01x06 - Lucy's Impossible Mission

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

Oh, mister,

those cigars you took are on
sale today. They're three for $1.00.

Oh, thank you.

[mystery voice] Good
morning, Commander Gellar.

These are your instructions.

Special agents from our Middle
East office have been dispatched

to impersonate the royal family of
Gabazonia at the embassy party tonight.

These agents will contact
you at rendezvous 17,

as described in code
book 29, page 364.

As always, this tape
self-destructs in five seconds.

Officer, this man's
trying to kidnap me.

Now, Mrs. Carter, unless you can
remember the complete message

you intercepted on the phone,

it will be impossible for
us to complete our mission,

and we pride ourselves on the
fact that it's never been impossible

for us to complete a mission, no matter
how impossible that mission might seem.

Ah, yeah.

Yeah, well, I remembered about
the royal family and that party at NBC.

That's embassy.

Oh, is that where the party is?

- Right.
- Oh.

But the most important thing is where we're
supposed to rendezvous with our agents.

- Yeah.
- Can't you remember
the rendezvous code numbers?

No.

Well, I'm sorry. I can't.

Anyway, if it's so important why
don't you just call your mystery voice

and ask him what he said?

Because he is a mystery voice.

Our organization is so top secret
we never have personal contact

or even see the man we work for.

Oh, I wish I'd never had
to see the man I work for.

Oh, if you think you're asked to do the
impossible, you ought to work for my boss.

Commander Gellar, here's
the rest of the Carter family.

Oh, hi, kids.

- Hi, Mom.
- Hey, Mom.

Hello, Harry.

Don't you hello me.

The idea of having us picked up
by some secret service organization

as if we were common criminals.

Well, now, it wasn't my fault.

I was just in this phone booth
and I was going to make a call.

I know. I know.

Mr. Johnson
told us all about it.

- I still don't see how that involves me.
- Mr. Carter.

Mr. Carter, since we must
hold Mrs. Carter in custody

she asked us to bring
all of you in so you

wouldn't be worried
about her disappearance.

Worried about her disappearance?

If she didn't show up for a
year I would simply figure

that she was 12
months late for work.

Well, that's a
brother-in-law for you.

Mr. Carter, for security reasons
we'd you like you to stay with us

until our mission
is accomplished.

Now, why should I?

Because they're on our side.

I don't want to be on
any side that has you on it.

Oh, Harry.

I think this whole
thing is preposterous.

I think it's exciting.

Yeah, it's really out of sight.

Oh.

You know, if James Bond were taller
and more handsome he'd look like you.

Thank you.

This is so exciting. It's
just like in the movies.

A handsome secret agent getting all mixed
up with a beautiful woman like my mother.

Your mother is quite beautiful.

Oh.

And she's single.

Kim.

For heaven's sakes, Mother,
don't be so old-fashioned.

Yeah. Who are you ever gonna
meet working for Uncle Harry?

Oh, now you can see
how thrilled I am at the

idea of being cooped
up with my loved one.

Uncle Harry, you
should dig being here.

Hey, tell them about the time
you were in Naval Intelligence.

Naval Intelligence?

Yeah, well, that
was a long time ago.

World w*r II stuff.

Not very exciting.

Well, I thought it was exciting.

Yeah, especially the time
you captured the spies that

infiltrated our radar
station at the Gulf of Mexico.

I don't think they'd
be interested.

Well, I'd be interested.

I'd be most interested.

I took part in that raid.

Oh, you did?

Yeah.

We were staked out at the Old
Mexican "Can't Take Us" Hacienda.

But the only intelligence men I
remember were Borden and Wilkins.

Borden and Wilkins.

Unless.

No, don't tell me - don't
tell me that you were Pedro,

the old Mexican caretaker.

No, I wouldn't tell you that.

If that Mexican
caretaker was you, that's

the cleverest undercover
job I've ever seen.

Oh.

Muchas gracias, senor.

Uncle Harry, you never
told me you were in disguise.

Yeah, well, there are certain
things that we never divulge.

Yeah.

Johnson, you and Carter can
discuss your memoirs at another time.

Right now we're hung up
on our mission for tonight.

What's the trouble, chief?

We won't be able to keep our
rendezvous with those special agents

that were sent here to
impersonate the royal family.

Why not?

Mrs. Carter cannot remember
the rendezvous code numbers.

Oh, well, I'm sorry. I can't.

I wish I could, but I
seem to have a block here.

That's your brain.

Oh, Harry.

Well, there's just one
thing left for us to do.

What's that?

Get on the teletype.

Send a message to headquarters.

What'll I say?

Mission impossible.

Mission impossible?

Chief, in the entire
history of our organization

we've never had to
send that message.

I know, but there's
always a first time.

Wait a minute.

Maybe this mission
isn't impossible.

What do you mean?

Well, look at this
picture of the royal family.

See, their children are about
the same age as Kim and Craig.

And the maharaja is
big and fat like Harry.

Maybe we could
impersonate the royal family.

Hey, that's a wild idea.

Yeah, real 007.

What do you think, chief?

I don't know.

I think it'd be a little risky
trusting a mission like this

to people who are
untrained in our kind of work.

Well, what do you
mean untrained?

How about old Pedro here?

The old Mexican caretaker
from Naval Intelligence.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, it'll be a privilege working
with a man like you again, Carter.

How about it, Mr. Gellar?

Can we do it?

Will you let us help you?

Well, there's a lot
depending on this.

Yeah.

It's worth a try.

Oh, good.

Oh, isn't this exciting?

All my life I've wanted to do
something that would help my country.

Why don't you move to Siberia?

Quiet, Pedro.

Now, this man is the
object of our mission,

Ambassador Korlik of
the Slobtoni Embassy.

Korlik, huh?

Right.

Oh, he looks dangerous.

He is.

Now, what we're after is a microfilm
containing a list of all his agents.

Microfilm?

Right.

Now, that microfilm is kept in a hidden
compartment in the heel of his shoe.

Oh, the old hollow heel
in the shoe trick, huh?

Now your assignment is
to help us get that microfilm.

Now you see what
you've gotten us into?

Si, senor.

I can understand
your worry, Mr. Carter,

but Johnson and I will be there
disguised as foreign dignitaries.

Oh.

Oh, well, if you're going to
be there why do you need us?

Couldn't you just
grab the shoe and run?

Oh, of course not.

How can you grab a man's shoe
at a party in front of a lot of people?

Exactly.

Naval Intelligence.

Ha.

Now, Mrs. Carter.

Yes, sir?

This is the floor plan of the embassy
room where the party is to be held.

Oh, it's a big place, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Now, during the party Johnson and I will
conceal ourselves in this entry closet.

We're depending on
you to lure Korlik out here

where he won't be observed
by the rest of the guests.

I have to lure him, huh?

She couldn't lure a starved mouse
with a pound of Swiss cheese.

Oh, really, Harry.

How am I going to
lure him, Mr. Gellar?

Well, it seems that some years
ago, Korlik visited Gabazonia

while the maharaja
was away on a tiger hunt.

And during this time, Korlik and the
maharani became very good friends.

- Friends, huh?
- Hmm.

Well, and then suppose while you're
hiding in here and Korlik's out here

he finds out that
I'm not his friend?

Yeah, what happens to us then?

I've already thought of that.

Oh?

If anything goes wrong
this pendant will protect you.

It fires a chemical leaving its victim in a
temporary state of suspended animation.

Of course, we hope you won't have to
use it until you lead Korlik into our trap.

Oh, may I see it?

Oh, isn't this beautiful?

It fires a chemical, huh?

Hey, it works.

Oh, allow me.

Boy, does that work.

You think anybody suspicious?

No.

So far so good.

I hope they get away with
that royal family routine.

Me too.

But that redhead looks
like a royal kook to me.

Congratulations, Korlik.

It looks like the whole world has come
to pay homage to the new ambassador.

Yes.

Already they are learning
to dance to my music.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
royal family of Gabazonia.

Welcome, Your Highness. It
is so good to see you again.

Thank you, Your Excellency.

I have never seen Your
Excellency looking so excellent.

And you are more
beautiful than ever.

You are most kind,
Your Excellency.

May the bird of paradise
reward you with a drumstick.

And to you, Your Highness,

a very warm welcome.

Your presence does me honor.

Oh, no, no, it is your unworthy
guest who is honored that you

tolerated unworthy presence
and accept his unworthy hand

in a friendship that
warms his unworthy heart.

And the hearts of his unworthy
spouse and his unworthy offspring.

And a hearty welcome
to the prince and princess.

Our thanks are many, sahib.

Very good.

Princess appreciates
sahib's invitation.

Tell me, Your Highness, do you
find the United States very different

from your part of the world?

Oh yes.

Here I see many
more Nehru jackets.

Well, perhaps Your Young Highnesses
would like to take some refreshments.

We have delicacies
from all parts of the world,

including the traditional
American frankfurter.

Hotdog.

Yes, I believe that
is what they call it.

Careful. Don't give us away.

Remember, you're supposed
to be an Indian prince.

Okay. I'll put rice
on my hotdog.

To the many happy days I
spent in your palace in Gabazonia.

Ah, yes.

My unworthy tongue has said
many times how much I enjoyed your

illustrious presence
in my unworthy palace.

- I remember the
time - - Your Highness,

beg your pardon,
was not present.

Your Highness was off
at a hunting expedition.

Yes.

Oh yes, yes, hunting.

Yes.

It is written the wise man
hunt tiger from back of elephant.

Only fool hunt elephant
from back of tiger.

It is also written only
fool tell bad Hindu joke.

And now, my dear, I
have prepared a surprise

of very significance
to Your Highness.

Oh.

Ladies and gentlemen, in honor
of the royal family of Gabazonia,

we will now present the ceremony
pashi dance from their native land.

Oh.

I'm sure you will all enjoy seeing
this dance performed as much as I did

when I visited Gabazonia
several years ago.

Oh yes, I would like that.

And now, will you do us
the honor, Your Highness?

Me?

Oh.

How'd I do?

Not too good.

I think Korlik might
be a little suspicious.

Really?

If he is it might work
to our advantage.

How?

If he thinks the maharani is an
impostor he might try to get her

alone to make her talk.

Right.

Give us a chance to get hidden
and then make your move.

I don't think I have
any moves left.

This is no time to get chicken.

Oh, it's easy for you to talk.
You didn't get that hotfoot.

I must say that in all the years
I've spent in the Middle East

I've never seen anybody
dance like that before.

My thanks are many, sahib.

Your Highness.

Yes, Your Excellency?

That was quite a performance.

Thank you very
much, Your Excellency.

It brought back many memories.

For me too, Your Excellency.

It is written lovebirds always
find a nest beyond the flock.

Exactly what I had in mind.

Oh.

But we must be discreet.

I'll wait for you.

Do that.

Things are getting dangerous.
Stay near Uncle Harry.

Okay. I'll look out for him.

That's not what I meant.

Yes, Your Highness?

Who is that sahib
talking to the princess?

The sultan of Azulkhar,
Your Highness.

Oh.

I'm surprised that
you don't know him.

He visits your country every
year to search for trophies.

Trophies?

Tigers or elephants?

Brides for his harem.

Ah, at last we are alone.

At last.

At long last.

Being together again be-fills
my heart with memories.

It has been many moon since
we stood beneath the stars.

And many stars since we
stood beneath the moon.

As ours has
intended it to be so.

Yes.

Perhaps we should go inside.
Maharaja very suspicious.

Now you will stay here
and answer some questions.

Questions?

Stop playing games.

You're not the woman I
was with in Gabazonia.

You're a spy.

No, they're the spies.

- I... What?

This will take care of them

until I'm finished with you.

Oh!

Give me Hadi shoe.

All right.

He's got a g*n!

Whoa.

Taxi.

Oh!

Where is Mom?

What's going on? Where's Mom?

Did you get the microfilm?

Oh yeah, did we
get the microfilm.

Good girl.

Oh, here's the cab.

Everybody in the cab.

Home and drive like crazy.

Hey, what's going on in here?

Thanks for the party.