01x08 - Lucy's Birthday

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz Jr.,

Hello?

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, who is it?

It's me, mother.

Oh, come on in, Kim.

Oh, I'm sorry. I
guess I overslept.

I'll get you your breakfast
right away, darling.

You don't have to.

I made breakfast for you.

You made breakfast for me?

That's right.

You feeling all right?

Yeah, why?

Well, how come you
made breakfast for me?

[singing] Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear mother.

Happy birthday to you.

Well, thank you.

Gee, today is my birthday.

I forgot about it.

Of all the birthdays you've
had how could you forget?

How's that?

I didn't mean it the
way it sounded, Mom.

You don't look
as old as you are.

To me you'll always
be young and beautiful.

Thanks, baby.

That's the nicest birthday
present you could ever give me.

Come on. Let's go
down for breakfast.

Oh, no you don't.

You get right back in bed.

Why?

You'll see.

Just never mind.

- What's going on?
- Never mind.

Okay, Craig.

Now.

Oh.

Bon appetit, madam, with
za compliments of the chef.

Would the madam like
the cream or the sugar?

No, madam would not like the cream or
the sugar because madam is on the diet.

Happy birthday, Mom.

Thanks, son.

Gee, this is so
sweet of both of you.

And that's not at all.

- What?
- Go on, Craig. Show her.

Oh, how sweet.

A birthday candy
in a bowl of oatmeal.

Oh, that's sweet.

Go on, blow it out, Mom.

- Make a wish first.
- Oh, yeah.

Oh, Kim, what are you doing?

I'm doing the dishes for you.

Well, just wash them.

Don't put them into orbit.

Come on, honey, forget
the dishes. I'll do them.

Oh, no.

This is your day and you're
not going to do any housework.

Just go out and enjoy yourself.

Go on.

- Out.
- Go, go, go, go, go.

Well, okay. See you later, kids.

Have a good time.

Where can I have a good
time at 8:00 in the morning?

Well, you could go shopping.

Shops don't open this early.

I know what.

What?

There's something I've wanted to
do for years and now I'm going to do it.

What's that?

I'm going back to bed
and sleep until noon.

Hold it. Won't Uncle Harry
be mad if you're late for work?

Oh, Uncle Harry's always mad.

Besides, it's my birthday.

Okay. So long, kids,
don't be late for school.

- Okay.
- We won't.

And don't worry; we'll
take care of everything.

Okay, baby.

Oh, gee, I wish we could
decide on a present to give Mom.

Don't look at me for any ideas.

Every year when I make a
suggestion you turn it down.

Well, that's because your
suggestions are ridiculous.

Like when?

Like when you suggested buying
Mom a pony for her birthday.

I was only six at the time, and I
still think it was better than your gift:

a Wetty Betty doll.

You're no help at all.

Now let's see, what would a
woman her age appreciate?

A man her age.

I'm only kidding.

Hey, now wait a minute. You
might have something there.

Now you're kidding.

No, listen, Mom hasn't
gone out in such a long time

she might enjoy having
a date with a man.

All right, it's a great gift, but
where do you go to buy it?

Well, we could
go to Uncle Harry.

Uncle Harry?

Sure. He could help us
through his employment agency.

We'll call him after school.

I wonder what kind of a
man mother would prefer.

Don't look at me.

You're the girl;
you should know.

Who would you
like to go out with?

Oh -no.

I don't think mother would
be happy with Ringo Starr.

How about Lawrence Welk?

Good afternoon.

Afternoon is right.

It's 1:00.

I know.

I didn't get out of bed until noon
because today is my birthday.

Oh, afraid to face it, eh?

Aren't you going to say
anything about my birthday?

No, and at your age
you should thank me.

Oh, honestly.

Oh, all right. Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Hey, that reminds me, you once
promised to give me a raise on my birthday.

I promised to give you a
raise on your 40th birthday.

Well, in that case
then you owe me -

Oh, you're a nasty man.

Now, for heaven's sake,
let's get some work done.

Yes, sir, as soon
as I come back.

Come back from where?

My coffee break.

Coffee break?!

Why should you
have a coffee break?

Because I didn't take the 10:00
coffee break or go out for lunch.

But you didn't
get here till 1:00.

That's right. I
missed both of them.

What?

How could you miss both?

Oh.

Hello?

Oh, hello, Kim.

What?

Yes.

Yes, you can talk.

Your mother just
stepped out of the office.

Uh-huh.

Now, look, look, honey, for
you and Craig I will do anything.

I'll give her the
rest of the day off.

No, no, it's a
pleasure, believe me.

All right, dear.

See you later.

Right, bye.

I'm back.

Well, glorious.

That makes me feel peachy keen.

You know, I've been thinking, in
view of the fact that this is your birthday

I'm giving you the
rest of the day off.

You feeling all right?

Yes, I feel all right.

You mean I can really
take the rest of the day off?

Yes. Now, go, go, go, go, go.

Well, gee, you're sweet.

Oh.

No, I mean it.

Now, deep down inside
you are really very nice.

Oh.

It's hard to tell because on the
surface you're mean and nasty

and selfish, inconsiderate and
stubborn and dictatorial and bullheaded.

Go already!

And you're a loudmouth, too.

Go already!

- Hello, Uncle Harry.
- Hi, Uncle Harry.

Oh, yes.

Hello. Hello.

I was just going over
some financial statements.

I was looking at some figures.

Well, how are my favorite
niece and nephew?

- Fine.
- Great.

Oh, say you kids
are certainly growing.

You know you get taller and
more manly everyday, Kim.

I'm Craig.

She's Kim.

You know, I always have
difficulty with your names.

I wish your mother
had listened to me and

named you after my
grandmother and grandfather.

What were their names?

Bonnie and Clyde.

Sit down, kids. Sit down.
Make yourselves comfortable.

Now, tell me, what
can I do for you?

Well, today's mother's birthday.

And we've been trying to think
of some special present for her.

- Oh, I - - Yeah, we thought
maybe we could get her a date.

And since you have an employment agency we
thought that you might find a man for her.

Oh, wait a minute.
Now hold it, kids.

Hold it.

This is an employment
agency, not an escort bureau.

While I admire your intentions, I
don't think your mother would be

happy going out
with a paid escort.

Oh.

Gee, I never
thought of it that way.

No, neither did I.

Oh, well, it sounded like
a good idea at the time.

Anyway, thanks for
seeing us, Uncle Harry.

We'll just have to
think of another idea.

Yeah.

Well, wait a minute, kids.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I didn't mean to
spoil your plans, no.

Now, surely we can
think of something.

I'll tell you what.

What?

I'll be your mother's
date tonight.

Oh, that's very kind
of you, Uncle Harry,

but we wanted mother to go out
with someone tall and handsome.

Well, what I mean
is someone romantic.

Well, with a man.

Well, a strange man,
someone who isn't related.

And even if you weren't related,
Uncle Harry, well, you're not Mom's type.

Bless you, my boy.

Well, we're just going to
have to think of something else.

Yeah.

- You know what I think?
- What?

I think your mother would like to
spend her birthday with you two.

- With us?
- Yes.

Why don't you take
her out to dinner?

Oh, that's not a bad idea.

Now, there's an excellent Chinese
restaurant that I go to quite often.

It's called Yang Sing Ching.

I know the proprietor.

I'll call him up and make a
reservation for you right now.

- Thanks, Uncle Harry.
- Oh, that's a great idea.

Oh, it's a pleasure, kids.

You'll love this place.
It's really delightful.

Hello, is this Yang
Sing Ching restaurant?

I'd like to speak to
the proprietor, please.

He's quite a character and he serves
the most authentic Chinese food in town.

He's-hello, Irving?

Good evening.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Welcome to Yang Sing Ching.

My name is Craig Carter.
We have a reservation.

One moment.

The reservation was made
by Mr. Harrison Carter.

Oh, Hotshot Harry.

Have a nice table for you.

Follow me.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

[speaking Chinese]

Thank you.

Thank you.

I wonder if he's the proprietor.

No, he doesn't look
like an Irving to me.

Irving?

We'll explain it to
you later, mother.

Oh, say, the number
three dinner looks good.

No, no, number three
has pressed duck.

I don't like pressed duck.

Let's order number five.

No, number five has
sweet-and-sour pork,

and I don't like
sweet-and-sour pork.

Well, how about number
six? It has everything.

Craig, you can give
Kim your pressed duck,

and you can give Craig
your sweet-and-sour pork.

And besides that it
has bird's nest soup,

eggroll, fried rice and
chicken chow mein.

That's fine with me.

Okay. Let's order number six.

- No.
- Why not?

I don't like chicken chow mein.

Let's order the
number seven dinner.

That doesn't have pressed duck,
sweet-and-sour pork or chicken chow mein.

Okay. That's fine with me.

Me too, except -

Except what?

I think it's silly to come to a Chinese
restaurant and order matzo ball soup.

Yeah.

Well, then let's try
the number five dinner.

Number five has
everything we like.

- Okay?
- Okay.

Fine.

Great. Great.

Gee, this is a
beautiful restaurant.

I certainly appreciate
your bringing me here.

We're glad you like it, Mom.

Uncle Harry says
the food is terrific.

- Really?
- Yep.

Kim, what are you staring at?

Oh, those people, they're
eating with chopsticks.

Hey, that looks like fun.
Can we eat with them?

Of course not. We
don't even know them.

I meant with the chopsticks.

Oh.

Are they hard to use?

I don't know. I never tried it.

When we order we'll ask the waiter
to bring us some chopsticks, huh?

And because it's my birthday
I am going to order a drink.

Attagirl, Mom.

- Mother.
- Yeah?

Please don't embarrass me like you
did the last time we were in a restaurant.

What do you mean?

Don't order me a Shirley Temple.

Oh, okay.

I'll order ginger ale
for both of you, huh?

Okay.

You decide what you want?

Yes, three number five dinners.

Three number five.

Yes, and two ginger ales for
them and a gin and tonic for me.

Lady, you have
identification card?

Identification card?

Yes.

Before I serve you drink,
must make sure you're over 21.

Oh.

Oh, well, thank you.

I assure you I am over 21.

I know,

but I always ask.

Get bigger tip that way.

Waiter, could we have some
chopsticks with our meal?

Are they hard to handle?

I not know.

I always use a knife and fork.

I try chopstick the one
time, stick one in eye,

see dead wife with other one.

No more chopstick.

Let's see your fortune, Mom.

Oh.

Confucius say you are indeed lucky
woman to have two such wonderful

children who are so
considerate and so kind and so -

- Oh, Mom.
- Mother.

Well, that's the way I feel.

May I have this dance?

Well, my pleasure.

Excuse us.

And don't eat all the fortune
cookies while we're gone.

No wonder you're always hungry an
hour after you have a Chinese dinner.

You can't get the
food in your mouth.

This is the first time I've
ever been in a restaurant

and gotten more
food on me than in me.

Does anybody want dessert?

Does it come on the dinner?

No, it's ala carte.
It costs $0.50 extra.

Oh, well, in that case
then I've had enough.

Sir?

Yes, sir.

May I have the check, please?

Right away.

Uh-oh.

What's the matter, dear?

I think my gray pants would
have looked better with this jacket.

Those pants look fine.

Maybe, but my wallet's
in my gray pants.

I'm sorry.

Mom, do you think you could lend us the
money and we'll pay you when we get home?

Honey, I didn't bring any money.

Oh, this is embarrassing.

What are we going to do?

I sure hope they don't
make us wash dishes?

Wash dishes!

Oh, now, now, don't panic.
Don't panic. I'll think of something.

Mom, this is all my fault.

I spoiled your whole birthday,
and I'm sick about the whole thing.

No. Now, you didn't spoil anything
and don't blame yourself for something -

Sick.

Sick, that's it.

What's it?

Just sit tight, kids.

You're going to see an
Academy Award performance

that would make the dying scene
from Camille look like a love-in.

Oh, mother, you're not going to pretend
you're sick to get out of paying the bill?

Of course not. I just
want to get out of here.

We'll send them the
money after we get home.

Oh, ooh.

Lady, you want me you say

"Hey, waiter", not howl
like wounded coyote.

Ooh.

I think she has ptomaine.

No ptomaine on menu.

Only chow mein.

I think I have food poisoning.

Oh, you sick.

You get very bad belly ache?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Mother, I think we'd
better take you home.

Yes, take me home.

I'll send you the
money for the bill.

Forget bill.

Get home fast.

I wonder what made you sick.

Oh, well, I must have
gotten a spoiled chopstick.

Here, mother, you
can lean on me.

Yeah, I'd better
lean on both of you.

Oh, oh.

Hope you get well, missy.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, hello, kid.

What's the matter?

Oh, well, mother's
pretending she's sick.

What?

We didn't have enough
money to pay the bill.

What bill?

It's all paid for.

I told Irving to charge
everything to me.

You paid the bill?

Yes.

It's my birthday present to you.

- You did that for me?
- Yes.

Oh, you're so
sweet and thoughtful.

Oh, now children, your
uncle is a wonderful man.

I want you to know how
much I appreciate this.

Well, if you're going to get sloppy
about this I'll change my mind.

How did you enjoy the dessert?

Oh, well, we didn't
have any dessert.

What?

You didn't - Well, you're
going to have dessert.

Where were you sitting?

- Where's your table?
- Right over there.

Well, you go right
back and sit down.

Well, you nearly missed the
best part of the whole evening.

Really?

Oh, yes, indeed. Sit down.

Here, allow me.

There. Oh, wait
till you see what -

Oh, waiter. Waiter.

Oh, Hotshot Harry.

Look, will you bring in the
special dessert I ordered.

Yes, sir.

Oh, you get well fast, lady.

Yes, as Confucius say,
when rich uncle come,

pain in belly go.

[speaking Chinese]

Oh, oh, it's beautiful. Oh.

That isn't all.

Let the little
fella in, will you?

[singing "Happy
Birthday" in Chinese]

Happy birthday.