Better Man (2024)

[bunniefuu]

Good evening folks. Good evening,

swag. No, good evening folks.

So who is Robbie Williams? Well,

I've been called many things,

narcissistic punchable sh*t, eating

quack. But while I'm all those things,

I want to show you how I really

see myself to sit back, relax,

and I give you a ride.

f*cking entertaining.

So the story starts

1982, stoke on Trent, the

Arsen of the north of England.

It may look grubby, deprived, but

deep down it was grubby, deprived.

I didn't have much, but at least I had

the respect and admiration of my peers

and just had trouble showing it. Clever.

Jets. Come on, right? No,

that's the water need.

Let do the rest position. What?

f*ck you off dude, you in gold,

dude. f*ck it up. And the condom.

Nothing's going. Let's

go. I had plenty of ba*ls,

but I couldn't stop a single one. ba*ls.

I want dickhead.

Nearly off. f*cking use this, aren't you?

Yeah, yeah. Jo on you tick.

You a f*cking new buddy.

See where I grew up? You

were meant to act small,

but the thing is my DNA is cabaret.

I came out the womb with jazz hands,

which was very painful for

the mum and downstairs.

For a bit. The barman's called him sick

for my sweetheart. Straight to bed.

Yeah, don't.

Curtain.

Make.

It clear how under my

entrance of which I'm,

of which I'm certain I live.

Life, I travelled each

Thank you much more.

Thank you. My goodness.

My way. My dad was well enamoured

by the stars of the day.

DeMar in Sammy Davis, Jr.

And of course Sinatra,

they worked Gods to youth. You hear that?

That's pure love. That is don't come

treat mind. You've got to risk it all.

Whatever it takes. Because

if you make it's paradise.

The thing is you can't learn it

If you're either born with it.

Oh, you're a nobody.

Line them up.

When I off more than I could chew

and

I

threw it all.

Now look what you got. I had a full under

steam then. No, fix it. Get out away.

We can swim without it. That's

not the shame. Oh, we closed.

I think it's time for a path. What

do want to keep going? Go with Nan.

Come on L, come on, come on. Blue ice.

Nan.

What is it? What do you mean?

Dad said you have to be born

with it and maybe I wasn't.

Believe me, whatever it is,

you got more than your share. You.

Are just saying.

That I bloody well not I wouldn't

change your hair on your head.

What is it? Love. Don't

want to be a nobody.

Oh love. There's no

such thing as a nobody.

Remember,

this might feel good,

but this is what matters.

You are enough.

I was nine years old when I got my

first real taste of the limelight and to

still remember that taste.

Pure unadulterated terror.

Have you seen the fit one with

the big bulge after the show?

I'm going to touch you. Mary's bathing

soup goes. I'm going to f*ck it up.

I know it. So what? No one will notice.

My dad will just go out there,

sing your f*cking song and walk up.

That's not enough. You'll see what I

threw in there. What am I going to do?

I dunno. I'm just doing

this with the sausage.

In the next three seconds

I'm going to be frowned out.

They'll see that I'm ugly,

I'm stupid, I'm untalented.

I'm not good at anything.

But there is one skill I've practised

more than any other child in the world.

An asper showing off.

How's about one hand on my entrance?

You see, I thought to become famous

you had to be really, really good.

Turns out you just have

to show off in bb. Cheeky.

Put your hands together for our

next contestant. Peter Williams.

Thank you very much.

Do you know the difference

between an ooh and an R? Well,

it's about three inches. Four.

You.

f*cking hate you. But dad

won five quid that night,

although it might as

well have been 5 million.

Thank you very much. You have been.

Wonderful and I've been Peter with

Come we.

A Peter. Not only did he change his name,

he changed his life.

One day he went to watch the FA Cup

final. Unfortunately, he didn't come back.

The audience speced and he left us

to be one step closer to his coats

coming home.

I the living,

not sure I understand

this role. I been,

I sit and to God.

He just loves my plans.

My head speaks a language

I don't understand.

I.

Yeah.

I

worry will be.

Life.

I.

I

this all I been

not. I understand, not.

I understand, not.

I understand.

Next, take a pamphlet, send the phone.

Shut the door on your way out.

Now you all right? I know what I'm

going to be. Oh, why? What's that?

Then famous. I'm going to sing and dance.

I'm might sing lyrics. You know

I've seen your G ler. You can't.

Rub two words together.

The world is mine to claim all I

need is a foot load of fame. Ooh.

Yeah. Listen, don't

embarrass yourself. Yeah.

This is not for you. Keep

your feet on the ground.

You might want frame that tosser.

Do mate.

You make a f*cking awful stripper. You

know that. f*ck yeah. That's my backup.

Plan you to work with me.

Flinks always looking for people. Isn't.

He that flashy? Couldn in the cup?

Yeah, but he's proper double glazing.

Easy job, easy money. How'd you meet him?

He sad his mum. f*ck. Get out.

That's all right. He knows

his dad wouldn't be best. Please though.

f*cking have that.

So if you told about the trials.

No.

You met her. That scout

was f*cking excited.

I thought it was going to blow

you right there in the pit.

I'm not going to the trials. I'm

not going to the trials rubbish.

I'm not what? Think of the money.

The supermodels, the

fans screaming for you.

I don't need all that fancy sh*t.

f*cking hell mate. Calm down.

You've got a ticket to we and

you're going to stay here. Oh yeah.

It's like you when you're singing,

isn't it? Just do it. I love it.

Who gives a f*ck if you love it?

What matters is that other

people love you doing it.

I'd have to get yourself to school.

I can't face it. Got an

ambassador of heaven.

And an exam, which you better have

studied for. Why do you think we had.

Pounding?

Have more than a pound

in head If you haven't.

I love it. But he talks

dirty. You go in, I take you,

but I've got a million

deliveries. God knows. One lounge.

With a kitchen bloody me.

The behind the Nigel Martin

Smith is creating band.

If you're.

Interested in boy bands. Quick,

quick it down at this is it.

This is.

He makes my.

Thank you.

And brat. Nigel Martin

Smith was for legal reasons,

an absolute sweetheart.

Go on. Then.

Under a first class cu.

A buzzer took a monkey

for a ride in the air.

The monkey thought that

everything was on the square.

The buzzer tried to throw

the monkey off of his back.

The monkey grabbed his

necker said. Now listen.

Jack.

Sinatra.

That'll do lad. You do know

this is a pop band. Yeah.

Tell you what I'll do. Milli Vanilli. No.

So shall we tell them that you found

your man and they can all f*ck our phone?

Don't you now don't.

You get up. It'll be my pleasure.

And if I hadn't winked in that moment,

none of this would've happened.

I wouldn't even be here talking to you.

Regulate your swags,

you'll no talent If you jumped

up and beat him on the car.

It's only been a few hours. Love. He's

got no eye for it now. You have to wait.

f*cked him. It's all right through me.

Mean, look at me. Do I look

like a pop star to you?

You look like you always

look exactly and tell

as f*ck.

It's going to die alone and fat and

be craned out of his sh*t in stone.

f*ck. Hello you

dad.

You've voice so low now.

Course had the wrong number.

How are you dad?

Never better. Never better.

Now listen, I haven't got long,

but I was thinking how about

you come visit? Really?

Yeah. Why not? School

holidays are coming up.

You should come see what they

all wants me up to. I mean.

Yeah, definitely.

Smash.

It, right? I better go, go

house. Wait for no and all that.

Let him.

Oh no, no. Does everybody

have a good time?

Peter can have a good time.

I was lucky enough to grease the

stage with this next stack at a talent

competition. I'll never forget

it. He gave me a five. Oh,

it was sadder than that.

So please put your hands

together for the irresistible,

the I the ire.

I give him a turn out to 10. Mr. Switcher.

I come up for you.

The.

Thought was losing that stage left

table for a bit, but I won 'em back,

didn't I? Oh yeah. Glad you reached out.

A shock in a good way. Thought

it was about time. Youth.

Hey, I forgot to tell you I'm

joining this pop band. Really?

When do you start? Well, I'm

not deathly in yet, but Well,

it's just now about March

Love, isn't he? Yeah.

Actually you might want to

keep that bed out for me.

Found my exams complete. f*cking ba*ls up.

Mum's going to put me on the

first press back on the tell her

f*cking.

You've got to learn from

this, you all of this

because you're learning from the best.

Seeing my dad surrounded

by the stars of yesteryear,

galvanise my needs become famous,

but I had a more immediate problem.

What's mum going to be like when I tell

her I failed my exams f*cked up the rest

of my life?

Did you have a good time?

Yeah. Smash it.

How is he?

Great.

I've got something to tell you.

So have I. You're in that band.

What you got in? You're.

In that band.

And I never had to tell her

I failed my exams until now.

Sorry, mom,

f*ck off me.

Nigel was my introduction

to the adult world.

It was f*cking terrifying like Willy

Wonka. But what did I care? I was 15.

I was going to have four older brothers

and we were going to take over the

world. Howard Donald panel beater.

If you've got a dent on your car,

Howard, count it out.

Jason Orange was a featured dancer

on a genre defining TV music show

called The Hit Man and her

Mark Owen,

little Marco was lovely.

And then of course

there was Gary Barlow

and my first thought was,

who's this dickhead in those trainers?

They are. So three years ago,

Gary was a genius, an actual genius.

He'd been playing the working men's

club since he was 12 years old and was

earning more money than his teachers

triple was. Gary sang like an

angel, but he danced like a twa.

I recall thinking two things that day,

A fifth of the spotlight

is better than nothing. And

if anyone from Stokes

Evening, I'm f*cking dead.

Probably.

All around. No coriander for the

boys. Thank you. No coriander.

Whenever Nigel took us out for

dinner, he would always say,

I'll put this on your

account. He wasn't joking. He.

Recoup it all. Look

around the table. Cool.

In five years we're all

going date each other

Bob. We'll be f*cking rich.

Now first things first,

we work up our act. We take it on the

road. What about a record deal? Oh,

that'll come. We'll get your demo sent

out. We'll let the bidding w*r begin.

But before that, let's

shore up your back stories.

Mark and Jason, you are in a break

dancing group together. Gary and Howard.

You were in a band called the

Cutest Rush. It was either the lead,

you weren't then magic and you're not. Now

you went to bit apart in Brook's side.

Oh, it's f*cking great, wasn't it?

You were a bit much, frankly.

Can't we just say my songwriter?

I got twin of lyrics. Well, I can

hold my breath for two minutes,

but I'm not trying to be

a f*cking submarine, am I?

Gary writes the songs. Yeah,

you locked over the line.

Oh, and also your name's not

Robert anymore. It's Robbie.

I f*cking hated the name Robbie.

But it was the single best thing Nigel

did for me. Robbie became a character,

something I could hide behind. Oh.

No.

The name of the band.

Oh, Nigel, I've got a good one. Kick it.

Fast.

f*cking oh,

I've already got the name and

it's brilliant and clench.

Take that.

Initially I just plan was for

us to be a band to the Gacy.

Now fear people are

rumoured about my sexuality.

The worst one is that all my g*y friends

who slept with me and said I was crap,

I'm not bothered. They said slept

with them. These are my being crap.

I'm worried about

That night I discovered a wonderland.

It was welcoming and

nonjudgmental. I'd found my people,

I'd found the promised land

for the entire first 18 months

we made 180 pounds each.

We played g*y club after g*y club

to a night until out of nowhere.

Nigel booked as a clock full of girls.

f*cking, I'm warning you

will you your job. I felt like.

I've got good news. Good news.

We've had some interest from a

few record labels. Oh, in London.

London, yes. Absolute. Yes. Thank you.

So deserve it. You've all done really well

for one of you.

We all know who that is, don't we?

Robbie talked to a local recorder.

Well like the A team.

I'm a sexy, talented one.

Who the f*ck gave you,

you know I almost started to like you

but you f*cking ended that, haven't you?

f*ck off. What was that?

I think Robbie's developing

a sense of human eye.

Do you think it'd be difficult

to go to Soong Trent,

get another scally with ratty

hair and call him Robbie.

Right? The club wants us

to do a meet and greet.

There's going to be lots of girls in

here, so let's get one thing clear.

Keep it in your pants. No

touching, no telephone numbers,

no dating ever, ever.

What's the point of bringing

him up? Alright, bring him up.

Nigel had many rules fortay that and

the most important was that we always

appeared attainable. Safe

sex is important. Teenage,

he even made us do a safe sex tour

for the Family planning association.

So remember, don't be

a full cover. His tool.

Actually, I took it all to heart. Gary,

I was happy to play Gary for the moment.

I'll never wash my hands again.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Oh my god. Hurry up. Real

real up quick. Oh that Gary,

I stopped and there was

the one time in Nigel's

life, he wasn't the

biggest wca in the room.

Right? Straight up.

There's no appetite one or need

for boy bands. They died of death.

It's all grunge Now.

Did you hear our demo?

Yes.

These boys are going to take this country

by storm and if you don't sign them

right now,

I'll take them to another label and you'll

be the twat that let the biggest band

in history slip through

your pudgy f*cking fingers.

You won't do any of that

because everyone else said No,

I only agreed to see you because

my daughter saw you boys live

and she's obsessed.

She assures me that you were

amazing in the flesh. So

I'm going to take a punt that you

are right about these boys. Now,

which one of you is Gary?

It's me.

Hitting you with the.

Floor show,

kicking with your torso for getting high

and the girls even more So wave your

hints if you not with a man,

can I kick it? Yes you can.

I got you got soul.

Everybody. I've got the gift.

Got to stick it in. The.

Being in the classes. Music for your

masses with no head, no backstage passes.

Have a proper gig for life. But when

I rock the my car, rock down mic,

no love than you with the

wrong. If you can't go to K,

but your best friend can.

Every day there's a new l, A coach brings

them in, they come into the garden,

they nip the wood off the

fence, the clothes off the lie.

Someone should do something about

this. They want this to happen.

I went down the post office the other

day and someone called me a bush lag. Oh,

love you. You're not posh. It's not funny.

I can't make my deliveries anymore.

I'm having to shut the business rub.

Guess who's recording the

lead vocals for our new song.

I'll get us out the sh*t h*le and

buy us a fortress just like Gary.

And why would I want a

bigger house to hide in?

That was the first time my

mom closed the curtains.

I'm going to bet if they'll let me.

She didn't open them for another 10 years.

Hey.

Love.

Where's my.

Little Robert? God, I'm a pop star now.

Fat little Robert isn't going

to sell any albums, is he?

I'm just giving the

people what they want. Now

I go on stage and act like a gladiator

and I present that the whole world is

looking to see

and they all act according me.

See what I see man. Stop.

See, that's the craziest

thing, man. I can't.

Now f*ck off.

I'm here at Taper HQ with the man

responsible for the band's success.

Nigel Martin Smith. It's quite a.

Display. It is. Yeah. Yeah. We got

take that dolls. Take that calendar,

take that pillows so you can sleep

with, take that. I'm just kidding.

Probably got that bit

out for our ethnic fans.

We have Take that for Bush ca dolls.

Rob is inside. Mark who's inside? Jason.

Jason's inside Howard and

they outfit Snugly and Gary.

That's how cute.

Lyrics. Just some ideas.

Come on then.

Give us a look. Will

they get credit? I dunno.

Are they any good?

Wouldn't you like to Now.

You've got it. Whatever. At

least pretend to give it toss.

What about all this?

Yeah, but you kidding?

Do you have any idea how naff people,

oh f*ck off Robbie. They bloody love us.

Do you think Oasis does this

sh*t? We need to branch out.

That's something that's not so f*cking.

Cringeworthy though. And

this coming from you.

The one who only shines when

the light's on him let us speak.

You think you can just turn up scribble

some worthless sh*t and get your name

next to mine in the song

credits. You add nothing to this,

any of it.

Turn back. I love you.

Do you remember? No matter.

Just hold it there for a second.

Thanks Rob. That was better. Yeah,

you're still a little behind.

Oh, I've always lied a little bit behind.

What we might do Robbie, is if we record

it, we can just record line by line.

Yeah. And then we can just

sketch it together here.

No, I can do it all at once.

Yeah, let's just go again.

Yeah, let's go.

I've got it.

Sure thing. Here we go.

I Those you. Do you remember?

No matter what was happening,

I was there with you,

but if we all stand up

possibility you worthless.

You can't do it coming.

Wayne, how about, okay, great.

Cheers. Robert. Give it a sec.

Gary. Oh, you heading there?

Oh my God. Did your best and

now I feel like the bad guy.

So ready. George. Difference.

Thank you. Oh, this is a hit.

I didn't know it but I was suffering

from depression. I hate that phrase.

Suffering from depression.

I'm so scarlet O'Hara.

I do declare Mr. Butler. I'm been

surfing with a bad depression.

Clinically depressed is

better. Way more love. Cody.

Dad. Here he is there.

I didn't know you were.

Oh my god. I told you didn't I? You

owe me a pin one. Can I get a photo?

Yeah, of course you can.

I'll check it for you. Okay,

here we go. Say fuzzy pickle wiggle.

Lovely. Thank you. So did you want

one me here? Eh? Great idea. Yeah,

of course you do. Come on, look

at that. Hey, peas in a po.

Can I use you? Can I use your loop?

Yeah. It's number two.

Be my guest. Oh my God.

She seems nice.

Oh yeah. Terrific. Terrific. You know

they've corded up the whole street,

don't you? There's girls everywhere.

They're not playing nice either.

It's f*cking blood sports over there.

I told the security like you were my

son. I nearly got torn apart town.

Belong lunch.

No, no. Just passing

through back home tonight.

After I collect my pint. We

should know you were coming.

What's this?

I think.

Prozac. What have you got to

mope about? You boys are flying.

Bloody Brit domination. I've been

telling everyone about that. I know.

It's just.

It's all a bit of a one and dad,

it's like I can't keep

track of who I am anymore.

Well go and ask that lot out there.

Hey, you know exactly who you are. You.

The lunch would be I pressed to

pick him out of a police lineup.

Well not Gary obviously,

because he's the creative one,

but you live in the dream youth.

How can you not know who you are and

there are thousands of people screaming

your name.

Jesus.

I say you.

Looks the best.

Are you f*cking Ret*rded?

All of.

Cut out tan alo. You dodgy

curry. Good job. It's simple.

Sing the harmonies and told the lion

back that one. Yeah. Know your place.

You make us the right f*cking idiots.

Do you remember?

Because he writes all the

songs. Gary makes all the money.

He's got a mansion in the north of England

with a driveway full of cars for me

and a butler while I'm

still living at moment.

He's el now

and they're all waiting

for me in the garden.

I used to talk about the

problem and I am the problem.

Yeah.

Robbie,

well we've all been having a think and

we'd quite like to do the next tour

as a four piece just to

see if we can do it. Yeah.

To see if we can do it.

Perhaps you could focus in on

that sole long material you've.

Been working on. Or to be honest, Rob,

we've been doing it as a

four piece for a while.

I think you should.

Is that it then?

Yeah.

Can I take this?

Yeah, Rob, if you want.

This is it. This is the last.

So unimpressed, but so in all

such a saint, such a whole,

some self-aware, so full of sh*t.

So indecisive. I'm

watch me. Come on.

Fans are still reeling from

the announcement of what.

Williams has split from take out.

My switchboards set up after reports

of suicides have been flooded by.

Reputation.

I

so sweet because I'm But I'm your son.

The cheeky member of Take that is now

the f*cked up messy one who's gone and

broken up the band and

people hate me for it,

but really they're only saying

what to think about myself.

I'm a raging cocaine habit. I'm

full blown alcoholic and I'm 21.

I think I was always going to

be an alcoholic or an addict.

I just had the money and the

means to get there quicker.

But I'm also incredibly

competitive. I mean,

I've no idea how I'm going

to pull off the solo career,

but there's an energy to

revenge and it's very,

very seductive.

Three. Three.

It is going to happen. No ifs, no

buts, no left, no right straight head.

I'm going to be f*cking massive.

Massive. What? f*ck.

Scared the sh*t out of it.

You said you wanted to be massive.

Oh well I was just wishing

for a little extra girth.

What is it you do?

Oh.

Sorry. Should I already know that?

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm

a singer and songwriter.

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Just started out on

my own. I was didn't take that anyway.

Wait, bad.

I don't mind me. I'm

sorry. Now you all right.

I mean is why I left dancing around

in the background like a camped

masochist. I mean if I'm

going to look like a tosser,

I might as well do it downstage centre.

So it's all about the spotlight.

Wow. Or even any Luke, just full fist.

I'm just saying if you're

going to start out on your own,

you might as well be honest about why.

sh*t. You a journalist.

f*ck no. I'm just curious.

I'm not sure you'd understand.

Try me.

I was given a golden ticket but it felt

like I was bound in gag for the last

five years and not in a hot way either

in like a battery to the scrotum sort of

way. I dunno. Sexy, mysterious mass lady.

I guess I've just reached a point where

I want to prove I can make it on my own.

Prove to who?

Everywhere. See,

I told you you wouldn't understand.

Oh f*ck me.

Nicole Appleton, she and her sister

were members of the Girl and All Saints.

Their manager was a hunter.

She was absolutely lovely with

the single worst taste in men.

Yeah, you're right.

Fame is so f*cking weird, isn't it?

It's like that uneasy feeling you get

when they bring the cake out and the whole

restaurant seems happy. Your birthday

to you. You can't wait until happy.

Your birthday stops being sung. I mean,

people are doing a really nice thing,

but you just want it to stop so

you can eat the f*cking cake.

Yeah.

Now you've got your gag off.

What are you going to say?

I've got some lyrics.

I mean they're basically different

takes on how much I hate myself.

I so a Christmas album then.

I'm not sure about an album at the moment.

I'd just like to write one good song.

You are overthinking it. Just write

about whatever's in front of you.

I've got a bow. The man's made a rubber.

I caught a hole in the

back and use my carcas.

Yes, it's a hit. See,

you're going to be massive in no time.

I was hugged. She was me.

We will walk.

We will free

if there's somebody called.

She's the one.

He's the one.

It's not competition girls just.

Start. Yeah,

this place is posh as f*ck. You know I've

just seen f*cking bono in the toilet.

Have a look. Tiny,

haven't you?

Hey, so know my girlfriend, Kayla. Kayla.

I'm in a club for No, she ain't got a

club for No, her pelvis is out anyway.

She's up the duff. I'm going to be a dad.

That's amazing.

I'm surprised that other

things don't work. Still

coming in at number one.

It's new. It's brilliance.

It's never, ever, by all sakes.

Can't believe it babe. You

deserve it. Love your next.

Nicole.

Give us a few words.

Okay? I can't believe we did it.

Everyone who supported us through the

years, your family and we love you

and to my best friends,

having a number one is amazing.

Getting to celebrate it

together is the best.

Liam Gallico was the lead singer of

Oasis, the biggest fan on the planet.

I'm in love with their songs.

I'm in love with the lyrics.

I'm in love with how provocative they

are. I'm just totally in love with them.

I don't want to be. Fame

is a powerful aphrodisiac.

It means even ugly people can get laid.

Mind.

You.

Guitars.

Do that too.

What's all that about then? God,

number one is that, oh f*cking hell.

If I orgasmed every time I had a

number one, I'd be f*cking dry. Yeah,

you listen to this. Yeah. He f*cking

knows what we're f*cking talking about.

You want a number one? You should

have stayed Gary's backup dancer.

Guess who's ad the largest ever demand

for concert tickets in British history?

Me and the band. Networth. Right?

125,000 f*cking screaming

c**ts. That's insane.

That's how you know

you've made it f*cking no.

Me and Liam wouldn't always be so.

Cuddly.

Would anybody like to see me fight? Liam?

Liam, once your money, once my money.

We'll get in the ring and we'll have a

fight. But you cannot watch it on tv.

What do you think about that Now are

you going to do it or are you going to.

p*ssy out your f*cking win?

Thankfully he wasn't in

the country at the time

with Come on, let's go this sh*t.

Nice.

Chat to you enough. f*ck off cu.

Hey wrinkle toes. You

coming or what? Yeah,

come on.

Good evening. That wish you

all look gorgeous tonight.

Here's one from a new

album. Thank you very much.

Hi for me,

aren't you miss number one

if United Kingdom of Britain.

And where did you end up.

Got kidnapped by Lynn Gallagher.

Oh.

And you look like you're

having a good enough time

anyway. I was just trying

to make sense of it.

Before.

Never ever.

You don't like our soul. It's fine.

I'm not sure it's the number one, but.

People seem to like it.

It would be nice if my.

Screaming,

jumping around making

f*cking speeches and talk

that bullshit about family.

It's not bullshit. It's

everything to me. Right.

So did you tell them that you gave up

half family to get that number one then?

Nah. But you left that bit out of

your little speech, didn't you?

So f*cking.

Ugly when you're wasted.

Well, I'd be sober, Tamara.

Oh, won't that be nice?

I can't believe I had to tell everyone

that you left tonight because something

important came up. It did.

Getting f*cked up with your mates.

At least they know how.

Write a problem. Number one.

It's more than you can scribbling

in lyrics and your little notebook,

but you're too scared

to show them to anyone.

Oh, number one is she's

giving out your advice.

I didn't ask her to lie to your

friends because guess what?

I don't give a f*ck what they

think. You give a f*ck what.

Everyone thinks from that's

all you give a f*ck about.

We need crisps. Alright then.

I don't want you wasting away on me.

You have washing machines in London.

Yeah.

But you do it with love.

Oh, you bugger. You should come

home more often. She's slowing down.

Rubbish. I'm allowed to live all of

us anyway. I'm about to be very busy.

I rang around and I've got a meeting

with the producer called Guy Chambers.

Nicole's got a number one f*cking Gary's.

Got number ones. Yeah, right. I am

turning into a farm yard animal.

I wouldn't change your hair on

your head. Bless you dad. No,

I spoke to your dad.

Oh that makes one of us been radio

silent since I left the band.

He's agreed to see you again.

Agreed. What do you mean?

What'd you have your visit

on your school holidays?

He called me. Remember he

said it had been too long.

He invited me.

Yes, that's right. I told him to.

You see.

Oh Jesus. Oh

hey I'm cry.

It's all right.

So right doc, I'm sorry.

Moran's complex. Yes.

You just picking up Ro checks

a whole life with a yt.

Yes are a lineup in the line and now

suspects and a whi down the farm.

Witness this reclines of his Z

to my wishlist. So are puppet.

Act like the litmus test and she's like,

am I allowed to lit this? Okay. Okay,

hang.

On, hang on. Listen. I

appreciate you coming over,

but this isn't going to work.

Guy Chambers guy likes it when I talk

about the holidays and show the guy

like it when he agrees to let me

sing our songs. You don't mind dude?

So our lawyers had a chat

and here we are on a beach.

You've only heard half of

them and they're all the same.

I can't even tell when one

ends and the next one begins.

It's like you've written lyrics you

think other people want to hear. I dunno,

that might be okay in a boy band.

So you want me to get

naked on the first date?

Well, it's the only way this works.

Songs are only valuable if

they cost you something.

Luckily I'm always

naked on the first date.

You're going to laugh. Do it on

the inside. Yeah, A dent easily.

Can you give me a C?

You can't better make it be for high.

You can't man affect your miracle.

The signs was pitiful that day

and love is scared and too cynical.

Passions just physical

night you admit to defeat.

Cry yourself blind.

This of course,

if you can't wake up in the morning

because

if you lost

something beautiful come your way.

A second verse the D.

No, no, no. Hang on, hang on.

We have to double the chorus.

It'll sound crap. What was that list last,

right? That's the hook.

That's the gold there.

Something beautiful bit is cream

on top. You've got lost, hot,

tired or lonely

and then you repeat. You

understand? Yeah, right.

We pick it up from the chorus and give

it some welling. Even if it's sh*t,

you've got to make it your sh*t. Two,

three.

If you can't wake up

control, you

won't

be one more time.

Something beautiful will come your way.

You are not as crap as I thought. Thanks.

We need to clean it up a

bit, but as a start now,

what else have you gotten there.

And coming up? We have a surprise

guest in the studio is none other.

Let's take that bad boy. Robbie Williams.

Chris Briggs manager to the stars.

Amazingly he saw something in me.

I mean besides monstrous amount of

drugs and booze, it'll be nice and.

Intimate. 50 people or so. Contest winner.

That'll be super exciting and

just remember it's going out live,

so might you sh*t some f*ck.

You should start with a cover,

something people recognise. We want them

to recognise our songs and they will,

but you have to woo them first.

You got to get me to N with How about

you get through this one without giving

yourself a heart attack? Just give

me that. Alright, baby steps mate.

Look, I know this isn't much of a game,

but I dunno. Black Paul Networth. Hi.

Plus we need the air time. What

have you got to lose? Oh, what.

Is said? My dignity. But

take that or he stole it so

I mean it. Briggsy. I've

got to play networth.

Whatever it takes, it'll

take everything. Sure,

you're ready for that.

Then make every performance count.

Liable.

Watch.

2, 3, 4. You got to know how to bone,

air like Bon

do the mashed potato, do the

your hands on let.

Die. You've left the safety of the band

and now you're going out on your own.

How does that feel? I couldn't be happier.

I'm finally three and this

is only the beginning.

Well,

the first punches have been thrown at

Gary Barlow at number one while Robbie's

first album, life Through a

Lens has debuted at number 11,

Robbie's face now rests on a

national charm offensive tour.

Look up your daughter.

Look up your son.

You know what I need

you to do. Walk three.

With his new album, rocketing of

the Charts. Ladies and gentlemen,

Robbie Williams, please

welcome Robbie Williams.

Robbie Williams. Ladies and gentlemen,

he's an internationally lobster.

Being the pop star means you

can live all your fantasies,

I think is what's known as the

looky b*stard. Well, being in a.

Relationship means I put away M shagging

boots, but I know where the closet is.

The great thing is I'm actually alive

now because back at old I voted the rear

of the year. Is that right?

You going to show us?

So it's let's say your box office, right?

I've got a platinum disc and then

I'm getting a double platinum disc.

Now it means I'm very famous.

And the winner is Robbie Williams. Rob.

Williams.

Is Robbie Williams. Robbie Williams.

A perfect end to a great

night for Robbie Williams.

I am sure you all recognise this

young man. Did you know had a father

come up and sit on's

knee? What I've got in.

Are you going to f*cking hide

f*cking.

Oh, thank God talk everything Peter Goway

do you know what Chrisy

any who sees an Alexis?

No one cares about that stuff anymore,

but tonight you have some tough show.

Mr. In the office. But this is

going to knock your socks off.

Rob. Rob, guess.

Who's playing Networth next summer?

Wait till I tell the lines. Hey, have

you thought about a support act? Now.

I could do you a couple of numbers

for a most. It's incredible.

It also comes with a new

record deal. It's a scene. Ah,

look at.

You. You're full of roof. I need a drink.

Look at this. Just swap the doctor

orders. Okay, I'll leave you to celebrate.

Congratulations. Thanks Chris.

Net was, how does it feel?

C little sinking.

It is like someone's picked size of an

after school game and it's go all gone.

Horribly horr wrong.

Just want to get thousands

bollocks. The audience loves you.

I can't do it.

I can't hurry. Networth,

I'll be like a lamb to the f*cking

slaughter that tastes just stage fright.

You're not listening.

No, it's normal. Hey,

you know what's always out me

a little bit of dose. Courage.

I know it. Dad.

I'm sorry dad. No one buys a

ticket. Where your problems, son.

You want to know why

these people are goods?

Because they make other

people's problems. Go away. Dad,

stay please.

Wow,

the world is daddy's best. Mate.

A sudden change in fortune view. Is

it not that mean you're flying high.

Sober as a judge?

Well, sorry.

Talk. I have to do this.

Park's Robert, let's talk if we may,

about this success you've been having.

I mean, it is not the first time, is it?

You've had it before. Let's take that.

Would you say that this is

a different kind of success?

It means a great deal more to me now.

I'm about to perform in front of a

record crowd at Networth in a few weeks.

No, no. Stop it. Knuck.

It's only the biggest music

event in British history.

That's.

My way. But of course N Wales is not

the only record you've broken recently.

Is it? There's a matter of your new

deal with EMI 80 million pounds.

How does that feel?

I'm rich beyond my wildest dreams.

I thought I was quoting that lady

who famously won the lottery,

but she said understand.

So no one got it. Mind you,

I've said worse things in interviews.

How would you describe your

time with take that I was very.

Fortunate to be in Take back and

fall out to the Five Spice Girls.

What said down, didn't you?

Now you've connected with

many women in the past,

always going to talk about my fake line.

There's nothing to write home about,

which is a shame because mom

loves getting those letters.

I mean, how many fatties can

you have? Well the second one,

we didn't even get out of the car.

There's no way Natalie was

going to ruin her hair.

So they just jacked it up with this

all inside and the weather was.

I come to the.

Weather was horrendous, least to sell.

Was tired though. Probably

because I wasn't sleeping,

which is weird because

the bed wasn't insanely.

Comfortable. I even got the name of

the mattress in case we wanted to.

But you're finally settling down.

I have to be a realist.

We're both on tour a lot

and it can be difficult.

I.

Tell me, what's it like for

Robbie Williams to be in love?

Well, that's.

Difficult too.

F things are much easier.

You make me feel so small

that I hated you for it,

for making me feel so unnecessary.

The f*cking awful things you do.

I thought you couldn't help it,

but you just don't want to

and I can't help.

You anymore

Broke.

Nick.

Please a f*cking animal.

You need to calm down.

Tell what I mean. Guess how I can fix it?

You too f*cking legs.

Easy eating up.

Come on. Oh, what the f*ck?

He's alright. What sh*t?

You should have said no to

this one. The top of the pops.

You can't buy this kind of promotion.

What's the promote? Never was sold out.

The what? What

if you getting to the top of

side? Try staying on five.

Come on, you are up.

Leave it.

It's.

I I'm about to go on.

Something. Where have you Ben?

I've been trying to reach.

You. I know, I know. But listen,

I'll have to talk to you later.

Duck again because my p*nis, well,

he's accidentally shatter himself

and it's just a horror show.

It's.

Your nan.

She kept asking for you and

I tried calling you, but.

I'm so sorry. Love. She's gone.

Whoever pulls the sword out of the

stone gets to be the new king of

England.

Unofficial thumb on everyone's

lip. And in everyone's heart,

ladies.

And gentlemen, the ego has

So the next thing you know,

all the nights are whoa

and turning red. But

nobody could bullshit.

So you can imagine how everyone laughed

when Little Arthur stepped up for his

term. Everyone except Merlin.

Merlin just stroked

his beard and whispered

Arthur.

I know those sexy muscular

nights couldn't do it.

And you are just a little

father a child with,

but I believe in you.

I sit.

I feel.

They're out. Salt and

vinegar. Good morning.

Okay.

Hey, we should get the

boys together, okay?

Have a little mease up before you

concert tomorrow. Do you? I can't fish.

Okay, what time? Lift off.

It helps outside the fat.

I idea what it takes

to get up there. Sleep

back. Once you're up there, you're

smashing it. So that f*ck me really off.

People say that

being not there the worst. All right?

You don't understand.

No, no. I don't understand.

At least I'm trying.

You know, all I wanted was for

you to ask me just once I'm doing

with work and a little girl

or I'm about to walk out to

125,000.

People, you've got no f*cking

idea what that feels like.

And you've no idea that I earn in a month.

What you f*cking snort in a minute or.

That Kaylee shacks up

with some f*cking butcher.

And so I'm living in estate

surrounding my f*cking psychopaths.

Oh that I only get to see my kid

for two hours every fortnight.

So you need money. f*cking how

you know jealousy don't suit you.

Are you f*cking kidding? Alright.

Yeah, I might have close the f*ck all,

but you have f*cking nothing

and this coming from

you. Nothing. Nobody cu

know the difference between me

and you. Nate. It's not my money.

It's not your kid.

It's the fact that I had the f*cking

ba*ls to make something of myself.

You bought a ticket to the dream

and the dream came true and

yeah, f*ck it. I am. I'm jealous of

that. You can keep the f*cking rest.

The seats. Jesus somewhere waiting for me.

My love stands on golden

and watches the ships that go sail.

And the crowd goes mild.

Don't you get ready?

Youth going helicopter off

youth.

Jesus Christ.

You.

You b*stard. I thought you'd passed out.

I have waited my whole life

for you to step up until

it took was booking the biggest

concert in British history.

What are you going on about

when you left us? Where's all.

This coming from? All those years.

I thought he's just sorting himself out.

He'll miss me so much and he'll come back.

Yeah, and I did.

Yeah, I, because Nan made.

You.

I didn't leave you in

nothing though, did I?

Where do you think your talent

comes from? Jesus Christ.

You've forgotten how f*cking lucky

you are. That's your problem.

It's a privilege to do what we do, what.

We do. You live in a caravan,

you perform to 15 f*cking people a night.

And I love every second of it and I

don't need pills to get me through.

Sure, I'll give anything to play

to a big crowd. Of course I would.

But if I only ever plate to one

person for the rest of my life,

I'd be happy giving everything I've got.

Unless that person was me though, right?

Really? Who's been cheering

you on from the wings?

Who was it? Stop you from ruin.

Wouldn't Williams if it wasn't.

You've always been there

for Robbie Williams dad.

Why can't you just be there for Robert?

You have to watch the football then. Yeah.

Nice one. I will see you in six years.

You don't have it.

That's why you never made it.

Not your husband, not

your father. Not anything.

The f*cking

everything has come down to this.

They've come for me and

I'm going to die out.

Good evening Network.

My name is Robbie Williams.

This is my for the next two hours,

your a*s is my.

Come on, come

this part. So

shame.

I will grow through this.

Lord. I'm doing all I can.

Someone to love me.

I need to rest in home.

Keep me safe from home.

Lord. I feel the

getting before my

is my soul.

Heals the shame. I will grow

through this pain. Lord,

I'm doing all I care.

I lost the house. The worst thing

was I lost the ability to care.

You are next. If you want to share.

I feel a bit stupid to be honest.

I'm just a chaff. They've got

everything they ever wanted

to be a f*cking embarrassing. To be frank.

I was taught that fame

would solve everything.

Fame's got f*ck called to do with me.

It's about acting how everyone else's

fantasies, they're shagging the boo in.

They're showing your buttocks on

tv, people cheering you for it.

Fame looks good in a photo.

They say your life freezes

at the age you become famous.

So I'm 15. I'm stunted.

I'm un old

and that's why I'm always like,

oh, it's okay. I think I'm a court.

I'm fine with it. So I

get there before you do.

I f*cking.

Take.

Myself for it.

Sometimes it's a curse to

get everything we want.

Repairing close relationships is a

good first step to repairing ourselves.

I know

the I.

To be.

Good evening folks. Good evening

you. Sls. Oh, good evening folks.

So who is Robbie Williams? Well,

I've been called many things,

narcissistic punchable sh*t, eating

twa. But while I'm all those things,

I want to show you how I really

see myself to sit back, relax,

and I give you a right

f*cking entertaining.

So.

The story starts.

This is the last song of the evening.

It's sad than that. It

is much sadder than that.

Thank you for being a wonderful audience

tonight and making my dream come true.

I want to thank my mom for

being there when I needed you.

Always.

You guess it folks.

Now the end is if you

know the word single,

if you don't show up for the sound,

the final curtain, my friends

I'll say,

and my case on which I'm

certain I live.

I have travelled each and

am everybody.

Now. I couldn't finish the show without

mentioning someone else here tonight.

Cheryl. Lot to the same

mannerisms as this person.

People say I sing a bit like him too.

He's made me who I am. All the

good things and a touch the bad.

And I wouldn't be where I am without him.

We haven't performed

together for 25 years,

but I've wanted to every day since.

Please welcome to the stage my dad.

Thank.

You very much. What do you think

youth? Shall we light them up?

Tell it like it's that.

Regret. I have had a few.

Me too, but then again,

too few a mansion.

I did what I had to do.

And sorry, through

each, across, each, careful

along.

I'm sorry I up. You always, you know.

Now look at me. You're one of the gods.

And.

The Conway. Everybody, my dad,

or at least that's what

mom told us. I've loved.

I have left and cried. I've had my film

of and

I find it all so

to thing I did.

How may I see Not in?

Oh no. Oh no. Not me.

I did

what has.

None. This is your Gruson

singing and I love you.

I did it.

Who did I love when I was a kid?

I love Frank Sinatra.

I love my dad and he's an

entertainer. sh*t. That's who I am.

That feels good to me.

I want to make the 12-year-old at

my Nan's watching TV on a Saturday

night feeling safe.

I wanted to make that same

12-year-old feel safe on stage.

I'm f*cking entertainer. It might be

cabaret, but it's world-class cabaret.

I'm the f*cking best at it.

f*ck.