06x13 - Lucy and Chuck Connors Have a Surprise Slumber Party

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy

Starring: Lucille Ball

Co-starring: Gale Gordon

Lucille, do I have news.

Actually, Lucille,
I just got a call

from my friend Jerry Thompson.

Jerry Thompson?

He's a movie director.
He's doing a new picture.

Oh.

And there are some
scenes that take place

in an upper middle
class living room

and guess who's upper
middle class living room

they are going to use?

- Mine?
- Exactly.

Oh, did you hear
that, living room?

You're going to be a movie star.

Yeah. They're going
to pay $200 a day

and they may need the
room for three or four days.

$200 a day, oh Harry.

It's so sweet of you to
do all of this just for me.

I can't get over it.

Well, it wasn't
exactly just for you.

As your living room's
agent, I get 10%.

I should have known.

Who's in the movie?
Give me a hint.

Well, I'll tell you.

No, no, you know
how I love to guess.

All right, all right, all
right, all right, all right.

All right, now, let me see.

Who was it at a
presidential reception

who picked up Secretary
Brezhnev of the Soviet Union?

Who picked up
Secretary Brezhnev?

The CIA?

Lucille, don't you read anything

except the funny papers?

Give me another hint?

Alright, let me see...

Oh, what name comes to
mind when I mention the word

thrill seekers?

People who drive the
freeway at rush hour.

All right, Lucille, this
is your last final hint.

It's Chuck Connors.

You told me.

Oh, you told me.

Why did you have
to tell me Chuck...

Chuck Connors,

right here in my living
room for three whole days?

Now, now, Lucille,

I don't want you bothering
Mr. Connors while he's here.

Harry, please, I have my pride.

Would I do a thing like that?

Yes.

Well, don't worry. I'll behave.

And another thing, don't
go blabbing to all your friends

that Chuck Connors
is in your house.

My lips are sealed.

Ooh, what a lovely thought.

Well, I have to be going,
I have a dinner date.

- Oh well, goodnight Harry.
- Goodnight.

- Have fun.
- I will.

And thank you.

Mary Jane,

guess who's living room
might win an Oscar?

Now let's move some of
this furniture out of the way

for the first shot.

That table and chair,
put them in kitchen.

OK.

Oh, pardon me, Mr. Thompson

but if you take out my
coffee table and chair,

how will my friends recognize
my living room on the screen?

Hey Jerry, how are you?

Hi, Chuck.

How are you, Chuck?

- Glad to see you.
- Nice to see you.

Hey, this is a great location.

Well, thank you.

Oh, Chuck, this is Mrs. Carter.

It's her house we're using.

- Hello, Mrs. Carter.
- How do you do Mr. Connors?

I am so glad to meet you

and I want you to make
yourself right at home.

Well, thank you Mrs. Carter.

You know what, I've
done so many Westerns,

this will be the
first time in years

I've made a picture
without getting saddle sores.

Saddle sores, that's funny.

He's a funny man.

You know, Mr. Connors, I've
been a big fan of yours for years

and I've seen all
of your pictures.

Oh, and I used to watch The
Rifleman on TV all the time.

Well, that's very nice.

- In fact, I've watched...
- Mrs. Carter,

we're trying to make a movie.

Mr. Connors doesn't
have time for all that.

Oh now just a minute Jerry,
Mr. Connors can take the time.

Shall we?

Shall we?

Are you saying that you watch
my reruns three or four times?

Oh yes

and I want to tell you, you played
the part of Lucas McCain to a T

and the way you raised
your son all by yourself

after your wife died,
I'll never forget that.

I just wept all to pieces.

It was so touching
and you were so brave.

Now, now, now, Mrs.
Carter, it was just a TV series.

I know, I know but it was
so believable and so sad.

Now, now, now, why don't you
get yourself a cup of coffee, huh?

And try and pull
yourself together.

OK.

All right everybody. Let's
get ready for scene 10.

Oh, before I go Mr. Connors,
could I ask you something?

Sure.

Why did you pickup
Secretary Brezhnev?

Well, I guess
because he was there.

Oh.

Well, that's a very good reason.

Now Chuck, I thought we'd start
with you sleeping on the couch.

The doorbell rings,
it's a detective.

He has come to arrest you.

You wake up, walk
to the door, open it.

You want to run through it?

No need, Jerry.

I'm pretty good at sleeping,
waking, walking, and opening.

OK.

That's good.

Now, is the detective set
outside the door, Greg?

- All set.
- All right, let's go.

All right, quiet on the set.

Roll it.

Scene 10, take one.

Action!

I'll get it.

I'm Lt. Turner. I'm...

Cut! Cut!

k*ll the camera!

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Were you filming?

Well, yes, that was
more or less the purpose

of our little visit here.

Oh dear, I'm sorry.

When I heard the bell,
I just naturally thought

it was one of my friends.

Of course, I don't know
why any of them would be

dropping in here today.

Yes.

The next time you hear
the bell, Mrs. Carter,

you'll know it's just
pretend, won't you?

Yes, of course.

I'm really awfully
sorry, Mr. Connors.

Oh, no harm done.

This way, I get to
take another nap.

Well, you're awfully
sweet to take it that way.

I've always heard that
you were a very nice guy

- but I wouldn't say...
- Mrs. Carter!

Mrs. Carter!

Yes?

Oh.

All right, let's take
it again from the top.

All right, settle
down everybody.

Roll it.

Scene 10, take two.

Action!

Is Lucy Carter here?

Cut!

Oh, I knew you were
making a movie here

but I never dreamed
you'd open the door.

- Mary Jane.
- Oh, Lucy.

For heaven's sake,
don't you know enough

not to interrupt the scene
when they're filming?

Is he really that tall?

Oh, come on.

How did she get up to that door?

I have no idea but it
won't happen again.

All right, we've
got the first part.

Just take it from the door.

Everybody,

roll it!

Scene 10, take three.

Action!

I'm Lt. Turner.

I'm afraid you'll have to come
down to headquarters with me.

I'll get my coat.

Cut!

What's the matter now?

There are four beady little eyes

looking through
the kitchen door.

Mrs. Carter...

Yes?

I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Connors.

We had no idea that one
teensy peak would hurt.

One teensy peak...

Good morning!

How are you Jerry?
How is everything going?

Thanks a lot, Harry.

What has she done now?

Now Harry, don't go
jumping to conclusions.

I don't know what
he's so upset about.

This isn't going to work.

We're going to have to
move to another location.

That won't be necessary.

Lucille will move
to another location.

Now, listen Harry,

you can't make me
leave my own house.

Just watch me.

Just watch me and see whether

you move from your own house.

You will get out of here...

All right, let's
get it this time.

Go on, the same scene again.

All right everybody.

This one is a take.

Roll it!

Scene 10, take four.

Action!

I'm Lt. Turner.

I'm afraid you'll have to come
down to headquarters with me.

I'll get my coat.

Jerry, you didn't introduce
me to Chuck Connors.

Cut!

Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut...

Boy, am I bushed.

I sure hate to think of that
long drive home to the beach.

Why don't you stay here?

Here?

We've paid for the house
until tomorrow morning.

Hey, I might do that.

If you get hungry, there are
about 19 slices of apple pie

in the refrigerator that
the commissary sent over.

Apple pie sounds good.

- Here's your briefcase, Jerry.
- Thanks.

Everything is cleaned up.

- Night, Chuck.
- Night.

Hey, that looks good.

Yeah.

You know, a guy could get
the feeling home around here.

I better wash up first then
I'm going to come back

and have my pie
and look at some TV.

I think one of your old
pictures is on tonight,

Good Morning, Miss Dove.

Jennifer Jones.

Hey, I'm going to look at that.

It's one of the few times I
ever got to nuzzle somebody

besides a horse.

Goodnight, Jerry.

Goodnight, Chuck. I'll
see you in the morning.

Hello?

Hi, Harry!

Oh, it's you.

Yeah. Well, I just wanted to
let you know I'm home again

in case you were worried.

Wait a minute.

What are you doing
at your house anyway?

Oh, well, I just happened
to call up here this afternoon,

you know, to see
how things were going

and they told me that they
were winding up sh**ting tonight.

So, I decided to come home.

I missed my little house.

Well, for heaven's sake.

Now really, I'm so
happy to be back.

Oh, and speaking of happiness...

- Yes?
- Goodbye.

Hi, house!

Boy, I guess I'm more
bushed that I thought.

I'm going to bed.

Hello?

Harry, this is Lucille.

Who else?

Listen, Harry!

The darndest things
have been happening.

Somebody keeps leaving
pieces of pie around the house.

Pieces of pie?

Yes.

First, I found one piece of pie
and then I found another one.

Well, it's probably
the pie fairy.

The pie fairy?

Yeah.

You know, you put a
tooth under your pillow

and when you fall asleep,

the fairy takes it and
leaves a piece of pie.

All right, Harry, if you're
going to talk silly like that,

I'm going to hang up.

Oh, thank you.

Aaahhhh!

Oh, Chuck Connors.

Mr. Connors, Mr. Connors,

I'm sorry.

Mr. Connors...

Hello, Lucille...

Harry, Harry, something
awful has happened.

I just found Chuck
Connors sleeping in my bed.

And you're complaining?

Harry, now listen,

I was so scared,

I hit him over the head
and knocked him out.

I don't believe it.

Believe me, Chuck Connors
is out cold on the floor.

Now, what are we going to do?

We?

Yes.

Now, don't you forget this
whole thing was your idea

and when he wakes up,

he may sue us for
as*ault and battery.

Ah, ah, let me think a minute.

Did he see you when you hit him?

No. I hit him from behind.

Good girl.

Cowardly but good.

- Now, I tell you what to do.
- What? What? What?

You have got to get him back
into bed before he wakes up.

Well, what good will that do?

Well, then you clear
out of the house

and they'll never know that
you have anything to do with it.

OK, I'll do it. Goodbye.

No! No! No!

Don't... don't hit him again!

I'm not going to hit him.

I'm trying to hitch him to
the bedpost and he broke it.

Oh.

Well, I figured I better
come over and help you.

I knew you'd
botch it by yourself.

Well, it's not my
fault he's so big.

Never mind. Never
mind all of that.

Now, we've got to get him back
into bed before he wakes up.

Yeah. Well, if he does,
maybe I'll have to hit him again.

No! Don't even think about it.

For heaven's sake.

- Now, I'll take his head,
you take his feet.
- Yeah.

OK.

- Oh, he's a big one.
- He's a big one.

Wait, wait, wait,

for heaven's sake,
don't drop him

or he'll go clear
through the ceiling.

On two...

Get up, Harry! Get up!

Give me the scissors.

Sciss, sciss...

He has more legs
than a centipede.

I wonder if he sleeps with his
arms under or over the covers.

What difference does it make?

Come on, let's get out of here.

- Come on!
- Yeah.

Now, when he wakes up,

- he'll think he dreamed
the whole thing.
- Yeah.

Oh no he won't.

Oh, Mr. Connors,

how long have you been awake?

Right before you gave me my
teddy bear and tucked me in.

Well, I know it looks
bad but we can explain.

I can hardly wait.

Yeah.

Go ahead, Lucille,
tell him what you did.

Well, Mr. Connors,

I found out that you
were finished sh**ting

so I came home early

and I was so tired, I
went to bed without

taking the time
to turn on the light.

And then, well, suddenly,
you snored and I screamed,

then you woke up... I
had no idea who you were

and I hit you over the head.

Oh.

That explains this
terrible headache.

Yeah. Well, I'm
awfully sorry about that.

I wouldn't blame you
if you were furious

but are you going to sue us?

No, I wouldn't do that

but there is one thing
that upsets me though.

What's that?

I never knew I snored.

Well, I'm sorry to
be the one to tell you.

Well then, do you forgive me?

Oh, what's to forgive?

Oh, you're wonderful.

Oh, I'd kiss you if
I could reach you.

You're sure lighter
than Mr. Brezhnev

and a whole lot cuter.

Oh.