01x22 - The Umpire Strikes Back/Magician: Impossible

[bunniefuu]

[♪ jazzy music plays]

[Hailey] I can't believe
we're here! The Magic Mansion!

You know magic
isn't real, right?

Oh, it's definitely real, Beta,

and can be dangerous
in the wrong hands.

- [sharp slap]
- [Scott groans]

- [Beta laughs]
- Beta!

- Hah! Two-fer!
- Ha ha ha ha!

Guys, look! There's
the poster for Barbara Cadabra!

"Babs Cadabs"
is more than a magician.

- She's a force of nature!
- You like that one, huh?

Wait 'til the poop
appears... not as magical.

[both laughing]

Cat hair is my new favorite
accessory, by the way.

No outfit is complete
without it.

Now play that sax, Jax!

[♪ saxophone playing]

He's just how I like my men,

at my service
and out of sight!

[laughter and applause]

- [cats yowl]
- [sax wails]

Babs sings, dances, does magic,

and tells jokes!
She's a jill-of-all-trades!

And all you gotta do
is complete list item #47,

"Be An Audience Volunteer
at a Barbara Cadabra Show."

Easy! What could
possibly go wrong?

Hello, Hailey Banks.

It's like you conjured
your own answer, Scott.

You're probably wondering
how I got tickets

to the oh-so-exclusive
Magic Mansion.

- Nope.
- Not really.

Some people would say
it's because
I'm incredibly tall.

So, some people
would be... liars?

Or maybe it's because
my family's company, Fans Plus,

is such a big "fan"
of the arts...

Ugh, they sponsor the show,
so I get free tickets!

Does he think we care?

Anyway, I personally feel
magic is way overrated,

like picnics or friendship.
But I know it's fun

for simpletons like you,
Hailey Banks.

Who could ever say
magic is overrated?

You know, Beta, I used
to dabble in the mystic arts

back in my youth.

"Back in your youth?" You're 14!

But I'm a different person now.

I haven't waved a wand
in years...

because when I did,
tragedy struck!

Great speech. Let's go in.

[♪ lively show music playing]

Ooh, look! An invisible cape!

That's just an empty case.

"You gotta believe
to see," Beta.

I could do that
for free at home.

Ooh! Scott, you should
hang up your coat!

Hailey, he's not wearing
a coat. You okay?

You're acting like I do
when I'm dropped in water.

Well, hang up something, because
I heard these hooks trigger...

[mechanism whirs]

...this!

Oh-okay! I'm onboard now.

Secret doors are
objectively cool.

This might be the first time
I've been impressed by humans!

[comical groans]

And also the last.

- [♪ piano notes play]
- [crowd applauds]

Welcome! Howdy! And hello!

[♪ lively tune plays]

♪ I'm Babs Cadabs, sit back
for music, jokes, and magic ♪

♪ Hey, moms and dads,
look out! ♪

♪ The price tag
will be tragic ♪

♪ So grab your slacks,
and dig that sax ♪

♪ Come on, Jax, baby, blow ♪

♪ It's
the Barbara Cadabra Show ♪

Sir, you're gonna be
my first victim--

eh, volunteer.

This isn't a trick.
Your wife asked me to do it.

[laughter]

It's not true. It's not true.

Okay, it's kinda true!

[laughter]

Oh, am I supposed
to let him out?

[magical chimes]

[roar]

[applause]

Sorry, lady, but your husband

will come back eventually.

[laughter and applause]

[♪ jazzy music playing]

Huh. Is it over?

My review: Brief, but fun.
Overall, a seven.

It can't be over.
I still need to volunteer!

[♪ dramatic music rises]

Hmm, something's up. Come on.

It's happening again, Babs!

Someone just exposed the secret

to another one of
your tricks on PhotoDump!

They must be here tonight,
recording the show!

How are they doing this?

They're backstage,
onstage, everywhere!

Sheesh, what have I ever done
to this self-proclaimed...

"Tremendous and Tall Trickster"?

[sharp gasp] That must be A.C.!

Uh, excuse me, Babs and...
nice stage manager?

Anita. And I am nice.

I'm Hailey, and I'm a huge fan.

- Really?
- Of Babs.

Oh, yeah.

I know who's behind
that PhotoDump account.

His name is A.C.,
and he's here in the audience!

Just kick him out,
and the show can go on.

Thanks, honey, but he's a VIP.

[Scott and Hailey]
Really?

His parents are sponsors,

which means I can't
kick him out without proof.

And I certainly
can't perform if my tricks

are gonna get exposed.
They're all I got!

Don't worry, Babs.
I'll get you that proof!

But who's gonna perform
if Babs won't?

Oh, no, no, no!

You know I hung up
my top hat... a long time ago.

And so I put the ball
in here and... shazam!

[scattered applause]

[coughing]

[objects clatter]

[slurping beverage]

Thank you, thank you!

And now, for my final trick,

I'll make this
vending machine disappear!

Ooh! Snack magic.

[slurping]

[♪ dramatic music plays]

- Shazam!
- [spectators gasp]

[sharp gasp]
I did it!

Intriguing.
Now "shazam" it back, please.

I need crackers
for my lobster bisque.

Shazam.

Shazam! Uhh...

what's "shazam" backward?
"Mazahs"?

Mazahs! D-dang.

At this point, I must boo.

[low energy]
Boo.

[spectators booing]

My nonsense words
have failed me!

I'm done with magic
forever... ever... ever...

...ever ...ever ...ever.
[sniffles]

- [grunts]
- Hey!

When is this thing
gonna get going again?

Yeah, the only
thing disappearing

is my attention span!

Noice!

[Beta] Uh-oh.
They're getting restless.

I guess I gotta take matters
into my own hands!

Everyone! Before Babs returns,

please put your hands together
for "Hypnotizing Hailey!"

That's me!

I sure hope no one spoils
my tricks
by posting them online!

[murmuring]

No. No.

[♪ lively music plays]

[metal clinking]

Ohh!

No. No. No.

Wait!

- Nope.
- [heavy sigh]

[♪ lively music plays]

No.

[sharp gasp]

[coughing]

[man] Hey!
There's my card!

Ugh! When is Babs coming back?

My audience--
I-I mean, this audience--

deserves some good magic!

Bad news, Hailey.
A.C. hasn't posted anything

to the PhotoDump account.

Shockingly, he didn't consider

any of your tricks
content-worthy.

But I did every trick I know
and lots I didn't!

[gasps] Okay, Scott,
I need to saw you in half.

- Yes!
- No!

I mean, I'll help.

I'll do some magic.
But not the disappearing trick.

- It's just...
- [bored] ...too powerful.

- We know.
- Thank you, Scott!

If anyone needs me,
I'll be making
you all disappear.

By closing my eyes.

- [snoring]
- [crickets chirping]

And now for your enjoyment,

please welcome... Great Scott!

[fanfare plays]

[jazzy music plays]

[spectators gasp]

And now a "change" of pace...

[coins clattering]

Wow.

[applause]

[sighs]
A.C.'s still not recording.

Time glitch!

- Looks like we're out of time.
- No.

I've saved
my sickest trick for last.

Prepare for: The Vanishing!

Finally, some click bait!
I mean, stage bait!

I mean, just do the trick!

His phone's out! We got him.
Wait, what?

Hailey! The PhotoDump account
is live streaming again,

saying it's gonna expose
a big trick!

But how can he be filming?

On the count of three,
I will make this hat disappear!

One... two...

[Beta, inside hat]
Wait, what now?

...three!

[murmurs and applause]

Scott, Beta was in that hat!

[gasps]
He was? Oh, no!

This is the vending machine
all over again!

What if I can't
re-un-disappear him?!

You can do it, Scott!

And I can do this too, too.

[gasps]
I know how AC did it!

Friends, prepare to be amazed...

[exhales]

...as I... shazam!

[applause and cheers]

There is nothing
worse than this.

[Beta shrieks]

- Except that.
- [mechanism whirs]

- [squeaky toy squeaks]
- [toy] I wuv yooh!

[cheers and applause]

And that's not all, folks!

The reason Babs
hasn't done her show

is that someone's been
trying to film her tricks

and reveal her secrets!

And that person is A.C. Aychvak!

[spectators gasp dramatically]

Moi? You can't prove a thing!

I've been right here in my seat
this entire time!

That confused me, too,
but then I noticed a few things.

All the shots
on the PhotoDump account

are from high angles and have
a slight whirring sound.

Not to mention that
you yourself said
your parents' company,

Fans Plus,
is a "fan" of the arts.

You see, A.C. has been filming
the magic tricks...

with cameras hidden
in these ceiling fans!

[dramatic gasps]

You'll never prove it!

The proof is on your phone!

It's how you control
all the cameras in this theater!

But you don't have my phone,
do you, Hailey Banks?

You mean... this phone?

[dramatic gasps]

Fine, I admit it!

I did try to expose
Babs's tricks,

but only because
a stupid magician

tried to make me disappear

at my very own
birthday party years ago.

Yes, I remember it
like it was yesterday--

We don't have time
for your flashback, A.C.

Oh, what the actual beans?!

[spectators cheer]

Now let the magic resume.

[quietly] Thank you both
for your efforts.

And, Hailey,
with your leadership,

showmanship and sleuthing,

you, honey,
are a jill-of-all-trades.

Oh, thanks, Babs!

- Got 'em all, Babs!
- Thanks, Anita.

I didn't realize I had
so many "fans" in high places!

I'm blown away!

- [laughter]
- Oh, no rush,

but when are you gonna
bring my husband back?

He's my ride.

[♪ lively music plays]

[all]
Shazam!

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ World's what you make it,
get up and chase it ♪

♪ Leaving nothing to chance ♪

♪ I'm taking action,
making it happen ♪

♪ No matter what
tomorrow might bring ♪

♪ I got the guts
to do anything ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Promise I'm on it
I'm on it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ Hailey's on it ♪

♪ Hey, hey, Hailey's on it ♪