05x14 - Lucy and the Group Encounter

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring: Lucille Ball.

Co-starring: Gale Gordon.

- Lucille, will you please hurry
with my jacket.
- I'm hurrying.

I don't want to be late for my
appointment with Mrs. Forrester.

Oh, relax, Harry.

Well, it's terribly important.

Oh, if I could just get
that Forrester account.

What a feather in my cap.

All right, if you'll get it, I'll
sew the feather on for you.

All right please,
can't you hurry.

I'm finished Harry,
relax, I'm finished.

Well fine, fine, hurry
up please, please.

- Oh, there you are.
- Thank you very much, that's good.

Now...

Oh, how could I do a
stupid thing like that?

Instinct.

Well, are you going
to remove the stitches

or should I call in
Dr. Marcus Welby.

Come on, come on.

- All right, all right, all right.
- Thank you very much.

Unique Employment Agency.

Yes.

Pardon?

Yesterday?

Oh, but we understood the
appointment with Mrs. Forrester

was for today.

Mrs. Forrester?

Well, could we make
another appointment?

Oh, well I'll tell him, goodbye.

Was that... did
you... you mean...

We made a mistake, your
appointment was for yesterday.

We made a mistake?

You made a mistake!

You just blew my
appointment with Mrs. Forrester

and she hires hundreds of
people for her publication.

Harry, you're the one who
spoke to them last week.

Now, you told me that
appointment was today.

Why would I tell you it was
today if it was yesterday?

That happens to be
my question, why?

I didn't say it was today.

Then why would I have written
down today if it was yesterday?

Ah-hah! That is
my question, why?

- Good morning!
- You keep out of this.

If your boo-boo has
caused me this account...

Don't you call your
boo-boo my boo-boo.

All right, let's look at our
respective boo-boo records.

Let's see who's guilty.

What would a jury decide?

How many women on the jury?

I don't care how many women
on the jury, it doesn't matter,

any normal jury of 12 sane
people would say that you...

Yes?

Pardon me folks for intruding
but every morning when I come in,

you two are arguing.

It's not good for
the soul to argue.

Why can't you two
lovely people get along?

Don't worry about us.

Worry about your snow,
sleet, hail, and gloom of night.

Yes, sir.

So go on about the swift
completion of your appointed round.

Yes, sir.

You see George,

now you know why everybody
calls him mister nice guy.

Yes, ma'am.

All right miss efficiency,

mister nice guy
would like to know

when he has his next
appointment with Mrs. Forrester.

They didn't want to make one.

What?

They said Mrs. Forrester
will get in touch with us.

You... dumbderhead.

How could you hang up the
phone without making another...

Look, I will not stand
here and be called names.

Hello, Mary Jane.

Especially when it's your
fault. I'll be right with you.

My fault?

Why I ever keep you
around here, I will never know.

I must be losing my mind.

Ah-hah! You finally admit it.

Ooh, if you weren't
my sister-in-law...

Why is my being
your sister-in-law...

So help me, I will throw you
out of here so fast that your...

Stop! Stop!

What is the matter with you?

Oh, you're lucky Mary Jane,

you caught him in
one of his good moods.

Oh.

Well, if you will excuse me.

Well wait just a minute Harry,

I've got a proposition that I think
will solve all of your problems.

You have a new secretary for me?

No, I want both of you to
join me in a group encounter.

What's a group encounter?

Well, it's a new way of
achieving mutual understanding.

You see, the group gets together
and we all air our hostilities

and aggressions and inhibitions.

And you know Lucy, if anybody
needs mutual understanding,

it's you and Harry.

Yeah, well, I'm game.

It sounds like some sort
of a nut festival to me.

Now, do I look like
the kind of a person

that would go to a nut festival?

Do you really want
me to answer that?

Oh come on Harry,
let's give it a try.

Well, all right.

OK, what do we do? Do we
have to prepare in anyway?

No, as professor Henderson
says, just come and bring your brain.

Well, I'm ready.

As for you Lucille, I
suggest Sam's Rent A Brain.

Sit down please.

Thank you.

I want to thank
you for dropping in.

I always like to meet my new
people for the actual group encounter.

Yes, well, we'll do all we can
to cooperate, Dr. Henderson.

Won't we, Harry?

Yeah.

Uh-huh, fine open hostility,
I sense it, bravo, bravo.

We bring couples together
to relieve their tension.

We've developed new
techniques to overcome hostilities.

We want you to have a bit
of a freedom to let yourself go.

Good, I'll let myself
go right now. Goodbye.

Harry, you promised.

Look, I think the
whole idea is cuckoo

and I'm not too impressed
with the head cuck here either.

Very good Mr. Carter, very good.

Let it out.

Don't you feel better now that
you have aired your hostilities?

No, no I don't.

I enjoy my hostilities

and I'll take them out for an
airing anytime I darn please.

Harry, sit down.

You're not hard to
put your finger on

which one is the
troublemaker is it, doctor?

Please relax, Mr. Carter.

I have a questionnaire
that I want you to fill out.

- Over here, Mr. Carter.
- Over there.

Oh, for heav...

Now, while you're filling it out,
I will continue with Mrs. Carter.

Good luck.

- Mrs. Carter.
- Yes, sir?

Are you familiar with
the word association test?

Word association te... oh yes.

Yes, you say a word and I say
the first word that pops into my head.

- Good.
- Bad.

I haven't started yet.

Oh.

Warm.

Yeah, it is a
little warm isn't it.

I noticed it when we came in.

I have started.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I didn't know, I
didn't know, go ahead.

- Warm.
- Cold.

- Up.
- Down.

- Money.
- Wolf.

- Wolf.
- Money.

You associate money with wolf?

Yeah, Clifford
Wolf, at the bank.

He's the one who calls me every
month to tell me I'm over drawn.

That really is amazing.

Nothing amazing about it.

She's just simple-minded.

Please, Mr. Carter.

Yeah, you stay
out of this, Harry.

- Now.
- Then.

No, no, we are through
with the association.

How about we try
something entirely different.

I want you to use
your imagination.

My imagination, oh,
all right, I like that.

OK.

All right. Imagine you are
shipwrecked on a dessert island.

Shipwrecked.

Months later, you see a raft
coming towards the shore.

On this raft, there are two
reasonably attractive men.

One man is 10 years
older than you are,

the other man is 10 years
younger, which one do you prefer?

Clint Eastwood.

Where did you get
Clint Eastwood?

Well, he was
shipwrecked with me.

You told me to use my
imagination remember?

Strange how your mind works.

Weird if you ask me.

Please, Mr. Carter.

- Mrs. Carter.
- Yes, sir?

Have you had any dreams lately?

Dreams?

- Well, my dreams are
more like nightmares.
- Nightmares!

Tell me all about them please.

Oh well, I keep seeing
this big horrible monster

and then fire comes out of its nose
and it keeps chasing me all night.

What does this
monster look like?

Well, now that you mentioned it,
a lot like my brother-in-law Harry.

You just made that up.

I did not. I do have
nightmares about you.

Well, I don't need
to have to be asleep,

you're a nightmare
to me while I'm awake.

And the last one you starred in

was when you fouled up my
appointment with Mrs. Forrester.

I did not foul up that
appointment, it was your own fault.

It was my fault for
depending on you.

Huh.

Oh yeah.

Ha! Ha!

Ha, ha, ha!

Do you need me.

What a challenge
this going to be.

What a challenge.

Let me have your
attention please.

Today we are talking
about mutual understanding.

Now why can't we get
along better with each other?

Because we cannot communicate.

We talk but speech is not the
only form of communication.

We must be aware
through all our five senses.

Now, we are going to have a
conversation but instead of words,

we communicate
through the sense of touch.

Whatever you want to
say, say it with your hands.

All right, let's try it

and all have a lovely
conversation with your partner.

Start!

Mrs. Carter, why
aren't you conversing?

I can't think of
anything to say to him.

The first time you were
ever at a loss for words.

- Start touching,
you'll think of something.
- Yes, sir.

Ugh.

Oh.

Foul.

What happened, Mrs. Carter.

He started an argument with me.

But she had to
get in the last word.

Oh, I have to think
of a new approach.

Well, now, the next experiment

will be conducted in
the following manner.

You are going to find a partner
through the sense of touch.

Now I want you to close your
eyes, turn around, mix yourselves up.

Now, find your partner
by the sense of touch.

Clint Eastwood.

That's not Harry.

That's Harry.

Yeah, I found my partner.

Oh... ugh.

What happened?

She pulled my mustache half off.

Oh, that won't do.

I have to have lots of
more work to do with you.

We will run some more.

The rest of you, go frolic in the
woods for the next 20 minutes.

Oh.

Can I go frolic
in the woods too?

No Mr. Carter, we
have lots of work to do.

I want you to relax.

Sit down.

Sit down.

Now pay close attention to me.

We have lots of work to do.

Now listen carefully.

I want you to revert
to your childhood.

Why?

That's a good question.

Because our reactions as little
children are very often the same

as they are in a mature person.

Oh.

As children, we have very
few inhibitions and if you recall,

you could communicate
without speaking.

Now, think of
yourselves as children.

Little children.

Little three-year-olds

about to be given your
very first ice cream cones.

Your very first ice cream cones.

That's enough, that's enough.

You're not children
anymore, that's enough.

Here, clean yourselves up.

Now, you're grown-ups.
Get up, get up.

I don't want to.
I don't want to.

Stop it, you're not
children anymore.

You're hostilities
really came out.

No doubt, there is a
basic antagonism there

but I'm sure we can remedy it.

You know, it always helps

if one knows the other
person's viewpoint.

Now Mr. Carter, I want
you to do something for me,

I want you to
pretend to be Lucille.

Lucille?

Yes, from this moment
on, you are Lucille.

What is your first reaction?

- I'm Lucille?
- Yes.

My IQ just dropped 50 points.

Oh you miserable...

Ah... now Lucille,
you are Harry.

Tell me all about
yourself, Harry.

- Well, I'm a...
- Just the good things please.

Oh, just the good things, huh.

Well...

Well, there must be
something you can say.

I was trying to think of a
nice way of saying cheap.

Just a minute, I
have another idea.

Let's extend this
experiment to your office.

What do you mean?

Starting tomorrow, you put
yourself into each other's shoes.

You are the boss,
you are the secretary.

I think that's a horrible idea.

It sounds like a
great idea to me.

It would to you.

The same to you Mr. Carter
and I think it can really work.

Well, yes but with
her running the office,

it would ruin my business.

But just for one day.

How much damage
can be done in one day?

Let me put it this way,

have you visited
Pompeii recently?

Oh-uh, almost forgot.

This is the day.

All right miss
dimwit, take a letter.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

- Lucille...
- Yes, sir?

What are you doing at my desk?

I'm you today, remember?

Oh that, yeah.

Well, I'm in no
mood to play games.

Harry, we took the time and
trouble to go to the professor for help.

He says this will help
so let's go along with him.

Oh, all right, all right.

Now, do you realize,
it's 25 minutes after 9:00?

Yeah, that's what I have.

What I'm saying is Lucille,

is that you are 25
minutes late for work.

And may I ask, when
you got here, Harry?

You may not.

Now what's your excuse?

Well, I was ready to leave the
house this morning and suddenly,

I discovered that I had
a snag in my pantyhose.

Where did you get a
dumb excuse like that?

You pulled it on me last week.

Oh, be quiet and sit
down at your desk.

Oh.

On second thought,
bring me some tea.

I will not.

Harry, you are supposed
to find out what I go through,

I'm supposed to find
out what you go through.

Now, are you going to
cooperate or aren't you?

And it might help if you try to
get in to the spirit of this thing

and do as the professor said.

You keep calling me Harry,
I'll keep calling you Lucille.

Now Lucille, get my tea.

Yes, Harry.

Thank you, Lucille.

You're welcome,
you're welcome, Harry.

- Harry.
- Yes?

Have you noticed my new hairdo?

No, I haven't. Two
lumps of sugar please.

Two lumps, yes sir.

There you are.

That will be all, Lucille.

Harry, if there's anything
at all that you need,

please don't
hesitate to call on me.

Thank you, Lucille.

Good morning!

Morning.

I'm glad to see you two
getting along so well.

But I sure don't
understand the arrangement.

Lucille, I'd like to dictate a
letter, bring your shorthand book.

Oh, come on, you know I don't
know how to take shorthand.

Neither do I but I sure
fooled you for a long time.

Ah-hah, I suspected as much I...

Never mind, bring your
book and your pencil.

Ready, Harry.

All right, this goes to the
Jerry Clifford Company,


Bakersfield, California.

Gentlemen, in reply to your
letter of the 3rd of this month,

I have duly noted your
request for assistance.

Wait, wait...

That we have one of
the most complete list of...

Lucille, Lucille, please,
you're going too fast.

Well, you're going too slow.

Now, if you cannot take
dictation as fast as I give it to you,

I can very easily dispense
with your services.

I like this. I like this.

This is the kind of
operation I like to see.

Brains where brains should be.

Business with a
woman in charged.

Oh, well, it isn't
exactly like that.

And when Rita
Forrester likes something,

she does something about it.

Rita Forrester?

Of Forrester Publication?

Well, I told you I'd
get in touch with you.

I like to drop in unannounced.

In that way, I can get the real
low down on what it's all about.

Oh, Mrs. Forrester,
why don’t you sit down.

Make yourself comfortable.

Please, oh, we're
delighted to have you here.

The office is honored
at your presence.

- We are just...
- Will you tell your secretary to butt out?

Butt out.

Carter, I've made up my mind,

I'm going to give your
employment agency all my business.

Oh, thank you.

And what's it to you?

Oh, oh, congratulations, boss.

Ooh, bully for you.

Ooh, I'm all of
twitter, I just...

Mrs. Forrester, can I
do anything for you?

Can I get you something?

Would you like some tea,
some chocolate, a cookie?

How would you like a bonbon?

Down boy, down.

How can you stand him?

We're related.

That would be the only reason.

Well Carter, let's you
and I go out and celebrate.

We'll the contract
over a couple of snorts.

Oh, well, I don't snort
much but sure, sure.

That would be fine. Right
this way, Mrs. Forrester.

I snort a little once...

Ah... can I do anything for
you while you're gone chief?

- Yes.
- What?

Dust stuff, water the plants,
and pull up your pantyhose.

In other words,
shape up or ship out.