03x18 - Lucy and the 20-20 Vision

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz, and Desi Arnaz, Jr.

Oh.

I'm sorry, mom, I didn't
see you come in the door.

We were just playing
bullfighter and I was the

matador and as I swung my
cape aside, the door opened.

- Yeah, and the bull gorges
mother right in the grocery.
- Yeah.

Alright, El Toro,
pick the stuff up.

Yeah, we will mom, but first
we'd like to ask you something.

Yeah. There's a teacher's convention this
week and we get Thursday and Friday off.

And we thought it would
be terrific if the three

of us could take a four-day
weekend to Tijuana.

- Yeah, mom, could we please?
- Now, hold it, hold it!

You get Thursday and Friday off but
how do I get Thursday and Friday off?

Oh, well, all you have
to do is ask Uncle Harry.

What did you say?

I said all you have to do is
ask Uncle Harry for two days off.

I think we have a
sick bull on our hands.

Mom, why can't you wait
until he's in a good mood?

Oh, are you kidding?
The last time harry was in a

good mood was when
somebody put sugar on his pacifier.

Oh, and these last few
weeks, he's been so grouchy.

He always seems
to have headache.

Hey, Craig, you remember that math
teacher we had that was such a grouch?

- Mr. Ridgeway, the terror?
- Ah-huh.

I think maybe Uncle
Harry's got the same trouble!

Mr. Rideway's eyes were
bothering him and when he had

them tested and got glasses
his headaches went away

and his whole mood changed.

Hey, you know, it could be Harry's
eyes that are giving him headaches.

Just yesterday, I
typed a letter for him

and when he read it
he went like this, "Oh!"

- His eyes alright.
- That's his eyes, yeah.

Yeah, well that's
just got to be it.

Now, the first thing tomorrow morning, I'll
get him to go and have his eyes tested.

- Yeah, and he'll come back
wearing glasses and in a happy mood.
- Oh, I hope you.

- And then I'll tell him I'm
taking Thursday and Friday off.
- Yes!

And Arriba, Tijuana,
here we come!

Hey, knock it off, knock it
off. You are not a bull anymore.

- Right now, you are picador.
- A picador?

- Yeah, get over the door
and pick up the grocery.
- Pick up the grocery.

Arriba! Arriba! Ole, ole.

Good morning, Harry.

Late again?

Oh, Harry don't you feel good with all
that great big sun coming in the window?

I did until little miss
overcast came in the door.

- Oh honestly, Harry, you have
been in the nastiest mood lately.
- Have I really?

Yes you have but I know
what your problem is and

I know how to make you
happy and cheerful again.

You're going to quit.

No, I'm not going to quit.

Well, I thought you already had.

I gave you a letter to type
two days ago. Where is it?

Right here, I finished it
last night. Here it is, sir.

About time.

Really...

See? You see, Harry,
that's what I mean.

That's what your problem is.
Your eyes are bothering you.

It isn't my eyes that are
bothering me. It's your typing.

I could type better than
that with boxing gloves on.

Now do it over again.

I have to leave the office.
I have to go on an errand

and I want that finished
by the time I get back!

- Alright, you don't have to yell at me.
- I'm not yelling.

I'm whispering in a loud voice.

Harry, honestly, you're
always so miserable and

grouchy and I tell you, I
know what your trouble is.

It's the same thing that was
bothering Craig's teacher.

Oh? You did some typing for him?

No, I'm talking about
his disposition. He was

grouchy and mean because
his eyes bothered him.

But when he had that corrected,
he became a beautiful man again.

I cannot see what that
possibly has to do with me.

I have never considered
myself a beautiful man.

Cute, maybe.

Not beautiful.

- Harry, what I'm trying to tell
you is that you need glasses.
- Glasses!

Don't be ridiculous!

A young, virile man like me who
still has his own hair, his own teeth?

He certainly doesn't
need glasses.

Well, why don't
you just make sure.

Go and have your eyes tested and
see if there is anything wrong with them.

The only thing wrong with my
eyes is that I can still see you.

Now, once and for all,
let us drop the subject!

- Harry, you're yelling again.
- I am not yelling.

If I yelled at you, I would shatter every
piece of glass from here to Pismo Beach.

- But Harry, listen—
- Don't bug me!

I am not going to have my
eyes examined, and that's final!

Dr. Collins speaking?

Oh, yes, Mrs. Carter.

What can I do for you?

Mrs. Carter, if someone
doesn't want his eyes examined,

I'm afraid there isn't
much you can do about it.

Well, no, I think there is.

Now, listen, I have an
idea but I need your help.

Mrs. Carter... Mrs.
Carter, you wouldn't!

You would.

Well, Mrs. Carter I've been an optometrist
but I've never tried anything like that

but it is an interesting
challenge and it might work.

I'll be there.

Ole!

Carter's Unique
Employment Agency.

Have you finished
typing that letter yet?

Oh, I've been working on it ever
since you left and it's almost finished.

A likely story.

What do you mean a likely story?

I'll bet you a dollar I'll have it
finished before you get back.

It's a bet.

Pay me!

Lucille.

Speed Demon.

Yes?

- I'd like you to have this
contract notarized please.
- Yes sir.

It's very important.
It's very important.

Alright. I have it...

- Oh, hello Doc...
- Carl, Carl Baker.

Mr. Baker, it's so
nice to see you.

- Mr. Baker, I'd like you to
meet Harrison Carter, my boss.
- How do you do?

Mr. Baker is a sign painter and he wants
you to take a good look at these signs.

- What... what signs?
- Oh! I thought I told you.

You see, Harry, I feel
America is a melting pot

with people of many
different nationalities.

You do?

Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

So, I had Mr. Baker paint
some signs advertising the

Carter Employment Agency
in several different languages.

Oh?

I thought you'd like
it and I just want your

approval before I have
them put up all over town.

Very well, very
well, I'll look at them.

Okay. Show him the first one. Look
at this, Harry. Now, how about that?

Dvngrb zlb krlp?

Yes, isn't that a
catchy slogan, Harry?

What does it mean?

That means Carter's
for jobs in Latvian.

- Latvian?
- Yeah, uh-huh.

Bring the next one, please.

Now, look at that one, Harry.

Jrkl lox tkor floop?

Yeah, that's Carter
gets best results in...

In Rumakian.

Rumakian?

Yeah, that's a place
where they make Rumaki,

- You know, those
little hors d'oeuvres that

they wrap in— - I know!
I know what Rumaki is.

- I just didn't know they imported it.
- Oh, yes, they import the bacon.

Yeah, the chicken liver is
domestic but they bring the bacon in.

Uh, wait a minute,
hold that sign up again.

- Ah, Harry?
- Um.

Harry, can you
read the sign now?

Why do you want me to
read the sign with one eye?

Oh, for heaven's sake
Harry, be practical.

We are in the
employment business.

We get people jobs and nobody needs
a job worse than a one-eyed Rumakian.

- Now, that is the first
sensible thing you've said today.
- Thank you.

- Now, Harry?
- What?

- Please, just read the sign again.
- Oh, alright, alright.

Jrkl lox tkor floop.

- Oh, just a minute, just a minute,
hold that up again, please.
- Alright.

J-R-K-L, Jrkl, does
that mean Carter?

Yes. Uh-huh.

My name is a four-letter word?

Only in Rumakian.

Well, I am not spending
good money advertising in

any language where my
name is a four-letter word.

Now, get out with your sign.
Out. All of all the languages, out!

- Out! Get out!
- But Harry!

Don't you "but" me!

Now, let's try another
four-letter word, work!

W-O-R-K, work, work, work!

- Here's your milk
bottle you wanted, mom.
- Thank you, dear.

Mom, this is pretty wild scheme
you've cooked up just to get two days off.

Now, look, if I get two days off, you get
a very happy four-day weekend, right?

- Right.
- Alright.

Now, with what we've
got fixed up for Harry,

he's going to run right
out and get glasses.

He's going to feel better.

I'll get two days off and
Tijuana here we come!

- I hope so.
- Okay.

Hey, Kim?

- Kim baby?
- Yeah?

Hey, how is the disappearing
hat hook working?

Fantastic. Watch!

- Oh great, great! Oh, that's wild.
- Isn't' that great?

- Now, get over by the window and
keep an eye open for Uncle Harry.
- Okay.

Craig. Did you disconnect
the door chimes?

Yes. It's all taken care of.

Alright. Now you be
sure be in the kitchen

- and ready to hook it up again
when I give you the signal.
- Right.

- Kim? Did you call the Conklin girls?
- Yup they're coming over and I
explained everything to them.

Alright, good.

- Mom, listen, what if Uncle
Harry doesn't show up for dinner?
- He'll show up.

What's make... what
makes you so sure?

Listen, if there were free
meals on the moon, Harry

would have been there three
days ahead of Neil Armstrong.

Now, let's see, what else? Oh,
yes, the contract. Look at this.

Here, see?

- Harry has to sign the contract.
- Yeah.

And he has to sign
it on the dotted line.

So, when I typed it up,
I left off a dotted line.

- No dotted line?
- No dotted line.

- That's got to psych him out, great!
- Well, that's the idea, right?

Hey, mom! Mom, Uncle Harry
is coming up the walk now!

Oh, get in the kitchen.
You get in the closet, honey.

Yeah, I will.

- He's on the porch.
- Okay.

Oh, Harry! I was just about
to put out the milk bottle.

How long have you
been standing there?

Seemed like 20 minutes.

Well, why didn't
you ring the bell?

I pushed it a dozen
times. It doesn't work.

- You're kidding!
- No.

It doesn't work?

[doorbell] What's the
matter with you? It works.

You must have missed a button.

- How could I miss the button?
- Oh, well, look it could happen to anyone.

Come on in, hang
up your hat, Harry.

- I don't know how I
could have missed that.
- Oh, Harry!

You mustn't throw
your hat on the floor!

- Look, Harry!
- I didn't throw my hat on the floor.

- I— - Look!

- But I hung it on the— - You
must have missed the peg.

How could I miss the
peg? I always hung my hat...

Alright, Harry, it can happen to
anybody. Come on in and relax. Come on.

Dinner is almost ready.

Oh! Good, good. Oh,
something smells delicious.

It is delicious. I'm
cooking a pot roast.

Oh, well if you got the
roast, I've got the pot for it.

- Oh, Harry, you're not getting fat.
- No.

- Your eyes are going, maybe but
you— - What's that about my eyes?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Come on, make yourself comfortable.

- Okay, thank you.
- Sit down, relax, Harry.

My goodness, Harry!
What happened?

I don't quite... no.

I went to sit down and
the chair wasn't there.

Harry, do you mean your eyes are
so bad that you couldn't see this chair?

Now, Lucille, let's
have no more of that.

I came over here to have
dinner not to discuss my eyes.

Okay, Harry, okay, okay, okay.

Oh, Uncle Harry! We
didn't know you were here.

Hi.

- How are my favorite niece and nephew?
- Just wonderful. Thank you.

- Somebody's at the door, doll.
- Oh, okay, I'll get it.

Hi Jane! Come on in!

Hi Kim! Hi Craig,
Hello, Mrs. Carter.

- Hello there!
- Hi!

Uncle Harry, I'd like you to meet
my best girlfriend, Jane Conklin.

Jane, my uncle Harry Carter.

- How do you do, Mr. Carter?
- How do you do?

I didn't catch your name, dear.

Uncle Harry, I just
told you, Jane Conklin.

No, I didn't mean that
one. I met the other girl.

There is no other girl,
it's just one girl there.

Just one?

That's right.

Oh, Kim!

You left the door open and
the Watson's dog came in.

Oh!

That's Chippy. He
follows everyone.

Well, isn't he adorable?

Look Harry, look, he
went under the table.

- Come out Chippy.
- Come on now, Chip.

- Come on out, play with Uncle Craig.
- Oh, isn't he adorable?

- You know he does tricks, mom.
- Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sit up, Chip.

Oh, look at that.
Isn't that great, Harry?

Roll over.

Oh, that's... oh he's wonderful.

Oh, look at him, look at him,
he's trying to be friendly with Harry.

He wants to shake
hands with you, Harry.

Come on, come on, come, on
Chippy. Give Harry your paw.

Give Harry your paw. Come on.

No, no. you're front paw!

Oh, Harry, you scared him!

Uncle Harry, you look awfully pale!
I think maybe you better sit down.

No, thank you, dear.

I think I do better standing.

Kim, I'm going to be running
along. I'll see you later.

Goodbye, Mr. Carter.

Goodbye girls... I mean girl?

I think I'd better go too.

Oh, you're going to leave
before we eat, Harry?

Well, I don't feel very well.
I think I better get home.

Well, maybe you should if
your eyes are bothering you.

- It isn't my eyes. They're not—
- Well, what's the matter, Harry?

My nerves, I'm just shot
for some reason. I can't...

- Oh, okay. Oh, Harry, wait a minute.
- What?

I brought the Pattison contract
for you to sign like you ask me too.

Oh, yes, yes, I want
to get that in the mail.

Yes, just sign on
the dotted line, Harry.

I don't see any dotted line.

Right there.

Still don't see the dotted line.

Oh, for heaven's sake, Harry.

Craig get me that magnifying
glass. Will you, the large one.

- The large one?
- Yeah.

- Here it is, mom.
- Thank you.

Oh, how did these
things get so dirty.

Finger marks all over them.

There! There you are. Now, do
you see the dotted line, Harry?

No, still can't see
the dotted line.

Well, you see the
magnifying glass, don't you?

Of course I can see
the magnifying glass!

It's just that I can't
see that dotted line!

Yeah, well, just sign
at any place then.

Oh, well.

Uncle Harry, I think
your eyes are bad.

- What— - Yeah, Harry, why don't you stop
being so stubborn and have them tested?

- Because I don't need glasses!
- Okay.

- Goodnight!
- Goodnight.

That stupid dog ran
right in front of me.

- Tijuana, here we come!
- Arriba!

Mom.

What are you two doing here?

Oh, we wanted to know if uncle
Harry went to the optometrist yet.

I don't know. He hasn't come in
yet and you better get out of here.

Harry is at his worst
in the mornings.

Good morning,
Lucille! Good morning!

Kim! Craig! How
nice to see you here.

Oh, my boy. Good
to see... my darling.

Why not?

Harry, you're wearing glasses!

Yes! Yes!

And I owe you three an apology
for the way I behaved last night.

- Oh! It was inexcusable!
- Oh.

Oh, yes, yes. I thought
about it on the way home.

I realized that any man
who kept missing chairs,

who saw two of Kim's girlfriends
when there was only one there

- and didn't' see the dog at all,
I knew that man had a problem.
- Oh?

- And there's another thing.
- What's that, Harry?

- Well, when you gave me that
contract to sign on the dotted line?
- Yes?

- Well, I have a confession to make.
- What's that?

I didn't see that
magnifying glass.

- I lied.
- Oh.

Uncle Harry don't worry
about it. We forgive you.

- It's okay.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.

Oh! I feel so good! Good,
good, good, good, good!

- Mom, now is the time
to ask about the trip.
- Yeah, ask him for today and tomorrow off.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, he will never be in
a better mood than he is right now.
- That's right.

You know, since wearing glasses,
I see things that I never saw before.

- Oh, really? I'm glad, Harry.
- Oh yeah.

Listen, there's something
that I'd like to ask you.

Just a moment, my
dear, just a moment.

- You know, I just noticed
something very interesting.
- Really? What was it?

Well, right here
on your time cards,

I see that you punched in late


overstayed your lunch hour 19 times
and that adds up to exactly 16 hours.

That means, you owe
me two full days work,

which you can make up
this Saturday and Sunday.

Now, then my dear, what
did you want to ask me?

Forget it, Harry.

Bye, Uncle Harry.

Just a minute, Kim,
Craig, didn't I read in the

paper that there is no
school today and tomorrow.

- That's right.
- Yeap.

That means that you have
a four-day weekend, right?

- We... yeah.
- Mm-Hmm.

Well, how would you like me to take
you to Lake Arrowhead for a swim?

For a swim?

Or well, maybe San
Diego? We'll go to the zoo?

Well, how about
Tijuana for the bullfights.

Ole!

- We'll go to Tijuana and the
bullfights just the three of us.
- Oh!

Oh.

Without mother?

My dear, your
mother has work to do.

Yeah, but Uncle Harry, do you
think we ought to go without mom?

Oh, of course, honey, it will
be fun for you. Go ahead, kids.

- Mom, are you sure?
- Yes, I am.

Now, I insist. Go on, have fun.

Yeah, yeah, alright, let's
not waste any time dear.

- Come on, let's go, let's go.
- Go ahead. Don't waste the day.

The whole day passes
away so quickly anyway.

We don't want to
miss a minute of it.

Ah, Senorita, parting
is such sweet sorrow.

What I could say,
adios, till it be morrow.

- Oh, Harry?
- Yes, Lucille?

I have one little bit of advice for
you when you're down in Tijuana.

What's that?

Drink the water.