03x21 - Lucy and Aladdin's Lamp

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here is Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-Starring Gale Gordon,

Lucie Arnaz and Desi Arnaz Jr.

Well, here's the last of the
stuff from the attic, mom.

- Hey, where do you want
me to put these records?
- Over there on the trunk.

All right.

Well, mother we cleaned
out that big old chest.

Mom?

- Mother, where are you?
- Here I am.

Where are you am?

Ha-hachoo!

Right here with all
those moth ba*ls.

Ha-ha-ha.

Hey, mom, you know, this
garage sale is a great idea.

We're going to finally get
our closets cleaned out.

Yeah. It was either that
or burn the house down.

- Hang those over there on
that rack, will you, dear?
- Alright.

And listen, Craig, will you
bring out another card table

- so we have some more counter space?
- Right-o.

Oh, no!

- What's the matter now?
- Oh, mother, you can't sell Claribel.

Why, what's so
special about Claribel?

- Well, she was my favorite. Oh.
- Oh.

- OK, honey, you can keep her.
- Oh, good.

Now, please, don't find anything
else that you just had to keep.

The idea is to get rid
of stuff, remember?

Yeah, OK.

- Oh, no. Oh, for heaven's sake.
- What, what?

I'm certainly not
going to sell this suit.

- Mother, you just said that if I...
- I know, I know. But this is special.

Joan Crawford donated this
to a church bazaar, and I won it.

- Ms. Crawford wore this in Mildred Pierce.
- Oh.

From the looks of
those shoulder pads, she

could have worn it in
the spirit of Notre Dame.

Oh, what do you know?

- Hi, everybody!
- Oh, hi, Mary Jane!
- Hi, there.

I just came out in order to
wish you "Happy Garage Sale."

- Oh, good.
- Thank you.

- Hey, you're our very first customer.
- Oh?

I hope you find something you like.
Remember, it's for a very good cause.

Oh?

- Us.
- Ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

Oh, I like your hat.
Bless your heart.

Well, how's everything going?

Well, we just started,
but we should do all right.

Yeah. I just hope it doesn't
rain. Those clouds look pretty low.

Those are not low clouds.
That's just high smog.

Yeah.

Hey. What's this?

Gee, I don't know.

I don't, I don't think I've
ever seen that before.

Mom, what is this thing?

Well, that's uhm,
uhm, oh, yes, yes, yes.

- This is a very old
brass cigarette lighter.
- Oh.

That's just a thing
for you, Mary Jane.

- I don't smoke.
- Well, the lighter doesn't
work so that's perfect.

- You want me to wrap it up?
- No, honey.

It's, it's too black and corroded. I
think I'll look for something else.

Well, I can clean
it up, Mary Jane.

Hey, Lucy, who's the attractive
man coming across the lawn?

Oh, that's Mr. Frost.

He's a neighbor; he's
married, and as light as $4.

- Hello, Ms. Carter!
- Oh, hello, Mr. Frost.

Hey, welcome, to junk city.
Would you like to buy something?

I, uhm, I think I'll just look around.
I'll know what I want when I see it.

- Well, just feel free to
browse around, Mr. Frost.
- Thank you.

- Lucy.
- Yeah.

Oh, I love these
three little glasses.

Oh, you couldn't have made
a better choice, Mary Jane.

- These are genuine
Bavarian crystal wine glasses.
- Oh.

Yeah. They don't make
crystal like this anymore.

Listen.

They certainly don't.

- Ms. Carter, I, uhm, I found
what I was looking for.
- Oh, good.

Oh, gee, I don't know how
much they charge you for that.

Nothing. You borrowed
it from me last year.

- Oh, mom! It's raining.
- What? Oh, no!

Quick, everybody. Put the junk back
in the garage before it gets ruined.

Well, that closed the
garage sale for the day.

- Gee, it's really coming down out there.
- Yeah.

Oh, it's going to be coming down in here.
Look at that wet patch in the ceiling.

Again.

Hey, mom, why don't you call that
handyman who fixed it the last time?

No, sir, not that clown.

The ceiling didn't get
plastered, but he did.

Why are you wasting your
time polishing that old thing?

Because I still think I can get


And every little bit helps.

Mom, where did that
thing come from anyway?

You know, I haven't
the slightest idea.

In fact, I don't think
I've ever seen it before.

You know, it looks
just like Aladdin's lamp.

h*-hoh, yeah.

Well, if this is a magic lamp, I
know what my first wish would be.

What?

I'd wish for $50 to
get that ceiling fixed.

[lightning strikes,
doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

- Here you go.
- Thanks.

- Oh, a telegram.
- A-ah, it's for you, mom.

- Oh, I hope it's not bad news.
- Oh, open it.

Ooh, ooh.

"You, you have won second
prize in our jingle contest.

We are mailing
you a check for $50."

$50?

I, I just wished for
$50 to fix the ceiling.

You did it.

You gave me my wish, and to
think I almost sold you for $4.

Mother, really. That
was just a coincidence.

Oh, sure, it's got to be.

You just happened to make the wish the
same that the telegram came. That's all.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, of course, you're
right. It's just a coincidence.

- Yeah, well. Anyway,
now we can get the ceiling fixed.
- Yeah.

What contest was it, mom?

Ah, it was the Murphy
Soup Company?

- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

Hey, how about that. Let's
hear the jingle you sent in.

- Oh, you really want to hear it?
- Sure, go ahead. Sing it.

See now, if I can
remember it. Uhm, ah.

[singing] Murphy soup, Murphy
soup really something new.

It doesn't stick just to your
ribs. It sticks to all of you.

That's it.

Mom, you're absolutely right.

If that jingle won a contest,
this has got to be a magic lamp.

Ha-ha-ha, h*-h*, no.
No, kid, you're right.

- It was just a coincidence.
- Ye-yeah.

Gee. But wouldn't it be wonderful
if this really was a magic lamp.

This thing it would
solve all of our problems.

Yeah, it would be fantastic.

Craig. Ah, just
for fun, you know.

If it really was a magic lamp,
what would you wish for?

- Well...?
- I mean besides Ann-Margret.

Oh, well, let's see. If it was a
magic lamp, ah... ooh, I know.

I'd wish for two tickets
to the Rams football game

- which is a complete sell out
so it is impossible.
- OK.

[Lightning strikes,
telephone rings]

Hello?

Yes. OK. It's for you, dear.

- For me?
- Uh-hmm.

Hello?

What?

You're kidding.

He did?

O-o-okay, Allen, thanks.

h*-hoh, how
sweet it is! Bye, bye.

- Guess what?
- What?

Allen's father has the
flu. Isn't that amazing?

What's so amazing about
Allen's father having the flu?

He also has two tickets to the Rams
football game, and since he can't go...

- You're going instead?
- Ha-ha-ha.

This makes two wishes
that have been granted.

This has got to be
more than a coincidence.

Ah, well now, mother.

Let's settle this
thing once and for all.

This time I'll make a wish, and
we'll see if it's coincidence or magic.

Well, all right, but be fair now.
No, no fancy, way out wishes.

Just ask for a normal
simple everyday miracle.

OK.

I wish for a quart of Jamoca
almond fudge ice cream.

[lightning strikes.
Doorbell rings.]

If this turns out to be
your wish... come in.

Oh, no. Nobody wished for that.

- Just what do you mean by that?
- Nothing, Harry. Come on in.

- Hi, Uncle Harry.
- Hello, Uncle Harry.

- Hello, kids.
- May I ask what brings you
out on a day like this?

Oh, I just came over here
to give you a little something.

Oh, like what?

Help me get...
there. That's it. There.

These are the
ledgers from the office.

Yup, yup.

I knew that you wouldn't be going
away on a lousy weekend like this.

So I thought this would give you a
chance to catch up on your bookkeeping.

- Actually, I came over to see
my favorite niece and nephew.
- Oh.

I have a little
something for them, too.

Kim's favorite.

- Jamoca almond fudge ice cream.
- Yeah.

Ahh, the sun is shining, the birds are
singing, and all is all right to the world.

After you, my
dear. There you are.

Now, then, I'll put these
ledgers here on your desk.

I'd like you to check them and see if I
balanced them properly for you. He-he-he.

Eh, oh, before you
sit down, there we are.

Now, please make yourself
comfy. That's the girl, that's the girl.

Oh and wait till you taste the yummy
sandwiches I made for your lunch.

Harry, you can stop being nice.

You are not getting
your hands on this lamp.

Well, that's gratitude for you.

You had a wish. Kim had
a wish. Craig had a wish.

But for good old
kind-hearted Harry, nothing.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Harry.

I said you couldn't have the lamp, but
if you wanted to make just one wish...

- I'll take it, I'll take it.
- Hold it, hold it. Not so fast.

Suppose I do let you make a
wish, what are you going to wish for?

Ooh, well, of course, I, I'd
wish for something sensible

like a... like well... maybe
a five, five, $5 million.

Oh, no, you don't.

You're not going to make
any nasty, greedy wishes.

I don't want my lamp
straining its little wick.

- Lucille, how can you be so selfish.
- Good morning, everybody!

Good morning,
everybody, my foot.

Well, what's the
matter with him?

Attila the Hun is pouting again.

Listen, honey, they're having a fantastic
sale at Morton's Department Store.

Can you get away
for about an hour?

- Huh, fat chance.
- Oh, darn.

And they'd even marked down
those marvelous Italian knits.

Oh, gee. I sure
hate to miss that.

Oh, honey, I wish
I could go with you.

[lightning strikes] Oh, good
heavens, was that thunder?

- Lucille? Lucille?
- Yes, sir.

I want you to pick up a
couple of shirts for me.

They're on sale at the... uh...

- Ah, Morton's Department Store?
- Yeah.

How did you know?

Oh, just a wild guess.

Oh, well, you know my size.

- Hurry up. Get going, get going.
- OK.

Baby, if I ever had any doubts
about you, they're gone now.

Lucy, why are you talking
to that cigarette lighter?

Oh, well, it's a long story.

Come on. Let's get
going. I got a whole hour.

- Oh, I know just what I'm going to buy.
- What?

It's that little
blue and white...

Wait a minute, Mary
Jane. I'll be right with you.

Lucille, Lucille. I've
changed my mind.

Never mind about
going... Lucille, Lucille.

Why did I send her out?

I don't need any shirts.

[singing] When Irish
eyes are smiling,

sure it's like the morning...
Oh, good morning, Mr. Carter.

[mumbling]

[singing] My Irish eyes are
smiling. You could be giving it all.

When Irish eyes are smiling...

Do you have to do that now?
Can't you come back later?

OK, Mr. Carter. But you know
what a fuss budget Mr. Minkel is.

Yeah. Alright.

[singing]

Look, look, look.

Do me a favor. Forget about
Mr. Minkel, will you go. I'm busy.

OK, Mr. Carter. OK.

[singing] When Irish
eyes are smiling...

Wow, what a sale that was!

I practically bought
the store out.

Oh and wait till you see the
beautiful shirts I got for you.

Lucille, about those shirts.
I really don't need them.

I wish you'd take them back. I
have lots of new ones at home.

I certainly don't
need new shirts.

Oh, no!

Wh-wh-what's
the matter, Lucille?

All right. Where's
the lamp, Harry?

What are you talking about?

Where is the lamp, Harry?

I haven't seen the
lamp since you left.

Where is the lamp, Harry?

I'm telling you, I don't know. I
haven't so much as touch the lamp.

Well, if you didn't
take it, who did?

Well, I don't know. No one's
been here except the janitor.

The janitor. Oh, no!

- The lamp was in the waste basket.
- Oh, no!

- Oh, yes!
- Oh, my heavens!

Wait till I get my hands on...

- Oh, look at all this trash.
- Oh, my.

Well, come on. We
got to find that lamp.

Oh, yeah, we got to.
Where do we start?

- We got to empty out.
- All right, all right.

- Let's get this out.
- Alright, alright.

Don't go so fast you can't see
it. You got to see if it drops out.

Oh, all right, I'm listening
for it. Oh, nothing out there.

Here, here. Just a second.

Just a sec, just a second!

- What's going on?
- Oh, hello, Mr. Minkel?

What are you doing,
you, you litter bugs?

- Well, we're looking for
something in this trash.
- Trash?

I refer to it as residue.

I sure don't care what you call
it, but I got to find something.

Well, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop!

Will you stop making this mess?

Mr. Minkel, we are looking for the
tra... ah, the residue from my office.

Well, who are you?

Harrison Otis Carter.

You know, Unique
Employment Agency?

Office number 1506.

Oh, yes, the
nickel-cigar-for-Christmas office.

Yep, that's him.

Now, Mr. Minkel, where would
my, where would my residue be?

- They haven't taken it away, have they?
- No.

- Oh, good, because I want my trash back.
- Oh.

Is this a new hobby
like stamp collecting?

No, it is not.

Ah, Mr. Carter.

I don't want to be pushy, but
exactly what is it you're looking for?

- A magic lamp.
- Oh.

All right. Let's go.

Did you say a magic lamp?

Yes, a magic lamp.

Oh. Of course, a
magic lamp. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. That must have
been some office party.

Why don't you go
shovel your residue?

- Just keep to the lamp.
- Oh, with the lamp, yeah.

Wait a minute. Wait.
I'll take that, I'll take that.

Just a moment.
Ju-ju-just, oh, hup-hup-hup.

- What's the matter?
- Hold it just one moment.

Why should I knock myself out?

Even if we find it, you won't let
me touch that confound lamp.

OK, Harry, if you find the
lamp, I'll give you one wish.

It's a deal! It's a deal!

All right, where is it
now? Oh, here we go.

He-he-help me, help
me, help me, help me.

Where are you, Harry?

Take a wild guess.

Come on, help me get
out of here, will you?

Oh, what are you doing in there?

I am swimming the
English Channel.

Why do you stand there
asking stupid questions?

- Do you realize that I've been all...
- Oh, Harry.

- I've found...
- Harry!

I've found, I've found, I've
found, I've found the lamp.

Give it to me, give it to me.

Well, I'll give it to you if I get
this bottle off my fingers. It's stuck.

How did that possibly happen?

"How did that possibly happen?"

How would I know
how it happened?

- Come on, help me get it off, OK?
- All right.

Wooh, heeya-ha-ha,
oh, ooh, ooh, that hurts.

All right, all right. Wait
a minute, wait a minute.

Where are you going,
where are you going?

- I saw something here a moment ago?
- Wha-what did you see, what did you see?

- Here it is. All right, now, let me
take it, let me take it.
- All right.

Stand back.

Hold it, hold it.

You're not going to
use that thing on me.

If you broke that bottle,
it would cut my finger.

I know that.

I just want to tap the
top of it and loosen it.

Nothing doing?

Harry.

Harry, remember, you
got a free wish coming.

Yeah, oh yeah, well. All right.

Let's get it over with.

Never mind the pain.

If John Wayne
can do it, so can I.

All right, all right. Don't
delay any longer. Go ahead.

Do you want me to give
you a b*llet to bite on?

Never mind. Will
you get it done with?

Oh, the agony!

The pain!

The excruciating t*rture. Oh!

- Harry!
- Oh, what?

I haven't started yet.

Oh. Well, forget it.

- Harry, I got to take that off.
- No, I'm not going to take a chance of having
my four little fingers torn to shreds.

Just look at that finger. I'll
never play the piano again.

Oh, I wish this
thing would cut off.

[lightning strikes]

- It came off!
- Yeah!

- Oh, now, let me see.
- Oh, Harry.

- Harry, you know something?
- What?

You just had your one
wish and you blew it.

- Oh, no, no!
- Yes you did.

- Oh, that was cute there, honey.
- Yes, it does, doesn't it?

Hey, mom. That wet spot in the
ceiling is getting bigger and bigger,

and it's still raining outside.
Haven't you called the plaster' yet?

Yes, I did.

And he promised to somehow fit me into
his schedule sometime next month, maybe.

- Oh.
- Do you believe that?

Why don't you sit the lamp
on him and wish him over here.

Are you kidding? Even a
magic lamp can't fight a union.

Well, you and Uncle Harry were sure
lucky to find this lamp in all that trash.

Weren't we though? You don't
know what we went through.

Where is Uncle
Harry, by the way?

Would you believe it? He's
checking his health insurance

to find out if they are going to pay for
the little bandage on his little finger.

You know, mom. So far, every
wish that was made was granted.

- Now, that's got to be
more than just coincidence.
- Oh, there's no doubt about it.

This is a magic lamp. And it
must be thousands of years old.

And it must have performed
millions of miracles.

You know, I'll bet it's the only
lamp of its kind in the whole world.

You can count on it every time.

Ah, mom. I, I, I hate to say this, but I
don't think you should get so carried away.

I find out today that you can
buy that lamp in any novelty store.

They are made in Pittsburgh.

- Pittsburgh?
- Yeah. It's stamped on the bottom.

- Look for yourself.
- Is it from Pittsburgh?

It didn't even get that far
east. "Made in Tijuana."

Oh, no! Oh, I don't believe it.

- Well, it was fun while it lasted.
- Yeah.

It was kind of fun
having a magic lamp to

believe in, but I guess
it was just coincidence.

No. You know something. I
think it was more than that.

I think it was faith.

We all wanted to
believe in this lamp.

We actually had faith that good things
are going to happen to us, and they did.

[doorbell rings] Come in.

Oh, Uncle Harry. Hi.

Hey. What happened to your arm?

Oh. Don't be concerned,
Craig, my boy. They say I'll live.

Oh, Harry. Knock it off.

- Uncle Harry?
- Hmm.

Mom said you just
hurt your finger.

Well, one cannot be too careful. I
believe in taking precautions now.

Oh, you sure do, Harry.

You're the only one I know who
fastens a seatbelt on his barber chair.

Ah, Lu-Lucille, I,
I've been thinking.

Since I've been through
this traumatic experience

and suffered all this
agony that maybe...

I know, I know. Now, you
want another wish on the lamp.

Oh, I certainly do. Yes.

Well, you might as well know the
truth, Harry. This is not a magic lamp.

That is not a magic lamp.

Oh, come off it. I
wasn't born yesterday.

Harry, believe me. This is a
plain ordinary cigarette lighter.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

A plain ordinary cigarette
lighter that performs miracles.

Harry, they were not miracles.
They were coincidences.

- I don't believe it for one minute.
- Oh, Harry.

- If this isn't the magic lamp, I wish the
heavens would open up and fall in on me.
- Well.

[lightning strikes]

Harry! Harry, you're right.

[all together] It
is a magic lamp.