02x20 - Lucy and Ann-Margret

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz, and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

Craig, what are you doing?

Playing handball.

- What?
- I'm writing a song.

Oh.

It'll never make the top 10.

- Funny.
- Is that piece of school play?

No. I think this has
commercial possibilities.

I wanna get it published
and then record it.

Oh! Come on, Craig.
You're not a song writer.

You're just a kid.
You're not even 17.

So what? Beethoven wrote a
whole concerto when he was 6.

Yeah, but he was deaf.
He didn't have to listen to it.

Go ahead. Kid
me all you want to.

Hey, Kim, but wouldn't it be fantastic
if I became a famous songwriter?

Yeah. It'd be fantastic for you, but
mom would be a little disappointed.

She wants you to be a doctor.

Yeah, I know, but I
wanna a songwriter.

Well, OK, but I just can't
see mom going around telling

her friends, "There goes
my son, the songwriter."

Hey, listen. Mom changes her
ideas about my future as often as I do.

Yeah, but mom's never changed
her ideas about my future.

- She wants me to be a wife and a mother.
- And in that order.

Hey, mom, Craig's
writing a song.

Oh, that's nice.

In fact, I, uhm, maybe make
songwriting my profession.

Oh? I thought you
want to be doctor.

Mom, you wanted
me to be a doctor.

Well, yeah, just for a few
years 'til I'm eligible for Medicare.

Would you be terribly disappointed
if I didn't study Medicine?

Oh, a little maybe, but
after all, it's your life.

You have the right
to do your own thing.

Thanks mom.

I tell you what.
We'll compromise.

You'll be the only songwriter in
the world who will make house calls.

OK? Oh-oh, something's burning.

Craig, isn't it tough for new
songwriters to get their stuff published?

Yeah, usually, but I
found this ad over here.

Listen to it.

It says, "Attention young songwriters.
We're looking for new songs.

Contact the Marvel Publishing
Company, 718 North Gower."

And, when they see
my song, they'll love it.

I hope they'll feel the
same way when they hear it.

Yeah.

Dinner's ready kids.

Oh, good. I'm hungry.

Hey, Craig, if the song is a hit,
will you take us all out to dinner?

I'll do better than that. I'll take
you both out every night for a year.

Do you know, mom, a successful
songwriters make a lot of money.

Oh, I know, and these days, songwriters
are getting younger and younger.

Who knows you maybe as
big as Simon and Carbunkle.

Mom, that's Garfunkel.

Garfunkel and Carbunkle?

Simon and Garfunkel.

Well, whatever their names are. I
just hope you'll do as well as they have.

Mom, I promise you.

If this song's a hit, we'll have
everything we ever wanted.

We'll have a maid who'll do the
cooking and the cleaning and the laundry.

We already have a
maid who does all that.

- Who?
- Me.

Hi, there. Remember me?

Hi, mom. What are you
doing home so early?

Oh, I invited Uncle Harry
over for dinner, so let

me leave the office an
hour early to prepare things.

Well, that was nice of him.

Nice, my foot. I have to
work an extra hour tonight.

You mean after dinner?

Well, I hope it's after dinner.

The last time he was here, I had to
work between courses, remember?

I hope you're kidding.

Papapapapaaapa!

Greetings mother, sister dear.

This generation's
Cole Porter is here.

Craig, you mean
you sold your song?

The publisher loved it!

- Oh! Wonderful!
- Haha!

- Oh! Congratulations, honey!
- I know.

Really, honey,
he really loved it.

Well, when it will be published?

As soon as I pay
my hundred dollars.

- A hundred dollars?
- Yeah.

You mean, you have to pay him?

Yeah. Well, it's just to cover the
costs of printing and incidentals.

Oh, honey, that
sounds pretty expensive.

Well, mom, if the song's
a hit, we'll make a fortune.

Craig, to us, a
hundred dollars is a

fortune. Where can I
get that kind of money?

Well, Uncle Harry
is coming over.

So.

Hey, maybe, I can get
him to give me the money.

Uncle Harry wouldn't have
given Francis Scott Key

a hundred dollars for
the Star-Spangled Banner.

Yeah, but then Francis
Scott Key wasn't his nephew.

Well, now, that's true.

[doorbell rings] Here he is.

All right, all right.

Let's butter him up and
le... let's be extra nice to

him, and when we've got
him in a real mellow mood,

pow right in the money belt.

Oh, it must be Uncle Harry.

- Oh, it's Uncle Harry.
- It's Uncle Harry.

Hi Uncle Harry.

Why gee, it's just
good to see you.

Oh. It's always a pleasure
having you here, Harry.

- Give me your hat.
- Give me your coat.

Give me a hundred dollars.

Give me my hat.

Give me my coat.

You ain't getting
a hundred dollars.

All right, now Harry. Come here,
come here. I wanna talk to you. Come on.

Lucille, there is
nothing to talk about.

Really, I don't understand
you, always wanting

to borrow money for
some of your nutty idea.

If just one time. Just one
time, you needed the money for

one of the children, then I
would be happy to lend it to you.

Well, fortunately, this time,
it is for one of the children.

Well, fortunately, this
is not the one time.

Uncle Harry. Mom
wanted the money for me.

Oh? Well, what for?

Well, I wrote this song and I need
a hundred dollars to get it published.

It won't be a loan.

It'll be an investment.

- An investment?
- Yeah.

Oh, well, now, that puts a
different light on the matter.

Oh, then you'll give it to me?

No.

Why not?

If I turned down Francis Scott
Key, why should I give it to him?

I thought I was making a joke.

Look, Harry, this means
an awful lot to Craig.

He's worked very
hard writing this song.

- And it's good.
- Yes, it is.

Um, well. What's
the name of the song?

"Country Magic"
and it really is good.

Well, my boy, if it means that much to you,
I will advance you the hundred dollars.

Oh. You will?
Thanks, Uncle Harry.

Oh, Uncle Harry, you're wonderful.
You're the greatest uncle anyone ever had.

You sure are.
You're really fantastic.

You're kind. You're
thoughtful. You're generous.

There's... there's nobody
like you in the whole world.

I know.

When they made me,
they broke the mold.

They had to, it was
cracked to start with.

Honestly, the nerve
of those people.

I'm sorry, mom.

Well, honey. It's not your fault. You
had no way of knowing it's a racket.

Imagine, a hundred dollars
to arrange the song, a hundred

dollars to advertise it, and a
hundred dollars to publish it.

Yeah, well, you got to admit,
they only have one price.

Yeah. Keep charging
it over and over.

Well, they're the ones
who are the losers.

They're missing out on a
hit song. That, I'm sure of.

And, how can you
be sure it's a hit?

It has to be. It even
sounded good when I sang it.

Well, we're not
giving up, Craig.

Well, mom, listen, there has to be
other publishers in this building, right?

So, maybe, they're
not all crooks.

Hey, that's true. We'll start at the
ground floor and work our way up.

- OK.
- Good idea.

Here we are.

E... e... excuse me.

Aren't you Ann-Margret?

Yes, I am.

Uh-huh, huh, huh. Gee, I'm actually
meeting you Miss Margret, uh, Miss Ann?

It's Ann-Margret,
what's your name?

- My name?
- Yes?

Oh! Uh, Craig.

- Craig...
- Craig.

- Craig...
- Carter.

- Craig Carter.
- Craig Carter.

Oh! It's so nice to meet you.

Oh! Nice meeting you.

Uh, aren't you going to
introduce me to your, uh, sister?

Oh, I like this girl.

I'm not Craig's
sister. I'm his mother.

Oh! I don't believe it.

Nobody ever does, but I am.

Uh, no one's can ever
believe that I met you.

Do you think I could
have your autograph?

Oh, sure. Do you have
something for me to write on?

Oh, no. Mom, do you
have, uh, a piece of paper?

Honey, I have a pen. I don't
have any... write on here.

- Oh, oh, well, you can use this.
- OK.

Just put anything.

Alrighty.

"Country Magic."

Is this a new song?

Oh, yes. Yes, it's a new song
written by a brilliant young songwriter.

He is not only talented,
but he's very dedicated.

He gave up a successful career
as a doctor to write the song.

- Mom, you don't have to talk about it.
- Don't interrupt your mother, doctor.

How did you know
that I wrote the song?

Your name's on it.

Yeah, your name was
on it. That's how she knew.

Let’s see "Country Magic."

Good title.

Yeah and I like these lyrics.

You... you really do?

Yes, I do. I'd
like to hear this.

- You would?
- Uh-hum.

Wow.

I'll sing it for you.

No. Please. No.

No? Well... all right.

My voice isn't
what it used to be.

Um, Craig, my musical arranger
will be at my house tonight.

He can play this over and,
um, then, we'll discuss it.

Could both of you be at
my house at about 8 o'clock?

Oh, we'll be there at 7.

Oh. 8 o'clock will be just fine.

Here's my address.

- Gee, I... I can hardly wait.
- Yeah. We'll be there, all right.

It's certainly wonderful of you to
help a young songwriter like my son.

Well, actually, he
may be helping me.

What do you mean?

Well, you see, on my new TV
special, I'm featuring a lot of new talent.

Oh! That's wonderful.

As a matter of fact, I'm
introducing, uh, a new

young team of songwriters
called Simon and Carbunkle.

Well, don't you mean
Simon and Garfunkel?

No, no, no. This is a new
team, Simon and Carbunkle.

You see, you see.

See you later.

- Oh, thank you.
- Nice meeting you.

Oh, isn't she adorable!

Ann-Margret, I
think it's a great tune.

So, do I.

- Do you really think so?
- Of course, it is.

And since this is a
boy-girl-type tune, you know, I

think you could maybe, uh,
do something, make a duet.

Get someone like Frank
Sinatra, Dean Martin.

Oh, they're marvelous,
but you see, this is a

new talent. I'd love to
get somebody unknown.

Oh, how about a songwriting
doctor who also sings?

- Mom, I'm not good enough to sing.
- Now, now, now, now, don't be so modest.

He has a beautiful voice.

Craig, that'd be a
marvelous gimmick.

A composer who
does his own songs.

Listen, have you ever
seen in public before?

Oh, he certainly has. He
was the star of his school play.

Mom, that was a long time ago.

He stopped the show.

Took four encore's
with one song.

No go ahead, Craig.
Sing the song for them.

I don't think they want to hear,
"Twinkle, twinkle little star."

It doesn't matter what you
sing. You've got a good voice.

You certainly just as good
as Engelbert Pumpernickel.

Don't you mean
Engelbert Humperdinck?

No, I mean Englebert
Pumpernickel.

He sings all the Simon
and Carbunkle songs.

Craig, if you could do it, it would
be a great asset to the show, really.

Well, if you
think so, I can try.

Good boy.

Oh, I'm going to go
right over to Uncle Harry's

and return that hundred
dollars that we borrowed.

Oh, can't you do that tomorrow?

What? And pay him
another day's interest. Uh-ah.

Mrs. Carter can I give
you a lift? I have to go, too.

Yeah.

Oh, would you? Thank you.

Oh, can't you stay any longer?

Oh, honey, I wish I could,
but I have a recording day.

Oh. Well, we'll
manage without a piano.

Craig dear, do you think you'll
be able to get along without me?

I'll try.

Thank you very much
for being so nice to Craig.

Oh, you're very welcome.
I'll see you later, Wallie.

OK. Bye.

- Nice meeting you.
- Bye-bye.

- Drive carefully dear.
- Oh, I will mom.

- OK.
- OK.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

Well, I... ready if
you are, hah-hah.

Hey, listen, why don't we just relax a
little bit before we rehearse, all right?

- Relax?
- Yeah.

Oh? OK.

Craig, I think you are going
to do very well on the show.

Huh?

I think you're going to
do very well on the show.

What show?

On my TV show.

Oh, that show!

What about it?

I think you're going
to be great on it.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

First of all, you're talented and,
uh, you're a very good-looking boy.

Oh, thanks. Same to you.

- I mean, uh...
- I know what you mean.

Do you want something to
drink, a glass of milk, perhaps?

Well, I'd like something
a little stronger.

Oh?

Like a root beer?

Oh, OK, well, why don't
you just help yourself.

We have plenty of soft
drinks over there at the bar.

- Oh, at the bar?
- Yeah.

- Over there?
- Yeah.

Oh, OK.

Listen, you just make
yourself at home while

I slip into something
more comfortable?

While you what?

While I slip into something
more comfortable.

M... m... mo...
more comfortable?

I'll be right back.

Well, I'm ready Craig.

Let’s see here.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Ann-Margret.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Tonight, for the first
time on the air, I'd like to

introduce a brand new
song called "Country Magic."

And here to do the
song with me is the

young man who composed
it, Mr. Craig Carter.

♪

[Craig singing] Every mornin'
We go down by the stream.

Let our horses drink from
there and in the morning gleam.

[Ann-Margret singing] We see
our reflection in the water by our feet

[together] and we find there's not a
better place for a boy and girl to meet.

And you know there's
somethin' that's hangin' in the air

It's that country magic
and you'll find it everywhere.

[Ann-Margret singing] In
the evening sittin' by a fire.

Sing a few old country
songs and play on old guitars.

[Craig singing] A firefly flashes
in the evening's peaceful bliss.

[together] And we find there's not a
better place for a boy and girl to kiss.

And you know there's
somethin' that's hangin' in the air.

It's that country magic
and you'll find it everywhere.

- Every girl - and
very single boy

Should feel the way that we
do should feel love and joy.

In the country we
made it plain to see.

That we found there's not a
better place for a boy and girl to be.

And you know there's
somethin' hangin' in the air.

It's that country magic
and you'll find it everywhere.

Oh, it’s wonderful, wonderful.

My son, the songwriter!