05x02 - Penny for Your Dung/Baby Bean

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Laughter ]

Skip: would you mind passing

The salt, my dear fellow?

Chip: my pleasure.

[ Chomping ]

[ Clank ]

Skip: hey!

Both: penny!

Chip: we're rich!

Both: ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Edward: what in the woods?

Let me guess, it's the dung

Beetle ballet.

Skip: [ laughs ]

You're funny, edward.

Chip: we found a penny.

Skip: now we're rich and have

Economic powers.

Chip: we're gonna buy stuff,

Like a tropical fish.

Skip: and a reodorant.

Chip: and a magic carpet with

A mansion on it.

Skip: ooh, I know!

Let's buy a camel.

Chip: oh, a camel!

[ Laughing ]

Raj: please, no running in

The store.

Skip: we want to buy...

Chip: a camel.

Raj: exactly how do you plan

On financing this?

Chip: with this.

[ Cricket chirps ]

Raj: nothing buys nothing, my

Friend.

Skip: penny?

Chip: the penny is gone!

[ Panting ]

Both: we lost our penny!

[ Crying ]

Chip: here, this will help us

Find our penny.

Skip: holding a magazine?

That's amazing.

Chip: no, dum-dum.

On the page.

It's a finding machine.

Skip: me...tal de...tector.

Looks expensive.

But when it comes to getting our

Penny back, money is no object.

Chip: I object!

What?

Your package says "special

Delivery."

Chip: special.

Skip: delivery.

Chip: special, special.

Skip: delivery, delivery.

Chip: special, special,

Special, special.

Special enough?

Skip: okay, stop.

Now we'll find our penny.

Chip: and live happily ever

After.

And that's where babies come

From.

Skip: penny in their pants!

Chip: no penny.

Just belt buckles.

Summer camp builds character.

[ High-frequency squeal ]

Chip: we found our penny.

Skip: clam, say ah.

Clam: ahhh.

Skip: I don't see it, but

It's got to be there.

It's only teeth.

Let's try over there.

[ High-pitched squeal ]

Skip: penny!

Chip: no, no penny here.

Penny?

Did you find the penny?

Skip: no.

Chip: it's time to get

Serious.

Set the magnet to overdrive.

We've got a bite.

Ahh!

Chip: I don't think this

Magnet works.

Both: penny! Penny!

Wow, the dungs really love

That penny.

Skip: we got metal in here.

Chip: no.

Raj: they'll destroy the

Whole camp.

No place is safe from those

Doodies.

Clam: marshmallow?

Lazlo: that's it.

Raj: lazlo, what is this

Place?

It smells delicious.

Lazlo: you've heard of

A gingerbread house?

This is a marshmallow house.

It's the only safe place from

Chip and skip's metal detectors.

Raj: ah, yes.

That's pretty clever.

Lazlo: that's why I asked you

To remove all your metal ob--

Raj, don't do that!

Raj: what?!

Lazlo: that's a load-bearing

Marshmallow.

You'll collapse the whole cabin.

Raj: [ gulps ] sorry.

Lazlo: now, we've got to

Decide what to do about chip and

Skip.

If they're not stopped, they may

Destroy the whole world.

But what canwe do?

Edward: we can hit them!

It's always worked for me.

Lazlo: let's try to think of

Something nonviolent.

Edward: then I got nothing.

Ooh, me! Pick me!

Lazlo: the chair recognizes

Samson.

We can pay them off with a

Million dollars.

You know, a bribe.

I got to admit, that's a good

Idea.

It's genius.

Lazlo: okay, everyone empty

Your pockets and we'll collect a

Million dollars.

Edward: I'm tapped out.

Lazlo: and all I've got is

This penny.

Hey, I know what we'll do.

Edward: we'll hit them with

Your penny.

Lazlo: no, we'll give them my

Penny and say it's the one they

Lost.

You mean, in addition to the

Million dollars?

Lazlo: no, samson.

Raj, put back that marshmallow!

Raj: what?

Sorry.

Both: penny!

Penny!

Yoo-hoo, penny!

Penny, penny!

Penny, where are you?

Lazlo: hello?

Hello?

Skip? Chip?

Are you guys down there?

Where's the other one?

Skip: this better be good.

Lazlo: itis good.

Check it out.

I found your penny.

You were right to covet it.

It's a beauty.

Chip: let's see.

What do you think?

Skip: hmm, not bad.

But not good.

It's a fake.

Lazlo: what?

But how do you know?

Skip: our penny had a picture

Of abraham lincoln on it.

Lazlo: that penny has a

Picture of abraham lincoln on

It.

Skip: our abraham lincoln had

An eye patch.

Chip: and a banjo.

Keep your phony penny.

Skip: how dumb does he think

We are?

Both: [ snoring ]

Who's there?!

Lazlo: it's me,

Abraham lincoln.

Howdy doody.

Chip: is this my dream or is

It yours?

Skip: I think it might be his

Dream.

Lazlo: listen up.

It was noble of you two to look

For the penny, but you can stop

Now.

It's in washington.

The government needed it for

Taxes.

Edward: attention, I cannot

Tell a lie.

Forget about that penny or I'll

Chop you down.

Chip: who are you?

Edward: george washington.

Lazlo: washington isn't on a

Penny.

Edward: how do you know?

Lazlo: everyone knows that.

Duh.

Lazlo: samson, why are you

Dressed as santa claus?

'Cause the camp store was out

Of frankenstein costumes.

That's right.

I got the last one.

President frankenstein says stop

Looking for the penny.

Hey, dave, you stole my idea.

h*, h*, h*.

Go jump in the sleigh.

Edward: get back on the

Quarter, abe.

Lazlo: you're on the quarter.

Just look at penny.

It's obviously frankenstein.

Raj: e pluribus says...

Clam: sock it to me.

Raj: wait a minute, who are

You?

Out of the way, birdbrain.

Edward: don't make me use

This.

Chip: if this is a bad dream,

The noise is going to wake us

Up.

Skip: let's go sleep in a

Cold ditch.

[ "Taps" plays ]

Skip: what's happening?

Lazlo: it's a funeral for

Your penny.

Skip: but you can't have a

Funeral until the search is

Called off.

Lazlo: it was called off this

Morning.

Skip: by who?

Lazlo: president

Frankenstein.

Sorry for your loss.

Chip: well, my brother, what

Do you think?

Skip: about what?

Chip: I don't know.

Skip: how about this funeral?

Chip: it's okay.

Skip: it's okay with me, too.

It's okay, lazlo.

Lazlo: I'm sorry, chip, skip.

Dearly departed...

Both: [ crying ]

We are here today to say

Goodbye to a penny lost but not

Forgotten.

[ Crying continues ]

Skip: hey, the penny!

It's been in your butt crack the

Whole time!

Chip: happiness!

Quick, get it out.

[ Pop! ]

[ Clink ]

Skip: hey!

You've got another penny in

There.

Chip: ooh, ooh, ooh.

Get that one, too.

[ Pop! ]

[ Clink ]

Skip: and you have yet

Another one.

[ Pop! ]

[ Clink ]

[ Pop! ]

Edward: I've got to see a

Thing...about a thing.

[ Clink ]

Skip: you're like a piggy

Bank.

Chip: I've got an idea.

Pull my arm.

[ Bell dings ]

Raj: stop gunning the camel.

You'll flood it.

[ Tires screech ]

[ Crash ]

Chip: I'm okay.

Skip: I'm not.

Raj: well, we finally sold

That expensive, stinky camel.

Clam: stinky. P.u.

Lazlo: raj, how did the dungs

Pay for the camel?

Raj: with their piggy bank.

[ Farts ]

They wanted me to count the

Pennies, but I said no.

Clam: oh, yuck.

Lazlo: good idea, raj.

[ Farts ]

Chip: skip?

Skip: who said that?

Chip: who said what?

Skip: somebody said my name.

Chip: you must be hearing

Things.

Skip: I guess so.

Chip: skip?

Skip: there it is again.

Chip: just ignore it.

Do you think we will ever see

Our penny again?

Skip: I've been giving it a

Lot of thought, and [snoring]

Chip: thank you, skip.

I find your words comforting.

[ Snores ]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ L ♪

♪ A ♪

♪ Z-l-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o ♪

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o ♪

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee ♪

[ Glass breaking ]

Raj: [ laughing ]

Lazlo: what are we laughing

At, raj?

Raj: it's this thing -- my

Remote-control door opener.

My mommy sent it to me.

Lazlo: wow, that's great.

I don't get it.

Raj: it is really very

Simple.

With this device, I can open any

Door in camp.

Watch and learn.

The mess hall.

Lumpus' cabin, and the latrines.

Hey, I'm tinkling in here.

Lazlo: wow, raj, you're cool

Beans.

Clam: raj rocks.

Raj: no, with this device, I

Am outstanding and sensational!

[ Knock on door ]

Raj: I'll get it.

Package for raj.

[ Groaning ]

Don't bother tipping me.

I don't accept tips.

Raj: who said I was going to

Tip you?

Cheapskate.

[ Door closes ]

Lazlo: wow, raj.

Can clam and I help you open it?

Raj: that won't be necessary.

Lazlo: wow!

What is all this stuff?

Raj: the latest labor-saving

Devices on the market, like this

Turbocharged trunk buffer.

Ah ha ha ha!

Shiny, shiny.

Lazlo: what's this?

Raj: careful, this is a

No-hands underwear changer.

The clean undies are attached

Here.

You just put it in your pants

And ta-da!

You have clean skivvies on.

[ Laughs ]

Lazlo: what happens to your

Old underwear?

Raj: really, lazlo, it is

Called science.

Ahhh!

Clam!

Lazlo: wow, what's that?

Raj: it's my new mechanical

Spitting machine, and please

Hand it over.

Okay, you're forcing me to come

Over there.

Clam: spit...ouch!

Lazlo: raj, don't you think

You're taking these labor-saving

Devices a little too seriously?

Raj: what?

Lazlo: I'm really getting

Worried about raj and his

Labor-saving devices.

Clam: gads of gadgets.

Raj: I heard you with my

Eavesdropping device, and you'll

Be happy to know that I have

Given up all my gadgets for the

Sloth 5000 whole-caboodle bed.

It does everything for me.

Watch.

Combs my trunk, cleans my ear,

Brushes my teeth, and spins my

Prop.

[ Laughs ]

And it's also got the upgraded

Underwear changer.

Lazlo: that's good, but how

About going out for some fresh

Air?

Raj: no need.

I can get fresh air through this

Hose.

Lazlo: but you came to camp

For the outdoors.

Raj: yes, that's the best

Part.

Watch.

This baby's on wheels!

Both: beep, beep.

Raj: [ laughing ]

[ Crash ]

Edward: hey!



Raj: sorry.

[ Tires screech ]

Raj: [ laughing ]

Lazlo: water's nice today,

Eh, clam?

Raj: it's perfect!

Lazlo: swimming is a great

Workout, isn't it, clam?

Clam: uh, yeah, pumping

Water.

Raj: lazlo, clam, thank

Goodness you're back.

Would you be so kind as to pull

My covers off?

I'm hot.

Lazlo: why don't you just

Push one of your buttons?

Raj: for some reason, I can't

Seem to reach my buttons.

Lazlo: okay, whatever.

Raj, your arms, your legs --

They've shrunk from disuse.

Clam: wet noodles.

Raj: I am not worried.

They just need a few stretching

Exercises, that's all.

Simply push the red button

Now observe how a contemporary

Scout stretches in modern style.

Okay, that's enough exercise.

Oh, beans.

That's never happened before.

Don't worry, i-i'll think of

Something.

Lazlo: well?

Raj: [ grunting ]

I'm trying to think, but nothing

Happens.

Oh, I've got an idea.

Lazlo, would you mind pushing

The green button?

It's a thinking helmet.

It does my thinking for me.

I'm just going to space out

While my helmet finds the

Solution.

Lazlo: all right, while

You're doing that, clam and I

Are gonna walk outside and do

Some thinking with our own

Brains.

Raj: [ laughs ]

Okay, suit yourself.

Do it the hard way.

See you.

Lazlo: raj, we've been

Thinking, and -- raj?

Clam: uh, where'd he go?

Lazlo: his clothes are here.

Raj: wobisha!

Both: ahhh!

Raj is a baby!

Lazlo: his brain and muscles

Were so dormant, he regressed

Into a baby.

Clam: shrinkage.

Lazlo: wait, where's the

Manual for this contraption?

There's got to be something we

Can do.

Raj: [ babbling ]

[ Farting ]

Clam: put a diaper on?

Lazlo: wait, here it is.

If symptoms from continuous use

Invoke regression to an infant,

Discontinue use of

Sloth 5000 immediately.

User should return to normal

Within 24 hours.

[ Squeak ]

So, all we have to do is wait.

Clam: what if he does poopy?

[ Pooping sound ]

Too late.

Lazlo: right.

We don't know how to take care

Of a baby.

We need to get him to a

Responsible adult until this

Wears off.

Raj: [ babbling ]

Lazlo: hmm, responsible

Adult.

Who do we know?

Ahhh!

Lumpus: what?!

Are you chinese food delivery?

Lazlo: uh, hi,

Scoutmaster lumpus.

No, we bring you something

Better -- a bundle of joy that

Will fill your life with love

And happiness.

Lumpus: if it's not chinese

Food, I don't want it.

Lazlo: I think we need a more

Conventional approach.

Hey, stork.

Lumpus: what is it now?

Baby for algonquin c. Lumpus.

Lumpus: thanks.

Raj: [ crying ]

Slinkman: sir, I think I hear

A...

What is this?

Lumpus: oh, it's a baby.

They delivered it this morning.

Slinkman: sir, who delivered

It?

Lumpus: I don't know.

I was waiting for chinese food.

Slinkman: well, who does it

Belong to?

Lumpus: they delivered it to

Me, slinkman.

Doesn't that make me the owner

Of...what is this thing again?

Slinkman: a baby.

Lumpus: right.

First we have to figure out

Exactly what a baby is.

Slinkman: sir, a baby is like

A little person...

Who will one day grow up to be a

Big person.

Lumpus: mother of science,

What will they think of next?

Slinkman: here, watch over

Him until I can find out where

He came from.

Lumpus: what do you mean?

What do I do?

Slinkman: well, act kind of

Like his daddy until I get back,

Which, for the baby's sake, will

Be shortly.

Lumpus: his daddy?

I've never been a daddy before.

Yes, I'm your daddy.

Yes, I am.

[ Babbling ]

Yahh!

Ah, look at you, hanging on in

There like a little nose-hair

Hanger.

[ Laughs ]

Okay, little thing, daddy wants

His nose back.

There we go.

Raj: [ crying ]

Lumpus: no, no, don't cry.

What, are you hungry?

Here you go.

Yum, yum.

It's slinkman's lunch.

He won't mind, really.

No, no, no, no, no.

[ Crying continues ]

Ah, what is it now?

♪ Rock-a-bye, baby ♪

♪ The cradle falls down ♪

You like funny faces?

[ Crying continues ]

[ Grunting ]

Dahhh!

Raj: [ screaming ]

Lumpus: okay, maybe it's not

So funny.

[ Shouting ] wait here!!

[ Normal voice ] I mean, wait

Here.

Daddy needs some help.

Okay, I found a book that --

Holy beanstalk, you're growing!

Are you supposed to be sitting

Up already?

I mean...

Raj: marsh...mallow.

Lumpus: marshmallow!

Oh, your first word.

You said your first word.

Wait, let me get my camera.

Found it.

I think there's still some

Film --

[ Shouts ]

You've already taken your first

Step.

What have I done?

I've been so preoccupied, I'm

Missing your whole childhood.

Raj: want to play catch?

Lumpus: well, I don't know.

I'm a little busy.

Raj: can I watch tv?

Can I have some money?

Lumpus: now, wait a minute,

Young man.

Raj: I hate you!

Lumpus: what?

Son, wait!

Son, I'm sorry.

Son! Son!

I've been a poor excuse for a

Father.

[ Crying ]

Cats in the cradle.

Cats in the cradle!

Raj: now, that was weird.

Lumpus: son?

Raj: I think I'm going now.

Lumpus: going? But where?

Raj: back to camp and outdoor

Living.

I am through with gadgets.

Hi, mr. Slinkman.

Slinkman: hi, raj.

Lumpus: but -- b-but --

Slinkman: well, I think I

Found a place to --

Sir, where's the baby?

Lumpus: all grown up,

Slinkman.

He left for camp.

Like a bird, slinkman, leaving

The nest.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, finally, my chinese food.

Sheesh.

What is this?

Great, somebody left a box of

Junk on my porch.

Slinkman: actually, there's a

Note.

"Thanks for a wonderful

Childhood."

Lumpus: my son.

Slinkman: he left you a box

Of labor-saving gadgets.

Ha, here's an automatic

Underwear changer.

Lumpus: really?

Ooh, let me try.

Give me, give me, give me.

Slinkman: sir, I think you

Need to be careful.

Lumpus: whoa!

What else is here?

Ooh, a nose picker.

Slinkman: sir, I don't think

This is a good idea.

Lazlo: well, it's good to

Have you back, raj.

Raj: I think I will be

Changing my own underwear from

Now on.

Um, can I borrow yours in the

Meantime?

Lazlo: uh, sure, I guess.

Lumpus: [ babbling ]

Slinkman: yes, sir, we'll get

You to nurse leslie right away.

Chip: skip?

Skip: who said that?

Chip: who said what?

Skip: somebody said my name.

Chip: you must be hearing

Things.

Skip: I guess so.

Chip: skip?

Skip: there it is again.

Chip: just ignore it.

Do you think we will ever see

Our penny again?

Skip: I've been giving it a

Lot of thought, and [snoring]

Chip: thank you, skip.

I find your words comforting.

[ Snores ]