01x28 - Student of the Weak/Smother Knows Best

[bunniefuu]

[Beta] Chaos bots have been
sent from the future

to stop the one person
who can save the world.

Me?

- [chorus singing] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Teach a cat to play the piano
Roller-skate all the way to Orlando ♪

♪ Use my ear wax? ♪

♪ To make a candle ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

♪ Win first place for
World's cutest pet rock ♪

♪ Do a corn maze
Hope I don't get lost ♪

♪ Eat an onion ♪

- ♪ Kiss my friend Scott? ♪
- Huh?

- [Scott grunts]
- [Frank squawks]

[Scott nervously] Hi, Frank.

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪

[Hailey] These are the Yorgenborch!

[Scott] No, those are the Schnobindern!

They won't fit in the Fioferdin!

- According to the instructions...
- I don't need instructions!

I've built more complicated
things in my sleep!

This just needs a little elbow grease.

- [thudding]
- Ooh, looks like more elbow than grease.

Voila!

Your new weight rack, Beta!

Can't we just do
a list item or something?

That's what I'm talking about!

- And you'll have fun with this one.
- [screen calculating]

Item number 25, win Student of the Week.

What?

[meekly] Uh-oh.

Maybe "fun" is too strong a word?

Oh, no, this will be so fun!

I mean, I've only been top
of my class since pre-K.

I've never been late, not once,

even when the roads were closed.

And according to all my report cards,

I'm a delight to have in class.

A gosh darn delight!

[softly] Somehow, Hailey's never won
Student of the Week.

Must be super competitive, huh?

I've won it 14 times.

- Guess not.
- But don't worry, friends.

I've finally figured out
why I haven't won.

Vice Principal Bacon hates me.

If that's true, then VP Bacon

is mistaken! [yelps]

It's no joke!

Vice Principal Bacon is pure evil.

- [students cheering]
- Howdy, howdy, my super students.

- [students cheering loudly]
- [Lucy] We love you, VP Bacon!

You make every day brighter!

Back at you, Lucy.

Students, I hope you feel
as inspired as I do.

Because you're all changing

- the world for the better.
- [mic feedback buzzes]

- [students cheering]
- Pure. Evil.

How can you say that
about the Baconator?

- He's a solid dude.
- [scoffs]

Without further ado,

I'm happy to announce that this week's
Student of the Week,

is once again the Denoganator himself.

Scott Denoga!

[all cheering]

Sorry. Whoo-hoo!

[cheers continue]

Thank you, VP Bacon.

But is there any way
I can transfer this award

to another worthy recipient?

- [crowd gasp]
- Shh!

Family, this is what
it's all about right here.

Did you all hear Scott's
epic example of selflessness?

- [all cheering]
- Yeah!

And selflessness just so happens

to be the "S" on my kick-butt flyer!

Your graphic design skills

are sick and tight, VP Bacon.

Back at ya, Tommy D!

- [growls]
- Scott. Unfortunately,

this bumper sticker is non-transferable,

as stated on this k*ller flyer.

Everyone has to earn it,
just like you did.

- [students cheering]
- [growls]

[chuckles nervously] Don't mind those.

Hey, why don't you take this one?

You're Student of the Week to me.

- [wristband beeps]
- No.

I have to earn it, Scott.

You heard "The Baconator."

Why doesn't Bacon pick me?

Look what these letters stand for.

"Selfless"? That's me.

"Understanding"? Always.

"Nourished"?
I crush the food pyramid every dang day.

And "Turned?"

Well, whatever that means,
I'm sure I have it in spades.

Maybe you're trying too hard?

Or maybe, I need to try harder.

I just need the recipe for success.

The future is brighter
because you're all in it!

Denoganator! The man of the hour!

Or should I say, "man of the week"?

[both singing] ♪ Keep it crispy ♪

♪ Don't get drippy ♪

♪ Heck, yeah-ee, yeah-ee, yeah ♪

♪ Your mind is nifty ♪

[both laugh heartily]

I see.

The recipe is...

Be more like Scott!

I don't like where this is going.

[exhales]

- Hailey?
- Parkour!

- [trash can clatters]
- [exclaims]

[both shouting] Sick fail!

Ha! Man, I love butter.

[groans in disgust]

Okay. I can't go that far.

- Oh! Ooh!
- [floor squeaking]

- [objects clattering]
- Ha!

[mimicking Scott] Ha!

[both] Ha!

I'm in a full on nightmare.

Howdy, howdy, Baconator?

[both singing] ♪ Keep it crispy ♪

- ♪ Oh! Don't get drippy ♪
- ♪ Don't get drippy ♪

[both singing]
♪ Heck, yeah-ee, yeah-ee, yeah ♪

♪ Your mind is nifty ♪

[both laugh]

[laughing] Okay.

I am loving these vibes, Hailey.

Or should I say, "Banksonator"?

Ha! You should...

at the Student of the Week assembly
this Friday.

[laughs] Hey!

[both laugh whimsically]

This week's winner crushed it

with her display of "T" for Talented,

and passed the vibe check
with flying colors!

The Student of the Week is...

Kristine Sanchez.

- [students cheering]
- [coughing]

[squeals in joy]

But... I had the vibes,

and the parkour fails, and this hair!

- [gasps] I can't believe it!
- [mic feedbacks]

Actually, I can. I manifested this.
[squeals in joy]

Follow me for more tips
at hashtag Manifest Your Best!

- [students cheering]
- [growling] What does that even mean?

How did she win?

Side note, Kristine.

Thanks for manifesting
these delicious muffins

for everyone in the office today.

- [students applauding faintly]
- Oh, I see what you did.

Bribery.

- I think she's just a nice person.
- Bribery.

Ahem. Golly!

What am I going to do
with these Hoobastank concert tickets?

Uh, did you say "Hoobastank"?

I'm the biggest Hoob-head on earth!

They are the most underrated...

[both] Pioneers of the post-grunge era!

[excitingly] Right?

I posted that exact thing once
on my social media.

What a co-inky-dink!

Then you have to take these.

[sighs in disappointment]
I just wish my brother was here with me.

He loves Hoobastank even more than me,

but he lives up in Canada.

This Hooba-stinks.

It's almost as if I overheard
you say that earlier.

[yelling] Surprise!

I got your brother
to fly in from Vancouver.

Welcome, Canadian Bacon!

[both] We're going to Hoobastank!

Eh?

[in high-pitched voice]
I am Hooba-stoked!

Hayley, how can I thank you
for all this?

Ah, I'm sure you can think of a way

at the next
Student of the Week assembly?

I read you loud and clear.

And then they ended with another encore
of The Reason!

[shouting] Epic!

[groans in pleasure] Anyway.

Thank you, Hailey Banks.

I owe you one.

Which brings me
to the Student of the Week.

Today, we honor someone

who truly puts the "D" in "Deserves."

Lucy!

- [crowd whoops]
- [gasps]

- [cheers and applause]
- [gasps] I'm the luckiest girl

- in the worl... [gasps]
- [thuds]

- [Lucy grunts and groans]
- [thudding]

Lucy, you persevered
through a rough week.

You failed your math test.

- I did?
- Yep. Yep.

Your home rolled into the ocean.

- [yelling] It did?
- Yeah, it sure did.

- And you just took that brutal fall.
- I did.

But as always,
you are more capable than you know.

Please take your sticker
and go straight to the nurse.

She's expecting you.

Time glitch!

[groans] I have to up my game.

Time to complete
this list item Lucy-style,

by winning the sympathy vote.

Wait, there's no voting, right?

It's just Bacon picking the winner.

Is everyone voting but me?

Okay, here's how it'll go down.

When Bacon walks by, I'll already
be crying, thanks to this onion.

Then I'll bump into him
saying, [fake crying] "Boo-hoo!

"My best pencil was kidnapped!

"My favorite fireman moved to Anaheim

"and my garage was swallowed up
by quicksand.

"I sure hope I don't slip right now."

And on cue, I slip and fall,
thanks to this banana.

But I don't get hurt,
thanks to this hidden mattress.

Then my "boo-hoo" becomes a "whoo-hoo,"

because Bacon will pity me

and make me Student of the Week.

Less planning went into
building the pyramids.

[inhales deeply]
Ooh, man! That really works.

Ow! Oh, that kinda stings!
[cries in pain]

- Ow.
- Hailey, are you crying?

Did something happen to Hoobastank?

My, uh, pencil moved to quicksand.

- Whoa! Ahhh!
- [object clatters]

- [grunting and groaning]
- [thudding]

[objects crashing and clanking]

[Hailey squealing]
This is very real pain.

[students cheering]

- [cheering and whistling]
- That's right.

Pity me, Bacon.

I have all the control now.

[groans] Ow.

This week's award goes
to a very special young lady

who needs some cheering up.

Hailey Ba... [coughing]

Sorry, Hailey Banks' neighbor,
Becker Denoga.

- Huh?
- Unfortunately,

Becker is unable to be here

due to her suspension
for defacing school flyers.

- But we...
- [Hailey shouting] Are you kidding me?

- [all gasping]
- Becker doesn't have

any qualities of Student of the Week.

She literally let a family
of wombats loose in the school.

- [air duct creaks]
- [wombats hissing and grunting]

[yelling] This award is a sham!

- [all gasping]
- [gasps]

In fact, every one of you
so-called "winners" is a fraud.

Kristine, with her bribes!

And Lucy? Who has that much bad luck?

- [hisses]
- [screams and thuds]

Even Scott only won
because he pretended VP Bacon is cool.

VP Bacon is cool. [clicks tongue]

- [clicks tongue]
- Vice Principal Bacon

is the biggest phony

- of them all.
- [all gasping loudly]

You shut your mouth!

- [students clamoring]
- It's okay, Tommy. Let's listen.

Hailey Banks is the epitome
of Student of the Week.

"Selfless, talented,
understanding, deserving,

"educated, nourished, and turned,"

whatever that means!

Hailey, did you read the back?

- Uh, say what now?
- The flyer,

it has two sides.

"Turned in all your library books."

Librarian Paliwal,
does Hailey have any overdue books?

Hailey Banks has had
The Very Thirsty Centipede checked out

for seven years, three months, nine days
and one hour, roughly.

[students shouting indistinctly]

Manifest your best, girlfriend.

Uh... Sincere congrats

to all the past winners,

- and a big thanks to you...
- [students clamoring]

Baconator?

- [groans]
- [students clamoring]

[coughing wheezily]

And the Student of the Week is,
in fact...

Hailey Banks!

[claps faintly]

[clears throat]

[students booing]

- [wristband beeping]
- [Lucy] Boo!

- Students, please!
- [jeering and boos stop]

We put a lot of focus on the qualities
of Student of the Week.

But aren't we forgetting a lot
of other great qualities, too?

Compassion, caring, forgiveness.

[chuckles softly]
Forgiveness, that's a funny one.

One I think we could all use
a little of today.

Maybe we should all be "stufents."

Stufents who put an emphasis
on "F" for forgiveness.

- [all cheering]
- Whoo-hoo!

Yeah! Ha-ha!

- [cheering continues]
- Thank you, everyone!

[Lucy shouting] We're cheering
for VP Bacon, not you!

[sighs] I know.

[cheering continues]

[panting]

[yelling] You'll never catch me!

[Frank squawks]

- [panting]
- [honks and squawks loudly]

Run her down! Bite her butt!

Can you hear me, birdbrain?

- [squawks in annoyance]
- Ahhh! Ow!

Yes. Yes, you can.

Hailey, what is going on?

I could hear you shouting

- over the blender.
- [Hailey] Oh.

Frank's just helping me prep
for the annual Running of the Goats

- at Cowpoke Corral today.
- [Frank honks]

That sounds... specific.

- So, is Scott going with you?
- Ugh!

Is that what I look like
when I roll my eyes?

Ugh. Anyway.

Ever since my mom found out
about my feelings for Scott,

she brings him up every chance she gets,

saying she just wants to "help."

- I just want to help.
- [Hailey] There it is.

Oh, Patricia, you rookie. Good luck.

I've been trying to get Hailey
to share her feelings

with Scott for months.

Mom, can we not talk about this now?
Or ever?

I've heard that before.

- [Frank honks]
- Excuse me a second.

[Beta] Hey!

Okay, I admit I've been
bringing up Scott a lot lately,

but it's only because I can't believe

my little girl has a crush.

- It seems like only yesterday...
- Here we go.

- [babbles and laughs]
- [Patricia] I helped you take

your first steps.

[shrieks]

I helped you
on your first day of school.

[shrieks]

And I helped you fix

your first so-called "haircut."

[giggles]

And now look at you.

A young lady with sufficiently
tolerable hair...

- Wait, what?
- And a crush on her best friend.

Just know that I've been
where you are, honey.

I've had crushes, plenty of them.

I mean, Fabian,
from my study abroad program,

- taught me more in four months than I...
- Hold up. Who?

Nevermind. Long story short,

Scott's a great dude,
and I am totes shipping you guys.

Please don't say "shipping."

And I know those hormones
are really kicking in now.

Please don't say "hormones."

So, let me help you make
your game really slap.

Please stop saying all those words!

Mom, I appreciate you trying to help,

but I'll figure out this Scott stuff

- by myself.
- What "Scott stuff"?

- [gasps]
- Your favorite pizza topping.

- The name of your first pet!
- Easy. Pickles and... Pickles,

which makes it easy to always remember
my security password,

- "Pickles." Ahhh!
- [Frank squawks]

Oh, hi, Goat Frank.

Meet Goat Scott.

[squawks in fear]

[squawking and honking]

- [objects crashing]
- [giggles]

- [squawking continues]
- This is the Scott you like, right?

Just checking there's not another Scott,
like from AP science class?

- Mom!
- No, he's great. Just making sure.

Oh, man, I could totally be a goat.

I'd be the GOAT of goats!

And what if I had a goatee?

[mimicking soft expl*si*n]

Anyhoo, it's a long bike ride
to Cowpoke Corral,

- so we'd better get going.
- About that.

I kind of crashed my bike doing epic,

though ultimately unsuccessful,
wheelies in the car wash.

Sick move!

- Argh!
- [objects clattering]

[groaning in pain]

- Again?
- Turns out soap is slippery.

- That's okay. We can take the bus.
- Or I can take you.

We can even listen
to the new Seoul M8s album on the way.

- Oh, I don't think...
- What a great idea.

Thanks, Mrs. B.

[♪ upbeat K-pop music playing
over car speakers]

Sorry that other seat belt is broken

and you two have to sit
so close to each other.

Yeah. Looks like somebody cut it.

Why can't we use the front seat?

Hailey, you know
that seat is for my purse.

[♪ music continues]

You were right, Mrs. B.
This album is sick!

You don't like it?
Wait, no, "sick" means good.

I remember. I'm sick too.

I'm so sick, I'm contagious.

[softly] Oh, jeez.

- [tires screeching]
- [grunts]

Whoopsie!

- [tires screeching]
- [grunts]

- Red light!
- [Patricia] I got it.

[tires screeching]

[♪ K-pop song continues playing loudly
over car speakers]

[car honks]

Oh, blow it out your piehole, lady!

- [song fades and stops]
- Sheesh, could Patricia be

any more obvious with this Scott stuff?

Good thing ding-dong
over here is as clueless as ever.

Oh, my Keith Bar!

Scott, they stopped
making those three years ago.

Pretty sweet, huh?

And it's barely opened. Want half?

- Aw.
- It's trash candy, Mom, relax!

Finally! Okay, Mom. See ya!

[car door opens and closes]

Well, you two have fun. Without me.

Guess I'll just wait here
in the parking lot.

- Alone.
- Wait a minute.

Mrs. B, you drove all this way.

- You should join us.
- [car door opens]

- No! I mean...
- [car door closes]

She's probably really busy.

Those houses aren't
gonna sell themselves.

Actually, I took the day off,
so I could have plenty of time

with you two...
[hesitantly] Lovely kids.

Don't worry, sweetie.

You won't even notice I'm here.

[camera shutter clicks]

[slurping]

Scooch in you two,
and wave to the camera.

This video could be the highlight of
some very special occasion someday.

[yelling] Mom! Enough!

You've been up in my business all day.

I don't even want you here.

Can you please just leave me alone?

[gulping]

I just wanted to help. [groans]

Another round of sarsaparilla,
Ms. Maggie.

I just don't want her to make
the same mistakes I made.

Repeatedly.

Does that make me overbearing?

- Well, I...
- Exactly!

It doesn't. She's the one
being unreasonable. Am I right?

- I mean...
- Yes!

Of course! You get it.

Hit me again!

- Uh, maybe you should...
- You're right.

Maybe I should let Hailey come
to me when she's ready.

That's some good advice, Mags.

You're welcome. I guess.

They're releasing the goats any minute!

Where's your mom?
She's going to miss it.

Well, she hasn't left us alone
all day, so that's fine by me.

I think it's pretty great that she wants
to spend time with you, Hails.

She even took off work for you.

My mom is hardly ever able to do that.

You're really lucky.

[scoffing] Yeah, well, I guess
I never thought about it that way.

- [cowbell clanging]
- [giggles wildly]

Heehaw Monkeypaw!

Gather around, varmints,
and protect your soft bits.

Because it's time
for the Running of the Goats!

Ooh, they're releasing the beasts!

This is what we trained for, people!

[bleating]

[bleating continues]

- Aw.
- This is what we trained for?

Then why did I buy an $80 goat mask?

- They're so cute.
- [wristband beeping]

- [bleating]
- Hey, Beta, get a picture of me.

Make it look like I'm running
for my life.

- Ack, shoo, you dumb babies!
- [bleats]

Stop loving on me!

- I am not your snuggle buddy.
- [bleats]

- Beta, be nice.
- [bleating]

They are adorable.

[bleating and chewing]

So help me if I find
one poop pellet in here later.

- [bleats]
- And why are we stuck

with these mini mongrels anyway?

Where are the big ones?

I guess there aren't any big ones.

Did someone say they wanted
the big ones?

- Well, here you go! [chortles]
- [ground rumbling]

- [gasps and grunts]
- [bleating angrily]

- [gasps]
- [bleats in fear]

- [gasps]
- [bleating ferociously]

Heh-heh! Now we're talking.

[bleating]

[bleating angrily]

[all bleating]

[snorts angrily]

Hey, goaty-goaty. [chuckles nervously]

Fun fact, I met a yoga goat once.

[snorts angrily]

You guys related?

- No? Well, it definitely...
- [bleats angrily]

seems like you could use some yoga.

[thudding]

- [snorts and bleats]
- [bell clanging]

- Well, I've learned my lesson.
- [snoring softly]

My little Hailey doesn't need my help.

- [Hailey screaming] Help!
- Heh?

[gulps] I'm coming for you, baby girl!

- [saloon door opens and closes]
- Oh? Hey, wait!

Th... That's too much!

You know what? I've earned this.

You know what?
You woke up and chose violence today.

And that's on you.

I will not hurt you.

Just... Okay, please don't hit
any vital organs!

[snorts and bleats]

- Get away from my baby. [growls angrily]
- Mom!

[bleats angrily]

[screeches loudly]

That's right. I'm not afraid of you.

This mama's running on high fructose
corn syrup and adrenaline,

- and I ain't going nowhere.
- [grunts and growls]

- [snorts]
- [goat continues growling]

[both growling]

- [baby goat in bag bleats]
- [gasps softly]

- [baby goat bleats]
- Wait. What was that?

[bleats]

It's one of the baby goats
I fed earlier.

He must have crawled in.

That's why this goat was so upset.

- She's just being protective.
- [bleats sadly]

Moms will do some crazy things
to help their little ones.

[bleats joyfully]

I see you, Mama. Respect.

- [adult goat bleats]
- [bleats]

Mom, you literally just saved my life,

and I have been nothing
but mean to you all day.

I am so sorry.

Honey, I want to apologize to you.

You're getting older,

and it's only natural for you
to want more space.

I just have to get used to the fact that

you don't need me as much anymore.

I'm always gonna need you, Mom.

Yeah?

Good. Because I'll be
right here. Always.

- Love you, Mom.
- Love you more, sweetie.

Okay. I'm gonna give you that space,
starting now.

I'll be in the car, with maybe
a couple more sarsaparillas

- for the road.
- [goats bleating in the distance]

[Scott shouting] Can someone help me
off this pole?

- [Hailey] Scott?
- [bleating continues]

Hold on! I'm coming!

- [bleating angrily]
- [mimicking angry bleating]

[all bleating in fear]

Well, now I'm torn.

It's a pretty sweet view up here.

- [wings flapping]
- [clanks]

- [squawks ferociously]
- [exclaims in fear] No, I'm coming down.

I changed my mind.

I would not be the GOAT of goats.

I'd be the worst of all time,

the WOAT of goats.

I should write these down.

Hey, where's Beta?

Now this is what I'm talking about.

- Giddy-up, big daddy!
- [bleats]

- Yee-haw!
- [eagle screeches]

[Hailey singing]
♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ World's what you make it ♪

♪ Get up and chase it ♪

♪ Leaving nothing to chance ♪

♪ I'm taking action, making it happen ♪

♪ No matter what tomorrow might bring ♪

♪ I got the guts to do anything ♪

♪ The future's in my hands ♪

♪ Promise, I'm on it ♪

♪ I'm on it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

- [chorus] ♪ Hey, hey, hey! ♪
- [Hailey] ♪ Hailey's on it! ♪