02x04 - Lucy Runs the Rapids

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz, and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

- How are you doing?
- Fine.

Isn't this fabulous?

- What?
- Arizona.

- Arizona?
- Shhh.

Mom, we're supposed to be going straight
from Colorado Springs to San Francisco.

- We don't go anywhere near Arizona.
- I know. I know.

But I thought since we
were just one or two states

out of the way, it certainly
wasn't gonna make any...

- Oh boy! Wait till Uncle Harry
finds out about this.
- Oh don't bother to tell him.

- I mean...
- I know what you mean.

Why are we stopping?

Courtesy of the road. I
think somebody's in trouble.

If they were, they are now.

- Having trouble?
- What?

- Oh. hi.
- Hi.

My battery's dead.

Oh well, can I help in any way?

- Well, I can get it
started if you give me a push.
- Oh, OK.

But you've got to get it
up to 30 miles an hour.

Thirty miles an hour?

Can I just give
you a little nudge?

That won't do it.

- Thirty miles an hour?
- Oh, honest lady. I know my car.

- Well if you're sure.
- Positive.

You're getting more like
your mother every day.

- What are you, some kind of a nut?
- Me?

It's a lucky thing for
you I had sense enough

to stop, you and
your 30 miles an hour.

Now will you get into
your car and I'll give you

a push like I should have
done in the first place?

Well, I didn't hear a
crash. Did you miss him?

You have got to be
some kind of a lunatic.

Well you have to help people
when you're on the road.

If you want to help people,
just stay off the road.

Oh, look at that.

This is great.

- Do you believe that?
- Unbelievable.

- Lucille!
- What?

This is Arizona.

Lee's Ferry, Arizona.

Harry, those people
already know that.

I demand to know why you took
another detour of a thousand miles.

Oh, Harry in this part of the country
a thousand miles means nothing.

You wouldn't have known the
difference if you hadn't read that sign.

- Wouldn't have known the difference?
- Be quiet, Harry.

And here comes that lunatic who
wanted me to run into him with a camper.

Just ignore him. I think
he's a little mixed up.

- Well, it takes one to know one.
- Shh.

Come on kids, let’s get down
by the river and have our picnic.

Come on. Well go that way.

What are you looking at Kim?

Just the scenery.

Honey, the scenery's that way.

It looks kind of
nice that way too.

Oh, isn't this beautiful?

Look, you kids can swim right off
the dock and I'll get the food ready.

Hey. Look at this boat! That's
a nice place for our picnic.

We can't use that boat.
We'd have to get permission.

Well, who's is it?

How should I know?

Mom I think it's just
an old army surplus raft.

- Army surplus?
- Yeah.

Well that means that
our taxes help pay for

it. I see no reason
why we shouldn't use it.

With that kind of reasoning, it's a good
thing there isn't a battleship around here

or you'll have us all
arrested for piracy.

Oh, Harry!

It's just an old raft.

It's surplus. That means that
they've got more than they can use.

Come on, give me that Craig.

- Come on Craig. Let's get our suits on.
- OK.

- Give me the lemonade, honey.
- OK.

Have your lunch all ready when
you come back. Come on, Harry.

Yeah. Well...

I'm not getting in
that thing. It's squishy.

Oh, come on now. Give me
your jacket. Give me your jacket.

There's nothing to
be nervous about.

- Come on. Give me your hand.
- Oh.

Come on, honey. Come on.

Hold on.

I'll Hold on. Step right
in the middle, Harry.

Harry, step up...

Harry! Harry!

I can't swim.

Now you tell me.

Wait a minute. I'll get you.

What are you trying
to do, k*lling me?

Wait a minute. I'll get a rope.

Here you go, Harry!

Kim! Craig!

Kim! Craig! Help!

Help!

- Harry!
- What?

- Harry, look at me.
- OK. I'm...

- Did you make out your will?
- Yeah.

Kim! Craig!

Come on, help me.

- Get Uncle Harry.
- Come on, Uncle Harry.

Here baby! Here baby!

- She tried to drown me.
- He struck his head. He's delirious.

- She tried to k*ll me.
- You see what I mean?

- Are you all right Kim, baby?
- Yeah. I'm fine, mom.

OK. Craig move Uncle
Harry around. Pull his head up.

- Get around here.
- You're all right, Harry.

- I'm uh... I thought I'd never survive it.
- You're all right.

Mom. Give me something to
wrap around him, you know.

- Well, he took all the blankets and
the towels when he went overboard.
- Oh!

- Here, put this over him.
- Well, all right.

All right it's good. Here
you go, Uncle Harry.

Thanks, Uncle Harry that's all
right now. You're going to be all right.

Hey, mom. We're moving
away from the dock.

Oh, yeah.

Well good. We can float
around out here in the

middle of the river
while we have our picnic.

Gee, just look at the
scenery. Isn't it beautiful?

- Gee we're moving along pretty good here.
- Yeah.

- Hey mom, I think we're getting a
little too far away from the dock.
- Oh, yeah.

Maybe we better go back.

Yeah, we're getting
kind of far away.

All right, I'll turn us around.

You know, I used to do a lot of
canoeing on Chautauqua Lake.

Your mother knows a
thing or two about paddling.

- Hey, why don't you use the motor?
- What motor?

- The one behind you.
- Oh, yeah.

That'd be a lot easier.

- We're going to go home now.
- We've got a motor, Uncle Harry.

How do you use...
how do you turn it on?

Oh, you have to
pull the cord out.

Atta-go, mom. Now,
get a good a stand up.

Push it all the way
first. There you go.

Pull, mom.

- You all right, Harry?
- Oh, not again.

Mom, watch out for the
whole raft full of people.

We're heading right for them.

Back away. Hey!
Go away! Go away!

Full left paddle!

You lunatic!

Lunatic?

I'm a lunatic?

He's the one that wanted me
to crash into him with a camper.

Can't you see how he can
literately swerved in front of us?

Mom, turn this thing around. We
got to go back and help those people.

We're in a whirlpool!

I've heard them.
We're in a whirlpool.

Mom, we're not in a
whirlpool. The motor is stuck.

- Turn it off.
- How do you turn it off?

- I don't know. Try anything.
- That little button right there!

Push it in!

- Oh! Let me out!
- Well, you've done it.

Well, at least it
stopped running.

But we haven't.

What's happening?
What's happening?

What's she doing now?

Mom! Don't!

- I'm not going to hit him.
- Well, what are you going to do?

I'm going to paddle to shore.

Now come on you two. Grab
your paddles and start paddling.

Heave-h*, heave-h*,
heave-h*, heave-h*.

Oh, not you Harry. Heave-h*.

We'll tie up to that rock.

Oh, where is she
going? What's she doing?

What's she do?
Is anything... I'm...

- All right we'll back paddle.
- OK. Now, you can relax now.
- Oh, all right.

Mom!

What's going on? What's she
doing now? What's going on?

Hand me the rope,
mom. Come on. Come on.

- We got you.
- We got you. All right.

Oh, there we go.

There. It's that boy who's been trying to
meet Kim. We must pretend we don't see him.

- Mom, he isn't trying to meet me.
- Yeah. Well...

- Don't move.
- What are you going to do?

- Tie you up and take you in.
- Yeah. We'll just see about that.

- Oh lady, please.
- Mom, he means the raft.

- Mother, it's all right.
- I don't like the way he looks at you.

- But mom.
- I know what I'm talking about.

You have no right to do this.

- Mother!
- What did you do that for?

He's not fooling me.
I'm onto his tricks.

Mom! The rapids!

- Here, get these on, quick.
- What's going on?

- What's happening?
- Harry! Harry!

- The rapids. Don't look.
- What?

Oh!!!

Hey come on, get me buckets.
We got to get this water out.

- Oh my goodness!
- Start bailing!

Get the water out.

Oh, will you get
it out of the boat.

Will you get it over
the side of the boat?

Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

Come on. Pull it up.

Mom!

- Oh!
- What are you doing?

We didn't know you
were in the water, mom.

Are you all right?

The... water's...
very invigorating.

- Let's get out of the raft.
- Yeah. All right.

- Lucille.
- Oh, hi, Harry.

- Lucille.
- Yes, Harry?

What do you see over there?

- High rocks. Red rocks.
- Uh-huh.

And what do you see here?

Higher rocks. Redder rocks.

And have you figured out how we're
going to get away from these red rocks?

Well, um, I just got
here, I haven't had time.

We couldn't get away from
here if we were mountain goats!

And look what's happened to the
raft. It looks like a dead flounder.

Oh now, Harry. We can fix that.

How fix it? By filling it
with some of your hot air?

- Oh, Harry somebody will go by.
- Oh, sure, sure.

Somebody will go by
and they'll go right on by.

Oh, now, Harry. Come
on let's build a fire and

dry our clothes and
have our little picnic.

Picnic? Oh, if I hear that
word again, I will k*ll myself!

- Oh now, Harry, aren't you hungry?
- No, I'm not hungry.

What have we got to eat?

- Craig, are you doing mine?
- Yup.

These rafts sure come well
equipped for any emergency.

Well thank goodness.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

- Oh, you didn't blow up Uncle Harry's.
- Well he was asleep, mom,
I didn't want to disturb him.

Having a bad dream?

Is the ground hard, Harry?

Well, Lucy will fix that.

Mom, Uncle Harry's mattress!

- What should I do?
- Let the air out.

Waah! What happened?
What's happening?

- You were having a nightmare.
- Oh! This whole trip is a nightmare.

- Oh now, Uncle Harry.
- Don't! Get your hands off me.

Go away! Leave me in peace.

Help! Help!

- Help! Help!
- Mom!

- Mother!
- Help! Help!

- Come on, Uncle Harry.
- Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

Help!

Help! Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Mom, Come on. Come on.
Come on, mom. Let's got to shore.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

What are you doing here?

If you're looking for my
daughter, you can just forget it.

No. No. I'm not looking
for your daughter,

ma'am. I'm looking for
you. Congratulations.

For what?

For making the fastest trip down
the rapids. You just broke the record.

I did?

- Yes and Sheriff George is
here to give you a citation.
- Oh, wonderful!

Hi, Sheriff George
we're the Carter family.

Yeah.

- Hi.
- How do you do?

This citation is for running the
rapids without a permit, stealing a raft.

- What?
- Yeah. Well now, I was just
an innocent bystander.

I told you we should
have gotten permission.

Look, we didn't take
the raft. It took us.

Did you say your
name was Carter?

That's right, sir.
Harrison Otis Carter.

Seems to me I have a bulletin
here on the Carter family.

Uh-huh. Yeah. You fit
the description very well.

It says here, wanted
one overweight, overaged

playboy and his red headed,
light headed secretary.

Also missing with them
is a large blue and white

camper, $500 reward for
the return of the camper.

You can do what you
want with the odd couple.

- Where's the camper?
- Oh it's uh... where is it Harry?

- Well, it's up there.
- [together] Lee's Ferry. Lee's Ferry.

Well I have to confiscate the camper,
we turn the raft and put you in jail.

You're not going
to put me in jail.

- Unless you can pay the $500 fine.
- Oh well, Harry will pay the $500 fine.

I will not.

- Harry you're not going to let them
put me in jail.
- Yes I am.

- Oh, Harry.
- Uncle Harry, you wouldn't
let them put mother in jail.

How can you do that?

Oh! All right!

See you in court at nine
o'clock in the morning.

Yeah. Wait a minute
sheriff, sheriff. Sheriff.

How are we going to
get away from here?

Well I guess you can float out.
You can find some enter tubes.

I'd be glad to give a
lift in the page, ma'am.

Oh, thank you.

Of course I've just got a pick up
truck but there's room for all of you.

That's very nice. Thank you.

Yeah. Well you'll sit in the
back with me, young lady.

- Now, where is your pick up?
- It's right up this way.