02x12 - Lucy and the Generation Gap

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz, and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

- What is that?
- Who turned off the music?

Hey, what's the idea?

I'm working on a new theory?

What new theory?

It's not the pizza that's giving
everybody indigestion, it's the music.

Oh...

- Say, Kim.
- Hmm?

Have you lined up
anything to the show yet?

What show?

Get with it, Fred!

Kim and Craig are putting
on the annual school musical.

Wow! That's great!

No, we're still
kicking it around.

- Yeah, I got one idea.
- What?

Well, I know a Mormon, maybe
he can get us the Tabernacle Choir.

- That wouldn't work,
they'd outnumbered the audience.
- True, true.

Ah, you'll come
up with something.

- Common Jan, we got to go.
- Alright.

- Oh, okay.
- And we will see you later.
- Bye bye.

Bye, Jan.

- Listen, we don't have that long,
we've got to think of something.
- I know, I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

Alright.

- Here you go.
- Thank you.

Thank you.

Ahh... I hope you have
some money with you.

Not me, I thought you had.

I'm flat.

Oh, swell.

You know, we may have to sit here and wait
until our next allowance comes through.

- Maybe I know somebody in here.
- Oh, sure...

Hey, look who doesn't know
she's dropping in to pay the check.

- Mom, oh...
- Mother!

- What a nice surprise.
- Hi.

How are you?

- Oh, it's good to see you.
- Gee, it's good to see you.

Wow! That's quite a greeting.

Yeah, you don't know how
happy we are to have you join us.

Well, why all the fuss?
This is my birthday is it?

Ha, ha, ha...

It's your birthday.
That's funny!

Look, I just dropped in to
tell you that you're gonna

have to get your own
dinner I have to work tonight.

- Oh, we don't mind.
- Oh, no problem that's okay.

Okay. So, this is
Murphy's pizza parlor, huh?

Yep.

How did an Irish man get
mixed up with Italian food?

That's nothing, wait
until you meet Murphy.

- Oh, Mr. Fong, Mr. Fong?
- Yes, yes.

Ah, Mr. Fong, this is our mother.
Mother, this is Murphy Fong.

Murphy Fong?

My middle name is Irving.

- Nice to meet you, Mr. Fong.
- Thank you.

Oh, he's cute.

Have a piece of pizza, mom?

Pizza? No, what it
will do to my figure?

Look what it did
to Sophia Loren.

Oh, I'll have some, I'll have
some. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Ah, mom... Can I ask you a question?
- What?

Sure.

Do you think it's proper
for young kids like Kim

and me to go around town
opening up charge accounts.

I should say not.

Hmm... Yeah, maybe you're right.

Cash is the only way.

Absolutely.

Then it's all yours
mom, we're both broke.

No wonder you were
so glad to see me.

Okay, I'll pay.

But I'll tell you one thing, you
just widened the generation gap.

Hey!

Wait a minute, I think mom might
have given us an idea for our show.

She has?

- I has?
- Yeah.

The Generation Gap.

That could be the
theme of the whole thing.

- Yeah! It's loaded with angles.
- Sure.

Mom, we just picked up
your option for another year.

Well, thanks a lot.

Gee, it's certainly
is dead around here.

- When I was a teenager,
things are a little livelier in our hang out.
- Yeah?

We should put some music on.

- This thing take a quarter?
- Yeah.

♪ Music ♪

[speaking Chinese]

Boy, this producer stuff sure
isn't what it's cracked up to be.

I never thought we'd
have casting problems.

You know, the kids
looked okay playing kids,

but they were so
unbelievable playing parents.

I know.

Maybe we ought to start
thinking up another show to put on.

No, now Craig
there is still hope.

- I have faith in mom and she did volunteer
to play the part of the mother.
- Yeah, right I know.

But if she thinks she is
gonna talk Uncle Harry into

playing the part of the
father, she is mistaken.

She hasn't got a
China-man's chance.

Whoops. Sorry about that.

Don't apologize
to me, I'm Irish.

Listen Craig, when they come
in you just act innocent and

I'll guarantee you that mom has
uncle Harry hooked in no time.

- This I got to see.
- Alright.

I'll put some music on.

Phooey

Hey, here they come.

- Act innocent.
- Okay.

- Oh, hi!
- Hi, Uncle Harry.

- Hi, mom. Hello, Uncle Harry.
- Good to see you.

Come on, sit right down.

Oh, well, oh it's always a
pleasure being with you two.

- Well, we just don't get to
see enough of you, Uncle Harry.
- Thank you, dear. Thank you.

After all, you are our
only uncle and you set

such a wonderful
example for us to follow.

I know.

Children how are you coming
along with the play you're producing.

- Not too well, mother.
- Oh.

We can't find kids talented enough
to play the part of the parents.

- Really?
- Yeah.

For the part of the father, we need someone
who makes an impressive appearance.

Someone tall and
forceful and handsome.

Someone like, well,
like you, Uncle Harry.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, well I'm sure Uncle Harry
would do it if he could act.

What do you mean if I could act?

- Well, I mean you...
- I will have you know that in college,

I won an award for my brilliant
performance in Romeo and Juliet.

- I didn't know that.
- Oh... what a performance!

The audience broke into tears
when I died in Romeo's arms.

You were Juliet?

It was a men's college.

Well, but Harry that was many years
ago. You probably lost your touch.

Lost my touch?

A star never loses its glow.

Oh, Romeo!

Romeo, where for art thou Romeo.

Deny thy father and forswear
thy name for if thou wilt

not, be but sworn my love
then I'll no longer be Capulet

but swear not by the
moon, the inconstant moon...

♪ music ♪

Down sl*ves.

Watch it.

Alright, wait outside and
keep your motors running.

Cornelia your little
old emperor is home.

Hail Caesar!

Look, we've been married


that hail Caesar stuff and
call me by my first name.

Alright. Would you care
for an orange, Julius?

No, no.

What's that?

Our children, they're
having a musical.

Do they have to play
that ruckus modern stuff?

Will you kids stop strumming
those loops and come in here.

Hail Caesar!

Oh, stop with the "Hail Caesar."

What was the name of that
horrible tune you were playing?

It's a new hit song, it's called,
"Stab you later, gladiator."

Oh, what a rotten title.

What is happening to the
younger generation in Rome?

Kimia, looked at the
way you're dressed.

What's wrong?

Well, you're wearing a mini
toga. I can see your bare knees.

Mother, bare knees
are in this year.

Then why are yours out.

I demand that you put your
knees back in your clothes.

Do you want your
father's soldier staring

at you, whistling at
you, flirting with you?

Keep going mom, you're
giving me some marvelous ideas.

Hey, I think she looks great.

Well, you should talk
Cregius you and that hair.

- What's wrong with my hair?
- It's too short.

Why do you have to go
that barber shop every week?

Because I dig my
lady barber, Delilah.

Pappius, can I use
the chariot tonight?

Well, I don't want you
driving in bad weather.

- Anyone heard the weather report?
- I have.

- What did they predict?
- Hail, Caesar.

Oh, stop!

You and that "Hail Caesar!" bit.

Look, on the second thought,
you're too young to drive a chariot.

You gotta be kidding, daddy-oh!

That will be all
out of you, Cragius.

Mommia, may I go out
with Spartacus tonight?

No, you're too young.

I'm not too young
to go out with boys.

And I'm not too young
to drive a chariot.

Now, let's hear
no more about it.

Oh, mother! Why do you
have to be so old fashion?

These are modern times.
This is the first century.

Hmm!

I don't care what century
it is, you'll do as we say.

Do you know what we have here?

[together] What?

A generation gap.

♪ Singing ♪ We're just
bugged about parents.

And we're sure
bugged about kids.

The gap is gapping.

We get slap happy.

But what is there to do.

If we could merge generations.

We would keep us
from flipping our lips.

Coz kids are
bugged about parents

and parents are
bugged about kids.

We're just too
peace loving people

and we're are turtle doves too.

Why are we always at
w*r just what is there to do.

If we could merged generations
would keep us from flipping our lids.

Coz kids are bugged
about parents,

and parents are bugged about
kids - Kids are bugged about-

We are bugged about you.

- Parents are bugged about-
- Kids are bugged about-

We are bugged about you.

What kind of shocking
spectacle do you call this?

Twenty-three ska-doo!

Do you call that dancing?

Mama it's the newest
thing, it's called the two-step.

Young lady, if the
one-step is good enough

for your parents, it's
good enough for you.

Two-step indeed!

What will this younger
generation think of next?

Uh-ha! Just as I thought.

Cherry phosphate.

Gee father, it's only
flavored soda water.

Flavored soda water
leads to beer, beer leads

to wine, and wine
leads to the demon rum.

Don't mind if I do.

Ambrose come back here.

Well, I just wanted a short
jigger full to cure my lumbago.

You don't have lumbago.

- You see what a good cure it is.
- Ambrose.

Hey papa, can I use the horse and
buggy tonight? I'm courting Marylou.

And where do you
plan on taking her.

The elks picnic grounds.

There is nothing
going on there tonight.

There will be when we get there.

That's enough out
of you young man.

You are going to stay
home and do your homework.

- But I can learn more from Marylou.
- Never mind young man.

Mama, I finished my homework.
May I go out with Georgey Marshall?

No, you cannot.

But mama, he's going to take me for a ride
in one of those new horseless carriages.

No sir-ee-bob. I don't trust
new-fangled contraptions.

Why, you and Georgey could
be driving along, it could break

down and you can be stuck
all alone on a country road.

Why mama, you've
just invented parking.

Hey! That's ginger peachee up
to the parking comes the sparking.

Parking, where ever does this
younger generation get its wild ideas?

You know, I think we
get along a lot better

if we didn't have to live
under the same roof.

Do you know what we have here?

[together] What?

A generation gap.

♪ Singing ♪ Parents,
children, always should stay apart.

Living together, that's
how the argument starts.

Oh, why can't we
stand each other?

It's so easy to love a mother.

But let's not part. Let's play it smart.
We'll just cut the old house in two.

Parents. Children. We
are the positive group

It's sure madness. Both
living under one roof.

Oh, why is it such a bother?

It so easy to love a father.

But let's not part. Let's play it smart.
We'll just cut the old house in two.

We'll never part. We played it smart.
We just half the old house in two.

Hi!

Hi! Where'd you've been?

Milky-way.

- Hey, you wanna go see a movie tonight?
- Sure, is the picture any good?

Yeah, they say it's really wild and
restricted recommended for teenagers only.

- Ooh. Call and see what time it starts.
- Okay.

Oh.

Boy, this phone numbers
are getting longer and longer.

Yeah, and I'm still
working on the area code.

- No, skip it, skip it, by the time you
get the number the picture will be over.
- Yeah.

- Anyway, I have a date tonight.
- Oh, alright.

- Hi kids!
- Oh, hi, mom!

Where have you been?

I have been
shopping on the moon.

They had a sale on craters.

What are you going
to do with a crater?

Oh, who knows, when something
is on sale, you don't ask questions.

Hey, if we had an eagle we
could use it for a bird bath.

Hey, I think they're having an eagle sale
on Mars next week, that's a very good idea.

Parents and bargains.

Sometimes I think I'll never
understand the older generation.

Good. Let's just leave it that way
it's the only thing keeping us together.

Alright, alright. Who took
the key to the rocket ship?

Don't look at me.

- I did.
- Well, do you need the rocket ship?

Well, I've got those girl in Buenas
Aires and I wanna take her to

dinner tonight in Paris then
catch that new nightspot in Tokyo.

This younger generation, in
my day we go out with local girls.

Mother, may I go to
Jupiter with Spencer tonight?

Jupiter, I should say not.
That's an overnight trip.

But Helen's mother lets her go.

Helen's mother is a robot.

That woman lets her kids do
anything because she is always oil.

Ooh..

Listen, don't waste your
time arguing, the older

generation never
approves of anything we do.

Well, the younger generation
never approves of anything we do.

Do you know what we have here?

[together] What?

A generation gap.

♪ Singing♪ Kids, we don't
know what's wrong with kids today.

Parents, who can ever
dig anything they say.

- Parents, are so demanding.
- Kids are immature.

We don't see why anybody wants
them. While we are on the subject.

Kids, you can talk and
talk till your face is blue.

Parents, trying to make
us do what they want us to.

Why can't they be like we
are. Perfect in every way.

What's the matter
with them today.

Parents, we don't know
what's wrong with parents today.

Kids, who can understand
anything they say.

- Parents are so ridiculous.
- Kids are immature.

- Noisy, crazy, sloppy, lazy, loafers.
- While we are on the subject.

Parents, never
listen to us at all.

Kids, they are
driving us up the wall.

Why can't they be like we
are, Perfect in every way.

What's the matter
with them today.

Hold everything. We have got to
find a solution to our problem right now.

[together] How?

Well, I've got the computer all programmed
with each of our personality traits

and our relationships
to one another.

All I have to do is a push a button and
we have the solution to the generation gap.

[together] Well, push it!

Alright, there we go.

There.

Why can't they be like we
are, perfect in every way.

What's the matter
with them to-day...