06x21 - Lucy and Phil Harris Strike Up the Band

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] Here's Lucy

Starring: Lucille Ball

Co-starring: Gale Gordon

Carter's Unique
Employment Agency,

Harrison Carter speaking.

Well, the check is in the mail

but I'll tell my secretary
about it when she comes in.

Goodbye.

Carter's Unique
employment Agency,

Harrison Carter speaking.

Well, I'm sorry for the delay
but the check is in the mail.

Goodbye.

It's in the mail.

Good morning, Lucille.

Well, Harry, I must say
that the nicest greeting

I've ever had from you.

Business is so bad,

it's a thrill to see anyone
come through that door.

Oh, come on now, Harry,
don't be so negative.

Oh, why shouldn't I be negative?

Creditors calling all morning.

I've been stalling them by telling
them their checks are in the mail.

Hey, good thinking.

Mail deliveries
are so slow today,

it will keep us off the
hook for about a month.

Bills seem to be
delivered on time.

Oh, they sure do.

I don't know when I've
ever felt so depressed.

Now, Harry, we're
not going to get

anywhere taking
a defeatist attitude.

We just got to knuckle down.

Get in there and pitch.

Remember the old saying,

when the going gets
tough, the tough gets going.

I like that.

Yes, we have got
to take the initiative.

- You know what I will do?
- What?

I think I'll call the
personnel manager

of the North Shore
Insurance Company

and invite him to lunch.

Promote a little business.

That's the spirit.

Yeah. We'll do it.

We'll get going.

We're going to...

Lucille, after
that big pep talk,

I can't understand why you
are reading the newspaper

instead of buckling
down to business.

This is business.

It's an article
about Mr. Harris.

Oh, Mr. Harris?

Yeah, Phil Harris
the entertainer.

I know who he is.

What's it got to do with us?

Alright, listen,

"Phil Harris, popular star,
stage, screen, and television

is taking a sentimental journey
back into the music business.

Between Las Vegas engagements,

Phil is organizing a big band

to encourage the increasing
popularity of this kind of music."

So what?

Alright, now let me finish.

"The former maestro has been
engaged by the Club International

to inaugurate a big band
policy for this popular nightspot.

He is looking for musicians
with big band knowhow

to augment his orchestra
now in rehearsal."

I still don't see what
that has to do with us.

We don't handle musicians.

Oh, yes we do.

We do?

Yeah, remember?

We have a lot of clients
who used to be musicians

but got into different
kinds of work

when the trend in music changed.

Now listen, I could go over to
where Phil Harris is rehearsing

and just see what kinds
of musicians he needs.

Well, that's a good idea.

- Get on it right away.
- Yes, sir!

Go, go!

- Oh, and Lucille...
- Yeah?

Before you go,

remember the $10 you
borrowed from me last week?

Oh, I certainly do.

Well, since I may be
taking a client out to lunch,

I could use it.

I'll bet you could.

Let me have it please.

It's in the mail.

♪ Is it true what they
say about the Swanee

♪ Is the dream by
that stream so sublime

♪ Do they love, do they laugh

♪ Like they say in every song

♪ If it's true

♪ That's where I belong.

Hey, hi, thanks.

I love those standing ovations.

Well, you deserve it.

You know, I'm one
of your biggest fans.

Well, that makes
me one of yours too.

- Hey, take five, huh guys.
- Thank you.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Mr. Harris, I bet you
don't remember me.

Well, not exactly but

- I got a feeling that
we have met before.
- Yeah.

I am the lady who had you
autograph my program last summer

when you were playing
The Frontier in Las Vegas.

Oh, one of those fans who
dropped backstage after the show.

No.

Before the show?

No.

No, I got it during the show.

I remember you now.

You're the girl that stepped
in the champagne bucket

- trying to get up on the stage.
- Yes, I'm sorry.

- You little devil.
- Well, I didn't mean...

I thought I knew you.

I didn't mean to
interrupt your act

but I had to get
back to Los Angeles

and my schedule just
didn't allow time for me

to go backstage after the show.

Oh, I guess you were in a
hurry to get to the airport, huh?

No, the bus station.

You like the scenic route, huh?

- Well, you get a much longer
ride for your money.
- Yes.

You know, I showed everybody
on the bus your autograph.

I even got up and did
your whole act for them.

Did I stop the show?

You even stopped the bus.

Now, don't tell me
that the driver stopped

to give me some applause, huh?

No, to tell me to sit down.

You know, it's nice
seeing you again.

Could I do something for you?

Well, Mr. Harris,
I'm Lucy Carter

and I work for the Unique
Employment Agency

and I read in here that you
were looking for musicians

for the big band
you are organizing.

That's right and I still
have quite a few spots to fill.

Yeah. Well, we have a lot
of clients who were musicians

and are now in
other kinds of work

and so, I thought
maybe I could help.

Well, maybe you can.

What kind of
musicians do you have?

All kinds, what
kinds that you need?

- Well, I need a piano player.
- Uh-huh.

- And I need a guy that plays
sax that can double on clarinet.
- Hmm-hmm.

I need a trumpet player,

- a guitar player, - Yeah.

And a percussionist.

Percussionist?

Yes, honey. You see, that's
someone to augment the rhythm,

you know the section.
The guy who plays like...

Well, maybe maracas
or wood blocks or claves.

Or what?

Claves, honey.

A guy who hits things
together like that...

- Oh, you mean one of those?
- That's it.

- Oh, yeah. OK.
- That wasn't hard, was it?

How do you spell percussionist?

Honey, If I knew how to
spell them kind of words,

do you think I'd have
gotten into this racket?

Well, I'll spell it by ear.

Yeah, take your shot at it.

Alright. Now, Mr. Harris, I'll
get back to you this afternoon.

Where will you be?

Well, if I'm not rehearsing,

you'll find me downstairs
working with my arranger.

Oh, alright.

I'll do everything I
can to help, Mr. Harris.

Thank you.

And I just want to
tell you something,

I really am very excited about
being associated with you.

You know, I have been
a fan of yours ever since

the Wilshire Bowl.

The Wilshire Bowl?

Yes, when you first
started with a band.

I used to go there to dance.

Dance, you couldn't have
been old enough to walk.

Oh, no wonder
you're so well liked.

You know something,

I was there the night
Alice Faye came in

and you met her
for the first time.

- Were you really?
- Yes.

And I'll never forget it.

When I got there, there was
a lot of excitement going on

and they told me it was because
Alice Faye had just come in

five minutes before I got there

and she was sitting ringside
when you came out onstage

and you looked down at her

and she looked up
at you and just think...

What?

Had I gotten there
five minutes sooner,

it might have been me.

When I got time,
I'll think about that.

Well, Mr. Harris,
I'm going to get busy

trying to find these
musicians for you.

Well, gee whiz,
that will be great.

I'll appreciate it.

You know something, I have
always loved show business

and I'm sure I'll enjoy
being in the music part of it.

Oh, I think you'll like it a lot
better than playing those busses.

OK. I'll see you later.

Hey, I'm going to
be looking for you.

- Oh, thank you.
- Don't forget to come back.

No, you...

Bye.

Wilshire Bowl?

Look, Fred, in bars 31
and 32, the turnaround,

can you put me
some brass in there?

Sure.

- Hi.
- Hey, Red, you made it, huh.

- Yes.
- Come in.

- Mr. Harris...
- Yeah.

This gentleman is Merryl Young.

He's a pianist.

- Nice to know you.
- How do you do?

Mr. Young has been
working as an accountant

but he's an excellent musician.

Uh-huh, where was your last gig?

I beg your pardon?

I mean, where did you work last?

Oh, the Boston Philharmonic.

Well, don't get
uptight about it.

Everybody has got
to start somewhere.

Yes.

Hey, do you think you
can play some music

from my side of the tracks?

I think so. What
would you like to hear?

Well, anything between
Bach and Rock, man.

Come over and lay
something on me here.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?

Oh, you're right in the groove.

Hey look, we're going to
have a rehearsal at 3:00,

would you like to come
and sit in with the guys?

- Fine.
- Oh, good.

And I brought over
a clarinet player,

- I think, you'll like.
- Uh-huh.

Merryl, would you
send in Mr. Yamoto?

- All right.
- OK.

Mister... wait, mister who?

Mr. Yamoto.

He just came to this country.

For years, he was a
feature clarinet player

with a big orchestra in Tokyo.

- Oh, from Tokyo.
- Yeah, he's Japanese.

- Oh, I figured that.
- Yeah.

Mr. Yamoto, this
is Mr. Phil Harris.

Hi.

- Hey, Fred, give him a
clarinet book there - Sure.

And let him have
a shot at it, huh?

Here you go pal, right there.

He's very good.

He must be.

He ain't hit a note and
he's already taking bows.

Well, that's just his
way of being polite.

Mr. Yamoto is very shy.

- Oh, he is?
- Uh-huh.

- Well, maybe I could
make him feel at home.
- Would you?

Mr. Yamoto, you speak English?

I speak several languages.

I like this cat.

Oh, alright, baby.
Start at bar 32.

Right on, man.

You're out of sight, Yomy.

Oh, you're beautiful.

You're clear off...

Hey, how about that guy,
just tell him to show up.

He's got the job.

Oh, great. I'm so
glad you like him.

Oh, I really do.

How about that?
Pretty good, huh?

You know something, Fred.

When I first met this dame,

I thought she was the worst kook
that anybody could ever run into,

you know, with that...

but you know something,
she ain't made a mistake.

She laid two on us.

Well, I hope she got
a lot more ammunition.

We've got some
more spots to fill.

I know that but I want to...

- Ah, Mr. Harris...
- Oh, yes.

Mr. Yamoto said he's thrilled
with the opportunity to work

in such a wonderful club

and he'd like to know how much.

Well, tell him I pay
the boys doubled scale.

Oh, he wasn't
talking about salary.

He wants to buy the building.

The building?

Ooh, I wish he was
handling my money

instead of Alice's brother.

Beautiful, huh?

Hey, you got anymore goodies?

Oh, yes sir. I've
located a guitar player.

He works as a
plumber during the day.

- A plumber?
- Hmm-hmm.

What does he want
to do with strumming

when plumbing pays
about $80 an hour?

Well, he just wants
to be a musician.

Sometimes at night, he
subs with Les Brown Band.

Oh, well I see.

Well, if he's good enough
for the Les Brown Band,

I'll take him already.

Oh, good. He's
name is Malacolua.

- Malacolua?
- Yeah, he's Hawaiian.

Oh, look honey,

are you from the
employment agency

or the United Nations?

Well, now Mr. Harris, the
reason we have so many clients

from different ethnic groups.

It's because we've
had so much success

with the Equal
Opportunity Program

that we just naturally
attract a lot of minorities.

Well, I'm all for that.

If it wasn't for opportunity,

I might be stringing beads
back at Wounded Knee.

Doing what?

I'm an Indian.

I didn't know that.

I don't let it get around.
They might cut off my whiskey.

Oh.

Well, shall I get Malacolua?

No, no... they might tell...
They might cut off my whisky.

Look, you like that huh, pastel?

Listen, let me tell
you something.

You know, I like you.
Gee, I'm glad you came by.

Any guy that's good enough
to play with Les Brown

doesn't have to try out.

Just tell him to
be here at 3:00.

Oh, fine. Now, what
about Pancho Rodriguez?

What about him?

Well, he's a trumpet player

and he was with Herb
Alpert and the Tijuana Brass

before he was let go
and he's very good.

Well, if he was so good,
how come they let him go?

Well, Herb Alpert believes
in equal opportunity

so he didn't think it was right to
have all Mexicans in the band.

Well, whatever is fair. Tell
him to be here at 3:00 too.

- 3:00, yes sir.
- Yeah.

Oh, now there's one more.

I'm ready for anything
now. Lay it on me.

Ukalanuka.

Ukalahua?

Ukalanuka, he's an Eskimo.

- An Eskimo?
- Ah-huh.

What does he do?

- He plays whale bones.
- Not for me he doesn't.

- Now, now, Mr. Harris...
- No, no, no, lady.

I've gone along with these...

Mr. Harris, he's
number one in his field.

Who's number two?

But he's really very good.

Look, what has he ever done?

Well, back in Alaska,

he played a couple
of one-night-stands,

worked steady all the time.

How can you call a
couple of one-night-stands

working steady, now tell me.

Mr. Harris, up
there, the nights are

- six months long.
- Six months long.

I knew you were
going to say that.

Well now, at least you
could give him a chance.

All right. Tell him to be
here at 3:00 too, all right?

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Hey, but if it doesn't
work out Red,

don't forget I'm an Indian.

What's that got to do with it?

I'm going to make a
rain on your day off.

Oh.

- Hi.
- Pastel.

Hi, Mr. Harris.

Red, you're pretty enough to
be in pictures, you know that?

Oh, thank you.

I just stopped back to wish
you luck and look what I brought.

Yeah, what's that all
about? I was wondering.

Well, an article I read in the
afternoon paper gave me an idea

so I just rushed down and
bought a lot of costume.

Look, Red, listen to me.

I hired these guys
because they can play.

I know, I know but it still
creates a lot of excitement,

you know, an interest

so I thought it would be
very colorful if for instance,

Pancho Rodriguez wore a
sombrero or maybe a serape

and Malacolua could wear
a Hawaiian shirt and a lei.

Hold it, hold it. Now,
wait a minute, honey.

Wait a minute now.

These guys can play.
Let's not hook it up, huh?

That's not hooking it
up. That's showmanship.

Hey, now look honey,
when we get out there tonight,

I want these guys to look
like a band, not a travelogue.

Well, Mr. Harris, I went to such
a lot of trouble and remember,

I helped you put
this band together.

All right, all right.

- Hey, Phil, Phil...
- Yeah, what?

I just came from out
front, we got a big problem.

Now, what's the trouble?

Well, the house is a sellout

but the customers
won't come in the joint

because there's a
picket line out front.

- Picket line?
- Yeah.

It seems you left out
one minority group

and they're picketing the place.

What group?

Women's Lib.

Women's Lib?

Yeah, they are sore because

we haven't got one
single dame on the show.

Oh fine. Now, you see
what you have done to me.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Harris.

I wish there was
some way I could help.

Oh, you're going to help.
You're going to help alright.

Look Fred, go out in front

and tell them to add another
name to that marquee.

What name?

Special guest star Lucy Carter.

Me? What will I do?

Who cares, you're
a dame aren't you?

You look like one.

Now, look Fred,
get going out there

and also tell them to hold
that curtain for half an hour

because I'm going to have
to rehearse this redhead here.

Rehearse me?

Well, I'll figure out
some place to fit you in.

Oh, really?

Well, you know, this
is really kind of exciting.

I just hope it's better than the
act you did on the bus, that's all.

Well, I just hope I
can go through with it.

Oh, all of a sudden,
I've got butterflies...

Wait a minute now, this is
no time to get stage fright.

Now, you're not
going to let me down.

But I'm so nervous.

When I get out there,
I'll be shaking like a leaf.

You just shake
in the right places

and you might get 52
straight weeks, mom.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Club International
inaugurates its new big bond policy.

Presenting the star of our show,

Mr. Phil Harris.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

♪ Now, here's the kind of music

♪ That was my background

♪ Now, this is the nicest music

♪ That I've ever found

♪ And it makes me mighty happy

♪ To know that it's still around

♪ So I invite you
all to have a ball

♪ And listen to
the big band sound

♪ Now, back in the big band days

♪ Gimmick songs
were all the craze

♪ We're going to lay
one on you for a starter

♪ She's pretty, Ms. Lucy Carter

♪ The stars at night
are big and bright

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas

♪ The purple sky
is wide and high

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas

♪ Now, the sage in
bloom is like perfume

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas

♪ The one I love
is the one I love

♪ Deep in the heart of Texas

♪ Now, here's the
number that I hope you know

♪ Introduced many years ago

♪ Won't you come
with me to Alabamy

♪ Let's go see my dear old Mammy

♪ She's frying eggs
and broiling hammy

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ Now there you
can make no mistakey

♪ Where those
nerves are never shaky

♪ Ought to taste
that layer cakey

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ She's got baked
ribs and candied yams

♪ Sugar-cured Virginia hams

♪ A basement
full of the berry jams

♪ And that's what I
like about the South

♪ Petticoats of crinoline

♪ Corset stays that holds you in

♪ It hurts to breathe
but you feel so thin

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ Men have names like Beauregard

♪ Tipped their hat
when they pass your yard

♪ They act so cool
but they fall hard

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ It's far away
from where it snows

♪ So the women wear less clothes

♪ They kiss with their
lips and not their nose

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ Women here don't bow to men

♪ They control
the where and when

♪ They love for
love and not the Yen

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ They take it slow in every way

♪ They know to hurry doesn't pay

♪ The day mañana is yesterday

♪ That's what I
like about the South

♪ Kisses

♪ Yes, you ought to see
them Dixie folks romance.

♪ Hugging?

♪ Oh momma, you ought
to see them when they dance

♪ Never lonely never blue

♪ Long as one and one is two

♪ You got me and I got you

♪ And that's what
we like about the South

♪ Now, these guys
know what it's all about.

♪ I want you to listen
to the music they dish out.

♪ Now, here's a Dorcy tone
sliding out of a slack trombone.

♪ Go ahead, Tom.

♪ Here's a great big band name.

♪ My man, Harry James.

♪ How about that licorice stick

♪ When Benny
Goodman takes a lick

♪ Hey, look out now

♪ Here he comes, the sound
to groove on, on the drums

♪ Get grooving now.

♪ A little Ellington
if you please.

♪ Listen to the
Duke attack them keys

♪ Remember back
about the jitterbug

♪ I think they
call it cutting a rug

♪ Pump it all together

♪ Put it in the lump

♪ Count Basie, one o'clock dump