02x20 - Pirate on Horseback

[bunniefuu]

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a bold adventuring man ♪

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ Battled for right with a powerful hand ♪

♪ His blade was tempered and so was he ♪

♪ Indestructible steel was he

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter,

♪ A fearless and mighty adventuring man ♪

- [Jim Voiceover] John Morel, pirate on horseback,

was more dangerous than any buccaneer

who ever sailed the Spanish Main.

In 1830, the activities of his evil brotherhood

were terrorizing the entire Mississippi Valley.

Even reaching down as far as New Orleans,

and as far as me, Jim Bowie.

- All right, come on, let go of me.

[laughing]

- A ha ha, finally.

Trager, you may go, you may go.

- Now what is it, what have I done?

- O h* h*.

- Is there something wrong with chatting with a lady

in the hotel lobby?

- But you chat with too many ladies.

Your voice is much too persuasive.

- What are you talking about?

- I only speak of the diamond necklace

of Madame Renault, huh, huh?

- The diamond necklace of--

You know, Captain, sometimes I fear for your sanity.

- Yes, you may well, Bowie.

Ruffians like you walking the street,

marrying rich widows, robbing them.

- What marriages, what rich widow?

- Oh please, Bowie, don't add lying to your other virtues.

Madame, s'il vous plait.

Alor, Madame Bowie, we have found your husband.

- But, but, but he's not my husband [cries].

[soft music]

- Well, Captain, you know any more funny stories?

- Madame, try to calm yourself.

Tell us, when did you first find out that he'd gone?

- Just this morning.

His horse was gone from the stable,

and my necklace was gone from my bedroom [cries].

- Madame, please, do not worry, we will find him.

- Tell us what you know about this man,

his friends, his business.

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

Didn't he ever receive any letters?

DIdn't anyone ever come to see him?

- Well, just twice, a couple of callers.

- What did they talk about?

- I don't know, I tell you, I couldn't hear.

Just a few words now and then.

- Such as?

Come on, try, try and think, hard.

- Well, once or twice, I heard the word brotherhood.

- Madame, you can kiss your necklace goodbye.

- But why?

- It's a delicate matter.

There are some things the police may not talk about.

- I bid you good day, Madame, you will hear from me.

- Good day to you, sir.

Au revoir, my dear.

- Au revoir, Madame Renault.

I'm sorry I can't say Madame Bowie.

[door closing]

So now we have it, huh?

The brotherhood.

- That secret society of thieves and K*llers.

- No no, Captain, deeper than that, deeper and deadlier.

Treason.

- Treason?

The brotherhood, what else do you know of them?

- Not much, for the simple reason they don't talk much.

The only thing I do hear, though, is that each man

has to have committed some crime before he's admitted.

That way, every man has to keep his mouth shut.

The only thing I know for sure is that they operate

out of Natchez, and that their leader

is a man named John Morel.

- Oh, you have met him, huh, you know this Morel?

- No, nobody's met him, at least no one I know of.

But he has a dozen lieutenants who do his work for him.

- Then it must be one of them

who stole Madame Renault's necklace.

- That goes without saying.

It also goes without saying that whoever he is

is on his way to Natchez right now.

- Oh, yes.

- But don't worry, Captain, I'll catch him for you.

- You?

Oh, no, no, oh h* h*.

No, Bowie, this is police business strictly.

I am so sorry, old friend, to dismiss you,

and I thank you, but I bid you adieu.

Ah, Roget, Monsieur Bowie will ride with you

in order to apprehend a certain thief.

- Oui, mon capitan.

- And while you are at it, you can post these

official notes on the road on your way back.

- Oui, mon capitan.

- Remarkable resemblance to you, Monet.

- Oh, really?

- [chuckles] Au revoir.

[singers humming theme]

- [Jim Voiceover] Constable Roget and I hurried

to get ahead of the thief.

The longer we rode, the madder I got at the man

who had taken my name to swindle that charming widow.

Then a plan came into my mind.

I could not only recover the necklace, but with luck,

I could uncover the whole brotherhood.

Roget agreed, especially as the equipment for my scheme

was right there in his saddlebag.

- Listen.

[hooves beating]

Quick, he's getting close.

Come on, are you ready.

- But not realistic.

- Oh don't worry, I'll be real gentle.

Why, this'll hurt me more than it does you.

[groaning]

[groaning]

[punches landing]

All right, burn 'em.

Come on, on your feet, come on.

Now burn 'em all.

All right, now, you get going.

Come on, on your horse.

Now you tell your captain

that you met up with Jess Miller, go on.

[g*n firing]

Ya-ooh.

[laughing]

[birds chirping]

Oh, don't sh**t, sir, I mean you no harm.

- I'll be the judge of that.

- Why he was gonna tack my face up on

every tree along the road.

And me as innocent as a newborn babe.

- Innocent of what, may I ask?

- Horse stealing, sir.

- I see, and your name?

- Jess Miller, sir, here's my calling card.

I'm afraid it's a little charred around the edges.

- Hmm, your picture is burned off.

I trust it did you justice.

- No, sir, it didn't.

It made my two nice, honest eyes come together

like two whole cakes on a griddle.

[laughing]

- You have a ready wit, fellow.

It may lighten the tedium of my journey.

You go to Natchez?

- Well, sir, I'd go anywhere with a gentleman wearing

rich clothes like yours, and riding a blooded mare.

- You know, fellow, I'm drawn to you.

So I must watch you.

- You go ahead and watch, sir.

[birds chirping]

After you, sir.

- There's room for us both.

And, since we're both Christian gentlemen,

there's no need for you to sir me.

You may call me Jim.

- Jim?

- [John] My name is Jim Bowie.

- Not, not the Jim Bowie?

- Is there more than one?

- Oh no, sir, no.

You should know that?

[singers humming theme]

[crickets chirping]

- You haven't eaten a thing, Mr. Bowie.

Wouldn't you like a little jerky?

- Thy need is greater than mine.

- Well, a man has to keep up his strength, you know.

- There are times when my strength comes

from other sources, the planets.

I'm guided, son.

My hand is guided too.

That sapling yonder, the birch.

About the girth of a man's neck, see it?

- Yes, sir.

Why you're a marvel with that knife, Mr. Bowie, sir.

I mean, Jim, a marvel.

- I invented it.

And harky see, son,

I could split your windpipe at twice the distance.

If I thought you meant me ill.

[laughing]

[singers humming theme]

- [Jim Voiceover] One thing I was sure of now.

I was with a madman.

My one chance to win his confidence

was to pretend to be as mad as he was.

[laughing]

- You know, Jim, that might just as well

have been your windpipe.

- So it might, son, so it might.

I knew you had the true grit

the moment I clamped eyes on you.

Here's one, I said, one for the brotherhood.

- Brotherhood?

- Have you never heard of John Morel

and his mystic brotherhood of fellows and followers?

He's my master.

- Well, uh, I have heard of him, but, uh,

I never have known what they stand for.

- Stand for?

Why to strike the shackles off the oppressed,

to free mankind.

- To free mankind?

Man, that's a real worthy cause, Jim.

That's a cause I'd be proud to join.

- Think, son, think twice before you commit yourself.

That blade, has it ever been baptized?

- Baptized?

- Blood.

- Blood?

Oh, well, uh,

yes, there was a fellow once in Memphis.

And his purse was as full as his belly.

And mine was empty, I mean my purse as well as my belly.

So, k-ki.

- You'll do.

- [Jim Voiceover] We rode into Natchez next morning,

and my heart was in my throat

for fear that someone would recognize me.

[soft theme music]

- Good morning, gentlemen?

- Morning, Judge.

[singers humming theme]

We'll breakfast here, and then push on.

- Anything you say, Jim.

- He's the true grit, Miller,

a fighter from the word go.

- I believe you, but tell me, what does he fight for?

What's his purpose?

- Purpose?

Why, to excite all the poor to rebellion

in the holy name of justice.

To rise, to strike.

And while the carnage is on, we move in.

- We do, who?

- You, me, his trusted lieutenants and dozens like us.

We loot and plunder from those who have

for those who have not.

Dollars, Miller, dollars for the w*r chest.

We gather up jewels and silver, money and gold,

the lifeblood of a new nation.

That's Morel's purpose.

- Why, Jim, you must be real close to him.

- Close?

I am closer to him right now than I am to you.

- You mean that, it's you?

- That's right, Miller, I am John Morel.

- Well dog my cats.

If you're John Morel,

why do you go around using the name of Jim Bowie?

- Why not?

It's just a name, the man's a nobody.

- He is?

- Of course, he's no better than Henry Clay, is he?

Or Sam Houston or Davy Crockett, I've used all their names.

- You've got a point there.

- They're nobodies, understand, nobodies.

Not fit to wax my boots.

- I think I understand.

- Good, it's important that you do, because right now,

you're a candidate for the brotherhood and harky, son,

it won't be easy, you'll have to prove your mettle.

- I'm ready, Mr. Morel.

- That's the spirit.

And now to horse, my men are waiting.

- If you'll excuse me,

my horse has a loose shoe.

I'll go get a nail put in it.

- Go right ahead.

- While you settle the score.

- [Jim Voiceover] My scheme was going fine,

and now if everything worked out as planned,

Constable Roget should be waiting for me

in the blacksmith's shop.

- What happened?

Is he the man, or did I take a beating for nothing?

- I'm sorry about that, but he's the man, all right.

And he'd k*ll me as soon as look at me.

Now, Roget, I want you to get some help and follow us.

- Thank you.

Judge, it was nice to see you.

- Say, what's the matter with Bowie?

He didn't answer my greeting.

- Oh, he's new in these parts, he doesn't know that--

Who did you say?

- Why, the man you are riding with, Jim Bowie.

- You know him?

- Mm-hmm.

- You saw him, plain?

- Why certainly, as plain as I see you.

- How curiously things work out.

When one is guided.

- I'll keep dropping these for you to follow.

- Oui.

- But keep your distance, understand?

- Mm-hmm.

- And when this is all over,

I'll give you a chance to get even.

- Yeah, merci.

- Fine.

- All ready?

- All ready for you, Jim.

- Good, then I'm ready for you.

[singers humming theme]

- Here we are, Miller, end of the road.

[singers humming theme]

Greetings, brother.

He's a mute, dumb, but not simple.

Just as I am simple but not dumb.

Come on.

[birds chirping]

Take the horses round back.

See to them, then come in.

- Surprises you, doesn't it?

Well, I have more surprises for you, brother?

Come in.

Gentlemen, I want you to meet a newfound

candidate, Jess Miller.

He deals in horses.

- Well.

- Ned Henshaw, banker. - Howdy.

- And Ed Farley. - Howdy.

- Nice to know you.

- He prints money.

- Prints? Oh.

- Mr. Miller here is astonished

at the luxury of our appointments.

- That I am.

That chandelier kind of knocks your eye out, doesn't it?

- [John] I'll wager it knocked the governor's eye out

when he found it missing from his mansion.

[laughing]

- It's not rightly installed yet, Mr. Miller.

We haven't had it long.

- Oh.

These paintings, and this rug,

why, man, you couldn't buy these things

with a blue-nosed mule.

- Oh, they're just trifles, trifles light as air.

That we pick up along the way and sell for hard,

round dollars to serve our holy purpose.

Like this, for instance,

a little token of esteem from a lady in New Orleans.

It was awarded me for valor,

beyond the call of duty.

What's this?

What's that?

- It's a bag of shot, sir.

I helped some poor soldier carry it,

and well, I neglected to give it back to him.

- Hang it someplace else.

This peg is for my saddlebags.

- Who's the lady in New Orleans, sir?

Or is that a secret?

- I have no secrets from the brothers.

The lady is a rich widow,

who at this moment fancies herself

to be the wife of one Jim Bowie.

[laughing]

Doesn't she, Mr. Bowie?

Easy, friend, fast as you are

with that knife, a b*llet is faster.

Gentlemen, we have a spy in our midst.

You made a fatal mistake in not answering

Judge Padgett's greeting this morning.

Stay where you are, Williams,

and don't scatter that shot until I give you the word.

There'll be a lot of sh**ting, Mr. Bowie,

when I give the word.

Over the length and breadth of three whole states,

my men are armed, they await only my word

to rise and strike.

The meek, Bowie, the meek shall inherit the Earth.

- And you'll inherit the meek, won't you, brother?

That's your holy purpose.

Why there's no brotherhood in you, Morel.

Only hate, hate for your country

and for the men who've made it great.

That's why you go around using the names of men

like Clay and Houston and Crockett.

I tell you why.

Because inside of you, deep down inside of you,

you'd give anything to be just like them.

- I'll have your tongue for that.

- Not til I've finished using it.

All right.

You're not the first man who ever tried to play God.

And you won't be the last.

But their luck always runs out.

Just as yours is running out right now.

Go on, tell your man to trigger that scatter g*n.

I may just have time to sh**t you first.

Go on, give your life for your cause,

if you've got the grit.

I don't believe you have.

No? Well then tell him to throw it out the door.

Go on, tell him right now, before I pull this trigger.

- Do as he says, Williams.

- Now turn around, you, face the door.

[hooves beating]

Well listen to that, all of you.

Looks like we got company coming.

Now stand perfectly still.

I want you all to be on your very best behavior.

[g*n firing]

[punches landing]

[groaning]

[chandelier jingling]

[grunting]

[punches landing]

[singers humming theme]

- [Jim] Well, Captain, who's gonna return the necklace

to Madame Renault, you or me?

- Oh, h*, Bowie, you are incorrigible.

This necklace is a police matter strictly.

You know, I don't understand.

Why do people follow someone like Morel?

What makes him a leader?

- Same thing that made a leader out of men like

Alexander the Great, Genghis Khan, Napoleon.

They all had that, well,

whatever it takes to make other men follow them.

And Morel has it.

- It is just human nature, I suppose, huh,

that some men lead and others must follow.

You can't stop it.

- Well I'll tell you one thing.

I got a notion I'll meet up with Mr. Morel again one day.

Then I'll stop him.

♪ Jim Bowie, Jim Bowie

♪ He was a fighter, a fearless and mighty adventuring man ♪