05x06 - Wedding Bell Blues/O Brother, Who Art Thou

[bunniefuu]

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee

[ Glass breaking ]

[ Wagner's "bridal chorus"

Plays ]

What's all the ruckus?

Ooh! A weddin'!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Oopsies! Sorry I'm late.

I just love weddin's!

Who's the lucky fella?

Lazlo: um,you are.

[ Gasps ]

Well, I'll be!

[ Plunk! Plop! ]

I'm coming, toots!

Slinkman: dearly beloved,

We're gathered here today to see

Our friends jane and manfred

Joined in loving matrimony.

If anyone present objects to

This union, speak now, or

Forever hold your piece.

>>I object, on account of he's

A-already married tome.

And me!

Me too!

Lumpus: ha!

Manfred, i-is this true?

Eh, could be.

My memory's not what it used to

Be.

Well, then, I'm sorry,

Manfred.

I can't marry you.

Aw, sh**t!

Well, could you do an old sea

Dog one last favor?

What's that?

Steer me towards the buffet!

Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

[ Sobbing ]

Lumpus: gee, how wonderfully

Awkward.

Miss doe, I am so sorry.

Ahem!

Lumpus: it's in the mail.

Now amscray fastay.

Oh, yes, I realize how pathetic

It looks to be left standing

Empty-handed at the altar, but I

Can get you out of this.

Elephant boy.

[ Feedback ]

Hit it, mucus!

[ Organ music plays ]

Now, jane.

♪ I know that I've been too

Soft-spoken ♪

♪ I see you, and my voice gets

Broken ♪

♪ But now, at last, my nerve has

Woke ♪

♪ I'm bending my knee

♪ I know that life is big and

Hairy ♪

♪ But it needn't be so scary

♪ Just think, if you and I were

Married how merry we'd be ♪

♪ Miss doe, please marry me,

Become mrs. Algonquin c. ♪

♪ What do you say, janeyyyy?

[ Music stops ]

Well...

[ Warble! ]

I'm confused...

And depressed...

So...

Yes!

Of course I'll marry you!

[ All cheer ]

Lumpus: oh, jane!

How wonderfully spontaneous!

This was totally unexpected.

Quick, trunky, give me the ring.

Raj: here it is.

Let me just shine it up for you.

[ Plunk! ]

[ Hum! ]

[ Tinkle! ]

[ Tinkle! ]

[ Tinkle! ]

[ Grunts ]

It's stuck!

Lumpus: what do you mean it's

Stuck?!

Raj: I don't know.

It's just not coming out.

Lumpus: one minute, dear.

Don't lose this moment.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Zip! ]

Drop it! Drop it!

Give it up!

Come on, give me my ring back!

Sneeze, boy, sneeze.

Raj: ah--

Lumpus: [ groans ]

All right. Follow my lead.

Now close your eyes.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Plunk! ]

Hmm?!

Raj: hmm!

Lumpus: it's, uh, in there

Somewhere.

Uh...what is?

Lumpus: the ring, my love --

The ringof love, of unrequited

Promise.

It's, uh...in the elephant's

Nose.

Do you like it, jane?

Well...it's, uh...

Ooh! It feels very nice.

Oh! Yes!

I love the ring, and I am never

Taking it off.

I don't care whose nose it's

Stuck in.

Lumpus: jane, dear, I'm gonna

Give you the wedding of my

Dreams.

[ Bells ring ]

Raj: um, miss doe?

Yes, raj?

Raj: is it true you're never

Going to take this ring off?

Well, of course I will!

[ Laughs ]

As soon as I get my wedding

Ring.

Lumpus: I know that for a

Wedding, the first order of

Business is the food.

Raj: [ laughing ]

You brought in a hardware-store

Catalog.

You are such a jokester.

You're not a jokester?

Lumpus: go ahead and check

Out page 38.

Birdseed?

Lumpus: but wait.

You haven't heard the best part

Yet.

Take three or four of these

Garbage cans, right, fill them

Up with leaves -- which won't

Cost us a dime -- light those

Suckers up, and -- boo!

Ambience.

Raj: scoutmaster, may I have

A word with my client?

Lumpus: client?

Raj: I grew up with 17 older

Sisters.

I think I know a thing or two

About weddings.

Lumpus: hmph.

Raj: [ whispering ]

Scoutmaster lumpus...

Um...we decided we like the

Catalog idea, but with a little

Different catalog.

Say hello to elegance.

Well, hello!

Raj: last year was very big

With blue, but this year,

Everybody's doing pink.

I would have never thought.

Raj: I know, and it works.

Hmm.

They are real crystal, jane.

Should we get them?

Lumpus: miss doe, may I speak

With youalone for a moment?

We have a tradition in our

Family, jane -- we use old jelly

Jars for glasses.

It's economical, homey --

Raj: [ laughing ]

Jelly -- jelly jars for glasses!

So, while they box up these

Crystal glasses, let's take a

Look-see at the flatware, shall

We?

Ooh!

Oh, this isso fun.

Lumpus: yeah, what a blast.

Plates.

Can't forget the plates.

Raj: porcelain or fine china?

Lumpus: either of you snobs

Ever heard of paper plates?

Who knew such beautiful

Flowers grew in the gobi desert?

Lumpus: hmph.

Gobi schmobi rare flowers.

Ooh!

And up here are the designer

Tuxedoes.

Wouldn't lumpy look good in

Purple silk?

Lumpus: aah!

[ Crash! ]

Ooh!

What a perfect place for a

Honeymoon.

Lumpus: wait a minute.

Stop it right there.

I've got the honeymoon covered.

Ooh, but, lumpus, you've got

To see this.

Raj: the gelato palazzo, a

Five-star hotel high in the

Alps.

The whole place is made of

Gourmet ice cream,

Italian-style.

Lumpus: no, no, no.

I've already made all the

Arrangements -- a nice, quiet

Romantic spot in the woods --

Lake prickly pine.

Raj: you mean leakey lake?

Lumpus: some people call it

That, yes.

Raj: love is not sold

Secondhand.

Lumpus: you stay out of this!

You've done enough damage for

One day!

Raj: I'm just making the

Happiest day of your life

Happier!

Lumpus: say, whose wedding is

This, anyway?

Mine.

Raj: gelato palazzo!

Lumpus: leakey lake!

Raj: gelato palazzo!

Lumpus: leakey lake!

Come on, jane.

Let's get happily married.

But -- but --

[ Both grunting ]

But my ring!

I am not letting go of my ring!

[ Clatter! ]

Lumpus: jane?

[ Tweet! Tweet! ]

Who turned out the lights?

Lumpus: raj?

Where's my fianc\e?

What have you done with her?

I'm in here!

Lumpus: well, get out of

There.

We're getting hitched in less

Than an hour.

I'm stuck.

Raj: [ chuckles ]

Lumpus: why is it that

Anything of any value to me ends

Up in that black-hole trunk of

Yours?!

That's it.

The wedding's canceled.

Raj: scoutmaster lumpus, we

Can still have a wedding.

Lumpus: how am I supposed to

Do that when my fianc\e is up

Your nose?!

[ Tires screech ]

Lazlo: they're here.

[ Wagner's "bridal chorus"

Plays ]

Slinkman: okay, everyone,

Please take your seats.

Lumpus: [ grumbles ]

Lazlo: nice tux, scoutmaster.

Lumpus: uh-huh.

[ Sour notes play, music stops ]

[ All gasp ]

Raj: hello.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Nice to see you.

Lumpus: come on, let's get

This over with.

Slinkman: sir, what is the

Meaning of this?

Where's miss doe?

Lumpus: um...stuck inside

Raj's nose.

Slinkman: what's that, sir?

Lumpus: stuck inside raj's

Nose.

Slinkman: sir, I still

Can't --

Lumpus: my bride is stuck up

The elephant's nose, okay?!

Slinkman: hm--

[ Creak! ]

[ Laughing ]

[ Laughter ]

Lumpus: oh, just forget the

Whole thing.

[ Sobbing ] oh, not again.

Lumpus: too good for jelly

Jars?

You and your flatware.

Raj: walking out on your own

Wedding, huh?

Lumpus: yeah, that's right.

Raj: you know, scoutmaster,

This day isn't about six-figure

Price tags and fianc\es stuck in

Noses.

Lumpus: it's not?

Raj: it's about two crazy

Kids stuck in a crazy world who

Are crazy about each other.

Lumpus: crazy...

You're right, boy in a dress.

Oh, miss doe?

Raj: come on, romeo.

Get in there and tell her in

Person.

Lumpus: jane, darling?

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Whoop. Here we go.

Move over, sweetie.

I know I've been beastly, but

Will you marry me, jane?

Oh, algonquin!

Of course I will.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Slinkman: well?

What's the word?

Raj: the wedding is...

On!

[ All cheer ]

[ Wagner's "bridal chorus"

Plays ]

Lumpus: come on, slinky!

Let 'er rip!

Slinkman: dearly beloved --

What?

Lumpus: speak up!

Slinkman: oh, uh, just a sec.

[ Snap! ]

[ Plunk! ]

Dearly beloved...

[ All cheering ]

[ Mendelssohn's "wedding march"

Plays ]

[ All cheer ]

Lumpus: oh, mrs. Lumpus, what

A perfect spot for a honeymoon.

[ Smooches ]

Would you like some more vanilla

Swirl?

Don't mind if I do, sweetie.

Lumpus: get lost, slinkman!

[ Smack! ]

Three's a crowd.

♪ But it wouldn't be so

Scary ♪

♪ If you would marry m-e-e-e

I know I've been
too soft-spoken ♪

♪ I see you, and my voice gets

Broken ♪

♪ But now, at last, my nerve has

Woke ♪

♪ I'm bending my knee

♪ I know that life is big and

Hairy ♪

♪ But it needn't be so scary

[ High-pitched ] ♪ if you would

Marry m-e-e ♪

Attention, campers.

It's time for camp lazlo.

♪ There were two scouts who

Made a friend ♪

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ L

♪ A

♪ Z-l-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ And then that trio went to

Camp ♪

♪ And turned it upside down-o

♪ L-a-z-l-o

Chip: l-a-z-l-o.

♪ L-a-z-l-o

♪ And lazlo was his name-o

♪ Yo-de-lay-ee

[ Glass breaking ]

Raj: mr. Slinkman! Help!

Slinkman: I'm coming, I'm

Coming.

Keep calling, scout.

Raj: help!

Slinkman: I hear you.

Scout? Are you in the outhouse?

Raj: why do they call it an

Outhouse...

Slinkman: oh, there's the

Problem -- a tongue depressor.

Raj: saved!

Clam: mr. Slinkman!

Mr. Slinkman! Help!

Slinkman: I'm coming, I'm

Coming.

Clam: help!

Slinkman: mucous membranes!

How did you ever get up there?

Clam: don't know.

Woke up here.

Slinkman: well, just hop on

To my eyestalks.

[ Zoom! ]

Slow down.

You're coming in too fa--

Clam: oh!

Slinkman: ohh...

Lazlo: mr. Slinkman!

Mr. Slinkman!

Slinkman: I'm coming, I'm

Coming.

Did somebody replace the

Flagpole with quicksand?

Lazlo: I was shoved from

Behind.

Slinkman: oh, good grammar!

Who is responsible for all this?

Edward: [ laughs maniacally ]

Slinkman: I am very

Disappointed in you, scouts.

Believe it or not, there used to

Be a time when camp kidney ran

Like a finely tuned watch.

Edward: did they even have

Watches back then, slinky?

[ Laughs ]

Slinkman: it was a summer

Similar to this one...

Except, back then, campers

Respected one another.

They stuck together, and

Everyone had a smile on their

Face.

So, here to help to bring back

That old camp kidney spirit are

Cheesley, alpine, fancy pants,

And philip.

Edward: [ gulps ]

Slinkman: these are edward's

Big brothers and camp kidney

Alumni.

[ Chuckling ] they're the

Greatest.

Hiya, slinky.

Good to see you again.

What up?

Slinkman: yeah, fellas.

Good to see you.

They help me run camp by the

Fine examples they set when they

Were campers four years ago, and

We should be thankful that

They've agreed to do the same

For you guys.

So, I'll leave you to it, then.

Thank you, mr. Slinkman.

Yeah, good to see yous.

Slinkman: [ whistling ]

[ Door opens, closes ]

Is he gone?

All right, listen up, people!

It's time to whip you sorry

Scouts into shape old-school.

Alpine, the nitwit radar.

Let's find ourselves a nitwit.

Boop...

Boop...

Boop...

Boop...

Boop...

Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop...

Boop-boop-boop-boop-boop --

Beep!

Edward: oh...

H-hey, fellas.

Oh. Hello, there, ed-wad.

Mom mentioned something about

You being at camp still.

Beep!

Edward: aah!

[ Groans ]

Come on, ed-wad.

Let's go play tetherball.

Edward: not tetherball! No!

Calm down, now, ed-wad.

This will only take a second.

Edward: n-o-o!

Now, to help put down the law

Around here, ed-wad here has

Volunteered to show us the

Proper way to play tetherball.

Chip: I thought wewere

Playing it right.

Watch and learn.

[ Crack! Crank! ]

Eddie: [ gags ]

[ Clang! ]

[ Whistle! ]

[ Whip! ]

If any one of you even so

Much aslooks at us wrong...

Edward: aaa-aaa-aaa-aah!

Aaah!

...you get to play us at

Tetherballour way.

Any questions?

Skip: no.

That's definitelynot how we

Play tetherball.

Cabin lockdown, people.

Now!

[ All shouting indistinctly ]

Slinkman: 303 --

[ Knock on door ]

Knockety-knock.

Um...mr. Slinkman, sir?

Slinkman: ah, yes.

Hello, boys.

Come in.

What can I do for you?

We were just wondering if

There was anything else you'd

Like us to help you with while

We're here.

Slinkman: well, what about

The campers?

I need you to set an example

And keep them from getting

Into --

Wow. You guys are fast.

Well, I guess you're on your own

Time now.

Thank you, sir.

We'll make sure to still stay on

Top of things.

Oh, and, mr. Slinkman?

Yes, cheesley?

Do you think

Scoutmaster lumpus would mind if

We paid him a visit?

Slinkman: I'm sure he'd be

Thrilled to see you.

I'm sure he will.

Slinkman: [ humming ]

Edward: [ groans ]

6 Serving 5.

Edward: [ grunting ]

I just love tetherball!

Yep.

Lucky we found this one.

What are the odds of that?

[ Pbhhht! ]

I hate tetherball!

Aah!

This tetherball is stupid.

It's all floppy, and it's got

Arms.

I think it needs air.

I'll go get the pump.

[ Laughs ]

Edward: [ gulps ]

[ Pump! Pump! Pump! Pump! ]

[ Boom! ]

Ow.

[ Yawns ]

I'mnever going home.

Oh, why should we, with a

Camp like this?

Yo, lumphead, the reception!

What gives?

Lumpus: nyeh!

Move your antlers again.

Lumpus: yes, sir.

Yes, mr. Cheesley, sir.

My bad.

How's that?

Nah.

Lumpus: that?

Nope.

Lumpus: that?

Nah.

Lumpus: that?

[ Snap! ]

Hold it.

That's it -- right there.

Lumpus: mr. Cheesley, sir,

May I just say what a pleasure

It i-is to have you back at

Camp again?

Just like old times, eh,

Lumpy?

[ Laughter ]

Raj: lazlo, is this perpetual

State of fear what slinkman had

In mind when he said this is

What camp kidney used to be

Like?

Lazlo: somehow, I don't think

Slinkman is remembering

Everything about the

Platypus brothers!

Edward: [ groaning ]

What happened to the

Tetherball?

[ Chuckles ]

I don't think itis a

Tetherball.

Edward: I am not a

Tetherball!!

Maybe it's a platypus

Tetherball.

[ Chuckles ]

When it's mad, it sounds like

Cheesley.

[ Screech! ]

Edward: how do you know

Cheesley?

[ Chuckles ]

Everyone at camp kidney knows

Cheesley platypus.

We knowall the

Platypus brothers.

[ Chuckles ]

Edward: you thinkthis is

Camp kidney?

A summer paradise.

[ Chuckles ]

Edward: who told you this was

Camp kidney?

Cheesley and the

Platypus brothers.

Who else?

Yeah, when they named our

Cabin "rotten bean" and moved us

Way out here.

[ Chuckles ]

Edward: do you two have any

Clue how long you've been out

Here?

I don't know -- couple of

Days.

It's hard to tell.

We don't get too much sunlight

Back here.

Edward: the platypus brothers

Went to camp kidney four years

Ago!

Say, you wouldn't happen to

Be another one of their

Brothers?

You look a lot like them.

[ Chuckles ]

Edward: some brothers.

They squashed me into a

Tetherball.

Ooh!

They love tetherball.

They used to turnus into

Tetherballs all the time.

Yeah. They're the greatest.

[ Chuckles ]

Edward: wait a minute.

These guys smashed you into

Tetherballs and threw you into a

Stinky swamp, and you think

They're the greatest?

Well...yeah.

Don'tyou?

Edward: you know what?

No, I don't.

I think they're the worst, and

I'm sick of putting up with it.

Andyou should, too.

Okay, look.

Take, for instance, tetherball.

Oh, tetherball!

Tetherball!

Edward: andwhy do you love

Tetherball?

Because the platypus brothers

Love tetherball.

Edward: and you love the

Platypus brothers because...

Exactly.

It's payback time.

Both: payback.

[ Engine turns over ]

[ Tires screech ]

[ Chatter! Chatter! Chatter! ]

Higher, lumphead, higher.

I said "higher."

Edward: don't listen to him,

Scoutmaster lumpus!

You can put it down now.

[ Thud! ]

Hey! What gives?

Edward: you've terrorized

Your last camper, cheesley!

Yeah.

Time to pack your bags, 'cause

We're sending you home.

[ All cheer ]

Check out that jalopy.

Skipper? Warren?

Wait a minute.

You mean you losers have been

Living as rotten beans all this

Time?

[ Laughter ]

And look.

Wittle eddie-poo made 'em his

Wittle buddies.

Edward: that's right,

Cheesley.

And we've had enough of getting

Bullied around.

Oh, yeah?

Well, why don't --

Oh!

[ All gasp ]

N-now, hold on there,

Edward.

Put the cabin down!

Edward: maybe you just ain't

The greatest after all, eh,

Cheesley?

Don't make me tell mom on

You.

Lazlo: raj, start this baby

Up.

Time to give ed a hand.

[ Zip! ]

[ Engine turns over ]

[ All cheer ]

Edward: camp's over,

Cheese-heads.

[ Rumbling ]

Slinkman: oh, what is going

On out there?

All right, all right!

We're going! We're going!

Edward: that's right, fellas!

Run home to mommy!

[ Laughs ]

Thank you, ed.

You're the greatest.

Yeah, ed -- the greatest.

Edward: me?

The...greatest?

[ All cheer ]

Slinkman: edward!

What is going on here?!

Who gave you permission to start

Up the cabins?

And where are your brothers?

Edward: uh...i don't know,

Sir.

Must've ran off.

Besides, they were kind of like

Bullies around here.

Raj: yeah, not nice at all.

Skip: nope. Mean.

Lazlo: very bad men.

Slinkman: rotten bean cabin?

Hmm...haven't seen that one in a

While.

Now who am I supposed to get to

Keep these kids in line?

Lumpus: [ groans ]

I know that I've been
too soft-spoken ♪

♪ I see you, and my voice gets

Broken ♪

♪ But now, at last, my nerve has

Woke ♪

♪ I'm bending my knee

♪ I know that life is big and

Hairy ♪

♪ But it needn't be so scary

[ High-pitched ] ♪ if you would

Marry m-e-e ♪