03x04 - Lucy and the Drum Contest

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz Jr.

[music playing]

Oh, Uncle Harry, we can't thank you
enough for bringing us here tonight.

- Yes.
- It's a pleasure, my dear.

And you couldn't have picked a better
spot. Buddy Rich is my favorite musician.

Oh, my favorite is Guy Lombardo.

Who's Guy Lombardo?

He was the Lawrence
Welk of his generation.

Uncle Harry, isn't this
place kind of expensive?

Well, when one is enjoying oneself,
one doesn't think about money.

Besides we're guests
of the management.

Oh, that's why one never thinks of
money when one is enjoying oneself.

How come we're guests
of the management?

Well, I did a favor for
the owner of the club.

What kind of a favor?

- I got him some waiters
who are hard of hearing.
- Oh.

- Craig, listen, they are sponsoring
a drum contest for amateurs.
- Oh?

Yeah. And listen
to what it says.

"The winner of the drum contest will
receive a $1000 musical scholarship."

Hey, Craig, I bet you
could win that contest.

No, mom. I, I don't
think I'm that good.

You are too. You
stop being so modest.

Now, Craig, modesty is a
virtue, but it isn't worth a $1000.

I think Buddy Rich
is coming on now.

What are you shushing me
for? We could hear him in...

[Music and drums playing]

Oh, he's just so great. Craig, I
know how you can win that contest.

How? Bribe the judges?

Don't be silly.

If Buddy Rich gave you
some lessons, you could win.

Mom, Buddy Rich doesn't give
lessons especially to strangers.

Well, as soon as you've met
him, you won't be a stranger.

And how we're going to meet him?

I'll find a way.
Just leave it to me.

I know what I'm
doing every minute.

Hah!

All right, Harry, I said
I know what I'm doing.

- Now, Lucille, don't get involved
with one of your crazy schemes...
- Shhh.

- I don't want to hear that.
- Oh. What are you shushing me for?

[Music playing]

- Who is it?
- It's Willy, Buddy.

Hey. Hi, Willy.

Hey, Buddy, you forgot
your cymbals out of the stage.

So, I thought I bring
it back here for you.

Hey, that's good thinking,
man. Oh, look at that.

My little precious
Zilco cymbals.

They must be something else.

Oh, they really are,
man. Super sound.

Hey, do me a
favor will you, Willy?

Tell the telephone operator to
hold all calls. I'm kind of beat.

I'm going to get some sleep
before the second show.

- Okay, my man?
- Sure.

Crazy. I'll dig you later.

Ah, now, mom, listen.

You can't expect somebody like
Buddy Rich to give me drum lessons.

Honey, there's
no harm in asking.

What's the worst he
can say, "I don't want to."

Well, he could tap out his answer
on your head with his drum stick.

I was reading an article about him
and they say he has a terrible temper.

Oh, honey, don't believe
everything you read.

When it comes to stars, there's
one thing you can be sure about.

The bigger they are,
the nicer they are.

Who is it?

Ah, Mr. Rich, you don't know me.

Good. Let's keep it that way.

Well, I'm one of
your biggest fans.

Beautiful. Shove your pen under
the door, I won't autograph it.

- "The bigger they
are, the nicer they are."

- Shhh.

Come on, mom.
We're wasting our time.

Craig, Craig. Mr. Rich, I
have to see you for a moment.

Are you one of my ex-wives?

No.

Are you serving a summons?

No.

Do I owe you any money?

No.

Enter, friend.

Oh, come in, dear.

Since when did my dressing room
become a regular stop on the bus tour?

I'm Lucille Carter. And
this is my daughter, Kim.

This is my brother-in-law,
Harrison Carter.

- And this is my son, Craig.
- Groovy.

- Mr. Rich I want to ask you
something about my son, Craig.
- Ah, mom.

He plays the drums.

Peachy keen.

You see. I told you
he'd be interested.

I am, I am.

I always sit around my
dressing room just hoping that

some amateur drummer might
come in and brighten up my day.

Well, it's certainly been
nice meeting you, Mr. Rich.

- Come on, g*ng, let's go.
- Ah, Craig, Craig.

Honey. Mr. Rich,
Craig and I have a bet.

I bet him that you would be
happy to give him drum lessons.

He is a very talented young man.
And he bet me that you wouldn't.

You win, kid. I hope you
took it for a lot of bread.

Ah, well, we didn't bet
bread. That's too fattening.

We didn't mean to
bother you, Mr. Rich.

But Uncle Harry brought us here
because the waiters were hard of hearing.

And then Kim saw
card on the table.

And, and, and told us
about the drum contest.

And I told Craig that you
wouldn't be a complete stranger.

I mean, after we met
you wouldn't be a stranger.

Of course, you could be complete
and perfect, but not a stranger, you know.

And all I want you to do is give...
just give Craig a couple of lessons.

It can't hurt.

Look, lady. First of
all I don't give lessons.

Second, I don't know what
I'm doing when I'm doing it.

And third if I did know what I was
doing, I wouldn't be able to do it.

You know, you two
should get along just fine.

He talks just the way you do.

If you don't mind, I've
got to get some sleep.

I've got a dream going
with Rachel Welch.

And if I'm late, she
starts without me.

Look, Mr. Rich, give
this boy a few lessons,

and your talent
will live on after you.

How can you pass
up this opportunity?

That's the story of my life.

Whenever opportunity knocks,
I always knock right back.

So, goodnight, folks.

It's really been a lot of
laughs. And good luck to you.

Really, It's been a
pleasure. Take a cab.

And remember the beat because you know they
can tell when it may come back up again.

Goodnight, miss.

Craig, you'll have to
admit it. It was awfully

nice of Uncle Harry to
take us out last night.

And even if Buddy Rich did turn
you down, at least you got to meet him.

Yeah, Craig. I'll bet that's
something you'll never forget.

Neither will Buddy Rich.

Oh, mom, how
about giving me $10.

They're having some great sales
downtown and I could save $5.

Oh.

Hey, how about me giving you $5
that way I can save 5$ before you do.

- I'll take what I can get.
- All right.

What's that?

I don't know but
I got two of them.

Mom, you've got Zilcos.

I have.

They're Zilco cymbals.

Well, where did I get those?

Hey, this isn't even my bag.

- You know what must have happened?
- What?

There was a bag on
the table in Buddy Rich's

dressing room that looked
very much like yours.

You took his bag.

Uh-oh. Mr. Rich sure
is going to be upset.

Well, it's his own fault. He
shouldn't left it lying around.

Anybody can make
a mistake like that.

Yeah, mom, I know. But you
do it on a regular schedule.

Well, I didn't do it
on purpose, Craig.

I may do a lot of dumb things but I don't
go around snatching a man's cymbals.

You know, drummers have crazy
hang-ups about their cymbals.

What do you mean?

Well, it's kind of
a personal thing.

They become accustomed to playing the same
ones and they grow very attached to them.

- Really.
- Yeah.

Gee, I better call
Mr. Rich right now.

[Doorbell rang] I'll get it.

Oh. What a coincidence. I
was just about to call you.

Oh, then you remember me?

Oh, of course, Mr. Rich.
Won't you come in?

Thank you very much.

- Say, about my cymbals.
- Ah, they're in perfectly good condition.

Oh, wow. Thank
heaven. They're safe.

You know, I laid awake all night
last night just praying to Ringo Starr.

They're beautiful.

They are beautiful, aren't they?

I spent three months at the Zilco factory
testing before I finally picked these out.

- No.
- Yes.

Are they really that
important to you, Mr. Rich?

Lady, I once stayed married to a
woman because of a pair of cymbals.

Really?

Yeah, we lived in California and if I
divorced her, she gets half of everything.

- Did you ever try playing with one cymbal?
- No, no.

Well, I, I'm terribly sorry
about all this, Mr. Rich.

- But you see this bag is...
- Oh, I see, how it happened.

- Your bag is just like mine.
- Uh-hmm.

And you accidentally switched them when
you were trespassing in my dressing room.

- Oh, yes. Thank you.
- Well wonderful.

Say, may I, may I ask
you a stupid question?

- Certainly.
- What's that cantaloupe
doing in your purse?

Oh, well, it just wasn't
ripe enough to eat.

Well, when you ask a stupid
question, you get a stupid answer.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Rich.

- Sorry.
- Hey, baby.

Beautiful, man.

You must have save a cigar box
full of trading stamps to give these.

Oh, wow. You must
be serious about this.

Ah, yeah, I'm thinking about entering
the drum contest down at your club.

What are you going to play?

Well, I was trying to do
the solo on your new album.

- You're going to do my solo?
- Yeah.

I got to hear this.

- You want to hear it?
- Yeah, you want to play it?

- OK.
- Come on, play it, man.

Yeah, it's great.

OK. Pick up the sticks.
They go with your hands.

- OK. I can play a little bit for you.
- I hope so.

[drums playing]

You're okay.

Tell me, Craig, would you
be adverse to a little criticism?

Ah, criticism?
No, of course, not.

Well, I would say that
was kind of... oh, on the

other hand it was more
like a... I don't know... ah,

actually it was a little uhm...
I'm trying to think of a right word.

- Lousy?
- That's the word.

But don't misunderstand, Craig.
For a boy your age, it's remarkable.

But give it a little time.

You know, how to
Carnegie Hall, just practice.

- OK, Mr. Rich. I will.
- Right? OK.

Mr. Rich, are you going to judge
this drum contest at the club?

No chance. I got
enough enemies already.

- I'm going to let the
audience pick out the winner.
- Oh, I see.

Well, thanks for taking
care of the hardware.

Oh, well, thanks
for listening to Craig.

Oh, it was a great thrill of all time.
I want to thank you, and so long.

- Goodnight, Craig.
- Bye.

Bye.

Boy, well, he's not the most
complimentary man in the world.

No, but he was honest.

But I, I wish he would have stayed
around, I could learn a lot from him.

Well, don't you
worry he'll be back.

What makes you think so?

Now, he took the wrong bag.

[drums playing]

Lady, we can't go
on meeting like this.

I'm sorry, Mr. Rich. But
this time I am innocent.

I know, I know.

Say, what would it take for you and
me to become complete strangers?

Incidentally, I ate
your cantaloupe.

You did?

Oh, Buddy Rich
ate my cantaloupe.

- Did you save the skin by any chance?
- No, I threw it away.

Oh. It would have
been a collector's item.

A cantaloupe skin with
Buddy Rich's teeth marks on it.

Lady, you would have
made a great musician.

You're so far out,
you're on your way back.

Goodbye again.

- So long, Craig.
- Ah, Mr. Rich.

- Mr. Rich.
- Yeah.

- Ah, ah, can you spare a minute?
- What is it?

Well, I, I, I'd like you
to hear your solo again.

You're going to
play my solo again?

Ah, yeah. Could you hear it?

Yeah. This time
I got to hear it.

OK.

All right. Start wailing, kid.

All right.

[cymbals playing]

Harder, harder.
They won't hit back.

[cymbals playing]

Harder.

You're not tiny Tim
tip-toeing to the tulips.

[drums playing]

Listen, if you're going to play my
solo, you're going to play it right.

And I'm going to stay right
here with you until you do. OK.

Ah, Mr. Rich, why
don't I go fix some lunch.

Well, you better on
plan on dinner too.

Oh, fine.

Ah, ah, Mr. Rich.
How can I thank you?

By not telling
anyone I was here.

I don't usually
make house calls.

All right? Start cooking.

OK. I want to hear it.

[drums playing]

[drums playing]

Good, good, good.

OK. One more time.

- Again?
- Yeah, again.

What are you complaining
about? I've got the hard job.

I have to listen to you.

Look, kid, if this
wasn't for real,

I wouldn't have had Willy
bring my drums over, and

I would've had him
bring the record, all right.

I'm going to put the record on
and we're going to wail together.

- Together?
- Together, we're going to make history.

- OK.
- Ready? OK.

- We got the record. Let's wail.
- All right.

Here we go. Ready?

[music and drums playing]

Well, Jose, it's been two weeks and
we're the only two left in the contest.

We must be doing
something right.

Yup, it looks like it's just between
you and me for the $1000 scholarship.

Man, they're beautiful
drums. They cost a lot?

Ah, I don't know. My mom and
sister gave them to me last year.

Well, your drums are
ah... well, you've got nice...

boy, you must have done
a lot of practicing on them.

Everybody's done a
lot of practicing on them.

They belong to the
school. I borrowed them.

You mean you don't
have your own drums?

Listen, when you've
got five brothers and four

sisters, there's hardly
enough bread to buy bread.

Oh, well, the drums
aren't the things that

matter. It's what you
do with them that count.

And that's why I think
you're going to win it.

Me? You play as good as I do.

Yeah, but you
think you play better.

I, I think I play better?
What do you mean by that?

Oh, I don't mean like you're conceited or
anything, but you've got more confidence.

Well, look. You never know
what the audience is going to for,

and if lose to you, I'll just be
losing to a better drummer, that's all.

It would be nice to
win that scholarship.

You know, if I did win, I'd be the
only one in my family to go to college.

Aah, but I won't win. You will.

Why do you say that?

Well, I'll be so anxious to win that I'll
get all nervous and blow the whole thing.

It's happened before.

I'm great in the prelims.

But when it gets down
to winning all the marbles,

I want it so badly
that... ah, well, you'll see.

Well, listen, forget
about the contest.

Forget about the
$1000 scholarship.

And when they call your
name out here tonight, you

come out and you just
pretend like you're practicing.

And just come out and
pretend like it's a rehearsal.

I'll tell you one thing. If I got to
lose, I won't mind losing to you.

You're a good guy.

Thanks.

He was pretty good,
don't you think?

Oh, he was very good.
But Craig can beat him.

You really think so?

After the hours I spent
with him, he better win.

How would it look in the newspapers "Pupil
of Buddy Rich Loses Amateur Contest"?

Now, ladies and gentleman,
our other finalist, Mr. Craig Carter.

[drums playing]

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Craig
Carter has just informed me

that he unfortunately has had a
recurrence of an old wrist injury.

He regrets that he will
have to forfeit the contest.

Therefore, the winner of our
college scholarship is Mr. Jose Garcia.

Craig, what's this
about an old wrist injury?

Well, I, I sprained it, mom.

When?

When I was four years old.

You never told me about it.

Yeah, well, I didn't
want to worry you.

You've had a sprained wrist
since you were four years old?

- Ah, yeah, but it didn't hurt until now.
- Hmm.

But why tonight?

When you had a chance
to win $1000 scholarship.

Well, it's kind of mysterious. It
usually hurts during rainy weather.

The weather was beautiful today.

It also hurts during
good weather.

That's what makes
it so mysterious.

Do you realize how bad
you've made me look?

Well, ah, I'm sorry, Mr. Rich, and I
appreciate everything you've done for me.

- But I, I...
- Craig.

Congratulations, Jose.

Thanks.

I'm sorry about your wrist. I
didn't want to win this way.

Ah, listen, that's okay.
I'll get another chance.

Oh, thanks to this. I'm
on my way to college.

Great.

- Ah, Mr. Rich, I just thought...
- Forget it, kid. Forget it, kid.

For a guy that just blew $1000
bucks, you got a lot of class.

Really.