05x08 - Lucy and Petula Clark

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

[Singing] Oh, them
golden slippers.

Oh them golden slippers.

Yup-pa-pa-pa-ra-da-
ra-rap-da-ra-ra-da-da-da.

Oh, those golden
slippers. Da-pa-pa-pa-ra...

- Lucille, Lucille... please stop singing.
- What? What?

I've got a hangover.

Well, then, you shouldn't drink.

I don't drink.

Your singing gives
me a hangover.

Hello?

[Singing] You're an old meany.

I'm an old smoothy.

Blah, blah, blah, blah...

Will you knock it off?

Now, listen smarty-pants,
I said knock it off.

And I... beg your pardon?

Oh, no, no, no. Just
a little mistake, sir.

We were kidding...
but... ah... pardon.

Oh, oh yes.

This is the Unique Employment
Agency. I'm so upset... what? Pardon me.

Oh, yes... I think we can
supply... very good... and yes sir.

What? Oh... on a
temporary basis.

Well, then, out temporary
rates are $35 a day.

Yes.

Oh, fine, sir. I'll get
busy on it right away.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Well, thanks to you I almost
blew up a very important deal.

That was the theatrical agency
that handles Petula Clark.

Petula Clark?

The Petula Clark?

Yes. She's in town for a couple
of days for a recording date

and her manager wants us to
supply her with a private secretary

who can also act as a companion.

A companion?

Ms. Clark is expecting a baby.

Oh, how wonderful.

Oh, I wonder what it will be.

It will be a baby, dumb-dumb.

Now, look in our files and
see if we have suitable,

then type up a letter
of introduction for her

and send her over to the Wilshire
Apartment Hotel immediately.

Yes, sir.

- Lucille...
- Yeah, yeah.

What are you doing?

I'm typing a letter
of introduction.

Well, find an applicant first.

Yeah, well, I don't think we have
any suitable applicants in our file.

- Lucille, Lucille...
- Yeah.

- Lucille?
- What?

If you think simply because
Ms. Clark needs a secretary

that I am going to do
without a secretary,

you are very much mistaken.

- Oh, good morning.
- Good morning.

I'm Ms. Perkins.

I've been looking
for secretarial work

and your agency was
recommended to me.

Well, your timing couldn't
be better, Ms. Perkins.

Step over here, please.

I'd like you to sit
down, if you will.

There you are, sit down.

Lucille, will you
interview the young lady

and see if she has
the right requirements

for the little matter
that just came up?

- Yes, Harry.
- Oh, good, good, good.

And if she has those requirements,
send her over there right away.

- Yes, sir.
- OK.

Well... it looks like
you have a job for me.

- Perhaps, but I must tell you
it's just temporary.
- Oh?

Yes, but because it's
only two days employment,

I am in a position to
offer you our highest rate.

$35 a day.

- Oh, that's fine.
- All right.

- Do you type?
- Oh yes.

- Do you take shorthand?
- Yes.

Fine. Then, you got the job.

Oh, good.

When and where do I report?

Right now and right here and
I'll see you Monday morning.

Look me over,
la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

Hello?

How do you do?

I'm from the Unique
Employment Agency.

Oh, yes. Do come in.

Oh, thank you.

I'm Petula Clark.

Oh, yes, I know, I know.

I'm so excited. I was
so anxious to meet you.

Let me take your things.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I forgot.

I have a letter of
introduction for you to read.

Let's see.

"Dear Ms. Clark.

After interviewing our
most qualified applicants,

I recommend this young lady

as the most highly
qualified in efficiency,

intelligence and personality.

Director of Personnel,
Unique Employment Agency,

signed Lucille Carter."

Well, this is a very
nice recommendation.

Thank you.

What's your name?

Lucille Carter.

Well, I work of the agency and
being such a fan of yours, you see,

I took a personal interest in
seeing that you got the right person.

In other words, you're
making a personal appearance.

Yes.

You see, our available
girls were all single

and I thought that you should
have someone who's had children.

They told me you were expecting.

Yes.

And I don't know why
they call it expecting

after the guest has
already checked in.

Oh, I know what you mean.

Oh, shouldn't you
be sitting down?

Oh, don't worry about me.

It's a just a little
old skiing accident.

Yeah, actually,
my timing was off.

Yeah, I took up skiing
about 20 years too late.

But I think that you are the
one who should be sitting down.

Well, thank you.

Now, you're going to need
all the rest you can get.

That I know.

But wait...

And it's a very good idea
to keep the legs elevated.

Way up.

That's what... that's
what you should do.

Now, you tell me what
to do and I'll get started.

Oh, well, I'd like you to run
a system with that fan mail.

Oh, I'd love that.

Oh, I've always wanted
to answer fan mail.

Oh how... Oh, I'd like a
tall glass of water, please.

- All right.
- Oh, look at this.

Look how they love you.

Oh... and oh... oh...

Enough?

No, fill it up, please.

Oh, isn't this sweet?
Oh, this will be fun.

Here you are.

Oh, it's for you.

- For me?
- Yes.

Got to drink lots of water.

Come on, drink, drink, drink.

Down, down, down. You
have to drink lots of water.

It's very good for you.

Come on. Finish it up.

Come on, come on, come on.

Drink, drink, drink.

Well, all right, all right.

You don't have to
finish it all right now.

But be sure you do finish it.

- OK?
- Yes.

Now, I'll get busy.

Oh, m*rder in Morocco.

Are you reading this?

- Yes, it's a really very exciting
m*rder mystery, super.
- Oh.

Oh really, Ms. Clark, books like
this can have a psychological effect

on your unborn child, you know.

You should not read
any m*rder mysteries

until after your baby is born.

All right, all right, I promise
no more m*rder mysteries

'til after the baby is born.

Good girl.

And now, I think I'd
better start rehearsing.

This afternoon, I have a
recording date on my schedule.

On your what?

On my schedule.

You schedule?

Oh your schedule.

Oh.

I hope I won't bother
you if I rehearse, will it?

Not a bit.

Now, you had your schedule
to keep, so just right in and sing.

[Singing]
Da-ra-da-ri-da-ri-da-ri-da

Da-ri-da-ri-da, di-ri-da-ra,

di-ri-da-ra,
di-ri-da-ra, di-ri-da

Whoa... whoa... whoa...

What?

- What's the matter?
- Well, I was afraid
you were going to fall.

Lucille, I have to
rehearse this number.

Well, my dear, don't you
have any other numbers

that are less dangerous?

Now, isn't that just a bit much?

Well, at times like this,
we cannot be too careful.

Now, please, Ms. Clark,
promise me one thing.

What?

That you will not play
this end of the keyboard

until after the baby is born.

Look, instead of rehearsing,

I'll go out on the patio
and take a little nap.

Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
That's a good idea.

- That's all right?
- Yes. You get out there in the sun.

Go ahead.

We mustn't forget our water.

Thank you very much.

Now, is there anything
else that I can do for you?

Well, no, I think I'll
just take a little rest

before my recording
session this afternoon.

Now, it's always good to
have your feet elevated.

Oh, for heaven’s
sake. I'm terribly sorry.

I'm terribly sorry. I'll get
you some more water.

Thank you.

Oh, oh...

I think I'll get into
something dry

and then I'll finish my
nap in my bedroom.

That's a good idea.

Here's your water.

There you are, dear.

Come, come.

- Thank you.
- Yeah, you're welcome.

Toot-a-loo. Have a nice nap.

Yes?

- Oh, bonsoir.
- Bonsoir.

I beg your pardon?

[Speaking French]

Well, Ms. Clark is sleeping.

Come back in an hour.

[Speaking French]

Yeah.

[Speaking French]

Yeah, well, I don't know
if she want to buy flowers,

but she is asleep and
come back in an hour.

- You come back in an hour.
- No!

[Speaking French]

Now, you come
back in an uno hour.

At uno hour, you come back
and char chez now la scram.

She has got to get her rest.

What was all that noise?

Oh, some man wanted to
see you, but I got rid of him.

Well, who was it?

I don't know some
crazy French man.

He couldn't even speak English.

That was my husband.

Oh I'm sorry.

I didn't occur to me
that you had a husband.

Oh I mean, I mean... I mean I
didn't know it was your husband,

but don't worry. He'll
be back in an hour.

Uno hour.

I told him to come back
and now you go and rest

and get ready for your
rehearsal. Keep to your schedule,

and he will be back.

He will be back in... and
he had flowers for you.

- He's very handsome.
- I know.

He's a beautiful man.

He'll be back. He'll be back.

[Singing] People get
ready for the train to Jordan

Picking up passengers
from coast to coast

Faith is the key open
the doors and board them

There's room for all
among his chosen folk

There ain't no room
for the hopeless sinner

Who'd hurt all mankind
just to save his own

Have pity on those whose
chances grow thinner

For there's no hiding place
against the Kingdom's Throne yeah

People get ready
there's a train a-comin'

Don't need no baggage
you just get on board

All you need is faith to
hear the diesel's humming

Don't need no ticket
you just thank the Lord

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh.

Oh... wasn't she great?

You are really something.

Oh marvelous.

Thank you. How did it sound?

Oh, it sounded all right.

You think we ought
to go with that track?

Yeah. Go with that track.

Paul, this is Mrs. Carter.

I'm her secretary.

And I'm her record producer.

Oh really?

Well, I don't know how well you
could hear back there in that booth,

but believe me, it was good.

OK, if you say so.

All right, everybody, let's
get ready for the next track.

Good.

Now, come on, singers, we're all
going to do it with one mic this time.

- Petula...
- Let’s try to get it on one take.

Don't you think that you
ought to rest a little while first?

Well, no, I'd rather keep
going and get it done.

Well, honey, I do think
you are to sit down.

Honey, I do think
you are to sit down.

Oh? OK.

All right.

- Standby.
- Ready?

OK?

Yes.

Here we go.

Well I think I'm
going out of my head

Yes I think I'm
going out of my head

Over you

Over you

Well I want you to want me

I need you so badly I can't
think of anything but you

Going out of my head over you

Out of my head...

Hold it! Hold it!

What's going on?

Well, I'm terribly sorry.

I'm just trying to
bring a chair over

so Ms. Clark could sit
down once in a while.

She shouldn't be
on her feet too long.

Mrs. Carter, it is
very important to us

that this record
comes out right.

Well, I think it's
much more important

that the baby comes out right.

Now, wait, there is no reason
why she cannot sit down to sing.

Bing Crosby, Perry
Como, Frank Sinatra,

they all sat down to
do a lot of their songs.

Oh, Lucille, try to understand,

I can't sit down for
this one number.

They want me on the same
mic level as the vocal group

for a very special sound
that we're trying to get.

And if I'm sitting and they're
standing, it just won't work, you see?

Well, let the vocal
group sit down with you.

No, no, no.

Please, Mrs. Carter,
let us do it our way.

Besides there aren't any chairs.

Oh, well, now perhaps,
we can manage.

Fellows, how about letting
them have your chairs

so Ms. Clark can sit down.

There you are. There you are.

We got enough
chairs for everybody.

Thank you very much.
You're all gentlemen.

That's fine. Thank
you very much.

That's very, very nice of you.

Very, very nice. Thank you.

Thank you, boys.
That's wonderful.

That's wonderful.

Now, that's all I want. Sit
down, sit down, sit down.

There.

This is ridiculous!

Look, I've her all morning.

Do it her way or we'll
never get out of here, OK?

Hey, you haven't got a
chair. Excuse me, please.

Excuse moi.

There.

Here you are tiny.

Thank you.

There we are.

Are you ready?

Yup, we're ready.

All right. We'll try
it once this way.

Here we go.

Well I think I'm
going out of my head

Yes I think I'm
going out of my head

Over you

Over you...

No, no, no, no, no. Hold
it, hold it, hold it, boys.

Paul, what was that
sound in that last phrase?

You must mean
the wah-wah peddle.

Uh, the wah-wah peddle, yes.

Yeah, we were looking for a
gimmick, some kind of a new sound.

We thought that might work.

Well, I like what you're going
for, but I don't think that's it.

Don't you think it's
a little too funky?

She's right. It's too funky.

All right. Let's try
it straight one time

and see how it sounds.

Yeah, let's try it straight.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Well I think I'm
going out of my head

Yes I think I'm
going out of my head

Over you

Over you

Well I wanted you to want me

I need you so badly I can't
think of anything but you

Going out of my head over you

Out of my head over you

Out of my head Day and
night Night and day and night

All right Going
out of my head...

Hold it, hold it.

Now, what happened?

Well, he just made
a terrible mistake.

That sound doesn't
belong in this recording.

I don't know how
he got in the Union.

You just kicked the amplifier
cord out of the socket.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Well, I... I... I was just bringing
Ms. Clark a cup of water.

She is supposed
to have lots of water.

Oh, we shall have lots of water.

I'd drown myself.

Why, are you having
trouble at home?

Do you want a drink your water?

Not really, no.

Now, it's very important that
you have plenty of water, Petula.

Now, I just want to get with
the water and then I'll sit down.

No, no, no.

You stand right over there
where I can keep an eye on you.

All right. I'll stand.

I'll stand.

Did you drink it all. OK.

- All right, everybody.
- Swallow it.

Let's go all of the
way through it this time

and see if we can get a take.

- OK, from the top.
- From the top.

Well I think I'm
going out of my head

Yes I think I'm
going out of my head

Over you

Over you

Well, I want you to want me

I need you so badly I can't
think of anything but you

Well, I'm going out
of my head over you

- Out of my head
over you - Ba, ba, ba

Out of my head Day and
night Night and day and night

All right, night
and day and night

Hold it! Hold it!

Now, what's the matter?

I don't know.

We're getting some
kind of a weird sound.

Was it vocal or instrumental?

Well, it seemed to come
from the vocal group,

but it wasn't a voice.

I've never heard
anything like it before.

Weird sound, huh?

I'll have the engineer
play it back in here, Petula.

- We'll see we can
find out what it was.
- Right.

Lucille?

Yes, dear.

- Want some more wah-wah?
- No.

- Lucille...
- Yeah?

Were you singing with
the group just now?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess it's because at home
when I play your records,

I always sing right
along with you, you know.

I just sing and sing

and you know something
we sound very good together.

- Yeah and I like the song.
- Good.

- I love, I love it.
- Good.

- Petula?
- Yes.

We just ran the tape back

and we cannot figure out
what that weird sound is.

Paul, meet your weird sound.

Mrs. Carter?

Oh, well, now, I didn't
mean to get involved.

You see at home, I play her records
and I always sing with her and...

- Mrs. Carter?
- Yes.

Is it possible that you would
make that sound again?

Oh, no. I won't do it again.
I promise. I'll be quiet.

No, she won't do
it again. She can't...

I don't mean would she do it
again. I mean could she do it again?

Of course, I
always sing like that.

Good.

- Good?
- Good?

Sure.

You're the gimmick
we've been looking for.

You mean I'm your
wah-wah peddle?

Your further out than
a wah-wah peddle.

Well, you set me a new sound?

- I am?
- Yes.

Sure. We'd like to
have you on this record.

Huh?

You want... you want...
oh, you're kidding.

You're putting me... you don't
want me to really make a record.

Oh... Oh, I'll be too nervous.

Oh... would you believe
this is my first record?

I believe it.

Oh.

Go on. Now, stand right
over here with Petula.

Well, anybody stand up then
because I'm not taller than Petula

and you're going to
bring that way up high.

Push your chairs back.
Now, anybody, get in.

I'm so excited I can't stand it.

Oh... so, everybody be quiet.

Yeah, would you get me
a glass of water, please?

Oh, this is too much.

I can't imagine me making
a record with Petula Clark

and with you and
with the... oh, well...

- Are you ready?
- No, I haven't had my water yet.

Make room for the little mother.

Thank you, my dear.

Hmm.

Yeah, you want the rest of it?

Come on, down, down, down, down.

Now remember
boys, not too funky.

OK? Hit it.

All right, from the top.

- Well I think I'm going out
of my head - Wah, wah, wah

- Yes I think I'm going out
of my head - Wah, wah, wah

Over you

Wah, wah, wah, wah

- Over you - Wah, wah, wah, wah

Well, I want you to want me

I need you so badly I can't
think of anything but you

- Going out of my head
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

- Going out of my head over
you - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Out of my head day and
night Night and day and night

All right, going out of my head
Day and night Night and day

And night, all right
Going out of my...

Wah, wah, wah, wah!

Head