06x12 - Harry Catches Gold Fever

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy

Starring: Lucille Ball.

Co-starring: Gale Gordon.

Good morning,
Harry. Sorry, I'm late.

It's all right. All right.

[HUMMING]

What are you doing
with the maps, Harry?

Shh.

Wouldn't it be easier
to call the auto club?

Lucille, this happens to
be a very important project

that I was doing at home

and I brought it down here
for the finishing touches.

Oh, what kind of a project?

- Ah-ha!
- Wa-hoh!

It's southeast to the...

Eureka!

I found it.

Harry, for heaven's sake,

will you stop being
so mysterious.

What did you find?

Gold.

Gold?

Of course, we can't be
a hundred percent sure,

but according to
my calculations,

that is the perfect
spot to pan for gold,

in a forgotten section of
the mother lode country.

Gee.

Now. Let's see.

That section of the stream is a
property owned by Jed Tankley.

You even know who owns the land?

Oh yes, yes.

Gold, gold, gold.

Oh, you beautiful yellow stuff.

I'm coming to get you.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, lady luck,

lay some of the golden
nuggets on your Harry Baby.

Yeah, yeah.

Let’s lay some
on Lucy Baby, too.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Harry, take
me with you, please.

No.

Why not?

If anybody needs gold, I do.

Oh, won't you take
me along, Harry?

Won't you please, huh?

I won't be greedy.

I'll just ask for as much gold
as I can hold in two hands.

And see, I have very tiny hands.

I'll even cut my fingernails.

Oh, come on, Harry.
Take me along.

Maybe, I can help.

Maybe you can at that.

How?

Well, now, that stream
is on private property.

If the owner is reluctant to
give us permission to fish...

Fish?

Well, of course, that
will only be a cover-up.

Actually, we'll be
panning for gold.

Panning for gold?

Now, if he hesitates,

maybe, you could charm him

into giving us permission
to use the stream.

You finally recognize
that I have sex appeal.

That's very flattering.

Not necessarily, no.

No, you see, that's
wild country up there

and Tankley is
probably an old hermit

who's forgotten what a
woman even looks like.

I must really have gold fever.

I'm willing to accept
that as a compliment.

Yeah. Yeah...

Lucille, come on, come on.

Hurry up.

Will you watch
where you're going?

Why don't you watch
where you're standing?

Will you be a little more alert?

How can I when you got me
loaded down like a pack mule?

Well, all right.

You were the one who
wanted to come along.

You were the one
who wanted to help.

Just bear in mind
I am the big chief.

You are just the squaw.

Yeah.

How do you like to go
and sit on a smoke signal?

Temper, temper, temper.

Here, let me... let
me help you get...

- Let me get... And undo the...
- I'm trying. I'm trying.

Good, good, good.

Let me take
the... that's a girl.

Good.

- Oh...
- All right.

All right. Let’s
see if we can get...

Alright now...

All right. You can
straighten up now.

Then how come I don't?

Harry, put one hand
here, one hand back here,

and push.

- One hand there?
- Yeah.

- One hand here?
- Yeah.

- Push?
- And push.

Oh, good heavens. Those
trees go all the way up.

All right. All right, now.

- Lucille...
- What?

Remember, if Tankley is hesitant

about letting us fish
in that stream of his,

you turn on the charm
and charm him into it.

Yeah.

Yeah, Harry, is it fair to tell
him that we want to go fishing

on his property

when we're actually
panning for gold?

Shh, shh...

If he'd thought
there was gold here,

he'd wanted it all for himself.

But it's his land
and he certainly is...

Enough of your silly logic.

- That's going...
- Well, well... Howdy folks.

- Oh, howdy.
- Howdy.

You know, I ain't had company
since yesterday morning

when a couple of
bears came by to visit.

Bears?

Oh, bears ain't nothing
to worry about, ma'am.

You know, I never met a bear yet

that wasn't more scared of
people than they was of him.

Oh, that was before you met me.

Well, ma'am, if a
bear ever bothers you,

just mention my name.
They're all friends of mine.

- Oh?
- Yup.

Tankley is the name.

Jed Tankley.

- Oh, you're Mr...
- Jed Tankley.

Mr. Tankley. And
I'm Harrison Carter.

This is my sister-in-law,
Lucille Carter.

It's a pleasure to
meet you... Easy, easy.

Mr. Tankley, we were
wondering if we could fish

in your stream out there.

Well, I don't know about that.

Oh?

You see. I let other
people fish on my property

and they just litter up
the place something awful

and I'm kind of an ecology nut.

Oh, me, too. Me, too.

I'm an ecology...
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm an ecology cuckoo.
I'm really a cuckoo.

Well, ask... Lucille, tell him.

Oh yeah.

You can't find him any
more cuckoo than Harry.

Well, there's plenty of
other streams up here.

I'm sure you could
find someplace else.

Oh, oh...

Well, now.

Just so there's
no hard feelings,

let me go fetch you some cider.

I'll be right back.

Oh. Hmm.

Well, what did you
do with your charm?

Leaving it in your knapsack?

Listen, it isn't easy jumping
from pack mule to Playboy bunny.

Especially while you're in a
place where your neighbors

could eat you for dinner.

For heaven's sake, will
you forget about the bears?

We have got to get his
permission to fish in that stream?

Yeah, but why do you have
to be so sneaky about it?

Why can't you say
we're here to pan...

No, no! Shh... Shh.

I just want you
to be fair about it.

That's all.

Are you questioning
my ethics and integrity?

Yes, I'm questioning
your ethics and integrity.

Oh?

Well, you're not going to get an
answer from either one of them.

And don't worry.

If we find anything,
we'll give him a fair share.

Well, I'd like to know what
your idea of a fair share is.

Well...

- Oh my darling...
- Oh my darling Clementine...

- Oh, yeah...
- Oh.

OH, thank you sir,
very much. Thank you.

- A little cider for
you - There you are.

You know, I've
just been thinking.

Uh-huh?

You look like nice honest folks
who won't litter up the place.

- So...
- So?

Sure, you can fish in my stream.

Oh, thank you so
much. Thank you.

Oh he said, we
can... We can fish.

- Yeah.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, I know you don't know
how happy you've made me...

You know, I never knew a
man who loved to fish so much.

Yeah.

Lucille, look, look.
Isn't this beautiful.

Oh, yeah.

Gold. I'm getting so excited.

Oh, I knew, I knew
this was the place.

Watch your step.
Watch your step.

Watch your step. Come on.

Over there, we'll put our gear.

Over there, right
there. That's fine.

Oh, I could have
recognized this place,

just one of those
maps and everything.

- Really?
- Yeah, oh yes.

Oh, that air smells good.

Yeah, yeah.

I could almost smell the gold.

- Really?
- Oh yes.

And if my research
is accurate, this...

this is the perfect
spot to pan the gold.

- Really, Harry?
- Yeah, yeah.

- All right. Now, let's get organized.
- Yeah.

- First of all, we are
supposed to be fishing.
- Yeah.

Right.

Alright now, get the
fishing tackle there.

Here's your pole.

That's a girl.

Now then, let’s get
over there by that...

Yeah, watch out, your
hook is flying there.

Oh, well, that's all
right. Well, I have it.

Right here, right here.

That's it.

- Right here?
- Good, good.

Oh, no time at all. We're
going to be... alrighty.

Here, here you are.

Oh, no thanks,
Harry. I'm not hungry.

It's just as well.
These are worms.

Worms?

Hey, yeah... Come on,
come on, take it, take it.

Eh...

Lucille, take it and
put it on the hook.

Eh...

- Well, you're all set?
- Yeah, all set.

Oh, good, good, good.

And oh, you've already got that.

- Good.
- Yeah.

All right. Now, Lucille,

put your pole down,
rest it against the log.

- Like that?
- Just like that.

- OK.
- Yeah.

Now, if anyone comes along,

all we have to do is hide
our mining equipment

and we'll go and
pick up our rods.

- You see,
we have been fishing.
- Yeah.

- After all, we don't want the whole
world to know what we're doing.
- No.

OK.

Here we are, we're ready to go.

OK. What will I do?

- What?
- What will I do?

Oh, well.

The theory is, you see,

that you wash the sand
and the sediment away

and let the heavier
particles of gold

sink to the bottom of the pan.

The heavier part? I like that.

Yeah.

Yes, it's quite simple.

What you do, is you dip,

swish, swirl,

tilt, flip.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

Wow, where did
you ever learn that?

You look like a
fat Elvis Presley.

- We shall both
wind up as rich.
- Yeah.

All right, let's
try it together.

It's dip, swish,
swirl, tilt, flip.

OK.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

Well, if we don't find gold,

maybe, we can
bring back vaudeville.

Now, let's do it for real.

Yeah.

Oh, this is good.

Oh, ah-huh. Just right.

Is it deep?

No, no. Just right.

Just right. There, see?

All right.

Now, let's dip in
and pray for gold.

OK.

Ooh, it's cold.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

Well, I'm sorry, Harry.

I'm sorry.

I'd appreciate a little
more swish and less flip.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt.

- Harry, look.
- What?

- Something's shining.
- What?

- Shining?
- It's shining.

- Where? Where?
- Right here.

- Where?
- Here?

- Let me... Let me handle it.
- Is it Harry? Is it?

Is it gold, Harry? Is it?

No, no, no.

- Pyrites, pyrites.
- What?

That's what they
call fool's gold.

Oh, well, there should
be a big market for that.

There are a lot of fools around.

- That's true, but it is
absolutely worthless.
- Oh.

However, Lucille,
I have a feeling

that we're going to
find the real thing.

Oh, that would be nice.

Then I wouldn't have
to work for you anymore.

Oh, that gives me
another incentive.

Well, come on
now, let’s get at it.

Let’s get at it.

Uh...

Yup.

What happened?

Pollywog jumped out of my pan.

Oh, but you shouldn't
have let him get away.

Maybe, he had a
gold filling in its tooth.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

Dip, swish, swirl, tilt, flip.

- Harry?
- What?

I'm beginning to get hungry.

Well, have a sandwich and
then hurry back here to work.

Oh boy, just like in the office.

Harry, where are the sandwiches?

I can't find them.

Well, I haven't
even touched them.

Well, somebody
must have eaten them.

It wasn't me.

Well, maybe, it was a bear.

A bear?

Oh, come on.

Will you forget about
the sandwiches?

Come back here
and find some gold,

and you'll have a whole
picnic flown in from the Waldorf.

Come on.

Ah, Harry!

Harry, I'm sorry.

This is no time to
play pushy in the pool.

I thought I saw a bear.

Well, if I see a bear,

I'm going to cater
his next meal for him.

A redheaded smorgasbord.

Harry, I'm sorry, come on.

I don't know why I
ever let you come.

Come on. Come
on. You better dry off.

I don't like it. Whaa!

Oh Harry...

And I brought you up
here for your charm.

I'm sorry, Harry.

- You did that on purpose.
- I did not.

- Yes you did...
- You slipped.

I didn't slip at all.

And if I get my way, when I...

Wait. What, what. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What's the matter?

I think, I'm,
I'm... I'm positive.

This is gold.

Gold!

Shh.

We don't want to
start a gold rush.

It's beautiful.

We're rich.

- We struck gold, Harry.
- Yeah, yeah.

With nuggets this size,

this place must be worth

hundreds of
thousands of dollars.

Oh my darling, Oh my darling...

Sounds like Tankley.

Oh, wait until he hears,
won't he get excited?

Excited? Now, come on, come on.

Let's hide the evidence.

- Get out of there...
- What?

- Get over there and get fishing.
- What?

Go on, get fishing.

Fishing.

Go on, get, get.

Huh, that's it.

Fish.

Now, Harry.

I don't know what
you've got in mind,

but I'm depending on your
sense of fair play with Tankley.

Oh, goody. I'm
glad one of us is.

Just remember, I
discovered the gold.

He didn't.

Listen, if you think I'm
going to stand around

and let you swindle
that poor old man...

If you so much as
open your mouth,

you are bucking for bodily harm.

Really bucking.

[SINGING]

Oh, there you are.

How's it coming, folks?

A little slow. Got
a few nibbles.

Yeah, yeah, nibbles.

Oh, that's good.

Say, you've been skin diving?

No, he slipped.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, Jed,

this is a beautiful country
we got around here.

Yeah,

God did a real
fine job, didn't he?

Yeah.

I always had a hankering
for a spot like this.

Yeah, you know, you
can do a little fishing,

plant a turnip or two.

Own a little hunk
of Mother Nature.

Well, there's a little kind of
property for sale around here.

Yeah, I know, but
this particular spot,

this has really
caught my fantasies.

Ah, is it for sale?

Well, I might parcel
off an acre or so.

Of course, it couldn't
be worth very much.

I mean, undeveloped and

not a bit around as you said.

- Well, Harry, since you mentioned...
- You're bucking, you're bucking...

Hold this.

Jed,

why don't you and me
amble up to your cabin there

and have a little man
to man business talk?

Well, now, that
sounds all right to me.

Yes, sounds all right to me.

I'll amble right along with you.

I said man to man.

I don't see any mustache
sprouting on your lip.

Yes sir, Jed.

I always wanted a little
hunk of Mother Nature.

Well, if there's
anything we got up here,

it's plenty of little hunks.

Well, come on. I think we
could make something...

Well, all right.

You know, we
kind of think alike...

Keep fishing.

Watch your step over there.

Another nugget.

Oh...

A big nugget.

Whaaa!

Nobody is ever going to believe

I was mugged by a bear.

[SINGING]

Well, there it is.

All signed, sealed,
and delivered,

and it is all perfectly legal.

I am now the proud father of
a beautiful five-acre gold field.

Oh, and for your
participation in the adventure,

allow me to present
you with a gold nugget,

on today's market
worth about $32.

Gee, thanks.

Well, you were the one
who said you wanted no part

of the so-called ill-gotten gain

so you're stuck with that
and a clear conscience.

There's only one
thing that bothers me.

Somewhere up north,
there's a bear richer than I am.

Richer and smarter.

Oh, level with me, Harry.

How much did you pay
Tankley for those five acres?

There's nothing here that
says I have to divulge figures

to a nosy redhead

or whatever color it is today.

All right, how much, Harry?

All right, I'll satisfy
your burning curiosity.

Tankley drove a hard bargain.

This costs me $5,000.

Five thousand

and you said it was worth
hundreds of thousands.

Tidy little profit isn't it.

And you're not
ashamed of yourself?

Lucille, the Robber
Barons of the West

made this country
what it is today.

Good morning, folks.

Oh, Mr. Tankley,
how nice to see you.

Well, what are you
doing in town, sir?

I just closed a couple
more real estate deals.

Oh, a couple real
estate deals, huh?

Yeah. We're having more
neighbors up there, Harrison.

I sold four more parcels.

What started this land rush?

Gold.

Gold?

The high price
of gold brought it.

You see, I got fed up with people
swarming all over my property,

looking for gold
and not telling me

what they were looking for.

So, I fixed it
so they'd find it.

Fixed it so they'd find it?

Yep.

I salted the stream.

I beg your pardon?

Salted the stream.

I planted some
little nuggets in there

that they'd be able to find.

Uh-oh.

And when they wanted
to buy some of my land

without mentioning the
gold, I soak them pretty good.

Pretty smart.

Of course. They don't
apply to you, partner.

I mean, you wasn't
looking for gold.

You're a fisherman. A
lover of the great outdoors.

All you was hankerin' for was
a little hunk of Mother Nature,

right?

Sure, a little hunk
of Mother Nature.

Well, the reason I dropped in

was to ask the charming Ms. Lucy

if she would do the honor
of joining me for lunch.

Well, I'd be delighted.

In fact, I don't think my boss
will even realize that I'm gone

or that he's here.

So long, partner.

Yup, so long gold finger.