03x03 - Lucy and Sammy Davis Jr.

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz Jr.

[rock music playing]

Hey!

Craig, are you deaf? Didn't
you hear me screaming?

Screaming? I thought
you were singing!

How do you like that? I just
screamed my first hit record.

- Sandwiches everybody.
- Oh, yeah.

Help yourself. Help yourself.

All right, all right, all right
all right. Everybody got one?

There you are.

Can I have one?
Mothers have to eat also.

Thank you, thank you.

These sure are
good, Mrs. Carter.

Well, thank you, thank you.

Mom, it's that complaining
neighbor of ours again, Mr. Franklin.

Oh, him, the guy who writes
fan letters to Don Rickles.

Tell him we're not home.

- Mrs. Carter!
- Too late.

Mrs. Carter!

I know, I know.

Our automatic sprinkler got some
drops of water on your fender again.

- That's not what I'm here for today.
- Oh.

I know. Our trash can overlap
three inches on to your lawn again.

Four inches. But
that's not it either.

That's it! It's that
awful rock music.

Just a cotton pickin'
minute, Mr. Franklin.

You can insult our trash can. You
can insult our sprinkling system.

But you cannot insult
our awful rock music.

Oh, I, I didn't mean that kids.

I was a little confused
from by this protest singer.

Very funny, Mrs. Carter.

But you won't think it's funny
when this case comes out in court.

- Court?
- Hmm-hmm.

"Plaintiff Chester P. Franklin

hereby serves notice upon
defendant, Lucille Carter,

to cease and desist the use of a
home as a public entertainment center."

Mrs. Carter, from now on
you can talk to my lawyer.

That won't be
necessary, Mr. Franklin.

I heard the charges, and
I'm afraid that your lawyer has

overlooked the legal
precedence of res ipsa loquitur.

Right! So from now on you
can tell your lawyer... what?

Simply tell him to look up the
case of Jones versus Dawson 1967.

Craig, where did you
learn all this legal talk?

Have you been ditching your homework
and watching reruns of Perry Mason?

No, mom. I read it in the schoolbook
over here, Law for Layman.

And you can find it under
homeowner's property rights.

Never mind. I'll have another
talk with my friend, the attorney.

You do that, Mr. Franklin,
and from now on your

friend, the attorney, can
talk to my son, the lawyer.

Oh!

Ooh, ooh, oh!

Oh, sir. What is
it? What happened?

Let me take a look.

Oh.

Oh! Oh, good heavens!

I hate to trouble you,
miss, but the elevator

door just shut suddenly,
and I banged my nose.

It's you!

Can I please have some ice?

Do you know who you
are? Harry Belafonte.

Harry... can I please
have some ice?

Oh. Oh, wait I minute.
You're not Harry Belafonte.

- How stupid of me.
- I thought you might...

Ha-ha-ha. Don't worry about it.

It's my height that
confuses everybody.

I know. Your name is Davis.

Right! Absolutely right.
Can I please have some ice?

Of course, Davis. Now,
what's your second name?

Junior. I mean, my
name is Sammy Davis Jr.

Sammy Davis Jr.

- Well, Mr. Davis, do you know what
would be good for your nose?
- What?

Ice.

Now, why didn't I think of that?

- Look, miss...
- Ah, Carter.

Mrs. Lucille
Carter. I work here.

I'm so dedicated that I
come in even on Saturday.

- Well, I'm supposed to
be working today too.
- Oh, really?

Yes. I... may I borrow
your phone please.

- Oh, certainly. Be my guest.
- Thank you.

And you consider this my thanks
for [Singing] What kind of fool am I.

Oh, I... I'll go and get
the ice bag and some ice.

Thank you. I got to call
my manager, Sy Marsh.

Yes.

Hello, this is Junior. I...
pardon me, this is Sammy Davis.

May I speak to Sy Marsh, please?

Gee just imagined you
talking on our phone.

Oh, I can't believe it.

Oh, yes, yeah. I'll
get the ice, yes, yes.

Hello, Sy.

Yeah, everything is cool.

But I think you better call the studio
and tell I may be late. I hurt my nose.

Well a Mrs. Carter
is helping me.

But she just left to get
some cold compresses.

Absolutely cracked.

No, not my nose. Mrs. Carter.

You know something, as a matter
fact, Sy. The nose is feeling better now.

I don't think I'll even
wait for the compresses.

Do me a favor. Have the studio
doctor standing by in the dressing room.

We'll have him take a look at it,
OK? I'll see you there in 10 minutes.

Later. Bye.

[whistling]

I got your ice, Mr. Davis.
Where are you?

Mr. Davis?

Mr. Davis, if you're here,
please say something.

[singing] What kind of fool
am I to ever walk in here?

Oh, oh. Let me see.
Did I make it worse?

You not only made it worse, Mrs.
Carter, you gave me a black eye.

Oh, a black eye?

Take my word for it.

Well, anyway that's
what I get for working on

a Saturday instead of
going to temple. Ooh.

My poor nose.

Do you know, if this nose
doesn't match yesterday's

sh**ting, I'm afraid you
may be involved on a lawsuit.

A lawsuit? Oh, I can't afford
that. Here. Cool it, man, cool it.

Please don't sue, don't sue.

- I'm not going to sue.
- Oh, good, good.

My producer will. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, he just loves to sue.

In fact, his favorite words are,

[singing] Here comes the
judge, here comes the judge.

Look, it's been a ball meeting you, Mrs.
Carter, but for right now, let's split.

- Oh, oh, oh, OK. Goodbye, Mr. Davis.
- Goodbye.

Wooh!

I know it's Saturday, but I
have a lot of extra work to do.

Mr. Carter!

I know who I am.

Who's that?

I am what is left
of Sammy Davis.

Sammy Davis Jr.,
the entertainer?

Oh, my good... oh,
what a... what a thrill.

Oh, what are you
doing here, Mr. Davis?

I don't know what
I'm doing here, sir.

But I think you folks are trying to
integrate my nose with that door.

You mean when I
opened that door...?

Right in the schnoz.

- Oh, oh, I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Davis.
- Well, you should be.

Mr. Davis is sh**ting a
movie, and if this nose is

just a least bit swollen,
his producer is going to sue.

- Sue who?
- Sue you.

Ooh, noo. O-oh, no.

Mr. Davis, there's no need to sue.
I'm sure your nose will be all right.

Let me look at it.

Well?

How is it?

Eh, oh, ooh, it's a...
hardly noticeable.

- It feels a little big.
- Oh, no. It's very small.

And you tell me something, how
come I can hardly keep my head up?

I think I better
go see my doctor.

Oh, no, no. You don't
have to go to a doctor.

Believe me. Your nose isn't
swollen a bit, Mr. Durante.

I better get going.

Oh!

Can I just tell you something?

I think it's only fair to
warn you, nice people,

that if they have to postpone
the sh**ting of my film

because my nose don't match, it's
going to cost somebody about $5000 a day.

And I think that cat's name
is Harrison Otis Carter.

Must get the name
right. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Sorry about that. He-he-he.

But you can deduct it
from the $5000 a day.

- This could put me out of business.
- Yeah, I better go after him.

I'll give him the ice bag.

Give me that. I need
it more than he does.

- No. Give it here. I'll catch up with him.
- Oh!

Meanwhile, you call
my son, the lawyer.

Your son, the who?

Craig. Craig. He has a law book.
There may be a legal way out of this.

There'd better be
a way out of this.

If they don't sh**t Sammy Davis
today, I'll sh**t myself tomorrow.

Promises, promises.

- Are you feeling better, Mr. Davis?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, just a few more seconds and your
nose will look the same as it always did.

Well, that's not a
lot to look forward to.

Let's take a look.

Well, I overdid
it. Now, it's flat.

That's what I mean, Mrs.
Carter. This is my normal nose.

Oh.

But it sure is cold.

You know, if I was a c*ck spaniel,
I'd be the healthiest dog in town.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Oh, Mr. Davis, you're so funny.

Yeah. Well, that's the
way it goes, you see.

The whole day
has been hysterical.

Now, if you don't
mind, I would just like to

relax a few minutes
before we start sh**ting.

Of course, you just
lie back and relax.

[singing] Lullaby and goodnight.

La de da da da da.

That's not necessary.

Sammy, I want to talk to you.

Please.

Mr. Davis is trying
to relax, and for your

information he is
the star of this picture,

and he is not to be disturbed.

And for your information, I
happened to be the producer,

the director, and the
financial backer of this picture.

Oh, in that case, go
ahead, disturb him.

- Sammy, may I see you
alone for a moment, please.
- Yes, sir.

All right. Now,
Sammy, look, look.

Ah, we come now to the big most
climactic seen in the picture, you know.

It should be
laughed clown laugh.

You are a nightclub comic, a
clown, but your heart is breaking.

Would you mind talking a
little louder? I can't hear you.

He is a nightclub clown, but
his heart is... who is this person?

Oh, I'm helping Mr. Davis.

Look, look here.
It's, it's a long story.

- I... you see, I just...
- Please, we have no time for chit-chat.

Chit-chat?

All right. Now, let's get
started. Now, Sammy,

you understand in this
scene, you remember.

This is a scene where
now you get your big break.

You are opening with fantastic
star billing at the Sands Hotel.

But just before you have to
go out to make the public laugh,

comes the word that your
mother is struck hit by a truck.

I got it, I got it. My mother is in the
hospital, but the show must go on, right?

That's correct.

It's corny its cheap,
but it's commercial.

All right.

So, look, the suit it
certainly, I think. All right.

Now, all right. We
go places everybody.

- I want everybody in here promptly.
- Get in, come on.

Quickly, all my
atmosphere people.

Joe Get them in, get them in.

All right. Come
on. Everybody in.

Please, we're trying to make picture,
people. Let's get in and sit down.

Quiet on the set, please.

All right. Now, we
are ready to roll.

Lights, camera...

Action!

What?

Action. You forgot
to say action.

- Action!
- That's right.

Oh, please.

All right.

All right. Sammy, come on.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you.

And I would like to
welcome you to the...

Yeah ha-ha-ha-ha yeah ha.

Enough applause, please.
It's enough. It's finished.

Sammy, forgive me.
Go please, right ahead.

Ah, thank you very, very kindly.

I can't tell you what a big
thrill it is and how all my

life I've wait and looked
forward to coming to Sands Hotel.

Imagine being in Las Vegas. Do you know
how many stars I have seen here tonight?

As I was coming through
the... through the casino, I

saw Jimmy Stewart sitting
there at the blackjack table,

and he said to the
dealer, "Well, well, well,

gee whiz, If you'll just...
give me another card,

I think it'll be wonderful.

Ah, just give me
another hit if you would."

And guess... and you
know who the dealer was?

The dealer was Jimmy Cagney. And Jimmy
Cagney looked at Jimmy Stewart and went,

"Hmm, you dirty rat.
You'll take what I give, or

I'll give you two of these
to one of those, hmmm."

But the amazing thing is to be
in a town like Las Vegas where

right down the street at the
Riviera, Dean Martin is there.

Today, I played golf with Dean. And do
you know that he had a drink in his hand.

Can I borrow your drink a minute?
Thank you, that's marvelous.

He walked up to me in the golf course, and
he went, "Hey, pal, hey, how's everything?

[singing] Everybody loves
somebody, ooh, sometime.

Ooh, hey, I want to see.

You know it's amazing he's beginning
to sound more colored every year.

[singing] Everybody... And
ooh. We don't have a meeting

at the large hall and the
whole situation and we go...

[crying]

Please stop now. Now,
what it is going on here?

- I don't know.
- Sammy, please.

Mrs. Carter. What is
the matter, Mrs. Carter?

It's you. I don't
understand you.

Your poor mother gets hit by a truck
and you stand around making jokes.

Madam, please,
we have work to do.

Work. Sure. You don't care.

I can appreciate how his mother
feels. But you, you were never a mother.

Mrs. Carter. Mrs. Carter,
can you control yourself.

- I'll tell you a big secret.
- What?

I read the end of the script.

Mom is going to be okay.

Oh. I'm glad.

All right. All right. Look,
Sammy, now listen.

We got to get
back to work, right?

All right, now, I want to clear this
part of the set. Everybody off quickly.

Everybody up. We're going
to work. All right. Thank you.

Thank you, Mr. Davis.
You are so nice.

You really are a
wonderful person.

Listen, tell me something,
what is Frank Sinatra really like?

Sammy, please.

Sammy, now, now.
Sammy, I understand.

Now, Sammy, let us try to
run now through the next scene

where still you are waiting
word from the hospital.

You are dead tired.

All ready now for three days and
three nights you have not slept.

You can hardly
make your eyes open.

But you must stay always
awake in case that phone rings.

- Ring, ring. All right, Sammy.
- I understand. It's a big scene.

We rehearse now
please a little bit.

Well, give me a minute just
to get into it, Otto, if you will.

Sammy, of course. Take
all the time you want.

Now... so.

All right.

Okay, Sammy, yeah.

Good.

Good.

That's it, Sammy. You
are completely washed out.

Your eyelids are heavy.

You, you, you are
fighting, fighting to keep

off sleep, but you
just can't stay awake.

- Open your eyes!
- Oh!

No, no, what are you doing?

He's got to stay awake
in case that phone rings.

- That phone is not going to ring.
- How do you know?

Because you are the
only ding-a-ling on the set.

- Mrs. Carter, we are making a movie.
- Well, I know that, but
you see, Mr. Davis...

Sammy, we are wasting time.

You see, Mr. Davis, I got carried away
because you are such a great performer.

I just believe
everything that you say.

You are so dynamic.

- You are so talented.
- Madam, please.

Shh, let the lady talk.

All right. All right. Now, Sammy, look.
Look, we are falling behind schedule.

If this person keeps on
talking, somebody is going

to have to be $5000 for
loss of sh**ting time today.

Quiet on the set. We are going
to continue with the sh**ting.

I thought that would do it.

All right. Now.

All right all right all
right, Sammy, now look.

Now, the musicians
are running into overtime.

We can't keep them
waiting any longer.

So, now, we have to
rehearse your song.

Okay, Otto, while you set up the
camera, I'll go dry my face, all right?

- All right all right.
- Yeah, you go dry your face, Sammy.

All right, all right. Any
time you're ready now.

All right. Just give me
the key note that we

start with then we'll
go on with it, okay.

Yeah, there we
go. That's groovy.

Okay, George.

[singing] And when I die,

when I'm dead, and I'm gone,

let there be one child
born in the world to carry on,

to carry on.

I'm not scared of dying,
and I don't really care.

But if it's peace
that you find in dying,

I say let the time be near.

Yeah, let the time be near.

If it's peace you find in dying
and your dying time is near,

bundle up my coffin 'cause
it's cold way down there.

It is cold way down there. Yeah.

Crazy cold way down there.

And when I die
and when I'm gone,

let there be one child born in
this world to carry on, to carry on.

Yeah.

Give me, give me my
freedom for as long as I be

'cause all I'm ever
going to ask out of living

is just don't put, don't put
nobody's chains on me.

Lord, I just don't want
nobody's chains on me.

You see, all I ask of living is
they have no chains on me.

And all I ask of dying is to let me
go naturally, oh, I want to go naturally.

Yeah, just let me go naturally.

And when I die and when I'm gone

let there be one child born
in this world to carry on.

We'll I got to go now.

He's right behind me.

Run with me children.

Here comes the devil.

Aw, right behind me.

No, he wouldn't get me,
come on children. Waah.

Don't want to go by demon,
don't want to go by Satan.

Don't want to go by devil.

No one die uneasy.

I got to keep on running.
I got to keep on running.

I got to keep on running or
the devil is going to get me.

He's going to get me.
He's going to get me.

Wow, yeah. Don't let him get me.

Don't let him get me.

And when I die, when I'm
dead, dead, dead and gone,

let there be one child born in
this great big world to carry on.

Lord, let him carry on.

Let him carry on.

All right!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just want to ask you
something. How did the song go?

Tell me how did the
song go and how was I?

You want to know the
truth. You were bad.

You can't talk to
Mr. Davis like that?

Oh, please, please,
madam, what are you doing?

Mrs. Carter, he is playing
the part of my manager in

the movie, and he is
supposed to talk me like that.

I mean, I know I sing okay.

But, see, he is
supposed to be critical.

Why should he be critical
of a man with a sick mother?

Because the writer
wrote it that way.

Well, that writer
never had a mother.

Enough interruptions. In
Europe, this would not be allowed.

Well, how was I supposed
to know what the writer wrote?

Nobody told me.
Nobody gave me a script.

- Will somebody get a
script for this person.
- Yes.

I say, Sammy, Sammy, please,
please, come here, Sammy, look.

Look, Sammy, I don't care if she is a
friend of yours, this woman has got to go.

I don't want this to
come as a shock to you,

but she's not exactly
a friend. I just met her.

I banged my nose in her office. She
followed me here with an ice pack.

And because she was afraid
that you are going to sue her

boss, and she'd get in trouble,
and maybe you'd fire her.

Yeah, that's right. If you
sue my boss, he'll fire me.

I would not sue anybody
but on one condition.

What's that?

That by the time I count


All right, I'm going, I'm going.

- OK. One.
- Goodbye, Mr. Davis.

You don't know what a
thrill it was meeting you.

Thank you. I got
a bang out of it too.

- Two.
- My friends won't
believe I was really here.

- Three.
- You still haven't
given me your autograph.

That isn't a fair. Now
give me a chance.

- Four.
- Look, he means it, ma'am.

Let me give it to you
on your way outside.

- Right here, right here.
- Right over here.

- Just sign this.
- Yes.

- Just say. Dear, Lucy and love, Sammy.
- Five.

- Oh, there she is.
- Hey, mom, we have been
looking everywhere for you.

- Craig thinks he's found a legal loophole.
- Yeah, and there won't be any lawsuit.

Where did these kids come from?

When your mother
gets out of the hospital,

have her tell you about
the birds and the bees.

- I'll do that.
- Seven.

Thank you, Sammy, you
have been so wonderful.

- Come on. Let’s get out of here.
- Eight.

- Nine.
- Let's get out of here,
or he's going to sue.

- Sue who?
- Sue you.

- Ooh, noo.
- Yeah.