmuring]

[whispers]

- 38. - There's two to go.

You'd make a fine clerk, young fella.

- 39.

- Go get 'im!

[grunting]

Go on, get 'im!

Get 'im!

[water splashing]

- Let's go! - But, Jim!

I hit the old lady!

She's down in the water. - Ooh.

Well nevermind, there's a ladder.

Come on! - Hold on.

There's one more sack. - Ooh.

- On, James. - Yes sir, Mr. Bowie.

[bright choral music]

Well, you better get this stuff down to the levy

and load it on the packet.

- Look Jim, I've been thinking.

I don't like this deal. - You don't like it?

Well, you'll make enough out of this

to get yourself married.

- No gal gonna marry me for my money.

- Well, you'll be able to buy yourself

the best farm in Indiana. - We got a farm.

- What's the matter?

You want me to buy you out, is that it?

- No, that ain't it.

Look, Jim, I did half the fighting, didn't I?

- Yeah.

- And I gotta do all the selling, don't I?

- [chuckles] Yep. - All I get is 10%?

- All right, I'll make it 20.

- Way I see it, we're in as equal.

Partners, 50/50. - 50/50?

Why, I thought you said you don't hold with partners.

- Well, this is different.

Dang it, we're both Bowies!

- Yeah, but you don't like your Bowie blood.

- Fact is, I ain't so scared of it now somehow.

If I gotta have a partner,

I reckon I could do a lot worse.

- Well, I reckon that cuts both ways, Pig Iron.



Now don't buy any gold bricks now!

- [chuckles] If I did, I could always sell 'em to you.

Come up to Posey County and visit us sometime.

- I'll do that.

[bright choral music]

Yes, sir.

There goes a Bowie.

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventure man ♪