04x06 - Lumpus vs. the Volcano/Nursemaster

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

♪ We-e-ll ♪

♪ Howdy, partners ♪

♪ Howdy to you ♪

♪ Bet you're feeling hungry ♪

♪ You know that we do ♪

♪ Well, my name is

Deputy doodle doo ♪

♪ Make the best frozen dinners

Especially for you ♪

♪ But if you don't believe me or

You think it's a lie ♪

♪ There she blows ♪

♪ Try our chicken pot pie ♪

Big old chunks of chicken

With gravy all wrapped up in a

Deep-dish, prairie-style pie.

♪ But if you don't believe me or

You think it's a lie ♪

♪ There she blows ♪

♪ Try our chicken pot pie ♪

Available in your frozen-food

Section.

Additional gravy sold

Separately.

Get some now.

Lumpus: will do.

[ Laughing ]

Yum, yum, yum!

Ha ha ha!

There she blows.

Ooh, howdy doodle.

Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[ Tires screech ]

♪ Try the chicken pot pie ♪

[ Laughs ]

Slinkman: oh, finally.

There he is.

Uh, scoutmaster.

Lumpus: huh?

Slinkman: did you forget

About today's ceremony where we

All sacrifice our favorite foods

To the spirit of the great

Volcano?

Lumpus: oh, right.

Mt...head wound.

Slinkman: mt. Blackhead.

Lumpus: whatever.

Well, a favorite food, huh?

I'll be back in a jiff.

[ Whistling ]



[ Singsong voice ] I'll be

Waiting.

Slinkman: scoutmaster, we're

Waiting on you, sir.

Lumpus: all right already!

Heh.

Let's see, what do we got here?

Broccoli, brussels sprouts.

Ha ha, that'll do.

Slinkman: oh, great

Mt. Blackhead, you've not blown

Your top for over 1,000 years

Because every year, we

Camp kidneyans sacrifice our

Favorite foods to you.

[ Drumming ]

Lazlo, are you ready to make

Your offering?

Lazlo: mm-hmm.

[ Groans ]

Bana-a.

[ Splash ]

Raj: I reluctantly sacrifice

My marshmallows.

[ Drumming ]

What a waste of marshmallows.

What does a volcano know about

It?

Slinkman: ah-ah, don't upset

The spirit.

Clam?

Clam: okay.

Uh, shrimp c*ck.

Uh, volcano spirit?

In case you're not feeling well,

Chewable vitamins!

Skip: we sacrifice our

Envelopes 'cause we like the way

They taste.

Chip: I'll miss you.

Lumpus: yeah, not a lot of

Time here.

Out of the way, kids.

Okay, I'm ready to sacrifice.

Slinkman: first tell us what

It is and why you're sacrificing

It.

Lumpus: uh...

[ Drumming ]

...i proudly sacrifice my

Favorite sammy, broccoli and

Brussels sprouts on wheat.

Form me to you.

Sayonara.

[ Laughs ]

What?

Slinkman: your favorite s--

Lumpus: yes, my favorite

Sandwich is a broccoli and --

[ Gasps ]

Shh!

[ Alarm ticking, dings ]

♪ Doodily doodily doo ♪

Bon app\tit, mr. Volcano head.

Ooh!

Hey, doesn't this come with a --

[ Squeals ]

A deputy doodle bib.

Ah ha ha ha ha.

[ Rumbling ]

Slinkman: uh-oh.

Lazlo: is the spirit of the

Volcano mad at us?

Slinkman: okay, kids, no need

To panic.

Everyone calmly descend the

Vol--

[ Screaming ]

Lumpus: hey, where'd you go?

I didn't know they were this

Fresh.

Oh, pie!

Come back here, pie.

No fair.

[ Screaming ]

Watch it, you.

You wreck my pot pie, I wreck

Your life.

Edward: she's gonna blow!

Both: best field trip ever!

Slinkman: now, everybody,

Stay calm.

Lumpus: 'scuse me, chiefy.

You almost stepped in my pie.

Slinkman: oh, excuse me, sir.

Lazlo: mr. Slinkman!

Mt. Blackhead erupting must mean

That someone didn't give the

Volcano his favorite food.

Slinkman: that's true, lazlo.

But who?

Hold it, mister.

Is that your favorite food?

Lumpus: what, this?

[ Laughs ]

Oh, this is a -- a football.

Go long, slinky.

It's a smart new hat?

[ Drumming ]

All right, you got me.

I didn't give mt. Hothead my

Favorite food.

I'll be right back.

Slinkman: you can't fool

Mother nature, sir.

Are we gonna die?

Slinkman: yes.

But not today.

Put some hustle into it, sir!

Lumpus: all right, I heard

You the first time.

Sheesh!

Stupid volcano.

This orange thing will do.

Asparagus -- blech.

Who would eat such nonsense?

I'll be right back.

Oh, I love it when you do that.

There, you happy?

My favorite food.

♪ Ahala-makalaka-ding-dong ♪

I'm sorry.

Your sorry is but a passing

Wind through the valley of

Broken promises.

Lumpus: who said that?

It is i, the great spirit of

The volcano.

Lumpus: it talks!

[ Screaming ]

Aah!

It is because of your

Selfishness that the fate of

Your people rests on your weak

Shoulders.

Lumpus: [ muttering ]

Aah!

What does thou want from me, o

Belch of fire, sir?

Since you cannot be truthful,

You must prove your worthiness

By performing a sacred task.

Lumpus: sacred task?

Begin by patting your head.

Lumpus: okay.

Now rub your tum-tum.

Lumpus: like this?

Very good.

Now strip down to your underwear

And get on that unicycle.

Lumpus: underwear, unicycle?

What unicycle?

That one.

Lumpus: oh.

Slinkman: I still don't think

He threw in his favorite food.

Raj: I did not know he was so

Talented.

Very good, antlered one with

Large nostrils.

Now repeat this -- seven seasick

Sailors sailed the seven seas.

Lumpus: seven seaside...

[ Muttering ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Clears throat ]

If you could only see what you

Look like.

[ Laughs ]

Lumpus: yeah, har har.

All right, you've had your

Laugh.

I did your stupid task.

Now put a lid on it!

See you next year.

Wait a minute, impatient one!

Lumpus: easy, pal, I've got

An appointment with

Deputy doodle doo.

Stop your moccasins.

Lumpus: what?

I did your task.

Now you won't erupt, right?

The task was to prove your

Worthiness and to have a little

Fun at your expense.

Lumpus: all right, so what?

You had your fun.

I know what your favorite

Food is.

Lumpus: you do?

Yes, mr. Doodly doo.

Bring me your chicken pot pie.

Lumpus: never.

You'll never get my pot pie!

Never!

Lazlo: wow, mr. Slinkman.

I think he means it.

Slinkman: we just got to get

That pot pie out of his hands.

The volcano won't rest till we

Do.

[ Drumming ]

Thank you, clam.

Let's get that deputy doodle

Doo-doo.

Lumpus: [ muttering ]

I'm back.

Whoo!

Slinkman: [ gasps ]

Both: [ gasp ]

Slinkman: you know the only

Way to get the volcano to stop

Erupting is to throw in your pot

Pie.

[ Drumming ]

Lumpus: oh, yes, how selfish

Of me.

Must have slipped my mind.

You just lead the way.

Now...doodly doo.

[ Rumbling ]

Slinkman: lumpus, unhand that

Pie.

Lumpus: [ grunting ]

Slinkman: all right, all

Right, boys.

We're gonna have to do this

Rationally.

Clam: rationally.

Lumpus: ooh ooh ooh ooh.

[ Laughs ]

[ Birds chirping ]

Well, howdy, partner.

Lumpus: howdy to you.

Bet you're feeling hungry.

Lumpus: you know that I do.

Slinkman: come on, boys,

Pull!

Lazlo: let go!

All: [ cheering ]

Lumpus: [ muttering ]

Chicken pot pie.

What a big, beautiful pot pie.

[ Laughs ]

[ Splash ]

[ Belches ]

[ Belches ]

Raj: thar she blows!

Lumpus: [ screaming ]

The great spirit is

Satisfied.

Ask the weak one with glasses if

He has antacid.

Slinkman: that is real nice

Of you scouts to get

Scoutmaster lumpus a doodly doo

Pie.

Raj: yeah, he really seems to

Like them.

Lazlo: aw, heck.

It's the least we could do.

[ Bells ring ]

Congratulations.

We have a winner on aisle five.

Hey, little buckaroos.

You're the one-millionth hombre

To buy one of my delicious pies.

All: deputy doodle doo!

And you three just won a

Starring role in my new

Commercial.

All: we've never been on tv

Before!

We'll be right back with

Judge shafrenick after these

Messages.

Lazlo: ♪ we-ll ♪

Raj: ♪ howdy, partners ♪

Lazlo: ♪ howdy to you ♪

Clam: ♪ I bet you're feeling

Hungry ♪

All: ♪ you know that we do ♪

Lumpus: ah, shut your pie

Hole.

Lumpus: hyah!

Never mind the paper, never mind

The plastic.

Just ring up yonder pie

Fantastic.

Your total is $1.83, ma'am.

Oh, my.

Do you take checks here, young

Man?

Lumpus: what?!

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

Slinkman: more salt,

Scoutmaster?

Lumpus: oh, thank you,

Slinkman.

[ Squeaking ]

Is this seat taken?

Lumpus: slinkman!

Slinkman: this is the master

Table.

Only people with the word

"Master" in their job title can

Sit here.

How comeyou get to sit here?

Slinkman: I'm standing.

Lumpus: nurses sit with

Everybody else.

[ Belching ]

Skip: [ coughing ]

Ah-choo!

Ah-choo!

Edward: [ laughs ]

[ Belches ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Please don't ask me to sit

Over there.

Lumpus: all right, nursey, I

Won'task.

[ Laughs ]

Lazlo: how are you,

Nurse leslie?

[ Sighs ]

Underappreciated.

Lazlo: we appreciate you.

Don't we, clam?

Please don't.

Lazlo: you know what, guys?

Nurse leslie makes lunchtime

Fun.

Raj: yes, and his laughter

Sounds like crying.

Lazlo: too bad he feels

Underappreciated.

Clam: poor nursey.

[ Tires squeal ]

Oh, hi, lazlo.

Lazlo: hi, patsy.

Raj: what the heckare those

Things?

Oh, haven't you ever seen a

Scoocharound before?

Oh, I forgot.

Camp kidney doesn't have

Anything.

[ Giggling ]

Lazlo: we have somethingyou

Don't have.

That's impossible.

Lazlo: we have nurse leslie.

So do we.

Actually, we...

[ Whispering ]

Really?!

Jane, this is patsy.

We have a problem.

[ Tires screech ]

[ Telephone rings ]

[ Squeaking ]

Acorn flats just offered me a

Fortune to go be their nurse.

Lumpus: fine.

Good riddance.

I'd rather stay.

Lumpus: great.

Welcome aboard.

New employees get minimum wage,

No benefits, no vacation, blah,

Blah, blahbity bloo bloo blam.

That sounds fine.

I just want a new title,

Something like nursemaster.

Lumpus: hang on.

What?!

There's only one master at

Camp kidney --

Scoutmaster lumpus.

Well, acorn flats, here I

Come.

Raj: how can he leave us?

Clam: lunch buddy!

Lazlo: he thinks camp kidney

Doesn't care about him.

Hey, I've got an idea.

If we show him how much

Camp kidney cares, he'll never

Leave us.

Raj: but camp kidney doesn't

Care.

Lazlo: no, butwe care, raj.

Raj: we do?

Oh, yes, we do.

I'm taking my bandages, my

Lollipops, and my instruction

Manual for the x-ray machine

'Cause that thing is really

Dangerous.

And I'm going where I'll be

Appreciated.

Lazlo: we appreciate you.

And as a token of our

Appreciation, you're invited to

The grand opening of the

Brand-new nurse's lounge.

The nurse's lounge?

Lazlo: the nurse's lounge!

But this isyour cabin.

Lazlo: and that means it's

Time for your beauty makeover.

Raj: starting with a face

Wax.

Ooh!

This feels great.

Raj: hold still.

Jumping jiminy, that tingles.

What's next?

Lazlo: uh...

Clam: hot towel.

That feels good.

Don't know why I haven't done

This before.

How long do I keep this on?

Raj: until the tingling

Stops?

Lazlo: we're taking the towel

Off, nurse leslie.

Go for it.

Give me a mirror.

I'm feeling pretty.

Lazlo: come back,

Nurse leslie!

Thanks for caring, guys, but

Acorn flats pays really well,

And they let me keep my face!

So long.

Lumpus: and he wanted to be a

Nursemaster.

More like nurse loser.

Slinkman: he was our only

Nurse.

Lumpus: we don't need a

Nurse.

No one here ever gets sick

Anyway.

[ Coughing, gasping ]

Slinkman: sir?

Lumpus: slinkman, I don't

Feel so good.

[ Coughing ]

Lazlo: scoutmaster lumpus,

Shouldn't we call nurse leslie?

Lumpus: now, why do I need

That loser?

You three losers can do a better

Job.

Anyway, it's all done with these

Fancy medical-like gizmos.

Like this, for instance.

I'm sure this can fix me.

What is it?

Lazlo: an x-ray machine.

Lumpus: how does it work?

Lazlo: nurse leslie would

Know.

Raj: yes, give him a call,

Why don't you?

Clam: call nurse leslie.

[ Beeping ]

Lumpus: see, I feel great.

And you wanted to call

Nurse leslie.

Slinkman...

Where's my food?

Slinkman: chef mcmuesli

Didn't come in today.

Lumpus: why not?

Slinkman: well, sir, he's

Afraid you're gonna get him

Sick.

Lumpus: ah-choo!

You don't think I'm sick, do

You, slinkman?

Slinkman: we all do, sir.

Lazlo: scoutmaster lumpus!

Raj: you're a very sick man!

Lazlo: you need to call

Nurse leslie!

Lumpus: and make him

Nursemaster?!

Never!

I'm not sick.

[ Retching ]

Lazlo: I wish nurse leslie

Was here.

Clam: poor nurse leslie.

[ Slurping ]

[ Sighs ]

Raj: I'm sure he misses us,

Too.

Lazlo: why won't lumpus hire

Him back?

Both: hmm.

Raj: maybe lumpus isn't sick

Enough.

Lazlo: he looks really bad.

Raj: I know somebody who

Looks worse.

[ Groaning ]

Ah-choo!

Who took my medicine?

Lazlo: scoutmaster lumpus

Took them.

Scoutmaster lumpus?

Doesn't he know how sick I am?

Raj: why don't you show him?

Lazlo: up close...

Clam: uh, and personal.

Lumpus: [ groaning,

Retching ]

Scoutmaster lumpus?

Lumpus: go away!

Not without my medicine.

Lumpus: what?

Can't you see I'm busy?

[ Retches ]

Can't you see I'm a walking

Health hazard?

Without my medicine, I'm not

Responsible for whatever my --

Ah-- ah-- ah-choo!

[ Laughs ]

Lumpus: ay!

[ Laughs ]

Slinkman?

Slinkman?

Slinkman?

[ Laughs ]

[ Smooches ]

[ Both laugh ]

[ Laughter ]

Lumpus: [ groaning ]

Slinkman! Slinkman! Slinkman!

Slinkman! Slinkman!

[ Laughter ]

Lumpus: aah!

What is happening to me?

[ Humming ]

Lumpus: nurse leslie!

Help me, nurse leslie!

I'm hideous!

[ Sobbing ]

Sorry.

You're confusing me with someone

Who feels appreciated.

Lumpus: you're right, I don't

Appreciate you, but I need you

To make me better.

So, how about it, nursey?

How about it, who?

Lumpus: nurse leslie?

Nurse what?

Lumpus: nurse...

Master.

Slinkman! Slinkman! Slinkman!

Slinkman!

[ Laughter ]

[ Air whistling ]

Say "ahh."

[ Laughter ]

[ Laughs ]

Lumpus: back to my old self

Again.

Thank you, nursemaster.

Let's get you back to

Camp kidney where you belong.

Can't wait.

All: but what about us?

Sorry, ladies, but it's

Really boring here.

Nobody ever gets sick.

Oh, yeah.

That makes sense.

Of course.

He's got a point.

Slinkman: more salt,

Scoutmaster?

Lumpus: oh, thank you,

Slinkman.

Slinkman: more salt,

Nursemaster?

Thanks, slinkman.

Excuse me, is this seat

Taken?

Both: slinkman!

Lumpus: hyah!

Never mind the paper, never mind

The plastic.

Just ring up yonder pie

Fantastic.

Your total is $1.83, ma'am.

Oh, my.

Do you take checks here, young

Man?

Lumpus: what?!