01x02 - Lucy Visits Jack Benny

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

Gee, I'm so excited about
going to Palm Springs.

Me too.

- Here are the bags you wanted, Mom.
- Put them right there, dear.

- Mom?
- Yeah?

Do you think you and Kim
are taking enough dresses?

What do you mean?

Well, after all we're gonna be
gone for the whole weekend.

Don't be funny. You just
get all your clothes together.

All my clothes?

All I'm taking is a pair of
slacks and two T-shirts.

Well, we need extra things.

After all, girls are
different than boys.

Yeah, I've been noticing
that since I was 13.

Just never mind.
You go get yourself.

Okay.

Kim, baby, will you put all of
this in the make-up case for me?

Yeah.

Oh, gee, Mom, this
trip is gonna be fun.

Yeah.

You know, it's been a long time since
we've been on a vacation together.

Sure has.

Oh, good heavens.

It's been a long time
since we used these bags.

Oh, it's been longer
than I thought.

What do you mean?

Look, I just found
your old bathing suit.

That was mine?

Yeah, when you were 4 years old.

Gee, it looks so small.

My new one's even smaller.

Young lady, if you bought
a teeny-weenie bikini -

Oh, Mom, don't worry.

Compared to what all the other girls are
wearing it'll look like I'm in a muumuu.

Well, I'm all set.

Where are you taking that?

I'm taking it with me.

A surf board in Palm Springs?

Yeah.

There's no surfing in
Palm Springs. It's all desert.

I know but it's great date bait.

I meet more girls this way.

He's right, Mom.

You know, there's something about a
surf board that attracts the opposite sex.

Oh, and to think of all the
years I wasted using water wings.

All right, kids,
let's get going.

We've got a lot to do and we
don't want to waste a minute.

We only have a
few days, you know.

Who can that be?

Oh, it's Uncle Harry.

I wonder what he wants.

I think he wants to come in.

Hello.

You don't seem
pleased at seeing me.

Oh, it's not that I'm not
pleased. I'm just a little surprised.

Oh, I see.

Well, I decided to drop over
and say hello to my favorite niece,

my favorite nephew, and
my fav - and my sister-in-law.

Well, a surf board, eh?

Going to the beach?

No, we're going to Palm Springs.

For you that's logical.

Well, we're taking the
surf board because -

Now, please,
please, don't explain.

That would spoil everything.

Oh, Mom, I forgot my sweater.

Well, hurry up
and get it, honey.

Oh, listen, get
my transistor radio.

Don't you ever say please?

Okay, please.

Please what?

Please get my transistor radio.

I don't know where it is.

It's on my-oh, I'll
go get it myself.

It's none of my business but how can
you afford a weekend in Palm Springs?

Oh, it is your business because
on the little bit you pay me

I can't afford ten
minutes in Cucamonga.

There's no need for sarcasm.

A vacation in Palm
Springs is very expensive.

Well, usually, yes.

But I found a place that is so
reasonable it's too good to be true.

Oh, what hotel is that?

We're not staying at a hotel.
We're staying in a private residence.

I read an ad in the newspaper.

Yeah? You'll probably
get stuck in some joint.

I don't think so.
Now, you listen to this.

Oh.

"Rooms for rent in private
Palm Springs residence.

Have fun in the sun.

Enjoy badminton, ping-pong,
bicycle and horseback riding,

croquet, tennis,
golf and swimming.

Reasonable rates.

Excellent food.

Luxurious surroundings."

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

Oh, I'd like that.

You'd like what, Uncle Harry?

Reasonable rates.

Well, it certainly is a bargain.

In fact it's so much of a bargain I
think I'll take advantage of it myself.

Oh?

Oh, yeah, why don't you
go down there sometime?

Well, there's no
time like the present.

Now?

Why waste gasoline on two trips?

Well, won't we be a
little crowded in your car?

Yes. That's why
we'll go in your car.

Well now, you drop me over at my
place, I'll throw a few things in a bag

and then we'll get going.

Okay. Okay.

Let's get going, kids.

Look, if you're going
in my car you're going

to have to pay your
share of the gasoline.

Oh, I intend to.

I intend to.

There will be four of us going
so I'll pay one-fourth of the cost.

Craig, this is ready
to go in the car.

And Harry, you can pick that up.

All right, yeah.

Don't forget to lock it.

Come on, hurry up.

Pack the car and
cherry glue, kids.

Oh, look. Look at this.

Gee, Mom, this is
a beautiful place.

It's more beautiful out
here than it was in there.

Man, I'd love to
have a pad like this.

It looks too good.

I hope that that line about
reasonable rates wasn't just a come-on.

- Oh, Harry, you never trust anybody.
- Well...

Gee, I wonder
where everybody is.

Craig, ring that bell.

Golly, isn't this something?

Welcome.

Welcome.

Welcome to El Rancho Benny.

You're Jack Benny, aren't you?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Well, Mr. Benny,
you're renting rooms?

Yes, I love company,
and the more the merrier.

Oh, just think, we're guests
at Jack Benny's home.

Oh, children, go
get the luggage.

Yeah, hold it just a minute.

Before we register there are a
few questions I would like to ask.

First, Mr. Benny,
what are the rates?

Three dollars a day.

Children, go get the luggage.

You may register
right over there.

Oh, thank you.

- I'll register for all of us.
- All right, fine.

Gee, Mr. Benny, you
certainly have a beautiful place.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

And please call me Jack.

Oh, thank you.

I'm Lucille Carter, and the
children's names are Kim and Craig.

And I'm Harrison Carter.

Well, it's a pleasure
having you here.

You certainly have a
lovely family, Mr. Carter.

Mr. Benny, so there is
no misunderstanding,

Mrs. Carter is my
sister-in-law, not my wife.

Oh, good. Good.

Why are you so happy?

You'll need an extra room.

Mrs. Carter, I have three lovely
rooms in the left wing right over there.

- Uh-huh.
- And your room will be number one.

- Uh-huh.
- You see, it overlooks the mountain.

Oh, wonderful.

And your daughter has room number
two, which overlooks a tennis court.

And your son, number three,
which overlooks the golf course.

Oh, he'll love that.

And you, you, Mr. Carter.

Yes, sir?

You'll have room 19
in that wing over there.

It's a little more
expensive but it's worth it.

Well, if it's more
expensive I don't think I-

It overlooks Rachel
Welch's patio.

She takes sunbaths every day.

I'll take it.

It used to be my room
but I had to give it up.

Doctors’ orders.

Gee, Mr. Benny, you've certainly
had a lot of celebrities staying here.

Mr. and Mrs. Steve McQueen
and Mr. and Mrs. Kirk Douglas and

Sheikh Abdul Bin Fuad and wife

and wife and wife
and wife and wife.

That was such a busy week.

And those camels walking
around the pool drove me nuts.

Oh, and Mr. and
Mrs. Gregory Peck,

Mr. and Mrs. Jack
Lemon, Howard Hughes.

Howard Hughes stayed here?

It was a business trip.

He wanted to borrow some money.

Mom, where do we put this stuff?

Well, honey, we're
in the left wing.

I'm in room number one, you're in
number two, and you're in number three.

And Uncle Harry is in room
number 19 out there in the right wing,

- is that correct?
- Right.

He's out that way.

Oh, just a minute, young man.

How old is he?

Fifteen and a half.

When you get to your uncle's
room don't look out the window.

Well, I guess I'll go
and find my room.

I'll be back after the sun sets.

You know, Mr. Benny,
it's so wonderful down here.

And this place is so peaceful.

I think I'll just lie down
and soak up the sunshine.

Hold it.

Oh, oh, your violin.

Yes, I was practicing
this morning.

You practice?

Everyday.

Well, that's funny. I've heard
you play. I didn't think you ever-

Everyday, huh?
Well, imagine that.

Do you always
practice out of doors?

Yes. My violin teacher told
me I sound better in the fresh air.

Oh.

It has something
to do with acoustics.

Oh, with the
mountains all around.

Yeah, that's it.

Would you mind if I
played something?

No. You play?

Well, when I was a little
girl I took five or six lessons.

Well, go ahead.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Let's see now.

Well, what did you think?

Not bad for only
five or six lessons.

Well, thank you.

You know, this
has a beautiful tone.

I enjoy playing on it. I always
use it on my concert tours.

Oh, do you do concerts?

Oh, yes.

As a matter of fact, next
month I'm going on a concert tour

with that famous trumpet
player, Clyde McCoy.

Clyde McCoy?

Yes. We're going to bill
ourselves as Benny and Clyde.

Mom, we put all
the luggage away.

Oh, good. Thank you, dear.

Mr. Benny, do you think I
could look around the grounds?

Certainly. Make
yourself at home.

Thank you.

Wow. What a fantastic
swimming pool.

I'm going to get
right into my suit.

- Okay, darling.
- Wait a minute, honey.

Don't go into the pool
until the lifeguard gets here.

Oh, well when will that be?

Very, very soon.

Oh, good.

If you'll excuse me, Mr. Benny,
I think I'll get into my suit also.

I hope you enjoy the pool.

I'm sure I will.

Oh, what's that? What's that?

What's that?

Mrs. Carter, you owe me $0.10.

Ten cents for what?

Your son just picked
an orange off my tree.

Oh, boy, that pool
looks so inviting.

Yeah, I can't wait to get in.

I sure hope that
lifeguard gets here soon.

- Yeah, well - - Hey,
Kim, that's a wild suit.

Thank you.

- That's a muumuu?
- Oh, Mother.

Well, to me that
may be a muumuu.

To me that's a no-no.

Mom, there's nothing
wrong with that suit.

A lot of my friends
wear suits like that.

Well, it's okay for
boys but not for girls.

Mother, this was the most
modest suit in the store.

And besides that, it's the
only one I brought with me.

Well, all right, but
stay underwater.

- Good heavens.
- Come on, Craig.

Hold it. We can't go in
until the lifeguard gets here.

Oh.

Well, let's play ping-pong.

All right, you serve.

He plays like Lawrence Welk.

Craig, what's the
matter with you?

- I'm sorry; I was hitting it over there.
- All right. I'll get it.

Okay.

Oh, oh, gee, I'm
sorry, Mr. Benny.

I'm glad you weren't
playing basketball.

Well, is everybody
having a good time.

Yeah, they're kind of
anxious to go swimming.

When will the lifeguard be here?

He's here.

Now, that's what I
call a modest suit.

I'll see you in the
pool, Mr. Benny.

All right.

You know, you surprise me, Mr. Benny.
I didn't know you were a lifeguard.

Oh, there are lots of things about me
that the general public doesn't know,

- you see.
- Oh.

I'm a man of many, many talents.

Uh-huh.

Now, years ago when things were slow in
vaudeville I used to work as a lifeguard.

Oh, did it pay well?

Oh, I really wasn't interested in
the money, you know, so much.

Mr. Benny, you
worked at the YWCA?

Yes.

That's when I invented
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Well, I think I'll join
the children in the pool.

Oh, there's no charge
for swimming, is there?

Oh, of course not.

Good.

However, the towels
are $0.11 each.

Eleven cents?

Yes. Ten cents for the
towel and a penny tax.

Tax?

Don't holler at me.

Go fight Ronald Reagan.

Mr. Benny?

What?

Do you have a
pair of binoculars?

Binoculars?

You mean Rachel is -

Yes.

Give them to me.

No.

I'm going too.

What about your doctor?

Let him get his own binoculars.

Oh, but now I'm a guest. You
should let me have the first look.

Oh, boy, what a
beautiful day for golf, huh?

Yep.

Ideal weather, too.

It's a shame Mr. Benny
couldn't join us.

Yeah, but it was sure nice of
him to lend us these golf clubs.

What do you mean lend us?

He rented them to us.

Oh, stop complaining.

Well, I have a
right to complain.

You were the one who urged me to
come here because of the reasonable rates.

Reasonable rates, ha!

He charges extra for everything.

He even charged me $1.00
an hour for the binoculars.

What are you using
binoculars for, Uncle Harry?

Oh, I -I was bird watching.

Yeah.

Mom, why don't
you tee off first?

Yeah, I will if I
find my driver.

You got my driver? Who
has got the number one club?

There's number one.

- You want to try that?
- Got mine.

- Yeah.
- Be careful with it. It's a good one.

I'll be careful.

Gee, it's been so long since I
played I don't even know if I can hit it.

Well, you can take a
couple of practice swings first.

I fully intend to.

Oh, boy.

Oh, no.

Good heavens, no.

- What do you mean "No?"
- You're doing it all wrong.

Now, to begin with, relax.

- I'm relaxed.
- You're just tense. Relax.

- Loose. That's right.
- I'm relaxed.

- That's right.
- I'm loose.

Now, then your left hand, just place
the handle of the club in the left hand.

- Yeah.
- So left arm straight.

- Yeah.
- Get a good grip there.

Now, the right hand
below the left hand.

- Spread the fingers loosely.
- Yeah.

- That's good.
- Yeah.

Wrist a little more to the left.

- Now, again, keep your eye on the ball.
- Yeah, yeah.

Get your foot on
line with the ball.

No, no, there,
toe in a little bit.

- Toe in?
- Yes, in a little bit.

There, there.

Now, let's see.

Oh, a little more.

That's better.

- Now, get a good -hold it.
- I've got a grip.

Keep the elbow up.

Now, head down, watch
the ball. Watch the ball.

Yeah.

Now, in there. That's it.

Now, now, knees bent.

Good.

Now drive, swing.

Drive? Are you kidding?

You've got me
bent like a pretzel.

Will you let me do it my way?

Oh, go ahead. Go ahead.

Heavens.

That's a practice swing.

Wow.

Great shot, Mom.

A lucky shot.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess it was.

It's your turn.

There.

Thank you.

You know, I must
have hit that 100 yards.

And right down the middle.

Come on, Harry, we
haven't got all day.

Relax.

It went right in
somebody's swimming pool.

I slice a little.

Oh, you sure do.

Oh, I hate to lose that ball.

It was brand new.

Well, listen, I'll go in and get
it for you later, Uncle Harry.

Oh, my gosh!

What's the matter?

Look.

Thank you.

That'll be $0.50.

Come and get it.

I'm starved.

Exercise certainly
works up an appetite.

Oh, wow.

- Doesn't that look good?
- Oh, that smells wonderful.

Yes, it's that
aftershave lotion.

Oh, you mean the barbeque?

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Gee, Jack, aren't you making too
many? After all there are only five of us.

- Don't worry. It won't go to waste.
- Oh?

All right, folks.
Step right this way.

Step right in here.

All right. All the way around.

That's it.

Stop here.

Hi-ya, Mr. Benny.

Hi, Sam.

We're a little behind
schedule tonight.

Yeah, Bob Hope did
more gags than usual.

Big ham.

Okay, folks, just line
up right over here.

Will you, please?

- Right over there.
- Right this way.

Now, Mrs. Carter, you
take care of the plates.

You bring the plates, the
paper plates over to everybody.

Now, you, you take care of the
buns. See that everybody gets fed.

You, the hamburgers,
and you the frankfurters,

the hotdogs.

But we're paying guests.

I know. I know.

That's all part of the fun.

Now, hop to it.
Come on, hop to it.

All right, folks,
that'll be $1.00.

This $1.00 includes a
hotdog or a hamburger,

a free tour of the house
and an autograph picture

of me in my Navy uniform
playing Anchors Aweigh.

Oh, Mr. Benny?

Yes? Yes?

What is it?

The bus driver would like
to know if he can eat now.

Well, of course he can.

Come on in, Ralph.

That's not lettuce.

How sweet it is.