04x04 - Lucy and Mannix Are Held Hostage

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

Morning, Harry.

Late again.

Well, I have a very good reason.

Did you see the news
on television this morning?

The last time I looked at
the news in the morning,

I jumped right back into
bed and stayed there all day.

Yeah, well you should've
seen it this morning.

There was a report about this man who
was beating up on a woman in a parking lot.

Everybody just stood
there while he hit her.

You know that's what's the
matter with the world today.

Nobody wants to get involved.

Well, as far as I'm concerned,
I like to mind my own business.

Oh, Harry.

However!

If you want to get involved,

why don't you get
involved in a little work.

Okay, I will as soon
as I water my plants.

Good morning, Ruthy baby!

Well, oh your leaves
are so beautiful now.

Just a little drink
of water will help.

Hugo aren't you
handsome this morning.

Oh, now don't
drink too fast, dear.

Must you talk to them?

Yes.

I read in a magazine that if you
talk to plants, they grow better.

Good morning, Pricilla baby!

Ooh, what beautiful
little blossoms!

Now, you take a
little drink of water.

You know what I think?

I think you should go
out and get a little sun.

My goodness, Harry! Look
what's going on out there!

What? What? What?

That man just stole
that lady's purse.

- Where? Where?
- Right there!

Do something,
Harry! Do something!

- Do something?
- Yes! Do something! Hurry up!

Alright. Uh, I'll do something.

Not Ruth! Not Ruth!

Oh!

You missed the purse snatcher.

But I hit Officer Magginetti.

Oh, I hope you
haven't k*lled Ruth.

I hope I haven't k*lled
Officer Magginetti.

- Oh, get out... get out of there.
- What's the matter?

He's looking up to see
who threw the flower pot.

Oh, I'm so upset I can't work.

I think I'll go down
to the drug store.

Get a cup of tea.

Alright, I'll go with you.

- You and your getting involved.
- Oh.

I hope this was a lesson to you.

Well, it was a perfectly
logical mistake.

I saw this woman in a drug
store stuffing things into her purse;

naturally I thought
she was a shoplifter.

And naturally you had me
pin her arms behind her back

while you went for the owner.

Well, it wasn't my fault she
turned out to be the owner's wife.

But it was your fault that
the owner hit me in the jaw.

- Oh, Harry.
- Oh!

Pricilla baby, did you miss me?

Well, I'm gonna give you that
sunshine like I promised, honey.

Now you sit right out
here and just show those...

Harry, Harry look over there!

No, I will not! I
don't wanna to see it.

You don't even know
what I'm talking about.

Whatever it is, I'm
not going to look at it.

There are two men in that
apartment across the way

and they got a whole
suitcase full of money.

How could you possibly see
that from clear across the street?

With these. Harry
look, come here.

Nothing going! Nothing going!

From now on, I'm gonna
mind my own business.

Now look Harry, there was
a bank robbery yesterday

and they have got a suitcase
full of something green.

Now what else
could it be but money.

Maybe they collect spinach.

Uh-oh.

What now?

One of the men is looking
back at me with binoculars.

I'd better call the police.

Don't you dare!

Why not?

You know who they'll send
to take the report don't you?

Officer Magginetti with
a bump on his head!

Ah-ha, late as usual.

I, I, oh...

Hi, Mr. Carter.

Hi, Mary Jane.

Well, I gather
Lucy isn't in yet.

You gather right.

I wanted her to have breakfast
with me at the drug store.

Well, when she comes in, will
you tell her I wanna talk to her?

Yeah, I can hardly
wait to tell her.

- Well, I'll see you later.
- Oh how nice, good bye.

Eat your heart out.

She's got me talking
with them now.

Where is she?

Wha, wha, wha, where's who?

The nosy dame who spied on
us yesterday with the binoculars.

Then it wasn't spinach!

What!

Nothing, nothing!

Where's the dame?

The dame ain't
here, uh isn't here.

When is she coming in?

She isn't, ain't.

She won't.

I fired her. She quit.

She went, she wa, she,
she won't be coming in.

Where does she live?

Give us her address.

You won't get that out
of me in a million years.



Zip code 910401,

second house from the
corner, pink with blue shutters.

You can't miss it.

There's a big tree in the front yard
that answers to the name of Erving.

Put him in the closet.

No! In the closet!

Oh please! I have
claustrophobia.

Why do you wanna
put me in the closet?

So you won't call the cops
the minute we leave the room.

Hey Rudy, maybe I
ought a knock him out here.

Come to think of it, I, the
closet will be a fun, fun place.

Oh, I'd love it! I
can hardly wait!

Aren't you going to lock me in?

Hey, Dumb Dumb, lock the door.

Right, boss.

The door's locked, boss.

Oh.

Mom, I thought you
left for work hours ago.

Oh, I overslept.

I was up half the night worrying

because I didn't do anything
about those bank robbers.

- Well, you look exhausted.
- Oh, I am.

I can't go to work today.

I'll have to call Harry
and make an excuse.

Is it time for my Aunt
Isabel to get sick again?

I don't think so.

Last Friday you told him
you went to her funeral.

Oh boy, I better
start keeping a list.

Mm-hmm.

I wonder what Harry would
do if I just told him the truth.

He'd faint.

Oh, come on.

But if I am gonna tell
him the whole truth

I'd better have a good
nourishing breakfast first.

Oh listen, I have to go
to class, I'll see you later.

Alright, darling,
have a nice day.

- Thanks, good luck.
- Bye-bye.

Yeah, I'll need it.

Lucy.

Somebody help me! Help me!

Mr. Carter?

Mary Jane! Is that you?

Yeah!

Oh good, let me out of
the closet, Mary Jane.

Well what are you
doing in the closet?

What do you think
I'm doing in the closet!

I'm dancing in the dark!

Will you unlock
the door, please?

Unlock the door.

Let me out!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, what a
horrifying experience!

Me with claustrophobia.

Oh, who locked you in there?

Well, Mary Jane,

did Lucille tell you about the
two crooks she saw yesterday?

Yes.

Well, they came
here looking for her.

Yeah, but I outsmarted them.

I told them she
wasn't coming in today.

Oh, aren't you clever.

Yes, yes I am.

But then, then they forced me
into telling them where she lived.

They're going to
her house to get her?

Well but it's alright, Mary
Jane. She won't be there.

She's on her way
over here, late as usual.

- Oh, well that's good.
- Yes.

I thought it was alright.

Hello.

Hello Harry, this is Lucy.
I am not coming in today.

Lucille!

You mean you're still at home!

Yes, I overslept.

Never mind that.
Never mind that.

Lucille, remember the two men
that you thought were bank robbers?

Yes.

Well, you were right.

They are bank robbers!

[Sings] Nya nya nya ne na na.

Will you knock that off!

They were just over here!

And now they are on their
way to your house to get you!

- Oh, no!
- Yeah!

Oh, no. Well,
what'll I do Harry?

Well, throw some things in a
suitcase and go to my house

and stay there!

Okay! Harry?

What?

How did they find
out where I live?

They have their ways.

Oh.

Yeah, now get going.

Yeah.

- Oh, dear.
- Can you imagine that?

She was still at the house.

- Oh, this is terrible.
- Yeah.

I'm gonna go get
Officer Magginetti.

No!

Why not?

Well, it has something to
do with a plant named Ruth.

Ruth?

Well, I don't think
you've met her anyway.

Just forget it. What
are we going to do?

What are we going to do?

I've got it!

What?

I'll call, Mannix.

Mannix?

You mean Joe Mannix?

The same.

But he's the most
famous private eye in town.

Do you know him?

We are just like that.

I helped him crack
a m*rder case once.

I didn't know that.

I didn't know that...

And here we are.
Here it is, right here.

Mannix.

Mannix.

Carter.

Carter who?

No, who Carter.

I mean Harry Carter.

Harry Carter?

Harrison Otis Carter.

Which one are you?

I'm Harrison, I'm
Otis and I'm Carter.

I'm Joe and I'm Mannix
and I'm hanging up.

No, no, no, no, wait a minute.

Remember that case you
solved because the butler

from our agency did it?

Oh sure, sure of
course. I remember.

Yes, sorry, Larry.

It isn't Larry, it's Harry.

Look, Mr. Mannix,
I need your help.

My sister-in-law, Lucille Carter
can identify two bank robbers

who are on their way
to her house right now.

Ah, and what would
you like me to do?

Well, I thought you might go over
there and put the screws to them

or whatever you call it.

Alright. What's her address?

Okay, I'm on my way.

But now, she won't be
there when you get there

but there's always
a key under the mat.

I must say, I appreciate
you’re doing this for me, Mannix.

Oh well, I'm glad
to do it, Harry.

It'll be a hundred dollars
a day plus expenses.

What-hata-hat-a hun-
a hun-hundred a day!

Oh, my coat.

Hello.

Lucille!

Why are you still there!

Well, I was just going
out the back door

when one of the crooks got here,

but don't worry I clobbered
him. He's out cold.

Good girl.

Tell me, what
about the other one?

The other one?

There was just one.

There was just one?

Yeah.

Oh, Lucille, will you
describe him for me please.

Well he's a, he's a big one.

He's about six foot
two or three I guess,

and he has beautiful
curly black hair

and he's really quite handsome,

but he has a criminal
face if I ever saw one.

Lucille, that's Joe Mannix

the private eye I sent over
to take care of the crooks!

Oh no, Harry!

I'm sure he's the crook.

Yeah, he's got a g*n
right here in his coat

and there's some
initials on his coat. JM.

Now, oh, JM!

[Sings] Nya nye, nye nye, na-na.

Oh, knock it off!

Lucille! You knocked
out Joe Mannix!

Well, don't worry,
I'll bring him to.

Well, you better. I'm
going to call the police.

Those crooks will be
there in any minute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Mannix.

You have to wake up, Mr. Mannix.

Mr. Mannix?

Joe?

Joe?

Oh, Joe!

Well, goodbye, Joe.

Hey, who are you?

I'm Lucy Carter and
my brother-in-law Harry

asked you to come here
and take care of some crooks

and I thought you
were one of the crooks

and I hit you over
the head and I'm sorry.

I gotta go, goodbye.

Um wait, you didn't tell
me what they look like.

Well, they look a lot like this.

I'm awfully sorry about this.

If I hadn't hit you on the head
none of this would've happened.

Well, that's alright.

I've been in worse jams,
although I can't remember when.

Shut up.

I'm trying to think!

Yeah, we're trying to think.

I'm trying to think, Dumb Dumb

and you're waiting
for me to think.

- Right, boss.
- Shut up!

Right.

And you shut up!

Do you know you're one of the
rudest crooks I've ever known?

Do you know who
you're talking to?

Never mind, Lucy!

He happens to be Joe Mannix,

the best private
eye in the business.

Oh.

I'm glad to know that!

Yeah, I thought
you'd be impressed.

- Oh, I am!
- Yeah.

We're gonna give
him special treatment.

Yeah well, huh.

He sent my brother to
Sing Sing for ten years.

Thanks a heap, Lucy.

Well, I didn't know that.

Rudy, should we
take care of them here

or wait till we get
across the borders?

- Well uh.
- Do I get to vote?

No you don't.

If you take us for a ride and rub
us out with your dirty old Rosco,

you'll end up in the big
house and get the hot seat.

What is she yacking about?

I don't know.

She thinks that's the
way us crooks talk.

She's giving me a headache.

Uh, she's giving you a headache?

Look, I'm gonna dump
the car, it's getting too hot.

While I'm gone why don't
you take care of them.

- Right, boss.
- Okay.

He's gonna rub us out.

Oh Lucy, nobody
talks like that anymore.

They do on The Late Late Show.

Why don't you just
come right out and say it.

He's gonna k*ll us.

Well, if you don't mind I'd rather
think of it as being rubbed out.

It sounds softer.

Hey!

Do you watch them old gangster
movies on The Late Late Late Show?

Yeah, all the time, Dumb Dumb.

Hey, my name ain't
Dumb Dumb. It's Vernon.

Oh, I'm sorry, Vernon.

I'm sorry.

Say, did you see Little Caesar

with Edward G.
Robinson last Friday night?

Yeah.

Yeah, the way he
rubbed out all them people

with his machine g*n,
rata-tatta, he's my idol!

Yeah, yeah, he's the king
of the rata-tattaers alright.

Oh, I don't believe these two.

Hey, you know what's
gonna be on next week?

What?

"Angels with Dirty Faces".

Yeah.

Oh, that's a shame. You
ain't gonna be around to see it.

Oh, that's alright.
I've already seen it.

Oh, good. I don't feel so bad.

I haven't seen it.

And you ain't gonna neither.

Huh! Listen uh, Vernon,

since I'm not gonna get a
chance to see the movie,

would you do me a favor?

Would you run across the
street and get me a hamburger?

Uh-uh, I'm not
supposed to leave yous.

Oh, but Vernon, I'm hungry.

Yeah, me too. I'm starved.

Oh Vernon, remember in
"Angels with Dirty Faces",

they let Jimmy Cagney
have a big dinner

just before he
walked that last mile.

- Yeah, that's right, they did.
- Remember that? Yeah.

Okay, I'll get you some hamburgers,
but remember no funny business.

- No, no. Nothing.
- Scouts honor.

Oh, yeah, I'll be right back.

He really went.

- Yeah now look, I've got an idea.
- What?

- I think we can work our
way over to the phone.
- The phone?

Yeah, now when I say
go left, go left okay?

Go!

Hey, we're not getting
any closer to the phone.

Oh, I forgot, you're facing
in the opposite direction.

Now let's try it again only this
time when I say go, go right, okay?

Go!

Wait a minute!

Why didn’t you
go right like I said?

Well, because the last
time when you said left,

I went left when I
should've gone right,

so this time when
you said right,

I thought you really meant
for me to go left, right?

Wrong!

Now, let's try it again only
this time no right, no left,

let's just go to the phone okay?

- Now come on, let's go.
- Alright.

Oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

- What's happened?
- I'm hung up on the rug.

We'll have to go around the rug.

Okay, come on now. Let's go.

Are you okay?

Yeah, but riding
backwards makes me sick.

Well, we only
got a little farther.

Come on. Let's go, okay?

Let's get around.

Okay, that's good!

Hey, you're pretty clever.

Yeah, now let's see,
how am I gonna dial?

Oh, I can do that.

Scrootch forward so I
can get to the phone.

Okay, but how
are you gonna dial?

With my nose.

Why not.

Who do you want me to call?

Well, the police! Who else!

Oh, police.

Oh, those nines
make your nose tingle.

Why didn't you just dial 'O'?

Oh, now you tell me.

Go on, dial '0'.

Oh, alright.

What are doing?

- I gotta get a dial tone.
- Oh.

I got it.

- Go on, call the operator.
- Call the operator?

Good! Alright, now
let me talk to 'em.

Scrootch back.

Operator.

Hello operator,
look, get the police.

This is Joe Mannix, I'm being held
hostage by a couple of bank robbers

in a tan stucco house on the
corner of Shelby and Fountain.

Yeah, and the men
are armed. So hurry.

Yes, sir.

Are you sure the
operator will tell the police?

Yeah I'm sure, now let's
get back to where we were

- before old Dumb Dumb gets here.
- Yeah, okay.

Go!

Oh, the phone!

We forgot to hang up the phone!

That's a girl. Hurry up.

Awe! Good girl!

Let's go!

Go, go, go.

That's good.

Okay, whew. We made it.

- Oh, Vernon is back.
- Ah.

I didn't know what you
wanted on your hamburgers

so I brung you both things.

- Oh, that's very nice of you, Vernon.
- I brung you some mustard and ketchup.

That's nice.

- Here you are.
- Thank you.

Oh, now Vernon, how is
the lady supposed to eat?

Yeah. See Vernon I'm, I'm a...

Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

I hope they didn't
put onions on mine.

They give me heart burn.

I hate to tell you this but

your heart ain't gonna
have enough time to burn.

Oh.

Ah!

Hey, what about
the Scouts honor?

I forgot to tell you,
I'm not a scout.

Oh!

- You alright?
- I'm okay.

Look out, Mannix!

I got him. I got him.

Good girl, Lucy.

Good girl. Get their
g*ns! Get their g*ns!

Good girl! Good girl.

- Here you are.
- Hold it!

Okay you two, we'll
take those g*ns.

Oh no, no, wait a minute.
You don't understand.

They're the crooks.

How can we tell?

Well, look at them.

Officer, is the coast clear?

It's okay Mr. Carter,
you can come in now.

Oh Carter, Carter, they
think we're the crooks.

Would you tell them who we are.

That's Joe Mannix! Private eye.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mannix.

What about her?

- Well.
- Harry!

Oh, that's Lucille Carter.

She's the one who saw
the crooks in the first place.

Well, nice work, Mannix.

Oh, thanks a lot.

Oh, of course Lucy helped!

Lucille helped?

Yes, Harry I helped.

He knocked them out but only
after I squirted him in the face,

like this.