04x21 - Lucy Sublets the Office

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy,

starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

Yeah, well I know Kim darling,
but business has been so terrible.

Yeah Harry's out now
trying to borrow some money.

Oh, I feel so sorry for him.

Let's just keep our fingers
crossed for him, huh?

Alright darling,
I'll see you later.

Okay.

Oh, Lucille...

Harry, did you get the loan?

Well, we haven't
finalized the deal but

it looks as if I'm
going to get it.

Oh, I hope so!

Oh, I hope so too with the
way business has been going,

if I don't get some money,
we'll have to close up

then we'll both be out of work.

Oh, dear.

- Yeah, and now, Lucille.
- Yes.

Mr. Zellerbach is
coming over shortly

- he wants to see if the office
is being run efficiently.
- Yes, sir.

And Lucille you
can really help me.

How? How?

By getting out of
here before he comes.

Why!

Because, I don't want him to see
you doing something silly or stupid.

- But, Harry!
- No, no buts, Lucille.

I've been turned down by
three loan companies already

and I don't want you to louse me
up this time with your inefficiency.

- Now, please go, go, go!
- Now, Harry.

What I want you to do is go.

Oh hello!

Hello, Mr. Zellerbach.

Come in, come in!

Oh, I'd like you to meet Lucille
my very efficient secretary.

How do you do?

How do you do, sir?

Oh, I have the books and the
ledgers all here, Mr. Zellerbach.

There you are; just sit
down look them over.

I'm sure you'll find all
the information you need.

Fine, let's just get started.

Oh, I need some fresh pencils.

Fresh Pencils!

Fresh pencils
coming right up, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I see by the record
that your name is Carter.

Yes, sir.

Well, I think it's nice to see
a girl working for her father.

Oh no, sir, no, sir.

Mr. Carter's not father;
he's my brother in law.

Oh, oh my mistake.

Oh, a natural mistake, sir. After
all we do have the same last name.

Yes and you are old
enough to be my father.

Mr. Zellerbach, it's rather warm

would you care for
some refreshing iced tea?

Oh, that would be nice.

Lucille, run down
and get some iced tea.

Uh, Harry I think I should stay
here and help Mr. Zellerbach.

I think you ought to go.

Me go and you stay?

I never heard such
a ridiculous idea.

I think you ought to go.

I think I ought to go too.

Remember, lemon
and no sugar in mine.

- Oh, Ms. Carter.
- Yes, sir.

I see from the payroll here
that you have two dependents.

Yes sir, I have a son
Craig and a daughter Kim.

They both go to college.

Well, what a coincidence, I have
two children going to college too.

Oh, well then you must
know what problems I have.

Yo! What problems?

Well, you know,
clothes and doctor bills

and dentist bills and college
tuition and their allowances,

besides all the adolescent
growing up problems.

Oh! I have had my hands full.

Oh, I have the same
problem with my kids.

It's really something, isn't it?

Yes, if I had the whole thing to do
over again I'd rather raise goldfish.

Oh!

- Oh, that's funny!
- Just feed them once a day!

- Change the water once a while!
- Yes.

Oh, that's funny!

Oh, Harry's back.

Mr. Zellerbach, how
does everything look?

Mr. Carter, you keep an
excellent set of records,

every item is
recorded meticulously.

- There you are, sir.
- Thank you.

Then I get the loan?

No.

No?

Well, not yet,

but I will be happy to consider the
loan if you would do as I suggest.

Oh, suggest! Suggest.

Please suggest. Oh, suggest.

Well, Mr. Carter,

uh, ordinarily I would recommend
that a company like yours

hire an efficiency expert
to make things work,

but I can tell that this organization
has more than enough brains.

Oh, thank you.

Not yours, hers.

Hers?

Yes, hers!

She's got to be a financial
genius to raise two children,

clothe them, feed them
and send them to college

on the lousy salary you pay her!

And from now on she
will run this business

and you will do what she says.

Well, I can't let
her make decisions!

You can! And you
will or no 5,000 dollars!

Goodbye!

Well, if he thinks that for the
loan of a measly 5,000 dollars

I am going to do
everything you say,

he has another guess coming!

I am the boss!

Sit down, Harry!

Yes, ma'am.

Now Harry,

would you like to discuss this
calmly, coolly, and sensibly?

Uh, oh yes, I would, yes.

Alright.

Now Harry,

uh, you have been the head of
this business for how many years?

Twenty years.

For twenty years you have
been the guiding genius, right?

Yes, yes.

I've been at the
helm for twenty years.

I have been the
captain of this ship.

Then how come it sprung a leak?

Sprung a leak?

You're busted, Harry!

Nearly bankrupt!

You gotta go out and
borrow money, right?

- Well, I can explain that.
- Yeah, well sit down, Harry.

You know, the reason
this business is failing

is because you head is filled with


while my head is new
and fresh, has nothing in it.

Now Harry, I think that we can
impress Mr. Zellerbach and get the loan

if we increase our work
and decrease our expenses.

- But how?
- Well, now listen to this.

From now on the office hours will
no longer be from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.,

the hours will be
from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m.

Good, good, good.

And starting tomorrow I will
call you every morning at eight

from my house to make
sure that you're here.

What!

- Sit down, Harry.
- Yes.

Now then, I also believe
that we can cut expenses

by subletting a
corner of this office

to someone who just
needs a little desk space.

What good would that do?

It will only bring in 30
or 40 dollars a month?

Harry, that's the
trouble with you!

The way you run this business

I'm surprised the
Chamber of Commerce

hasn't dragged you
out of the organization!

Now you better listen to me,

this business needs new blood

and I'm just the one to
give it the transfusion.

What makes you think
you can give it a transfusion.

I've been running this
business for 20 years!

Alright, alright, alright,
now don't worry, Harry.

I'm not gonna fire you.

I don't believe in turning
people out to pasture

before they're ready
to be pasteurized.

Harry, I promise you I'm
gonna pull you out of this mess

no matter how stupid you are.

Sit down, Harry.

♪ When Lipton
blows the whistle ♪

♪ You got to have a cup of tea ♪

♪ Liston to the Lipton whistle ♪

♪ Brisk, brisk, brisk ♪

♪ Lipton Tea ♪

Lipton Flo-Thru tea bags,

like two bags of flavor in one.

Harry, get me some iced tea.

- Remember I want... I
know, I know, lemon no sugar.

Yes sir, what can
I do for you, sir?

I'm here about that office space
you advertised. Is it still available?

Yes, it is.

Oh, I'm so glad!

- Won't you come in, please?
- Thank you!

See, um, I'm a distributor
for toys, games, and novelties

and I need some place to
display my merchandise,

- you now, my samples.
- Uh-hum.

And this place
would be just dandy!

Oh, I see.

Well, do you have
any references, sir?

Well, I used to be a boy scout.

I'm trustworthy, loyal, honest,

and I still help old
ladies to cross the street.

Well, that's good
enough for me Mr. uh...

Mr. Tucker.

- Thomas Tucker.
- Thomas Tucker.

They call me Little Tummy
Tucker, The Toy Tycoon!

Oh!

I'm Lucille Carter and I'll be very
glad to have you as our tenant.

Now, the rent is


Seventy-five.

In advance.

Oh, uh well, uh, uh...

Ten, twenty, thirty,
forty, fifty, sixty...

- Sixty-five... Sixty-five.

- Seventy, - Seventy.

Seventy-one,
seventy-two, seventy-three,

- seventy-four... Seventy-four.

One, two quarters.

- Two quarters.
- Yes.

- And here's four dimes.
- Four dimes.

Oh no, wait, wait. That
one's a streetcar token.

- Three dimes.
- Yes.

And one,

- two nickels.
- Two nickels.

Yeah, one, two,
three, four, five,

six, seventy nine, ten pennies.

Ten pennies.

- Seventy-five dollars!
- Yes, yes.

Well I, I certainly hope that this is the
beginning of a very happy association.

So do I!

Would you like to see
some of my samples?

I'd love to.

I, I, I just brought
a few here today.

I'll bring the rest
over tomorrow.

Okay.

The toy business must be
a very fascinating business.

Yeah, it is, it is.

Now here's a, here's an
unusual item right here.

That's a toy?

Well...

Oh! I'm glad you're here H.C.

This is ah, this is little
Tommy Tucker the Toy Tycoon.

- He um... Now wait,
wait, wait a minute.

Your, your face seems familiar.

Haven't, haven't I seen
you some place before?

- Yes, this morning!
- Oh.

I helped you across the street.

Uh, Mr. Tucker
rented the office space

and his paying
seventy-five dollars a month.

Oh, good, good.

There's your tea.

They're only seventy
four dollars here.

Two quarters, three dimes,
two nickels, and ten pennies.

That's better.

Boy, I'm glad I didn't give
you my streetcar token.

- Mr. Tucker deals in novelties,
games, and toys.
- Oh.

Yeah, its, its and
mostly for children I, I

cater especially to the
mind of the six-year-old.

Oh! That's wonderful,

now I won't even
have to leave the office

when I wanna buy
you a birthday present.

I think you're very fortunate

to work for a man that has
such a great sense of humor.

Yeah, I laugh all week
and cry on pay day.

Oh, um, what's that?

Oh! Oh! This is a
very unusual item.

Oh! What does it do?

Just hit that switch.

- Hit the switch?
- Yeah.

Oh well.

Don't you get the
social significance?

The social significance?

Yes!

Nowadays, when people
are turning there selves on,

this box has enough
sense to turn itself off!

Oh, I get it.

I mean, that's very good.

It's less than two feet wide

and it rolls on castors.

It attaches to the faucet

so you can have water
to wash your clothes

and it rolls on castors.

It has two speeds

and it rolls on castors.

It has four cycles

and it rolls on castors.

But the nicest thing about
this Whirlpool automatic washer

is that you can have it
installed permanently

and then it doesn't
roll on castors.

Hello!

Who?

Gee, I'm sorry,
Mr. Tucker isn't here.

Okay.

- Yes, I am!
- Oh!

Oh, Mr. Tucker I'm sorry.

It's okay, it was my fault.

I'm just working on a new game
called a barrel full of monkeys,

and so I got in the barrel

to see how much room
a monkey would take up.

Oh! I see.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a
minute don't step in the water

I'll get this out of
the way for you.

Well, thank you.

Oh, what cute ducks.

Yeah.

I usually keep three in there but
I left one in my bathtub last night.

Oh, boy! This is heavy.

Yeah.

People usually don't
give ducks enough water.

Oh, is that it?

Quite an array of
toys you have here;

takes up uh, quite an
amount of desk space.

Well, yeah.

But, but there all good
items, they all move quickly.

Oh, that's good.

- Oh, aren't those cute.
- Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah, Let me show you
how this one works. This one.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh, that's adorable!

Oh, isn't it darling?

Yeah. Oh, wow!

Oh, that's...

Oh, isn't it cute?

Now you see a big guy, adorable.

Isn't anyone going to
welcome me to kiddy land?

Oh, come on in, Harry!

How?

Well, I got in by climbing up
the ladder and sliding down.

But I guess you're a
little too old for that.

Too old, my foot!

If you can do it I can do it.

Oh, this I gotta see, Harry.

This is a ridiculous way for
a man to get in his own office.

That's all I've got to say.

- All this stuff around
here... Oh go on, Harry.

You're absolutely...
You're out of your mind.

Oh, go on, Harry..

Oh, wait a minute!

Why didn't you warn
me about the water?

I tried to, Harry!

"I tried to, Harry!"

Oh, Harry I'm sorry.

Um, how am I going to get in to
the other room to get something dry?

Well, why don't you do what you
do when Mr. Zellarbach is here.

What's that?

Crawl.

Right through there, Harry.

Oh!

You're going to have
to lose a little, Harry.

You got it?

There you go, boy!

Atta boy, atta boy, Harry.

Through here like
a gopher, uhrrr!

Lucille, you haven't
heard the last of this!

Boy, he shouts pretty
loud, doesn't he?

Yes, he does.

He registers about


What kind of a toy is this?

Oh, um um, well
this isn't actually a toy

I call it a tantrum breaker.

A tantrum breaker?

Oh yeah! It's very effective.

It's a big seller,
mothers love it.

Yeah. How does it work?

Well, um,

see, when a child has a tantrum

- he usually jumps up and down
in anger.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- So, his mother gets him to
jump on this teeter board here.
- Oh!

- Which makes this
weight go up on the air.
- Uh-huh.

The weight comes
down and hits that lever,

- releases the bowling ball.
- Uh-huh.

Bowling ball rolls down
here, trips this lever

which, which causes
a dollar bill to appear.

A dollar bill?

Yeah.

- Child reaches for
the dollar bill, see.
- Yeah.

Yeah, then what happens?

Well, look let me demonstrate,

- just pretend I'm a child
having a tantrum, okay.
- Okay, okay.

- Um.
- Have a tantrum.

Uh, uh, I, I'm, I'm
gonna watch television.

I'm gonna sit here,
I'll watch television!

- No, you're gonna have your dinner!
- I, I won't eat my dinner!

I won't, I won't, I won't,
I won't, I won't, I won't.

Dollar bill, see?

Oh, oh, oh, boy!

Oh, that's wonderful.

Oh, that, that ought to stop
any kid from throwing a tantrum.

He wouldn't be able
to sit down for a week.

Yeah, and to teach
the kid a real lesson,

the dollar bill is counterfeit.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Oh, this is just
wonderful, wonderful!

Hey, what are those two
things over there on the desk?

Oh, there lots of
fun I'll show you.

Here you, you tie this around
your waist like a belt, see,

so that this sticks
out in your front,

and then you try to get
the little ball into the basket.

Oh, you mean like basketball?

Yeah, except you get
the ball into the basket,

you're supposed to try
to get it back out again.

Oh, how's it, how you do it?

Well you, you, you,
uh, try to get into this...

Oh! It's not as
easy as it looks, is it!

You're awful good
for a beginner.

Oh! I got it!

Oh yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

- Oh, oh I got one. I'm one ahead of you.
- Oh yeah.

- I'm one ahead of you.
- I don't have any yet.

I'm one ahead,
I'm gonna make it.

Hey, I got it! I got it!

Oh, is this fun!

I got it! I have three now!

I don't know what you two have
but I hope there's a cure for it.

This is fun, Harry!

This is a lot of fun.

Lucille!

You-

You know I am
expecting Mr. Zellerbach!

If he comes in here and sees you
two playing with toys like children,

he will never give me that loan;

and if that sour puss
doesn't give me the money,

you will wish that you
had never been born!

Carter? Are you here?

Oh hello, Mr. Sour Puss.

How nice of you to drop by, sir.

Oh, what is all this?

Well, without consulting me,

Lucille rented office space
to this, this toy distributor.

- Lucille did?
- Yes, it was all her idea!

Well, I think it's
a splendid idea!

- You... You do?
- Oh!

Yes.

Um, he, he makes wonderful
toys for children; they just love them.

Oh, I'll bet they do.
Say, this looks like fun.

No, no, no.
Mr. Zellerbach, no please!

Oh no!

Oh, I, I'm quite alright, matter
of fact it's rather refreshing.

Mr. Zellerbach?

This is little Tommy
Tucker the Toy Tycoon.

- Ah, toy tycoon, huh?
- That's right.

- How do you do?
- Oh, yes!

Mr. Zellerbach?

About my loan, did
you bring the check?

Oh yeah! Yes, yes
I have it right here.

But tell me, is their
money in things like this?

Oh, yes!

Oh, yes! The man who invented
the hula-hoop made a fortune,

and the Yo-Yo business
keeps making money;

of course the Yo-Yo
has its ups and downs.

The Yo-Yo goes up and down-
Just a little trade joke there.

Very funny, very
funny man, I might say.

Mr. Zellerbach, I sure picked
a good tenant don't you think?

Well it certainly
looks that way.

The check, the check, could
I have the check, please.

Um, Mr. Tucker if you expect
to do a large volume of business

wouldn't you need
more space than this?

Well yes, but this
is all I can afford.

- The check, the check...
- Harry relax.

You are one hundred
percent right, sir.

Why, if Mr. Tucker had more
space there would be no holding him.

Well, Mr. Tucker if you have her
confidence you certainly have mine.

I think I can help you
with your problem.

What, what, what about me?

Well, don't you have
any confidence in him?

- Well, of course I do.
- Well then, that settles it.

Mr. Tucker you're going
to get a bigger place,

you're going to have
five thousand dollars.

Oh, thank you!

But what about me! Me is
the one you came to see!

How much money is me getting?

Nothing!

I told you my loan company was very
selective and between the two of you,

he is a better investment!

Lucille, thank you
I'll never forget this.

I won't forget it either!

Come on, come on over here
Mr. Tucker let’s make out a contract.

You...

Toys! Toys! Look
what they've done!

They ruined me!

I hate them I'm gonna
break every one of them!

No, Harry!

And now, my mom!

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