01x27 - How Kristine Goat Her Groove Back/Oceanside's 11

[bunniefuu]

[Beta] Chaos bots have been
sent from the future

to stop the one person
who can save the world.

Me?

- [chorus singing] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Teach a cat to play the piano
Roller-skate all the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my ear wax? ♪

♪ To make a candle ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Win first place for
World's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

♪ Kiss my friend, Scott? ♪

- [Scott grunts]
- [object clatters]

[Scott yelping] Ah!
Right on my gazebo!

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

[♪ theme music of Hat House playing]

[audience cheering and applause]

Welcome back.
Before the break,

we announced the final
two remaining contestants

of Hat House Season 22.

Kristine Sanchez

and Harry Haberdasher.

Only one of you can win
the golden hat,

- two luxury spa passes...
- [audience] Whoa!

And a lifetime supply of hat bows.

[audience oohs and aahs]

Harry. You've brought 46 years
of experience to this competition,

won every single challenge

and are the highest-scoring contestant
in Hat House history.

Kristine. You are a teenager
who loves hats.

It was an incredibly
difficult decision...

until we dug
through your social media,

- and found this.
- [remote controller beeps]

- [reading] "Scarves rule, hats drool"?
- [audience gasps]

It was a different time!

Harry, since you love scarves
more than hats,

we must say, "hats off," to you.

And not in the good way.

Kristine Sanchez,

you are Hat House winner.

- [squeals and exclaims in joy]
- [audience cheering and applauding]

And that's how Kristine Sanchez
became a star.

She's sweet, she's grounded...

- [phone vibrating]
- And she never has hat hair.

- [chimes]
- Wherever she goes,

- Kristine is surrounded by adoring fans.
- [cheers and applause]

- [chimes]
- [squeals in joy]

- So, Kristine, tell me how it feels...
- [screams in joy]

to be America's hattest star?

It's hat-tastic!

All of my years of hard work
have finally paid off.

I've proven that anyone
can achieve their dreams

in their mid-teens.
[squeals] Rhymes.

It's really great that Kristine's
as successful as I am now.

[scoffs] What do you mean
"as successful as you?"

Well, Kristine's a worldwide star,

and I got a new job
scraping barnacles off the pier.

We're both doing great!

Just a couple
of mid-teens living the dream.

Speaking of which,
it's scraping-o'clock.

[yelps] Hailey, close that door!

Can't you see I'm sleeping?

Hey, Beta, Kristine's back.

She won Hat House, too.
Isn't that great?

What's great is that you can finally
ask out Scott.

She must have moved on
from him by now.

[sighs] I'm going to ask
for her blessing, just to be sure.

But I bet Scott's small potatoes
to a big celebrity like Kristine.

[phone notifications popping]

- [popping continues]
- Uh, what's happening?

I'm being told that the new cast of
Hat House has just been announced,

and super controversial hat-fluencer,

Ben Ling The Hat King,
will be a contestant.

That's right, people.
The king is in the ring!

And... [gasps] Ben Ling is
at Carlsbad Mall,

signing autographs right now!

Hold on to your hats, folks.

We'll bring you that live,
right after this commercial break!

All right,
let's roll out of here.

- This kid is old news.
- [door opens]

[door shuts]

Poor Kristine.

Okay, maybe this isn't the best time
to talk to her about Scott.

Well, the fate
of the world is at stake.

But don't worry.
Whatever you decide,

I'll be right here,
sleeping in support.

[Beta snores]

Hey, Kristine. Crazy crowd
you had here earlier.

My PhotoDump
is already losing followers,

and people are posting memes
about me being old news.

But I was literally
just on the news.

[whining and squealing] Why?

Maybe people need a minute to process
the new cast announcement.

Hailey, I feel terrible.

Be honest. Is my career over?

Just give it a minute.

I'm sure you'll feel better
in no time.

This new season of Hat House
is gonna be juicy.

If Ben Ling The Hat King doesn't win,

I'll eat my hat.

[gasps] Hey. Mind if we take
a picture?

Oh! Of course!

- Let me just... [sighs]
- Thanks.

- It's for my Dump.
- [camera shutter clicks]



for Justine, the... Bag Teen?

It's Kristine! Kristine The Hat Queen.

At least it was... [cries]

I know what you're
gonna say, Beta, but no.

Now is definitely not the time to talk
to Kristine about Scott.

Actually, I was going to say,

"You have spinach in your teeth."

Weird. I didn't
even eat spinach today.

[Kristine sighs in despair]

So... Feel better?

It's over.

I'm only two years away
from my late teens,

and I've already peaked.
[whimpers]

I'm a hats-been.

Kristine, you'll get through this.

Hailey, I will never
get through this.

I've spent my whole life
obsessing about hats.

And where did it get me?

I just went from window display
to bargain basement.

- Well, I'm done!
- [thumps table]

I am done with fame.

I'm done with drama,
and I am done with hats.

[gasps] No.

[squeals sadly]

- [hoarsely] Take it.
- Oh, no, I... I couldn't.

Holy cats, I look amazing.

Don't I look amazing?

[squealing]

What am I doing?
This is your favorite hat.

[sniffles] Hailey?

I have no favorite hat.

[gasps dramatically]

And here.
Take my lifetime supply of hat bows,

which, of course, is 20,
and my two free spa passes.

I am totes done with everything hat
and Hat House related.

[sobbing]

Oh, Kristine.

Maybe a trip to the spa
would help you feel better.

Look, this place has
a relaxation room, a sauna,

and... [gasps softly]
Ooh, it has Goat Yoga,

where those cute little goats
help you stretch.

Hmm. I do like cute little goats.

Okay, I'll go.

But only if you come with me.

We can relax and talk...

Talk? Yes, [chuckles]
let's do that.

There's actually something
I've been wanting to talk to you about

- and...
- [squeals] Perfect. Let's go!

Oh, now?
I haven't gotten my drink yet, but...

[door shuts]

Hey, where's the drink
for Justine The Bag Teen?

All right, Hailey. Be brave.

I'm right here by your side.

Ready to... [gasps]
Are those robes?

Ooh! Look at the thread count
on those plush hunnies.

- Beta! Come back here...
- This was a great idea, bestie.

I'm starting to feel better.

Just as long as we don't talk
about hats,

or competition shows,
or hat competition shows.

That's fine. Because, like I said,

there's something
I've actually been meaning

- to talk to you about.
- [shushes]

Seriously?

I know you and Scott
have been broken up for a while,

and... and you said
you still had feelings for him,

but... [mumbles indistinctly]

[calm and soothing
resonating sound]

You've been gone for the show,

and you're
a whole new person now, right?

- So it seems like...
- [gong sounding]

- [bleating]
- I mean,

I mean, I guess what I'm trying to
say is... [exclaiming] Ooh!

[bleat-screams]

Kristine, I like Scott. Okay?

And I thought maybe if you're over him
by now, I might ask him out.

But only if that's cool by you,

since you're his ex
and we're friends,

and I don't want to make anything weird.
There, I said it. [sighs]

Kristine?

[snores aggressively]

[groans in dejection]

This spa is incredible, huh?

I've already taken three naps,

and this robe makes me look good!
[laughs boisterously]

You think they'd notice
if I borrowed it

- for a few years?
- [door opens]

Hey, Kristine.
How are you feeling?

Good! I think?

Although I am dittle lizzy.

Probably shouldn't have
fallen asleep

in the steam room.
[chuckles sheepishly]

I'm going to get some water. BRB.

Wait, where am I?

E... Excuse me.

- Do you know where the water is?
- Water?

- [shrieks]
- This way.

OMG! You can talk?

Follow Yoga Goat,

for all the answers you seek.

[bleat-screams]

[Kristine] Wait!

[camera shutters continuously clicking]

[dings]

My followers are gone!
They're all gone!

[screams]

[gasps] Uh...

Excuse me, did you see
a Yoga Goat run past here?

I think he has the answer
to all of my problems.

[goat bleating]

[gasps loudly]

So sorry.
Yoga Goat tends to run a little fast,

and speak in the third person.

But here's the water you seek.

- Go nuts.
- Oh?

I meant bottled water.

[bleats in annoyance]

Yoga Goat thinks
you look shaken up.

[shrieks]

Spill. Are you okay?

I'm totally not.

Everything's weird and wrong.

- I mean, I'm talking to a goat.
- Yoga Goat.

Right. Sorry. Anyway, I came to the spa
to get away from my problems,

but they all followed me here.

Problems don't just disappear.

Trust Yoga Goat.

Real change comes from within.

But how can that happen

when I don't know
who I am anymore?

I won Hat House.

I was on top of the world.

Everyone loved me.

Now, I'm old news.

Yoga Goat says fame is bleating.

You mean "fleeting"?

Yes. [bleat-screams]

You have to figure out
what's truly important.

Ask yourself, "What is the love
that ignites your joy?"

Yoga Goat's love is grass.

[exclaiming in pleasure]
Nom nom. [grunts]

I love grass. [exclaims]

Love? You mean, like, Scott?
My full-on ex-boyfriend?

You'll know when the love that ignites
your joy is right in front of you.

Now, Yoga Goat says, "Wake up!"

- [gasps]
- Kristine? Are you okay?

Hailey... I'm... more than okay.

A wise-talking Yoga Goat
helped me realize

that I need to get back together
with Scott.

What?

Talking yoga goat?

- [Kristine squeals, shouting] Scott!
- Kristine?

Yes, Scott, it's me!

And you're you!

And I have
something important to say.

This... can't be right.

I don't feel joy.

I don't feel... anything.

Me, neither.

But my body's numb from being
in the cold ocean for five hours.

I think it's also why
I smell like clams.

[grunts and strains]

- [panting]
- [wind blowing]

[gasps]

[squeals] It's you!

The love that ignites my joy.

That's what the talking Yoga Goat meant.

My one true love is hats!

[bleat-screams]

[coughing]

I'm happy for you, Kristine.

We're both doing pretty,
pretty good.

Welp, back to scraping.

- Jackknife!
- [water splashing]

- So, you're back to hats?
- [squeals] Yes!

Then you're finally over Scott?

I mean, you wouldn't be mad
if he dated someone else?

Oh, I'm totally over Scott Denoga.

I just hope
that he can find someone

who brings him the same kind of joy
that hats bring me.

Someone like you, Hailey.

[squeals]

Well, that worked out.

I finally got some sleep.

- Kristine is over Scott, and...
- I finally have the green light

to ask Scott out! Wait.

I finally have the green light
to ask Scott out.

I just can't do it anymore, okay?

There's something I've been wanting
to say to you for a long time.

Scott, I... like-like you.

With you, the sun shines brighter,

and the stars... also shine brighter.

I know I'm risking everything by telling
you this... [mutters indistinctly]

[Scott] Don't say
another word, Hailey.

I've always like-liked you.

I feel it all the way down
to my hooves.

[soft snort]

I'm sorry. What is happening?

Why are you reading me
some weird centaur book?

Because this is how
I want it to go

when I finally tell Scott
how I feel.

You want to be half a horse?

Technically, it's more, like,
two-thirds horse, but no, not that part.

I just want to capture
the spirit of the moment

when Lady Thistlemane finally reveals
her feelings for Chase Thunderhoof,

you know?

I know I've got some notes
on those names.

Now that I got the green light
from Kristine to ask Scott out,

I really want it to go well.

Or, at least better than
the other times I've tried.

Well, the bar is pretty low.

- At the county fair...
- [retches]

- [distorted screaming]
- [Beta] On Catalina Island.

[distorted screaming continues]

- In front of his house...
- [♪ Romantic song plays]

- [music stops]
- [alarm blaring]

We said we'd never talk
about the boombox incident!

But... this time will be better.

I know the perfect time and place
to tell Scott how I feel.

Nothing says romance like the big
Totally '80s to the Max School Dance.

[Beta] Nothing says
"fire hazard" like that hair.

It's huge! And I'm sure
you'll find some reason

not to tell Scott
how you feel again.

You're what we call
an overthinker.

I am not an overthinker!

At least I don't think I am.

Do I like to mull things over?
Sure, I mull.

I... I guess that is a way
of overthinking.

But is it overthinking...

- Overthinking says "what."
- What?

- [laughs mischievously]
- [growls]

- Fine, I'll prove it to you.
- [pen clicks]

"I, Hailey Banks,
hereby swear to tell Scott Denoga

that I like-like him
at the big Totally '80s

to the Max Dance."

I respect the commitment
of putting it in writing.

- Very cool. Haile...
- Now, I can make it o-fish

with a stamp
from my Junior Notary set.

- Forget what I said about cool.
- [paper rustles]

[exhaling] Ah! It feels good
to have a date set,

- makes the whole thing less scary.
- [Scott] Hailey!

[shrieks]

- [book thudding]
- Hey, you guys remember Lil' Rudy?

Of course. He's one of my top-5 favorite
skateboarding reindeer.

Well, get this. He's jumping
the Oceanside gorge right now!

- Let's go!
- We gotta get down there.

[Beta] Love that
helmeted little daredevil.

[Patricia] Hailey?

Where are those books
you wanted to donate? Oh.

[Hailey screaming]

Hailey, what happened
to "Good morning"?

Dad, I've looked everywhere,

but I can't find my very important
centaur romance novel.

Centaur romance novel?

[sighs] Definitely
your mother's daughter.

Must be one of the books
your mom donated

to the school's Book Lovers' Fair.

- [Hailey screams]
- [grunts]

I'll just go out for coffee today.

[loud clunk]

[mechanical buzzing]

[Hailey] This is bad.

If my mom donated that book,
then anyone could buy it

and find that flyer inside of it.

And then they'll know you're a huge dork
with a Junior Notary set?

No! Then they'll know
about my crush on Scott.

My deepest secret!
It'll be national news!

And I'll be forced to live
like a hermit in the woods,

surviving on nothing
but leaves, lichen, and loneliness.

Remember when you said
you weren't an over thinker?

Unless... we buy
the book back first.

- Hi, Hailey. Hey, I wanted to talk...
- Get in line. [chuckles]

Just kidding. I don't have
that many appointments.

But I am in a huge rush.
Love you. Bye!

Wait. So, why do we have to find
this horse-people book?

Because inside it is... a magical story
that gives my life meaning.

Whoa. I gotta check
this book out.

Hey, I found it!

[thudding]

Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

[groans] No, we have
to find my copy,

the exact one my mom took.

Because it's... a, um... first edition.

- [yelps]
- [thuds]

How are we supposed to know
which one's yours?

They all have the same picture
of that Hunky Horsedude

who apparently doesn't know
how to button a shirt.

Well, mine has a very distinct
mustard stain on the back cover

that resembles Judi Dench.

That's Dame Judi Dench to you!

Sorry. I just...

She's great.

Okay. Dame Judi Dench,
mustard stain.

Let the great search begin!

[Scott crashes into object]

Or we can just use

- my supercomputer scanning technology...
- [scanner beeping]

- and yep, there it is.
- [scanner calculating and chimes]

That's it! I just
have to get it back from...

[breathily] Oh, no.

[gasps dramatically] Wait.

I don't know who that is.
Why is this bad?

That's Blabby Abby,
the school's biggest gossip.

She runs a vicious
online rumor blog

that's ruined kid's lives.

You know Pee-Pants Parker?

He used to be just "Parker."

If she finds that flyer, she'll tell the
whole school about your crush on Scott.

Huh, this is
kind of a worst case scenario.

See? I didn't
overthink enough!

One aisle down, twelve to go!

Also, who is Dame Judi Dench?

[shouting] A master
of her craft, that's who!

Again, sorry.

But we already found the book.
Time to move in.

Abby! The Abster!

Abbalabba-ding-dong...
[chuckles sheepishly] I'm gonna stop.

So, Abby, uh,
funny little mix-up.

My mom donated some books
I didn't want her to.

Ah! Moms...
Anyways, if I could...

My mom? She stole
online messages

- with her high school boyfriend.
- Oh, wow!

I feel like you shouldn't
have told me that. [gasps]

Well, if I could just
buy that book from you...

Yeah, sorry, can't do that.

- This is a first edition.
- It really is?

I mean, [chuckles nervously]
it really is.

I know, that's why I said it.

Rumor has it that there are
super steamy chapters in here

that were edited out
of later editions.

I'm going to scour each page

and expose every possible secret.

Sorry, Hailey, but [snickers]
you know what they say,

"All's w*r at the Book Lover's Fair."

Do people actually say that?

Yeah, they actually do.
It's a whole thing.

But now, we are
going to bring the w*r...

to Blabby Abby.

With a little book heist.

[♪ rock 'n' roll heist song playing]

♪ A good heist has a big plan
with a lot of detail ♪

We've got an 8-minute and 42-second
window after lunch to pull this off.

♪ Gotta be precise in tandem ♪

♪ If you're gonna prevail... ♪

[Hailey] Lunch Lady O'Malley
will end lunch

with her monthly raffle
for one of her homemade pies.

A pie we'll make sure Abby wins.

♪ A good old switcheroo
and no one's the wiser ♪

[Hailey] But, since it's
pizza stick day, Abby's favorite,

- she'll be too full to eat the pie...
- [stomach gurgles]

and will want to save it
for later in her locker.

♪ Oh! You gotta know
your mark real well ♪

♪ If you're gonna surprise her ♪

[Hailey] Now that we've got her
at her locker,

there's one clear route
for her to take to biology class.

The east hall,
where she'll just so happen

to come across
a surprise book signing

by Unbridled Passion's
eccentric author,

Dominique Steele.

♪ Kinda small potatoes
for an author ♪

♪ But hey, maybe she's slumming... ♪

[Hailey] Or at least
who she thinks is Dominique Steele.

♪ Oh, an imposter kinda thing ♪

♪ I should've seen that coming ♪

[Hailey] Abby will want to ask Dominique
about the steamy chapters,

but her bag will get checked
by security...

Or at least by someone
she thinks is security.

[Scott] And then I'll grab the book.

[Hailey] Nope, not yet.

Abby's too smart.

She'll pre-emptively take
the book out to get it signed.

[Scott] And you'll grab
the book!

[Hailey] Nope, honestly,
it'll be easier

if you just listen to the plan.

Abby's too smart.
She'll notice even

the slightest deviation
in Dominique's signature.

[Abby gasps softly]

♪ Oh, no! Your cover's blown,
better get to running ♪

[Hailey] But now,
she's on high alert,

so she won't want to keep
the book in her bag.

She'll put it somewhere
no one can get it.

♪ Your heist didn't work at all ♪

♪ Should've been more cunning ♪

[Scott] So, we...
never grab the book?

[Hailey] Nope.
Because what Abby doesn't know,

is that this whole time,

we've had a man
on the inside. Literally.

♪ Whoa! The little guy was
in the pie ♪

♪ He got in there on the sly ♪

♪ Everything was part
of the plan ♪

♪ Even the bad stuff ♪

♪ I thought it was too complex ♪

♪ Turns out it was
just enough ♪

♪ A heist always ends
in a cool stride... ♪

Hey! That's my book!

Uh... No, it's not.

Yeah, it is!

It's got that Dame Judi Dench stain
on the back.

You stole it! And covered my locker
with pie for some reason?

Uh... No, I... [sighs]

You see, Abbalabba-ding-dong...
[chuckles nervously]

- Look, I can explain.
- Oh, no need.

I know why you've been
acting weird all day.

See, I looked in the book
before lunch,

and read all
about your secret crush.

- [laughs nervously]
- [Scott yelps]

[nervous chuckle]
Come on, Abby,

- Let's not get blabby about this.
- [muffled cries]

In fact, I already made
my latest blog post

all about how Hailey Banks
is in love with...

Chase Thunderhoof!

- Wait. What?
- [Scott] Hunky horse guy?

The back cover is full
of fan fiction.

Hailey riding off with Chase Thunderhoof
and brushing his tail,

and a really weird part
about putting new horseshoes on him?

Oh, yeah,
I forgot I wrote that stuff.

But where is the...

[snickers] And now,
the whole school knows.

Also, you can keep your book.

The extra chapters were
as steamy as a cold shower.

Whoo-hoo! We got
your book back.

All part of the plan.

Wait. Was Abby yelling
at us part of the plan, too?

I'm gonna be honest. I got lost.

[frantically] Where is it?
Where is it?

Hailey, you okay?

What? Oh, yeah.
Just celebrating the victory.

[nervously] Yay.

All right!

[groans] The flyer could have
fallen out anywhere for anyone to find.

[Patricia, knocking on door]
Hailey?

Not a great time, Mom.

And no, you can't help.

You wouldn't get it.

I might get it more than you think.

This fell out of your book
while I was donating it.

My flyer! You found it!

Wait. Did you... read it?

You mean the Junior
Notary-stamped contract

- about you liking Scott?
- [groans loudly]

Please don't say it out loud!

I know.
This stuff is embarrassing.

And crushes are weird, right?

I should know.
I've had lots of them.

- [muffled groaning] Mom!
- Let me guess,

your stomach is in knots
and it's hard to concentrate,

but also fun and exciting,
and you want to smell him a lot

- for some reason?
- [pillow thuds]

Kinda, yeah?

Is that how you felt about Dad?

Sure. That's who I was talking about.
[chuckles nervously]

Anyway, what I'm saying is,
I get it, Hailey, and I'm here for you.

You can talk to me
about this stuff,

even the awkward parts.

But don't worry,
this can be our little secret.

Thanks for being so cool
about this, Mom.

No problem.

Now let's remember
this moment forever

- with a selfie!
- [camera shutter clicks]

[Hailey groans softly and meekly]

[Hailey singing]
♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Worlds what you make it ♪

♪ Get up and chase it ♪

♪ Leaving nothing to chance ♪

♪ I'm taking action,
making it happen ♪

♪ No matter what tomorrow
might bring ♪

♪ I got the guts
to do anything ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Promise I'm on it ♪

♪ I'm on it ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it ♪