02x03 - Lucy and the Indian Chief

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz, and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

That's the one.

- Thank you, dear.
- OK.

Oh, and Craig... Tell your
Uncle Harry, I'll be glad

to take over for him if
he wants me to drive. OK?

OK, mom.

Here we are, Kim. Hope
you had enough water.

Oh, yeah. Plenty. Hey, mom,
did you get my brown blouse?

Oh, brown blouse. I forgot it.

I think it's in that small
red bag. I'll get it honey.

Harry, wait a minute.
I got to get something.

Well, hurry up and get settled.

Listen, Uncle Harry, mom
said she'll be glad to drive.

Your mother has done
quite enough driving all ready.

We are supposed to be driving this camper
directly from Los Angeles to San Francisco.

And your mother has not
only driven me 2000 miles out

of the way, she has also
driven me out of my mind.

From now on, I
will do the driving.

Hey! Hey!

Hey, Harry!

Harry!

Harry!

Oh, watch out for
rocks, Uncle Harry.

Watch for your own
rocks. I'm driving.

Harry!

Harry!

I warned you.

Harry!

There's absolutely nothing that
woman won't do to annoy me.

What are you doing up there?

Hey, Harry!

What are you doing?

- What do you mean "What are you doing?"
- Come on.

What's he doing driving off
when I'm not in the camper.

What were you doing?

I had to get something.

I had to get Kim's brown shirt.

Say, isn't that dangerous?

Oh, you noticed it, too.

Where is that uncle of yours?

You miserable man!

Oh, good heavens!

What happened?

Oh, it's impossible to do anything
in here with this thing tilted like this.

- Lu... Lucille...
- Yeah.

- Do you have some ice water?
- Coming right up.

Oh, Lucille! I'm
out of patience.

Well, that's not all we're out
of. We're also out of water.

That's all we had left.

We're also out of luck.

It will take a tow truck to
get us out of here. Oh...

Meanwhile, we can't
eat in here. I'm gonna

try to find a nice
shady place for a picnic.

Maybe, there's a little stream
around here some place.

Give your Uncle Harry a towel.
He spilled water over himself.

I spilled it!

- Hey mom, where are you going?
- To find running water.

That's me.

Running Water is my Indian name.

Uh, I'm a guide.

You want water?
Come, I'll show you.

Oh, I don't wanna impose on you.

You needn't be
embarrassed. I take money.

Oh.

Well, do you know a place
around here where it's shady

with a little stream where
we might have a picnic.

Sure do.

Where is it?

You wanna take a tour?

All right. How much is the tour?

Well, I got two tours.

- Two-fifty tour and five-dollar tour.
- What's the difference?

Two-fifty.

I don't think we're
communicating.

Where are you going?

To find it myself. I think
I can manage alone.

That's Navajo Country.
They don't like strangers.

Oh?

Well, you're not
gonna frighten me.

I don't like the
way you said that.

I didn't say a word.

Well, that's the
part I didn't like.

Look, Running Water, can't
you just tell me where it is?

I mean, the—the shady
places with a little brook?

I could sell you a map.

- Uh, how much?
- Two-fifty?

Two-fifty? I thought you said
the whole tour was two-fifty.

I work for nothing but
the maps cost money.

All right. Let's have
the two-fifty tour.

Let's have the two-fifty.

I'll pay you later.

Hey, what's that?

From here, I'd
say it's an Indian.

I know that much.

- Yup. That's Sitting Buffalo,
Chief of all the Navajo's.
- Oh?

- Eighty-five if he's a day.
- Eighty-five?

Gee, I didn't think Indians
dress like that anymore.

Well, he's the chief.

He certainly looks magnificent.

You know, at first, I
thought he was a statue.

He sure comes to life if
there's a squaw around.

Well, now, where is this
picnic place with the little brook?

Come, I'll show you.

Oh, look at that!

Uh...

Look, since you're
working for me, why don't

you go back and get
the others. I'll wait here.

- I'll be right back.
- OK.

Tell them to hurry.

Oh, boy!

Real Indian country, imagine.

By the shores of Gitche Gumee,
by the shining Big-Sea-Water,

stood the wigwam of Nokomis,
daughter of the moon, Nokomis.

Hah, haha, ah, hah!

Oh, no. No, you
don't want my scalp.

Uh, I'm not a real redhead.
See, dark roots, dark roots.

- [foreign language]
- No, no, no. I'm Lucy.

Uh, I mean, yeah.

Lucy Nokomis, uh,
a friend of Navajo.

Friend.

- [foreign language]
- Oh, absolutely,

absolutely. Couldn't
agree with you more.

Yeah, well,
kemosabe. I go tipi. Tipi.

- Tipi?
- Tipi. I go tipi.

- [foreign language]
- Uh, no. Wow-wee tipi.

- [foreign language]
- Wow-wee tipi.

[foreign language]

Oh, all right. Wow-wee tipi.

- [foreign language]
- What now?

You Just told me to go ahead?

- [foreign language]
- Now, he wants to go.

[foreign language]

Yeah. Well, it's very nice,
but I... I really can't stay.

I... I got to be getting back.

Well, on second thought, I...
I could stay for a few minutes.

Oh, huh, oh, oh...
there in here, too.

Oh, this is very nice.

They're very nice.
A very nice place.

I, uh, I really
can't stay though.

I... I... I got to get back to
the camper with my, my kids.

[foreign language]

For me?

Oh, oh, thank you. Really, I
wouldn't have any place to keep them.

Thank you. Thank
you very much, but no.

The little ones are really cute.

Oh, black sheep are nice. I guess there's
always a black sheep in every family.

Oh, oh, you wanna sell me a rug?

Well, why didn't you
say so in the first place?

Oh, this is beautiful. How much?

[foreign language]

Oh, well, I don't know how much
that is, but I can't afford it anyway.

Look, I, um, I'm, I'm gonna
have to get back to the camper.

Uh, they will be wondering where I
am and I... I better get back right now.

- [foreign language]
- What?

No, I really can't. I
have to... I have to go.

- I... I really should get back.
- [foreign language]

My children are back
there and everything.

They... they don't really
know where I am, you

know, we were going to
eat and everything and...

Oh, this is a beauty, but, uh,
I can't afford this one, either.

[foreign language]

Chief, I... I really should be
getting back. I... I really should.

Uh... oh my, this
is a big one, isn't it?

Is it a relic?

It, uh, it smells like a relic.

I really couldn't
take this, really, it's...

[foreign language]

I, uh, I... I, oh... oh, it's
beautif... it's beautiful.

Oh, yes. They're lovely.
They're really lovely.

- [foreign language]
- Oh, no, no.

I couldn't accept
anything like this.

I... I mean, I...
hardly know you.

Uh, well, maybe, maybe, I
could just accept these, huh?

Is that OK?

Yeah? OK, OK.

Just this little, this
little bead here. They're

very, very beautiful.
They're really are.

- [foreign language]
- Oh, I... water, I'm really thirsty.

Yeah. Thank you.

[foreign language]

[foreign language]

It is getting pretty
warm in here, isn't it?

I don't suppose some of those
sheep would like to go outdoors...

[foreign language]

No, I guess not.

[foreign language]

Oh, well, really now, if you
insist, just a little bit... Thank you.

[foreign language]

[foreign language]

Hey, get your own
buffalo robe, get away.

But I need my buffalo robe.
Why don’t you sit down?

Sit down, chieffy.

[foreign language]

Take your hands off the food.

- [foreign language]
- No thank you.

- [foreign language]
- Well, since you made it yourself...

Delicious. Could
stand a little more salt.

Boy, a little praise
goes to his head.

Good thing he can
dance. He sure can't cook.

Lady, what are you doin' here?

Oh, hi. I think he's
trying to sell me a rug.

- What?
- Don't worry. I haven't paid him a cent.

- Hi-hi-hi!
- Yeah, he's flying pretty high.

Lady, when you walked in, did they
spread out a Navajo rug for you to sit on?

Oh, yeah, beautiful rug, see?

Did the medicine
man dance for you?

Oh, he sure-He
danced like crazy.

- Did he give you any cornmeal mush?
- He sure did.

You didn't it any, did you?

Well, sure. I didn't
wanna hurt his feelings.

- Did the chief eat some, too?
- Yeah, yeah, he ate.

Congratulations, lady.
You just married him.

What?

I what?

- Mom!
- We've been looking all over for you.

What's going on?

Who is he?

Uh, uh.

- Children, say hello to daddy.
- Daddy?

[foreign language]

- Kim, baby...
- Hi, mom!

- Are you both still single?
- I think so.

Just don't eat the mush.

Oh-h*-h*, watch that.

Well, if it isn't
Mrs. Sitting Buffalo.

I still can't understand how anyone
could marry a complete stranger.

Well, neither do I. I didn't even
know we were going steady.

Well, I hope you'll be
happy on the reservation.

You can stay here
and eat your raw meat.

I am getting out of here just
as soon as this powwow is over.

Harry, you... don't you
dare leave me here.

Why, this is your wedding
night. I wouldn't want to spoil that.

- Oh... you...
- Oh, oh, don't look now.

Here comes your Romeo.

Some guide do
you turn out to be.

I hire you and before
I know it, I'm married.

Is this part of the tour?

No, but if it's any comfort to
you, there's no extra charge.

Oh, look, Running Water.

- I think we'd better
straightened things out fast.
- Right. Go ahead.

[foreign language]

- What now?
- He wants you to come with him.

Uh, oh, no, now,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

If he is thinking about a honeymoon, you
tell him I wanna go to Los Angeles alone.

No. He wants to show
you your wedding present.

Oh, huh-huh, no more
presents, no more presents.

Thank you very
much. I have plenty.

You don't understand, you see.

You see, among the Navajo,
everything belongs to the woman.

The man just owns his
horse and his saddle.

He wants to show you
what belongs to you.

[foreign language]

Craig, Kim baby, Harry!

- [foreign language]
- There's the

chief's wedding
present. That's all yours.

- Yours?
- Mine?

- Mom's?
- All of it?

As far as the eye can reach.

- But isn't that Utah?
- Yes.

But Utah is a state.

Utah belonged to his grandfather, but he
refuses to recognize anybody else's claim.

Come on, I'll show you where the old
man is buried right up there on the hill.

Look, uh, chief, it's very kind of you, but
I don't really think I should take Utah.

Well, of course, we can take
Utah, gold, silver, uranium.

She loves uranium.
Uh, I mean, Utah.

Harry...

What are you trying to
do? You'll hurt his feelings.

It's very kind of you,
but I really don't think...

She loves Utah.

Let go of me, Harry, what
is the matter with you?

But, then, look, how
can you be so ungrateful.

You don't deserve this fine man and
may I say he doesn't deserve you either.

- Uh, we'll take Utah.
- Harry!

I want to go home.

I want to go home!

You can't go home. You'd
have to give back Utah.

- I don't want Utah.
- Now, Lucille, you listen to me.

From now on, you are
going to stay here, work hard

at making this fine husband
of yours a happy man.

From now on, that is your job.

I already have a
job. I work for you.

- You're fired.
- Ah!

Ah!

[foreign language]

The chief says don't you
care for him anymore?

Well, of course,
she cares for him.

Oh, this is just a display
of maidenly shyness.

It's a custom among our people.

Mom, wait a minute. Wait. Mom!

Hey, listen to me.

We found out from Running
Water how you can get a divorce.

A divorce? How?

Well, you know, how
easy it was to get married?

Easy wasn't the word for
it... Sneaky. That's what it was.

Well, divorce is even sneakier.

Among the Navajo, all
the woman has to do is take

the man's saddle and
put it outside the door.

- That's it? You're sure?
- That's all there is to it.

- Oh, I got to get back to that igloo.
- Mom, it's called a hogan.

All right, a hogan. I got
to get back to the hogan.

Listen, you kids run and
get your things together

because it's gonna be
empty saddles in the old corral

and then away we go.

What is this you're doing?

- Getting a divorce?
- What?

All I have to do is
put the chief's saddle

outside this zoo and
the marriage is finished.

Over my dead body.

Well, I can't think of
a nicer way of doing it.

- Now, g*ng way.
- Now, not now, Lucille...

- Harry!
- Give me that saddle,
Lucille, Lucille... oh-

- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- You should be.

Here. Let me give you a hand.

There we are.

Harry!

Harry, let me in.

Harry, give me that saddle!

Harry, Harry, you
give me that saddle.

Lucille, one day you're
going to thank me for this.

I'll thank you to
give me that saddle.

- Oh, honestly, that man... you're...
- Mom, come on.

- Let's get going.
- I can't.

- Why not?
- I'm still married.

What?

Uncle Harry won't
give me the saddle.

You're kidding!

Uncle Harry!

I don't understand
him. Is he crazy?

Yeah, crazy about gold and silver
and uranium and the whole state of Utah.

I'll show you who's crazy.

Well, I, too can play
this game. Come on.

- Harry.
- Yes, Lucille.

Harry, I've decided
you were right.

Well, I knew you'd
come to your senses.

I was just trying
to do you a favor.

And now, I want to do
a favor for you, Harry.

Open the door, I
have surprise for you.

Oh?

- Meet Pocahontas.
- How do.

She is your wife.

My wife?

You just married her.

I did?

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

- What do you mean I... I just married her?
- Well, let me explain.

There's an old Navajo custom
that says the head of the

tribe can declare people
married to suit his convenience.

I have just declared
you married.

Pocahontas, take him away.

Hold it, hold it.

Let go.

Will you control yourself,
Pokey? Really, look.

Look, on second thought,
why don't we forget all

about Utah and go back to
California why we still can?

Oh... Oh, please,
please allow me.

- Here, I have to put it down.
- Oh, all right.

It's heavy. Ugh... Ugh!

There. I'm divorced.

Ah, Chief. Look, just
because we aren't married

anymore doesn't mean
we can't still be friends.

Better luck next time.

Come on, g*ng.