01x02 - k*ll Scene

[bunniefuu]

This programme

contains some scenes

which some viewers

may find upsetting,

strong language and

discriminatory language

We're down to the last

tape - Nightmare Maker.

How about hitting up that

sexy pen pal of yours?

We're going to England. She

has the tape - Nightmare Maker!

We get the tape, we sell the

collection, we pay back the money.

How do we pay for the

ferry, the bus, everything?

Your sister.

You shitheads want

to come to a party?

Someone call an ambulance!

Soon as I get my

cut, I'm moving out.

Excuse me?

Her cut?

WHISPERED: What?

WHISPERED: Oh, my God.

WHISPERED: What?

ZOE!

SHIP HORN BLOWS, SEAGULLS SQUAWK

For the love of God

NEWSREADER: Tonight's

Sixty Minute headlines -

with the miners back at work,

anger is still in the air.

We'll be reporting

from one community

who are finding it

hard to move on.

Five months out from

the September deadline,

we'll be looking at what

video classification means

for the so-called video nasties.

Police appear no closer to

catching the IRA bombers

who k*lled five people

in Brighton last October.

Tensions remain high, with soldiers

posted in airports and harbours

to prevent further attacks.

Can I have that?

No, it's mine. No, the bag.

f*ck's sake, Con.

This happens every

time we get the bus.

We're not even moving yet.

Just stick your fingers down

your throat and be done with it.

No.

You'll make yourself miserable,

and it'll come out eventually.

OK, just be cool.

Would you relax?

He doesn't care about your

tapes. He won't go near you.

Why not?

I'm not being funny,

but you don't exactly look

like you're in the IRA.

Nice arse, all the same.

So, what's the plan?

I want to know we're

going to get this done.

And then what?

You're going to move out,

sleep on a park bench,

become one of those

crazy bag ladies?

Are you going to tell

me what we're doing,

or is this going to

be the kind of trip

where I have to hold your

dicks every time you piss?

What the f*ck, Zoe?!

That's your brother!

When we get off the bus, we walk

to Ashdale, pitch up on a campsite,

then we meet her in the

pub tomorrow at lunchtime.

Our three tapes for

her Nightmare Maker.

Done deal.

I'm sure you'll find

a way to f*ck it up.

CON RETCHES, BREATHES HEAVILY

OK, I know what'll cheer you up.

Top five k*ll scenes.

Jesus.

Um, Leatherface.

The first k*ll on Kirk,

when it comes straight

out of nowhere.

OK, although it's

formally quite basic.

For me, Halloween.

The opening POV shot when mini

Michael Myers kills his sister.

Oh, you like the

sister K*llers, do you?

Depends on the sister, Zoe.

The Omen - Damien

k*lling his nanny.

Technically, she kills herself.

Yeah, but he makes her do it.

I'll allow it.

Er, Suspiria with the

stained-glass window.

Yes! Yes!

The score, the lighting,

that sound design!

Oh, that rhythm, every

time she gets stabbed!

Oh, for f*ck's sake!

I'm sick of listening

to this sh*t!

Do any fellas get

k*lled in these films,

or are they all just

sexist and rapey?

What is she talking about?

They're k*ll scenes.

No-one's even in the nip.

How disappointing!

That's not what

I'm watching for!

Some of them are just funny.

I mean, Evil Dead is

basically just slapstick.

OK, yeah, well, when

they're not funny,

when some girl's just getting

stabbed over and over again,

do you look away at all?

Or do you feel a little

tingle in your trousers, hmm?

What the f*ck, Zoe?

We're trying to

enjoy ourselves here.

And I didn't say we

liked all of them.

Some of them are sh*t,

they're just on the list,

they're part of the collection.

You didn't answer. What do you do

when you're watching that sh*t?

What do you do?

All right, then - you

answer if he won't. Go on.

I close my eyes and

I say a prayer, OK?

Oh, of course you do.

Leave me alone.

Really?

Cos I've never seen you do that.

Yeah, cos you never look away.

Yeah, that's because

I can take it.

Is that not the

whole f*cking point?

What do you know, anyway?

You're the freak who locked

herself in her bedroom for a month.

Hmm.

Oh. Zoe

..what are you doing home?

Uh, free last class. You?

I, uh

I clocked off early, you know?

I needed to lie down.

TOILET FLUSHES

Is Mam home? I

didn't see her car.

FROM BEHIND DOOR: Come on, Frankie!

Let's have a ride in the shower.

Go to your room.

GO TO YOUR ROOM!

For the lady

..and the gentleman.

Come on, Abe, you don't

need to be so polite.

We go way back.

This is respect.

I don't do polite.

And it's A-be,

like it always was.

There's no milk.

Jesus, Frank, it's

a foreign thing.

There's no biscuits either. Is

that a foreign thing as well?

QUIETLY: Don't be talking

about the biscuits.

We've bigger fish to fry.

Let me get this straight.

No sign of Zoe.

Her friends haven't seen her.

They won't tell you

anything about the party.

You called the Scouts and

there's no camping trip,

and Billy said he was gone

camping with Con, so

They've all done

a runner together.

Yeah, but where?

And why would Zoe go with them?

I knew we shouldn't have said all

that stuff about grounding her.

Really?

Do you want to do this again?

It's fine.

I can wait until you have

finished quarrelling.

Billy said he was going camping.

He plans to be back.

These boys know

what they are doing.

And you know, sometimes,

the more you know,

the more you don't

want to know, you know?

Why do I feel like you're

hiding something from us?

Look, we're wasting time.

We should contact the

Guards, start the process.

It's OK, relax. Ah-ah!

I tell you what I know, but

let's not involve the police.

The boys I work with at the

port have a good thing going on.

I won't be the one

to spoil it for them.

What's that got to

do with our kids?

Yeah.

OK, look, I don't

know where they are

..but I know someone who might.

It's like hell

opened a video shop.

DOOR CLOSES

Well, I take that as

a huge compliment.

You're sick. You're

genuinely sick.

And they just keep on coming.

Ah, don't mind all

this Hollywood stuff.

This is just a sample of

what I have out the back.

So these are the

video nasties, then?

I Miss You - Hugs & Kisses.

Doesn't look so bad.

God, he's wearing a

wet T-shirt. Oh, God.

God, this isn't our Con.

This is not hi

This is you.

This is you and your strange

son leading him astray.

"Strange"? Mm.

You think I like these films?

No.

I like to see him

working for something.

That's more important to me.

Right, come on then,

what do you know?

Well, I know they got a

lead on the last tape -

some girl in the UK.

I don't know what her name

is or where she lives,

but if I was to guess, I'd

say that's what they are.

In the UK?

They're out of the country,

with a load of Brits?

God, anything could

happen to them.

They'll probably be locked

up for being in the IRA.

At least we'd know where

to find them. That's true.

Look, I will say this -

them two boys,

they're good kids.

You don't need to be

worried about them.

They're not,

you know, what they watch -

which is probably just as well.

TJ CHUCKLES

Do you think this is funny?

Which? The film

or the situation?

Because, I mean, neither

is a barrel of laughs.

I'm out of here.

I'm out of here!

OK, maybe we should

take a breath

before someone has

a nervous breakdown.

I've got to call the Guards.

I've got to call the Guards!

Whoa, whoa, you're not

calling the Guards.

Maureen, wait!

Derbyshire -

if TJ says they've gone to

that girl, that's where she is.

Billy, he writes

to a PO box there.

They are not in some

big, dangerous city, OK?

They'll be back.

Don't make this complicated.

I am telling you, if they don't call

me tonight to tell me they're safe,

we'll do what we have to.

And you wonder why Eileen left.

Come on, Frank.

Jesus.

UNDER BREATH: Brits.

ENGINE ROARS, MUSIC BLARES

How long is this walk?

It's a few hours.

Hours?!

With all this gear?

Are you for real?

No, we'll hitch.

Er, no, we won't. We

stick to the plan.

We're never even going to make it

to this stupid campsite in time

to get a spot, right, Con?

Suit yourself. We're walking.

Don't move, Con. Don't be a sap.

Con

You don't have to

jump cos he said so.

Seriously, don't f*ck with me.

I don't know, OK?!

I'm wrecked.

I feel like sh*t!

This isn't f*cking fun!

Can we all just

get along, please?!

ENGINE ROARS

You lot need directions?

I just saw you

poring over that map.

Yeah, well, we're not lost.

Um, actually, we're

heading just

Ashdale - we're

looking for Ashdale.

Oh

..right, you'd be

straight down that road.

You're going in the

wrong direction.

Long way to walk,

though - all that gear.

Any chance of a lift?

It'd be a tight squeeze.

Please.

All right. Go on, then. Hop in.

Oh, class. Thank you.

The Derbyshire welcome.

Put your stuff in the back.

What's that big needle thing?

For the cows.

You're in farm country now.

You don't look like a farmer.

I'm not.

I had to use it on the dog.

ROCK MUSIC BLARES

MUSIC STOPS

Not much for small

talk, are you?

Are you over for

commemoration or something?

Commemoration?

Bash day, love.

It's famous - famous

for the plague.

Sounds lovely.

Historically.

People here quarantined, stopped

the spread of the Black Death.

Half of the East Midlands

wouldn't be alive

if it weren't for what

our ancestors did.

There's a big centenary

thing this week.

Everyone gets dressed

up in medieval clobber.

There's a big

bonfire and whatnot.

Yeah, well, um, we're

not staying long, so

Strange, that, hearing a Paddy

accent from one of your lot.

Oh, sorry.

Is Paddy not allowed any more?

HE TUTS Can't keep up.

Yeah.

Picked it up at a car-boot sale.

Helps me beat the traffic.

All these strikes, picket

lines, they pop up everywhere.

Bloody scroungers.

Pop it down.

Sorry.

Thanks.

It's a cold night for camping.

Do you know, I bet my

mum would have you

..for a good price.

She used to run the

place as a guest house.

I could take you

there, if you want.

Yeah, I, um

I think we're fine.

Yeah, just an idea.

What do you think, love?

Campsite's grand, thanks.

Sure?

There's plenty of room.

Although maybe some of

us might have to share.

Hey, stop!

Oi, what are you doing?!

What am I doing?

What are you talking about?

It's just a joke.

Some people are so touchy.

Do that again, you'll need a

bandage of your own, all right?

All right, keep your

knickers on, love.

Excuse me?!

Excuse YOU.

You know, if you're going to

be such a stuck-up b*tch

..you can get out and walk.

Wait, where's Ashdale?

There's a trail

through the woods.

Now get the f*ck out.

What the f?

You all right?

That wasn't cool

what he did, an' all.

Wait, wait, wait

CON LAUGHS

Finally!

I did say it.

I told you so.

Look, we've got torches,

an ex-Boy Scout with us,

we'll get a fire going.

What else do we need?

Walking trail - this way.

Top five

cabin-in-the-woods films.

Don't even think about it.

For me, it has to be

No!

OK, top five campfire scenes.

Shut up, Billy!

How do we even know this

is the way to Ashdale, huh?

Are we really

trusting that creep?

We're heading in the right

direction, all right? Relax.

It's going to be fine.

DISTANT SQUAWKING

What was that?

It's nothing. Just

some animal.

ANIMAL CRIES IN DISTANCE

Just some animal?

Tigers are "some animal."

It's not a f*cking tiger, is it?

Why are you acting

like you're not scared?

I have a feeling we're not on

the walking trail any more.

All right, let's not push it.

Let's just find a spot and camp

up before it gets any darker.

I feel like a million quid now.

Can finally start

enjoying this trip.

Now, it hasn't gone exactly

how I pictured it, you know?

Not the best trailer

for next year.

Ah, forget next year.

This is what it's

all about, man.

Let's make the most of it.

Uh, I have some questions.

Where did you get that?

On the floor.

You need to be more careful

with your love letters.

Zoe, Zoe!

LAUGHING: "Gloria

Fangirl?" Stop, Stop!

Relax!

Someone has to advise on this.

This girl could be

playing you like a fiddle.

Yeah, well, she's not, all

right? Yeah? How do you know?

Cos she's genuine.

She's not full of

sh*t like your mates.

You don't even know them.

But I see them.

I see you dying to be the

same as everyone else.

You need to stop confusing being

weird with being interesting.

You need to stop confusing being

popular with being a b*tch.

Can we just stop? No.

We've been writing letters to

each other for ages, all right?

We've exchanged tapes already.

I've seen photos of her

collection and she's seen mine.

Oh, my God!

You actually like her!

Look at you, all spiky,

like I just insulted

your girlfriend.

I'm scarlet for you.

You actually think you're

going to come over here

and meet your dream

girl? Shut up.

Some f*cking cool girl,

and you're going to make a

connection over shite movies.

It's pathetic.

That's not true, is it?

No!

I mean, she did say her

folks were away, so, look

Is that what this whole

trip is about? No, it's not.

No, look, I don't need to

listen to this sh*t, all right?

She's not a liar

..unlike you.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, come on, we know you were having

some sort of nervous breakdown,

or whatever they call it.

That's why you

weren't in school.

And that's why you

wouldn't leave your room.

Billy, don't.

No, some people were saying

you were up the duff,

knocking it in the

head in Liverpool.

Other people were

saying eating disorder.

But me and Con, we both know

you're just mental.

That's not what I

Great. She started it.

Why can't you just be

nice to each other?

Grow up, Con.

THUNDER RUMBLES

ZOE BREATHES HEAVILY

HEAVY RAINFALL

BRANCH SNAPS

Con?

ZOE SCREAMS

Con!

CON!

There's someone

There's someone

There's someone out there!

He had a mask, and I thought

he was going to Con!

Look, hey, hey, hey, slow down!

There's someone out there, Con!

What's going on? What's going on? She

thinks she saw someone over there.

I don't THINK anything.

He was right there.

You don't believe me?

No, I do. It's just

Just what, Con? I

wouldn't make this up!

OK, if you say so.

Look, you have to admit

..you've been a little

messed up lately.

What?

You want to do this now?

Con, you don't know

the half of it.

Well, then, just tell me.

Maybe it's just some

kids messing around.

No, no, Billy. It wasn't

just some kids, Billy.

I saw him, he had a weird

mask and he was right there!

OK.

So are we talking slasher,

or is it like some mad

pagan folk horror sh*t?

Shut the f*ck up, Billy!

Look I believe

you, all right?

And if it was some f*cking psycho,

we need to leave right now.

What? No!

No, no, no, no! We got to

stick to the plan, all right?

Remember, there's that

festival thingy on.

That was just locals

playing dress-up.

It's nothing to worry about.

I promise you, Zoe.

Fine. Whatever.

We'll just stick

to your plan, then.

But it's on you if someone

comes into the tent tonight

and slits our throats!

Fine by me.

I'll be dead anyway.

Great, well, at least both of

yous can agree on one thing -

not listening to me.

OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS

MENACING CHORAL SINGING

SHE WHIMPERS

SHE SCREAMS

SHE YELLS AND SCREAMS

DRILL WHIRS, SHE SCREAMS

Are you Mr Power?

Maureen!

Oh, Jesus.

Is this a

..bad news thing?

Well, that depends.

Right now, we're just looking

to speak to young Con.

Is he in?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Oh, my heart.

Why did you take your hat off

with a big, depressed head on you?

What do you mean?

That's my face.

Look, I just need a word.

We've had a report about money being

stolen from the school Debs fund.

CON: You know, this place

looks like Camp Crystal Lake.

BILLY: Yeah, it does.

ZOE: Where's Camp Crystal Lake?

It's where Jason drowned.

Who's Jason?

Jesus, Zoe, have you ever

even seen a horror movie?

I've seen The Elephant

Man. Does that count?

No. No!

It's embarrassing.