05x17 - Lucy and Her Genuine Twimby

[bunniefuu]

[Announcer] Here's Lucy.

Starring Lucille Ball.

Co-starring Gale Gordon

and Lucie Arnaz.

And we also have oodles of
fascinating items in here, ladies.

Are you interested in
something early America?

Well, what I really like is
a middle-aged American

about so tall and loaded.

I beg your pardon?

Mother was trying a
little touch of humor there.

Oh, middle-aged American.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, say!

This is beautiful.

Isn't it tall and only $750.

$750?

Oh! Oh!

Nice going, Mr. Kinkaid.

Thank you.

- Oh, Kim?
- What?

- Look at this bed.
- Isn't it nice?

It's one of our best pieces.

Abraham Lincoln
slept in this bed.

He did?

Oh, well, it sure long
enough, but it's awfully narrow.

Where did Mrs. Lincoln sleep?

We do not indulge
in idle gossip.

For shame, mama.

Mr. Kinkaid, we don't want to
take up too much of your time.

Actually, we're just browsing.

Oh, that's perfectly all
right as we often say,

"Browses to us are
no pain in the neck.

They're usually the ones
who'll leave a fat check."

Edna St. Vincent Millay?

No. Edgar Vincent Kinkaid, me.

- I wrote it myself.
- Oh.

- Oh yeah.
- Yes, I see.

I'll be in the next room.
Just call me if you need me.

That Mr. Kinkaid
is a cute character.

Thank you.

- He hears well, too.
- Yeah, I notice that.

Oh, just look at it.
Oh, look at that set.

I love these...
- Oh yes.

- Oh, Kim?
- What?

Look at this chair.
Isn't it handsome?

It's a chair. It
doesn't grab me.

Honey, a chair is not
supposed to grab you.

You sit on it.

You know, I've always
wanted something like this

- and I got the perfect place for it.
- Really?

Oh, I love it.

If I can afford it,
I'm going to buy it.

Well, you're not going to get any
bargains in here, you know, mom.

Listen, let me teach
you something.

When you are
in a shop like this,

just don't act interested in the
thing that you really want to buy.

You see, make believe that you're
interested in a couple of other things

and then just, sort of, casually
notice the thing that you really want.

Oh, mom, that will work?

Watch.

Oh, Mr. Kinkaid?

Oh, coming.

Uh, the candelabra,
you've fallen in love with it?

I certainly have.
How much is it?



Oh, well, you've just
broken up a love affair.

But there is another thing
that I'm very interested in.

It's that platter.

I have a... as a matter of
fact... oh, for goodness sake.

Oh, that's not a bad-looking
chair? How much is that?

I knew it. I knew it. You
wanted the chair all the time.

I love it when
they try to fool me.

All right. How much is it?

That is a Twimby reproduction.

Oh, a Twimby.

The price is $125 and we do
not dicker, bargain, or haggle.

I'll take it.

I know you would.

Nice going, mom.
You really outfoxed him.

Oh, hush up.

Oh, we almost lost you,
you lovely thing, you...

- Kinkaid...
- Oh.

You're talking to the
merchandise again.

I'm sorry, sir.

Well, I guess we really
don't have to worry

until he starts
talking back to you.

Oh, I have just gotten a letter
here from our buyer in the East.

And it seems that a tremendous
b*ner was made in my favor.

A b*ner in your favor?
What was it, Mr. Henning?

Well, you know, the
chair, the Twimby chair

- that was part of the
estate we purchased?
- Yes.

It seems that the Twimby
was not a reproduction at all.

It is genuine.
It's the real thing.

- Genuine?
- Yes.

Yes, it actually belonged to
George Washington in his home

in Mount Vernon and it
is worth, get this, $5000.

Where did you put it?

I... I... I said...
Where did you put it?

Kinkaid, I don't like to
see you looking like that.

I like it even better when
you're talking to the merchandise.

Where did you put it?

- Mr. Henning...
- Yes.

I just sold it for a $125.

You sold it!

Well, you couldn't have.

How could you have sold a


I didn't know. I didn't
know. I didn't know.

He did know it.
Did you hear that?

He sold it. He sold it.

A 5000-dollar original for 125.

That shows you what an i...

Oh great. Now, you've got
me talking to the merchandise.

Well, Harry, what do you think?

Lucille, you blew $125 on that?

Harry, this is a
Twimby reproduction.

Twimby? Never heard of him.

Never heard of him.

Really, Lucille, you do...
I'll tell you something else.

Whoever old Twimby was,
he sure wasn't built like me.

Very few people are.

All right, all right, all right.

I still think it's a
big waste of money.

Oh, Uncle Harry.

You think everything
is a big waste of money.

Look, I know it seems
like a lot of money,

but I've always
wanted a chair like this.

- What for?
- Oh, be quiet.

Oh, really...

- Good afternoon.
- Good afternoon.

- Mrs. Lucille Carter?
- Yes.

I'm Robert Henning.

I own the antique shop
where you bought your chair.

- Oh, oh, come in, come in.
- Thank you, thank you.

Mr. Henning, this
is my daughter, Kim,

and my brother-in-law,
Harry Carter.

And of course, you're Twimby?

Oh, yes, nice to meet you
Ms. Carter and Mr. Carter.

Nice to see you again, Twimby.

Forgive me, Mr. Henning,
but if Twimby here could talk,

I'm sure he'd say,

"Boy, did you overcharge
for broken-down old me?"

Oh, Harry. Don't
mind him, Mr. Henning.

Well, actually,
you see, I'm here

because the chair was sold
to you by mistake, Mrs. Carter.

- It was promised to
another customer.
- What?

Now, wait a minute. We
didn't see any sold sign on it.

You mean you want me
to give the chair back?

Well, yes, Mrs. Carter, it
would get me off the hook and,

of course, I'll be happy to
give you a little something extra

for your trouble.

Just how little is a
little something extra?

Yes.

Well, she paid 125, I
think a 150 would be fair.

Not fair enough.



Well, at least you're
going in the right direction.







Do I hear 250? 250.

Thank you, sir. Then bid is 250.

Going? Going?

Nothing is going.
The chair stays.

- But Lucille he...
- It stays.

Please Mrs. Carter, this
is a very important client

who ordered the chair and
I want to keep her happy.

I'll give you double
what you paid for it, $250.

Take it, take it!

That's... that's very generous,
but I bought the chair in good faith.

I really love it and
I'm going to keep it.

Oh please, Mrs. Carter,
won't you reconsider?

I appealed for your
sense of reason.

Her sense of reason?

Oh boy, are you
on the wrong track?

Oh, Mr. Henning,
congratulations.

You got back the genuine Twimby.

Well, it may be a
genuine Twimby to you,

but it will never get
past George Washington.

I don't understand.

Mrs. Carter
wouldn't give hers up,

but fortunately I had
something to fall back on.

What was that, sir?

My mind, my deviously
devilishly clever mind.

- Oh, that you have, sir. A clever mind.
- Yes.

A mind that had made
pygmies of your competitors...

Kinkaid... Kinkaid...

like a genius that has
elevated you to the top...

- Kinkaid!

Flattery will not
get you a raise.

And you're not talking to one
of your gullible vases, you know.

Sorry sir,

but I don't understand
where you got this.

Oh, well, I recalled that in Santa
Monica there was a little shop

that had some Twimby reproductions
and sure enough, they still did.

A-ha and you're going
to swap with Mrs. Carter.

- But she will never know it.
- She won't?

Ah, your devilishly
clever mind at work again.

Exactly.

You see, if I came right out and
offer to swap with her, she'd say,

"Why don't you give it to
that other customer of yours

who's so important?"

Right. Oh, you are brilliant.

Oh brilliant.

You really think so?

Oh yeah... brilliant.

Well, thank you,
Kinkaid. Thank you.

Kinkaid, when that chair that you
sold to Mrs. Carter is back in this shop,

then I will give you a raise.

Oh, thank you,
sir. Thank you, sir.

Kinkaid, I have a little plan.

You have a little plan?

- I found out Mrs. Carter is unmarried.
- Oh...

I should call on
her, make a date,

and take her dancing
at The Candlelight Room.

The Candlelight Room.

A-ha, you're bringing
up the heavy a*tillery.

Yes, yes. Let me
see. Let me see.

Then, when we arrive home,

I shall pretend to help
her lock up for the night,

but what I'd do, I shall
leave something unlocked

and then after I left, I'll sneak
back in, switch the chairs, and viola,

she will never
know the difference.

Beautiful, sir. That's
positively fiendish.

Yes, now let me see.

She is a redhead, a
very attractive redhead.

What approach shall I use?

Good afternoon, Mrs. Carter.

I'm sorry, Mr. Henning, but
that chair is still not for sale.

Oh, I would... chair?

What chair?

Oh... I've forgotten
all about the Barclay.

Um... It's a Twimby.

Yeah, you see how I forgot?

Well, what happened to your
important customer who wanted it?

You know, I forgot
all about her, too.

You're very
forgetful, aren't you?

Only when I don't remember.

Mr. Henning, just exactly
what can I do for you?

Well, there's something in
your home that I have found

fascinating.

Besides the chair, what?

Your fireplace.

- My fireplaces?
- Yes.

Well, my fireplace
is not for sale.

It's attached to the
house, you know.

Oh, that's cute. That's cute.

I like a sense of humor.

Seriously, I'm building
a house, you see,

and I'd like to have a
fireplace just like yours.

Really?

If you don't mind, I'd like
to take some pictures of it.

- Well, go right ahead, Mr. Henning.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Now, hold still fireplace
and watch the birdie.

There we have it.

Oh, I must say your whole
place is charming, charming.

I always say that a home
reflects the personality of its owner.

Thank you.

Oh, this photo of you.

Oh, it is lovely, simply love...
How long ago was that taken?

Oh, about 10 years ago.

There's... amazing.
Simply amazing.

Why, you look
even younger today.

Oh come on, now.

You don't expect
me to believe that.

I guess not.

But I'm willing to.

Oh, Mrs. Carter. I have
something to confess.

I'm not building a house at all.

And what I said that there
was something, well, fascinating

that I found in your house,

I meant you.

Well, now that's a pretty new
line coming from an antique dealer.

Well, how's it working so far?

Well, I haven't
screamed for help.

Well, good, I'll press my luck.

How about going out to
dinner with me tonight?

You know, this is the first
time a man ever got to me

through my fireplace.

Well, then, may I pick
you up at 7 o'clock?

Well... I guess
it'll be all right.

Good. Then, that is all settled.

But just to play safe, I'll
put a padlock on my Twimby.

Oh, I love your sense of humor.

Just... just... just love it.



Oh thank you, Bob. It
was a wonderful evening.

For me, too.

- Call you tomorrow.
- OK.

- Whoops!
- What's the matter?

Oh... I want to make sure that
you're locked up tight for the night.

Oh, I locked up before we left.

Well, you never
can be too careful.

I've got to think about
burglars, you know.

Oh, well... thanks Bob.

Well, you're right.

Everything's safe and secure.

Well, thank you very
much for your concern.

I always protect the
young and innocent.

Oh, Bob...

Goodnight, Lucy.

Goodnight, Bob. Thanks again.

Thank you.

You know, this Twimby
is a lot luckier than I am.

What do you mean?

He gets to stay,
I have to leave.

Oh you.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Oh!

Oh my... you almost
scared me to death.

Well, you didn't do
me any good either.

- What are you doing here?
- Well, what?

And what are you doing
with that other chair?

Yes, those are both
very good questions.

Oh, I'll get another
one for you.

- How did you get in?
- Yes.

Well... that is what... I...

Which... which question
are you working on?

Oh I guess I... I blew it.

I blew the surprise.

What surprise?

Lucy, I wanted you to come
downstairs tomorrow morning

and find that a little leprechaun
had popped in during the night

and left you a matching Twimby.

- Really?
- Oh yes, really, really.

Oh when... when I was
making you feel safe,

I was actually
unlocking the door.

Oh, you.

A matching Twimby, how
sweet and how thoughtful.

You know that you're the
nicest leprechaun I ever knew.

- Oh...
- And one of the sneakiest.

Oh, thank you.

Listen, Bob, I will just going
to make myself a pot of tea,

would you like to join me?

Oh, Faith and
Begorrah, I'd enjoy that.

But, being a leprechaun, would
you mind if I switch it to Irish whisky?

OK.

- Lucy, - Hmm?

- Do something for me.
- What?

Close your eyes

and you better cover them.

- Cover them?
- Yeah.

- You're not peeking now, are you?
- No.

All right. Now,
hold it, hold it.

What's going on?

Hold it, hold it.

Don't you...

Now, you can open them.

Oh, Bob...

Our second anniversary.

Oh...

We met two weeks ago.

What a tender thought and you
should know your anniversary.

First week, French toast,
second week cupcakes.

That's cute.

And lot cheaper than jewelry.

Yeah.

Oh, Lucy, I've enjoyed
every minute with you.

Me too.

Remember back
in the good old days,

back when I thought you were
only interested in me for my Twimby?

Well... close your eyes

- and make a wish.
- Yeah.

Now, blow out the candles.

You know what I wished?

I wish that time
would stand still.

That is a very
romantic thought, Lucy.

Not really.

I wanted it to be 1 o'clock
instead of 2 because

Harry is going to k*ll me
when I get back to the office.

I better call him and give
him some kind of an excuse.

Well, just tell him that you've
been captured by gypsies

and they're holding
you for ransom.

Oh, to Harry, that
wouldn't be an excuse.

That will be good news.

Oh, I know, don't
be... don't be long.

No, I won't.

Oh, Mr. Henning, thank
goodness I found you.

What's up, Kinkaid?

Philadelphia just called

and they raised their offer
for the Twimby to $6000.

You don't say.

But, sir, I don't... I don't see
that old gleam in your eye

that a big profit like
that used to bring.

Well, it could be the smog.

At the risk of being
insubordinate,

you've taken Mrs. Carter out almost
every night for the past two weeks

and had that ample time to
make up for the original Twimby.

Kinkaid, I know I promised
you a raise if I got the chair back.

- What I mean if...
- Stop bugging me.

It's lunchtime.

So, go lunch.

May I remind you.

Mark Anthony would have
gotten the job down in Egypt

if he hadn't bumped
into Elizabeth Taylor.

Kinkaid, sometimes, there are
more important things than money.

I'll have to go
and think that over.

- Burglar!
- Put down that chair!

- Stop!
- Get him, Bob. Get him.

Come back here,
you... Give me that.

Oh... Bob, why,
it's your salesman.

Who? Oh yes.

So it is.

Good evening folks and,
well, three is a crowd,

I'd better be going.

Hold it, hold it.

All of a sudden, I have
three matching Twimby's.

What are we playing,
musical chairs?

Kinkaid, I'll take care
of you in the morning.

Now leave and take
your chair with you.

You stay right here.

Would I seem too nosy if I ask
you why you broke into my house?

Mr. Henning, I was only trying
to protect you from yourself.

You are blowing a big sale because
you flipped your wig over Mrs. Carter.

There. I said it and I'm glad.

Well... I like the part
about you flipping your wig,

but what's this
about a big sale?

Lucy, I should've
told you sooner.

Told me what?

This chair that you bought,
it's... it is not a reproduction.

You see here?

- See this mark?
- Yeah.

- With the T, with two crosses?
- Yes.

That means that it's genuine.

It was actually made
by Harris Twimby himself

and it was originally owned
by George Washington

in his home in Mount Vernon.

Wow!

And I've got a buyer
who pays $6000 for it.

Oh no!

Oh, I've got to
confess something.

What?

I've got to confess to
you. I've been a heel.

That first night that you caught me,
I was trying to switch chairs on you,

but that was before
I got to know you.

I've had plenty of opportunities
since, to switch chairs,

but... but... well, I
guess as Kinkaid said

I've just flipped my
wig over you, Lucy.

Now Bob, I can't take
advantage of a mistake.

I bought it as a reproduction,
I'm giving it back to you.

No chance. No chance.

This is your Twimby.

Boy, if that ain't true wig
flippin' then I don't know what is.

What... what's going on here?

I was driving by and saw
the door opened with lights on

and some crazy man running
across the lawn with a chair.

- All right. Listen, Harry.
- What?

- Harry, remember this chair?
- Yeah, yeah.

- You said I was an idiot
for not selling it for $250?
- Yeah.

It's worth 6000.

$6000 for that?

Yes. And then some.

Who's the idiot now?

Me. Me am. I are. I is.

Oh, yeah.

- $6000... I can't believe 6000, Lucy...
- That's right, Harry.

Isn't that amazing?

Glue. Oh!

Get... get... get... get
hot, get a pot of hot glue.

Glue? I don't got any glue...