Jackpot, The (1950)

[bunniefuu]

Bill!

Bill!

- Brush your teeth?

- Hm-hmm.

- Breakfast ready?

- Hm-hmm, soon as your father gets down.

- I'm hungry.

- So am I.

My gray jumper with the white blouse.

What are you wearing?

Phyllis, get off that phone

and get dressed. It's 7:30.

All right, Mom.

Goodbye, Joycie. See you at school.

Bill... Bill.

Bill!

- Oh, hello, Amy.

- Hello, Bill! Come on, up!

Right away, right away.

I'm terribly sorry to have

to disturb you like this,

but you do have a job, you know.

Gee, I wish you'd waited

two more minutes.

Why?

I was just about to make a choice.

Choice about what?

I was having a dream.

About me?

You were kind of a part of it.

It was before we were married

and I had to make up my mind.

O could go to the North Pole

with Admiral Byrd

or I could marry you.

- What did you decide?

- I didn't. You woke me up.

- You mean you had some doubts?

- Oh, honey, it was just a dream.

- Amy!

- Hm?

How long have we been married?

We're having an anniversary in two weeks


and you were there for the wedding.

Figure it out for yourself.

Amy, are you happy?

At 7:30 in the morning,

what kind of a question is that?

I don't know, I don't know,

I was just thinking about us.

You know, this is it, Amy.

The pattern's all set,


you and me and the kids, this is it.

I'm never going to the North Pole

with Admiral Byrd, you're...

- Byrd went to the South Pole.

- Well, this time he was going to the North Pole.

I don't know, he had some kind

of a defroster or something...

Anyway, what difference does it make?

I'm never gonna go there.

I'll just go on working


for the Woodruff Department Store,

you go on raising the kids,

one day we'll be old...

and nothing will happen.

Is that what you think about us?

Oh no, dear. I love you,

I love the kids...

- But I want...


- You want to go to the North Pole.

Yeah, well why not?

Because for one thing,

you're not dressed properly.

You'd freeze to death.

And for another...

breakfast will be ready in ten minutes.

Mom, is it all right for Dorothy and me


to collect specimens after school today?

You know perfectly well today's

Cynthia Woodruff's birthday party.

But I don't like Cynthia Woodruff.

Why do I have to go?

Because Mr....

Phyllis, I wish you'd stop taking

this telephone upstairs.

Because Mr. Woodruff expects

the children of all of his executives

to come to his daughter's

birthday party.

It's sl*very, that's what it is.

But why do I have to go

to that birthday party?

For the same reason

I can't go to the North Pole.

- Bye, kids.

- Bye, Pop.

See you tonight.

- Bye, dear.

- Good-bye.

Oh, Bill...

Would you mind bringing home

a case of club soda? Tonight is...

Oh, it's Wednesday, yes...

The g*ng's coming over to play canasta.

Every Wednesday, week end, week out,

we play canasta.

Amy, listen, let's...

let's be daring.

Next week let's play on Thursday.

No, it would be too much

of a shock to everybody.

- Hi, Bill.

- Hi, Pete.

What are you doing

with these dresses down here?

He sniffed us upstairs this morning.

Gave them an awful sour look.

- Sure, he bought them.

- He's forgotten that.

- Wanted to know why they're not moving.

- So you moved them down here.

- That's it.

- Oh, very good.

Come on, Joe.

Mr. Lawrence.

- Yeah?

- Mr. Woodruff wants to see you in his office.

- Okay, thank you.

Good morning, Marion.

Balcony, huh.

Good morning, Freddie, Alice.

- Hello, Bill.

Mr. Lawrence and Mr. Burns are here.

Send them right in.

- Proceed at your own risk.

- Hm, one of those mornings.

One of those mornings,

Monday to Saturday.

Good morning, Mr. Woodruff.

Good morning.

Sit down both of you.

Gentlemen, I just looked down

at the main floor.

I counted 24 salesgirls

and eight customers.

Now, you're supposed to be

two bright, ambitious young men,

what are we going to do about it?

Well, Bill?

Hm... I'm just thinking, sir.

- Yes, Fred?

- Mr. Woodruff,

I think we all have to get together,

put our shoulders to the wheel

and push.

Push what? Where?

Or even whom?

- Well, what I meant is that if we..

- I know what you meant.

I don't want slogans. I want ideas

that can ring up in the cash registrars.

I can remember back in 1943

when we had 24 salesgirls

and 200 customers.

Oh, well, but there was w*r

going on in 1943.

Now there's a man who knows history.

I'm not asking for 1943 to come back.

All I want is to be able

to look down at that floor

and see that we don't outnumber

the customers.

Mr. Woodruff, I don't think

this is the kind of a problem

we can solve just off the cuff.

All right.

We'll have a conference next Wednesday.

Maybe you'll be able

to contribute something by then.

- All right...

- Just a minute, I'm not through.

I'm going to Europe next month.

Somehow Mrs. Woodruff has persuaded me

that what I need is a trip to Europe.

She's also of the opinion that either of you

is capable of running the store

in my absence.

I only hope she's right.

No need to come back from Europe

and find a vacant lot where the store is.

Naturally, there'll be an increase in salary.

And the title, vice-president.

That's all, gentlemen.

Oh, just one thing more.

Those polka dot dresses

in the $19.95 department,

You bought fifty of them last month.

There are only 49 left.

I'd like to sell them

before the dots fade.

Yes sir, I know about that,

Pete Spooner...

I don't care who sells them,

just sell them.

That's all!

Well, Bill, may the best man win.

Oh, I wish I'd said that.

Hi, Pop!

Hiya, son.

- Hello, darling.

- Hi.

- Get everything?

- Yeah, there's the soda.

- Here.

- What's that?

- Open it.

For me?

- Yeah.

- What is it?

Open it up and find out what it is.

Oh, Bill!

It's lovely!

But why? What's the occasion?

Well. if you're going to be the wife

of the vice-president

of Woodruff Department Store,

you just have to dress differently.

- When did this happen?

- It hasn't happened,

maybe in the next three weeks.

- It's between me and Fred Burns.

- Fred Burns?

Congratulations.

- Telephone.

- Oh, I'll get it.

- Hello?

- Hello, New York is calling Mr. William J. Lawrence.

Oh, just a moment, Mr. Lawrence.

I have Mr. Lawrence for you now.

Hello, is this Mr. William J. Lawrence

of 5960 Lyndon Avenue,

Glenville, Indiana?

This is the Federal Broadcasting System,

Mr. Lawrence.

Will you be at home tonight between

nine and ten o'clock

to listen to 'Name the Mystery Husband',

on the Federal Broadcasting System?

'Name the Mystery Husband'.

Well, I can be home.

What's this all about?

Your telephone number has been selected

as one of those to be called

during the program tonight.

You'll have a chance

at the $24.000 jackpot.

$24.000, eh?

Oh, sure, sure, yeah, I'll be home.

Yeah, we're having some friends in.

Good. We have to be sure,

so the program can go right along...

without any don't answers or busies.

Now, please don't use your phone

between nine and ten

so the line will be open for us

when we call.

Yeah, all right.

All right, good-bye.

Bill, take those glasses

into the living room, will you?

Wait, you can take these too,

it'll only be a second.

- All right.

- Who was that on the phone?

That was the Federal Broadcasting System,

if you please.

And they want me to be home

between nine and ten

so I can name the Mystery Husband

and win the $24.000 jackpot.

Feeling pretty good, aren't you?

Get the ice out for me,

will you, dear?

Who was it?

Mabel Spooner, pretending

she's a radio station.

Honestly, that Mabel.

Pete probably put her up to it.

I went along with the gag.

I told her I'd be home.

Are you sure it was Mabel Spooner?

Oh, certainly.

What did you say

the name of the program was?

Name the Mystery Husband.

- And win the trillion dollar jackpot.

- No, it's a $24.000 jackpot.

What, Tommy?

I don't know what you win, Mommy,

but it's something fierce.

Can I stay up and listen to it?

Are you sure that wasn't the Federal

Broadcasting System that called you?

- I don't know.

- Gee, did they call us?

- Somebody called us, son.

- Wee, do you know the answer?

- No, no I don't.

- Now, Tommy, don't get excited.

It's just some of our friends

trying to play a joke on your father.

- That's right, Tommy, just a gag.

- Now go on up and take your bath.

Gee whiz, what kind of a thing

is that to joke about?

- You sure?

- I'm positive.

Are you?

I don't know, Amy. Why would

the Broadcasting Company call me?

Oh, just taking a number

out of the book.

The odds are one in ten million.

Why did they call me just as soon

as I came home?

Why didn't they call me this afternoon?

It must have been Mabel Spooner.

She knows I was at the store.

I think you ought to listen, Dad.

Gee, it's the chance of a lifetime.

Tommy, I told you it was just a gag.

Now go on upstairs.

- Yes, go on.

- Okay, okay.

Well, anyway, as soon as I hear

Mabel Spooner's voice, I'll know.

Hi!

Hi, Bill

- Hello, Bill.

- Hello, Allie.

- Hello, Ann.

- Say, where's Amy?

She's upstairs.

Be down in a minute.

Here, Mabel. Let me take your coat.

How are you?

- Hello, everybody.

- Hello, Amy!

Hello, Pete.

I'm going right straight home.

- Say that again.

- I'm going right straight home.

- What's the matter?

- Matter?

Take a look!

We're wearing the same dress.

Don't blame me.

He made me buy it.

- Well, Bill?

- I don't think so.

What do you mean you don't think so.

Of course he made me buy it.

He made every department head

buy one, didn't he?

No, Pete.

This is something else.

Whatever it is, this is one creation

he's returning tomorrow morning.

Now hold on, Mabel.

I want you to repeat after me,

'This is the Federal Broadcasting System'.

- I most certainly will not!

- Oh, go on.

Hey, what's the idea?

We come on our own night.

What is it, Bill?

- You'd better tell her...

- I will not!

You're gonna feel like an awful dope

if it isn't a gag.

All right, all right.

Well, I got a call a little while ago

and they were going to call me on this

'Name the Mystery Husband' Broadcast

and if I answer the right thing,

I win the $24.000 jackpot.

$24.000!

Tell the truth.

Did you make that call?

Me? Why would I do a thing like that?

$24.000, Bill!

You won't have to work another day

as long as you live.

All right, come on now,

you've all had your fun.

Now which one of you gals called me?

- Gangway, gangway!

- Pete, where are you going?

I'm gonna call the McDougalls and the Browns

and tell them to get right over here.

This is the biggest thing that's hit

Glenville since the tornado.

- Everybody drink up now.

- Oh, here, Bill!

Hey, isn't anybody

going to play canasta?

In a while, Harry.

Bill, come out here.

I want to talk to you.

- I'll fix that, sorry.

- We'll be right back.

That's enough of that.

You have to keep your wits about you.

- Bill, we have to do something about this.

- Do something about what?

Try to find out who the mystery husband is.

Oh, Amy, if we win, we win.

If we lose, what's the difference?

Everybody's having a lot of fun.

Fun? Bill Lawrence,

I don't get you at all.

You work a full year at Woodruff's

for $7,500

and here you have a chance

to win $24.000

and you don't even lift your finger

to do anything about it.

What do you want me to do?

Mabel says that Walter Winchell's always

giving tips on jackpot programs.

Maybe somebody knows

who the mystery husband is.

- Who?

- Maybe somebody in radio, maybe.

I don't know anybody in radio.

Don't we know somebody

who might know somebody?

Look, it's too late anyway.

It's 8:15 now, the program

goes on in 45 minutes...

- Harry Summers.

- What about him?

Newspapermen know everybody.

Good, do you know where he is?

It's his regular poker night.

I know exactly where he is.

It does make sense, Bill.

After all, $24.000.

Suppose Woodruff doesn't make you

vice-president, who cares?

That's right, dear.

I keep dialing the wrong number.

- Harry?

- Yes, Bill, this is Harry.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You don't say!

What do you know? My, my, my.

- In the spot, Harry?

- No, deal me out.

I don't know how I can help you, Bill.

I make it a point...

not to listen to giveaway programs.

Who do I know now?

Walter Winchell? We're in the same business,

but I don't know him.

Hold on.

Say, any of you fellows ever listen

to The Mystery Husband broadcast?

- No, no...

- Crazy two.

No, nobody here ever heard of it.

I'd like to help you, Bill, but...

Hey, wait a minute.

I know just the guy.

A songwriter.

He lives in New York.

It's a long shot, nut he might know.

- Tell him to call him.

- Call him, will you, Harry?

I'll pay for it.

It's worth a long-distance call.

You know, this is $24.000!

Okay, call you right back.

Deal me out a couple of hands,

will ya?

Hello?

Yeah, this as Al Stern.

Oh, hello, Harry.

How are you, kiddy?

Good, good.

What?

Name the Mystery Husband?

Oh, the radio program.

Yes, as a matter of fact I did hear

something about that just the other day.

Well now, I don't know for sure, Harry,

Look, you're gonna check with

a couple of other people about this article...

because I wouldn't want this fellow

to blame me if I was wrong.

All right, then I'll tell you

what I know.

I really don't know anything,

it's just what I hear around.

They're saying that it's either

Harry James or Charles MacArthur.

Charlie McCarthy?

How can he be married?

No, not Charlie McC arthy,

Charles MacArthur.

The writer who's married to Helen Hayes.

Harry James or General MacArthur.

Or Charles MacArthur... who's he?

Oh, Helen Hayes, I get it.

It's the best information I can get,

but look, pal...

don't blame me

if it isn't either one of them.

It might even be some third guy

we never heard of.

Yeah, I know, Harry,

and thanks a lot, Harry.

So long.

Well, it's either Harry James

or Charles MacArthur.

Or somebody else.

Well, that's help!

Hey, I'd better turn on the radio,

it's five minutes to nine.

- The radio is on.

- Yeah, well, I'll turn it on in the car.

- What for?

- So we can hear it over all this noise.

- You'll get it from both sides.

- Good, I'll open the dining-room windows.

9 p.m., America, and time for...

Name the Mystery Husband.

Brought to you through

the courtesy of Rex...

the King of Soaps.

# Mary had a little lamb,

it's fleece was white as snow #

# And Mary's clothes are just as bright,

she uses Rex, you know. #

# Oodles of bubbles and bushels of suds,

with Rex, Rex, Rex. #

Yes, friends, Rex is king in my house.

Because he makes things so clean,

I feel like a queen.

And now we bring you

our Master of Ceremony,

the man who would rather give things away

than be president.

Larry Haines!

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,

well, we're back together again.

Ten weeks and still no one has been able

to guess the identity of the mystery husband.

The jackpot has now reached the colossal

sum of $24.000 in prizes.

All you have to do is name

the mystery husband.

So stay close to your telephone.

We may call anyone of you any minute.

Now listen closely.

There's a clue in every line.

Here is the mystery husband himself.

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue,

Farewell my love, I'm off anew

You can't see me, but I'll see you,

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue.

What do you think?

I think I need a drink.

Well, there you are, ladies and gentlemen,

it's up to you.

And now for the complete list

of the jackpot prizes.

An International sterling-silver

coffee service.

- A $2.000 Moray diamond ring.

A Sherman Williams paint and varnish supply

for your entire house inside and out.

Venetian blinds and window styling

throughout by Kirsch Company.

A magnificent suite of Dixel

bedroom furniture.

- A Westinghouse refrigerator.

- A Westinghouse electric range.

Amy, you've got most of those things.

I'll just throw them out.

A Westinghouse Laundromat

A General Electric sink

combining garbage disposal unit

and automatic dishwasher

Bill, you can throw Amy out!

A Kelvinator home freezer...

plus a three year supply of Libby's

frozen fruits and vegetables.

A complete steer dressed and delivered

to your home...

by the Premium Meatpacking

Corporation of Kansas City.

$2.000 worth of deciduous pest-free

and budded fruit trees

from the Arnold Nursery.

An airplane trip for two people

to New York City by TWA...

with all expenses paid for two weeks

at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel.

A French maid for two weeks selected

by the Knickerbocker Domestic Bureau.

I wouldn't take that trip.

I'd stay home with that French maid.

The new Arthur Godfrey

baritone ukulele by Vega.

- A Baldwin baby grand piano.

- Twelve $100 Volta wristwatches.

Your portrait painted in oils

by the famous Greenwich Village artist

Hilda Jones.

Seven thousand five hundred cans

of Campbell's delicious soup.

A new Ford custom-built station wagon.

A Palomino pony from the Knight

Breeding Farms of Lexington, Kentucky.

Your house done over completely

from cellar to attic

by the world famous Leslie,

of Harrington Interiors.

An Evans circular outdoor

portable swimming-pool.

Six $100 hats styled and created

by the famous Jacques of Fifth Avenue.

A Mandeville 5-in-1 combination Radio, Television,

Phonograph, Wire recorder, and Bar,

complete with two dozen drinking glasses.

A prairie-schooner trailer completely equipped

to live in or for travelling.

And all these fabulous prizes are yours

if you name the mystery husband.

Operator, place that first call.

Hey, Amy, look...

Oh, Bill, you promised

you wouldn't drink too much.

Are you listening, America?

- Hello!

- Hello, to whom am I speaking, operator?

This is Gray Simpson of 2489 Grant Avenue,

Hoboken, New Jersey!

Canasta, anyone?

You've got some awful good hands here.

Hello, Mrs. Simpson,

do you know who this is?

Yes, that's right,

your old friend, Larry Haines.

There's $24.000 in prizes waiting for you.

But first, Mrs. Simpson, can you give me

the answer to this riddle?

# Little Nanny Etticoat

in a white petticoat #

# And a red nose. #

# The longer she stays,

the shorter she grows. #

Well, Mrs. Simpson, who or what

is Little Nan Etticoat?

Petticoat, petticoat...

- It's a candle, Daddy, a candle.

- What's that, Mrs. Simpson?

- Shh!

- A candle?

That is absolutely right, Mrs. Simpson,

out there in Hoboken, New Jersey.

Don't go to bed, Tommy.

Just stay right where you are.

Don't leave me, son.

Now, Mrs. Simpson,

you have won the chance to guess

the name of the mystery husband.

Listen to him closely.

Here he is.

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue,

Farewell, my love, I'm off anew.

You can't see me, but I'll see you

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue,

All right, Mrs. Simpson, can you guess?

What's that?

What?

Would you mind repeating that, please?

Oh, I am awfully sorry,

that is not correct.

But we are going to send you

a full-year supply of Rex,

the King of Soaps, and six pedigreed

boxer puppies.

Operator, the next call, please.

Play, boys!

- What do you suppose she said?

- I don't know.

Stand by, America.

Your phone may ring any minute.

It's either Harry James

or Douglas MacArthur.

What?

What are you talking about, Bill?

This is Eddy Dexter.

We wondered if you and Amy could

come over for some bridge.

Bridge? Are you crazy?

Now hang up the phone...

I can't talk to you.

What's the matter with him?

- Who was it?

- Eddie Dexter. He wants us to play bridge.

Really, he's the only one in town

who doesn't know what's going on.

What a time to call a guy!

Bridge!

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue

Farewell my love, I'm off anew

You can't see me, but I'll see you

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue.

Well, Mr. Genson,

who is the mystery husband?

Oh, you don't know?

You want to guess?

Oh no, it's not me.

I'm not married.

I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Genson.

But we are going to send you

a full-year supply of Rex,

the King of Soaps.

And a free gift subscription to a complete course

of dancing lessons from Veloz and Yolanda.

Happy rhumba, Mr. Genson!

Play, boys!

Excuse me, Daddy.

Hey!

Give me that telephone!

What do you think you're doing?

What did I do?

I didn't do anything!

Everybody hates me!

It's 15 minutes gone already

Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Sylvester,

that is not correct.

But we are going to send you

a full-year supply of Rex,

the King of Soaps...

and a genuine Bronson stainless-steel,

lifetime guaranteed automatic egg-beater.

Play boys!

Only 8 minutes left.

Amy.

- Daddy!

- Shh-shh, quiet!

Daddy, I'm stuck.

What?

My head's stuck.

I can't get it out.

For heaven's sake, how did you get it

in there in the first place?

- I don't know, I was just listening.

- All right now, take it easy.

Pull, pull, pull, hard.

- Daddy, take that! Go ahead, go ahead!

Don't worry about me.

All right, just don't go away.

Bill!

It's our phone.

- Bill!

- What's the matter?

He's out! He's out!

Somebody answer the phone!

You get the phone!

Wake up, Bill!

Wake up!

- Bill!

- Bill, the telephone.

- Bill, the telephone!

- Answer! Answer the phone!

- Who is it?

- I don't know, find out, Bill.

Hello?

- Yes, this is William Lawrence.

- I told you.

Yes?

I am listening.

I'll hold on.

Help me get him up.

Get him up, come on.

It's all right...

- Put him on the chair...

- No, keep him on his feet.

To whom am I speaking?

Mr. William J. Lawrence...

of 5960 Lyndon Avenue, Glenville, Indiana.

Hello there, Mr. Lawrence!

Hello there.

Mr. Lawrence, this is Larry Haines...

of the Name The Mystery Husband Program.

How are you?

Oh, I'm fine.

That's splendid,

and I hope you'll be feeling...

even better in a few minutes,

Mr. Lawrence.

We have a little riddle for you

and if you answer it correctly,

you will win a chance to guess

the identity of the mystery husband...

and win the $24.000 jackpot.

Are you ready, Mr. Lawrence?

- Guess so.

- Mr. Lawrence is ready.

All right, girls.

# Going steady wins the race #

# Not the one who sets the pace #

# One went fast,

the other went slow. #

# But the slow one won as we all know. #

All right, Mr. Lawrence,

out there in Glenville, Indiana.

Can you tell me who were the two

contestants in this famous trial of speed?

Race... race...

When's the race?

It's Little Ground and you're host.

No, no, Daddy!

It's the tortoise and the hare!

That's right, Bill,

the tortoise and the hare!

The tortoise and the hare.

What's that?

The tortoise and the hare?

That is absolutely correct,

Mr. Lawrence!

Now, if you'll be just as right

on this next question,

the $24.000 jackpot is yours.

Listen carefully, Mr. Lawrence.

Here is the mystery husband himself.

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue,

Farewell my love, I'm off anew.

You can't see me, but I'll see you

Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue.

Mr. Lawrence, can you tell us

who the mystery husband is?

- You have a nickel?

- Mr. Lawrence, are you there?

Mr. Lawrence appears to have fainted!

- I think it's Harry James.

- Will you repeat that, Mr. Lawrence?

- Harry James.

- What's that?

What? Harry James?

That is absolutely correct, Mr. Lawrence!

You have won the $24.000 jackpot.

Daddy!

Daddy, Daddy!

Congratulations, congratulations!

Mr. Glenville out there in Lawrence, Indiana,

you are absolutely right!

Are you happy?

I bet you are.

Now, Mr. Lawrence, let me tell

the radio audience the solution to the riddle.

'Pins in a haystack, Little Girl Blue'

refers to Miss Betty Grable.

She's the famous pinup girl

and since Harry James is Little Boy Blue

Come Blow Your Horn,

that makes her Little Girl Blue.

Simple when you know the answer isn't it?

And, 'You can't see me, but I'll see you',

is the simplest clue of all.

Miss Grable can't see Mr. James

when he's on tour with his famous band

but he can always see her

by going to the movies.

And there we have the solution

to the riddle that's been baffling

radio audiences for ten weeks

all over America.

Clear the tracks for Glenville, Indiana.

The $24.000 in prizes are on their way!

Daddy! Daddy!

Won't somebody please

get me out of here?

Oh, my poor baby!

Congratulations, Mr. Lawrence,

Good morning!

- Hi, Mike.

- I heard it too. That was something!

$24.000!

Boy, what I could do with that.

It isn't really $24.000,

that's just a radio figure, you know.

- Yeah, but...

- When do the prizes start coming?

Any day now, I hope.

- Gee, what a lucky guy!

- You ain't kidding.

Congratulations, Mr. Lawrence!

When I turned on the radio

I hardly believed they called your name!

- I just couldn't believe it!

- We sure were rooting for you.

Imagine the surprise! What ever made

you think it was Harry James?

Bill, congratulations! I never expected

to see you here today.

- I don't know...

- Boy, if I'd won $24.000...

It isn't really $24.000, Fred.

That's just a radio figure, you know.

Yes, I now, but still, I'd tell

Mr. A.J Woodruff he can have his job.

- Good morning, Mr. Woodruff!

- Uh... oh!

- Oh, that's a fine trick to pull.

- I'm sorry, Fred, I couldn't resist it.

But believe me, if there's anything

I wanted to this morning

was just to stay in bed

and sleep and sleep...

What made you decide to come in?

Oh, good morning, Mr. Woodruff.

Congratulations.

You made quite a haul.

$24.000!

- Of course it isn't really $24.000, it's just...

- Just a radio figure, yes, I heard.

Is this a convention?

If you people have anything better to do...

don't let me detain you.

Oh, girls, come on,

back to your stations.

Harry Summers gave you

quite a spread this morning.

Yeah, sure pushed Russia

right off the front page, didn't it?

Yes, er... this trip to New York,

when were you planning to take it?

- We haven't thought anything about it.

- Hmm...

You may recall I'm planning

to go to Europe.

I don't see how we can both be away

at the same time, do you?

Unless, of course winning $24.000

has changed your plans.

Oh, no, no, Amy and I have talked

this thing all over.

We're not gonna let this

change a thing.

- Oh, you're not thinking of retiring?

- Oh, no...

Woodruff's very glad to hear that.

You might also call Mr. Summers...

and tell him that if he plans writing

any more stories about you

it would be nice if he mentioned

where you work.

Sure, sure...

- Yeah, Ernie?

- Well, the loot's starting to come, Bill.

Here, you'll have to sign for it.

- All right.

- From the Moray Jewelry Company.

- Must be the diamond ring.

- Mind if I hang around and get a look at it?

- Oh, not at all.

Hurry up, Bill!

I thought somebody'd yell,

'$2.000 diamond ring'...

and there'd be a big blast of trumpets,

and you'd bring it in...

in a velvet cushion or something.

Ernie can blow his whistle,

if that's what you want.

Here.

Oh, it's beautiful!

Put.. put your finger...

- Thank you, Bill.

- Oh, nothing at all.

Here comes something else.

Keep it.

- Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence?

- Yes.

Good morning. I am Leslie

of Harrington Interiors.

Oh, you're the decorator.

How do you do?

Won't you come in?

Certainly.

Is that one of the prizes?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Hey, hey, don't you kids

have to go to school?

But Dad. I'm interested

in interior decorating.

- After school.

- But I...

Divine, absolutely divine.

We won't be able to use a thing.

It all has to go.

- Has to go?

-There's so much that I can do, Mr. Lawrence.

You won't know this place

when I get through with it.

Well, just a second now, Mr. Leslie...

- And this, I suppose, is the dining room.

- Hm-hmm.

Dear me.

But the possibilities are unlimited.

We'll simply junk everything

and start from scratch.

I don't know about that. You know,

there are some things around here I like.

Victorian. That's it?

Yes, definitely Victorian.

Maybe not.

Well, I have to go to work.

Good-bye, Mr. Leslie.

Just Leslie.

Good-bye, old boy.

Bye, dear. See you tonight.

- Good-bye.

Well, any ideas?

I'd like to make a suggestion.

This is an original worth an hiatus.

It's been tried out in a number

of progressive department stores...

throughout the country

and with great success.

I think we should open a new department.

A baby-sitting department.

- A baby...

- Yes. Now, this... this idea that I have...

Yes?

Oh, he's very busy right now.

- Well...

- Who is it, who is it?

It's Mrs. Lawrence.

She wants to speak to Mr. Lawrence.

Tell her I'll call her back later.

Mrs. Lawrence, he...

She says it's urgent.

- Go ahead, Bill, talk to her.

- No...

Go ahead, it'll take less time

if you know what's going on right now.

Yes, Amy.

It has?

Wait a minute...

Well, why don't you just put it

in the refrigerator?

Oh.

Well, I'll think of something.

I'll call you back.

Yes, dear, I...

Yes, dear, I know it's a hot day.

Yeah...

It's the jackpot.

More stuff's arrived.

- They just delivered the meat.

- And Amy called you about that?

- That's right.

- Why didn't she just put it in the refrigerator?

This is a quarter of a ton of beef.

Yeah, a complete steer,

fully dressed.

This is certainly no day for anybody

to be fully dressed.

Where were we, Miss Bowen?

Oh, Mr. Lawrence had just suggested

opening a baby-sitting department.

Now, mechanically speaking,

it should work very simply.

We'll just set aside a part

of the Children's Shoe Department

rope it off, put in some playground

equipment and a...

Well, answer it!

Yes?

- It's Amy, Bill.

- Oh, tell her I can't talk to her now.

It's all right, we can wait.

Some things are more important

than some things.

Yes, Amy.

Oh, the deep freeze.

Well, that solves all our problems.

Oh, it doesn't, huh?

No, of course you can't throw away

three year's supply of frozen food...

I...

Amy, I know it's a hot day.

Just put it in the shade

and I'll think of something.

I'll call you...

What?

Oh.

The doorbell just rang.

She thinks something else came.

Oh, she thinks something else came.

Yeah?

Oh, for heaven's sake,

I never thought of that.

Yeah... I'll call you back.

- Well, what came now?

- A Palomino pony.

- Where are you going to keep it?

- I don't know.

That's what Amy wanted to find out.

Now where were we?

- May I ask a question?

- Yes, by all means, go ahead.

What's to prevent the women

from parking there children here

and going across the street

to Osborn's to shop?

No, no, no!

Allow me!

Amy, you just can't keep calling...

Oh, Tommy.

Oh, fine!

We don't have to worry about the pony.

The trailer just came and...

Tommy says that Amy's

going to put the pony in the trailer.

- Well, that's very ingenious.

- Bye, Tommy.

I was saying, what's to prevent the women

from parking there children here with us

and going across the street

to Osborn's?

No, Fred. You see,

when they park the kids here,

we give them a ticket

so when they buy something

they have to get the ticket stamp

or they don't get the baby back.

I mean, it's just the same

as parking a car in our parking space.

If you don't have the ticket validated,

you have to pay for the baby.

I mean, you have to pay for the car...

pay for the car.

You have to get the baby stamped.

On the bottom!

Hello, Amy?

What's the matter? I suppose the pony

doesn't want to go into the trailer.

That's what I thought,

Yes, Amy!

Bill will be right home!

Conference dismissed!

- All deliveries through the rear, please.

- What do you mean? I live here!

Why, of course. How stupid of me.

You may come in.

Careful, don't get trampled on now.

All right, gentlemen, as soon as you get

this thing assembled, bring it in here.

We won't worry about the sofa,

it's going out.

- Pardon me, fellow.

- Uh... all right.

Amy...

What's that on your head?

A Jacques 5th Avenue hat.

The only thing I knew where to put.

- Isn't the piano beautiful?

- Yeah.

Oh, Phyllis said that Hilda Jones called.

She's coming right out from the station

to talk to you about your portrait.

Portrait?

No portrait, we settled that.

Oh, Bill, it can only happen

once in a lifetime. Enjoy it.

Look here's the bedroom furniture we won.

Isn't it attractive?

Excuse us, please.

Where are they taking it.

To the garage.

Leslie won't have it in the house.

Oh, Leslie won't.

Oh, come on.

I want to show you the swimming pool.

- Swimming pool?

- Hm-hmm.

- Jump in, Tom!

Yeah!

- Hi, Bill!

- Hello, Harry!

Come on, Daddy, come on in.

We're waiting.

- You sure made a home.

- Yeah, we sure did, didn't we?

Say, come on out, will you, Bill.

I wanna get some pictures of you and Amy.

- What, pictures of us?

- Of course, Bill. We're news.

- You know Flashlight Joe, here, don't you?

- Hello, yeah...

- How about you move down by the trailer?

- Sure, all right.

Harry, do me a favor, will you?

In tomorrow's story,

mention I work at Woodruff's.

A plug, huh? Oh, sure, sure.

Joe, get the pony.

- Where do you want us?

- You're just fine right here.

Wait a minute.

Amy, try the other side.

- All right.

- No, the hat's gonna cover your face.

- Let me take it off.

- No, leave it on there.

- It's quite a load, ain't it?

- Yeah.

Say, our readers might be interested

in knowing

what you're going to do about your

income tax.

Income tax? What income tax?

The income tax on all this stuff you won.

- Oh, that's swell.

- Okay, here we are.

- Hold the rope, Amy, will you?

- Isn't he cute?

For some reason his name is Sylvia.

Mr. Lawrence, would you mind

getting up on the pony?

What are you doing?

Of course I'm not gonna get up on the pony.

- Oh, all right.

- Harry, what are you talking about...

...income tax and all these things?

What kind of a crazy idea is that?

I don't know. Seems to me every time

I read about a guy winning a jackpot...

he always has to pay a tax on it.

Big smile now. All right, ready.

Big smile now.

Hold it.

That's a good one.

Come on, Amy, come on in the house.

I want to get a picture of you...

- ...with all that fancy kitchen equipment.

- Sure. Bill, hold Sylvia.

How can you pay income tax

on a refrigerator?

What do you do,

send them a tray of ice cubes?

Yeah, they'll die laughing.

Very humorous those internal revenue boys.

Bring it right in... Oh!

- Mr. Lawrence?

- Yes.

I am Hilda Jones.

You have won me too.

- Is that so?

- Yes.

Sure you have the right program...

er, address?

Oh, yes, yes. Rex Soap.

They just sent me here to paint your portrait.

Hilda Jones? Oh!

The... the portrait, yes,

I'd forgotten.

Oh, Amy... I'd like to present

my wife, Mrs. Lawrence...

this is Miss Jones.

- Mrs. Lawrence.

- How do you do, Miss Jones?

Watch, folks.

Why don't we go in here

out of the way?

- Yes.

- We're sort of throwing out.

- Here, won't you sit down?

- Thank you.

- Are you Hilda Jones?

- Well, my real name is Hildegarde Jonet.

In English, Hilda Jones.

It is simple, yes?

Oh much, but Greenwich Village...

I thought you'd look sort of

artsy-craftsy.

You're so...

Well, anyway...

it's a shame you had to travel

such a distance.

because that was the one thing

Bill said he didn't want.

Didn't you, Bill?

- How's that, dear?

- Your portrait painted, dear.

- Oh.

- Of course I wanted him to...

- ...but he was absolutely set against it.

- Yes, yes, that's right.

- Oh, that is bad.

- What's the matter?

If you won't have your portrait painted,

I will lose the commission.

- Oh, isn't that a shame?

- Yes, a shame.

I'd hate to do that too,

but I'd just feel silly posing and...

But why, Mr. Lawrence?

You will make a beautiful subject.

You have such fine features

and good bone structure.

- I have?

- Yes, and posing is nothing.

You will enjoy it.

At least all of my subjects do.

- Excuse us, folks.

Can we have this couch?

Yes, of course.

- It's hard to talk around here.

- Yes, it is difficult.

- Maybe it is better if I call you tomorrow.

- Why don't you do that?

- Yes, do.

- I'm staying at the Glenville Hotel.

You can reach me at Woodruff's.

That's a big department store in town.

- I will call you then. Good-bye.

- Bye.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye.

- Quite a charmer, isn't she?

- Hm?

- Oh, I didn't notice particularly.

- Oh, didn't you?

What happens when you do notice particularly?

Does smoke sh**t out of your ears?

- Oh, Amy.

- Don't 'Oh, Amy' me.

Before you go off to do all that posing

I wish you'd do something about

getting that steer into the Deep Freeze.

And you might plan to spend

a couple of hours in there with it.

I wouldn't take it to heart,

Mr. Lawrence.

This sort of thing always happens

when the stuff starts to arrive.

Have you uh... found out

about the income tax you owe?

- Is it true?

- Oh yes, indeedy,

You mean to say I have to pay income tax

on all this stuff here?

Oh, you poor, innocent lamb.

To hear you guys talk you'd think

Uncle Sam himself...

- ...was sitting in the radio writing down...

- He'll take a list, yes, it's on file in Washington.

- With your fingerprints.

- Why don't they announce that on the program?

If they did, Mr. Lawrence,

there'd be no program.

The children are so excited

they'll never fall asleep.

Come on in, Amy. This is Mr. Ferguson.

Mr. Ferguson, my wife

- How do you do, Mrs. Lawrence?

- How do you do?

Mr. Ferguson's a tax consultant.

He's gonna figure out just exactly

what our taxes will be

and the best way to way to meet it.

The best way to meet a tax,

Mr. Lawrence, is to pay it.

I always like to have it understood

at the outset

that I do not assist

in any income tax evasion.

I'm not trying to get away with anything.

It's impossible to get away with anything,

Mr. Lawrence.

- I'm not trying to.

- Good.

Now let's have no further

misunderstanding on that score.

- Do you know how much it is?

- I don't know.

Ah, here it is.

The latest ruling

from the Bureau of Internal Revenue

states that... loot...

shall be considered income

and as such taxable

at the fair market value.

In other words, the retail price.

Therefore...

your jackpot winnings...

plus your year's salary,

less all legitimate deductions...

will bring your tax to not less than...

$7.000.

- $7.000?

- Oh, no!

Where am I gonna get $7.000?

Well, that is a question...

since I notice from your figures

you have only $496 in the bank.

I'll just have to get busy

and sell some of this stuff.

It's the only way out.

Why don't we just send the government

things we don't want?

The government only wants money,

Mrs. Lawrence.

The radio program didn't send us money,

why should we send the government money?

- Amy...

- You know what I'd do on March 15th?

I'd send them the pony. That's what I'd do,

the pony and the soup.

You don't quite understand.

Now, Mr. Ferguson,

the retail price on,

say, the refrigerator's $300.

Suppose I can only sell it for $150?

You still have to pay tax on $300.

Oh, still three hundred... the...

What are you... this is crazy,

you mean to tell me that all that stuff

out there is income?

That's the ruling, Mr. Lawrence.

Of course you can always hire a lawyer

and take your case to court.

Hire a lawyer? I don't even know

where I'm gonna get the money to pay you.

Oh, I am a legitimate deduction.

Of course I could be persuaded

to take that refrigerator...

in lieu of the fee.

You might, huh? Well, at least then

I wouldn't have to pay an income tax on it.

Oh, you pay just the same.

- I what?

- Don't feel too bad, Mr. Lawrence.

I will have to pay

an income tax on it too.

Oh, so the government's gonna collect

twice on that refrigerator, how about that?

How about that, huh?

Does that sound honest to you?

You know, I might just not

pay this at all.

- In that case they would attach your salary.

- Then I'll quit my job and live on soup.

- They would attach this house.

- Then I'll burn the house down!

- What about that?

- Bill, it isn't Mr. Ferguson's fault.

I'm sorry, Mr. Ferguson,

I appreciate what you're doing...

That's quite all right.

You should see Mr. Woodruff...

when I make out his tax return.

Oh, my.

Well, er...

Do you mind if I take a look

at the refrigerator on my way out?

Of course not, Mr. Ferguson.

It's right through there in the kitchen.

Thank you.

- $7.000!

- What are we going to do, Bill?

We're just gonna have to start

selling the stuff, that's all.

The butcher offered me

20c a pound for that meat.

And he'll sell it right back to us

for a dollar a pound.

Yeah, I suppose so.

There's all this furniture

Leslie's throwing out, we could sell it.

Everything except this chair.

Don't let anybody touch my chair.

- I won't, dear.

- It's kinda like an old friend.

$7.000!

What about the State Tax?

- Hello, Harry.

- Hello, Bill.

Say, how about buying

your wife a diamond ring?

- How much?

- $2.000.

If I had $2.000 I wouldn't buy

my wife a ring, I'd run away from her.

How about a man's wristwatch?

Lady's lapel watch?

- Boy's pocket watch?

- Do you always greet people like this?

These days I do.

What have you got for lunch here?

What... peanut butter?

Yes, and you're not supposed

to like it, I am.

- Why don't you get your own?

- I don't have time.

I'm in 64 different businesses.

You know I almost sold the trailer?

But Leslie's living in it,

so Amy didn't wanna move him.

- Here, would you run that ad?

- What, are you selling everything?

Everything? I'm selling anything.

Your portrait too?

Portrait, what do you mean?

I hear you're being painted

by a lady artist who is quite a babe.

The way I get the story,

you're hanging around the hotel posing...

a lot more than seems

absolutely necessary.

- Is that what they're saying?

- It's pure envy, Bill, but that's what they're saying.

- Who?

- Nobody in particular.

In the bars, at the ladies' club meetings,

the locker rooms...

Well, she's not painting me,

she's painting Amy.

- Painting Amy?

- Sure, it's gonna be a surprise...

for her wedding anniversary.

She's painting from a photograph.

I hang around a little bit to keep her straight

on the coloring you know, the hair, the eyes...

Uh-huh, I like that.

That's a nice story.

You just run the add.

Excuse me, I gotta go.

Thanks for lunch.

No, fine...

You might like this one.

It's a little more expensive, however.

Oh, yes...

No, I think not.

I just don't seem to find what I want.

- But thanks just the same.

- Not at all. Come in again.

Uh, you didn't find

the watch you like, sir?

Huh?

- I say, you didn't find the watch you like?

Oh, no I didn't.

We just happen to have a brand new shipment

that might be just what you're looking for.

Would you care to see them?

- Yeah, sure.

- Right this way.

There we are.

How's that?

I just brought them down. Haven't had

a chance to put them in stock yet.

Oh, I see.

Well, not bad.

But I wanted a brown band.

Brown band?

Of course, I did have in mind a kind of a...

octagon shape sort of...

Octagan shape, brown band.

No, that's not it.

Let's see... here we are.

Octagon shape, brown band...

I also have it in white gold.

No, no, this is fine, fine.

Just what I've been looking for.

- How much is it?

- How's that?

- How much is it?

- Now, these are $100 dollar watches.

$89.50?

Including taxes?

Hm... sales tax, luxury tax, income tax...

I'll take it.

Yes, sir, I'll take it.

You live around town here?

Me, no. I come from

down in Clear Springs.

Oh, Clear Springs, I...

- Eighty nine...

- I know a lot of people down in uh...

Fifty...

Oh, would you mind having it

wrapped up for a present for me?

Uh... a present?

The girl doesn't seem to be here,

I'll wrap it myself.

Say, mister, could you tell me

where the venetian blinds are?

I'm sorry, we don't carry venetian blinds.

But the missus said there's a guy

in the store here selling them real cheap,

He won them

on some radio program called...

- Name the Mystery Husband?

- That's it.

You have the wrong store.

He works across the street at Osborn's.

Thanks, mister.

- Here you are, sir.

- Oh, that's fine. I...

- Good-bye, good-bye...

- Thank you very much.

Lawrence!

- Lawrence!

- Yes, Mr. Woodruff?

- Yes, sir?

- Let's get this straight!

This is my store. I pay the rent.

Only my merchandise is sold here.

- Yes, sir. But that man...

- Don't interrupt!

When customers come in here

looking for window shades...

don't bring up the subject

of venetian blinds.

Yes, sir.

Hello?

Yes, Bill.

Amy, I won't be able

to get home for dinner tonight.

I just got a tip on a fellow

that might buy the 7.500 cans of soup.

He runs a string of diners.

But Bill, I have such a beautiful

roast in the oven.

Honey, he's just gonna be in town tonight

- ...and you know, we've got to...

- I know, I know, the tax.

Oh well, I'm not very hungry

so I'll wait for you and we'll eat later.

- What?

- I said I have to see Hilda.

Posing again?

Oh...

Nothing. I didn't say anything.

Nothing, Bill.

I told you, nothing!

Just the next time you make these plans

I wish you'd give me a little advance warning

so I won't be left high and dry.

- Leslie.

- Oh, I didn't know we were dressing for dinner.

- We're going out.

- Out?

- You and I.

- Just you and I, not Mr. Lawrence?

Mr. Lawrence has gone

to the North Pole.

- I beg your pardon?

- And since he has, I'm going to swim the channel.

Huh?

Come along, Leslie.

You've got the eyes right,

but it seems to me...

Amy's hair is a little...

a little uh...

right there... it should be darker.

- Like so?

- Yeah...

- When must this be finished?

- Wednesday's our anniversary.

No... a little more right up there.

Now that's better.

You couldn't come over for dinner

Wednesday night, could you?

Sure would like you to be there

when I give this to Amy.

Why, that's very nice, but...

when I get this finished

I think it is better I go home.

Do you not think so?

Well, I don't know, I...

What's the matter?

Oh, it's nothing. When I work

too long my neck, it gets uh...

- Maybe a drink would help.

- Sure, sure, what would you like?

Whiskey and soda, I think.

- Bourbon is good.

- All right. Hello?

Say, give me the...

Er... never mind.

- What is wrong?

- Well, uh...

the bartender down here

is a friend of mine.

- Then we should have very good service.

- No, uh...

You see, I found out today that there's

a lot of gossip around about you and me.

- No.

- You know how it is...

the people around here

are sort of small town.

- And you are not.

- Well, I get around more, you know,

I go to Chicago on buying trips

and stuff like that.

It sort of gives me a broader

point of view.

Yes, yes, of course.

You ought to relax those muscles.

Sit over on the chair.

I'm a champ at this.

Now just... just relax.

And your wife, does she do

things that you and I...

Well, she was kind of cold over

the telephone this afternoon.

Your wife is like the mother

who told her little boy

not to put beans in his nose.

I don't know that story.

Well, he never would have thought to put

beans in his nose until she suggested it.

So as soon as she was not looking...

he put beans in his nose.

Oh, please do not stop, please.

Well...

Oh, I'll take this off.

Yeah, uh...

Hey, why don't you stand up here.

No, just turn around here.

Yeah...

I remember this from my football days.

Now just relax back.

No, no, not quite that much.

Now relax... put your head right...

Are you ready?

Hm-hmm.

Uh-oh!

Sorry.

- It's nothing.

- No, but I...

Maybe it is better

I put on something a little more...

Maybe it is, yes.

I will only be a minute.

- Still posing, Bill?

- Uh, yeah... but we're all through... almost.

Oh, that's too bad.

What's the matter?

I don't think that duck

s sitting very well.

I'm sorry, the menu said

Long Island duck.

If that duck came from Long Island,

it walked out of there.

I don't think it was the duck. I think

it was all the dancing on top of the duck.

- Amy, will you fix me a bromo?

- Of course, you poor thing.

- I'll bring it out to the trailer.

- Thank you very much.

Oh, Leslie, you do say

the funniest things!

And the Charleston I'm so glad

it keeps coming back! I just love it!

Oh, Leslie, this has been the most

enchanting evening of my life.

Oh, hello, dear.

Would you mind telling me

what this is all about?

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

I found myself with an evening

on my hands

so Leslie took me out

to Tavern Inn for dinner.

We had the most divine duck, and we...

- Hey, where are you going?

- Please, Mr. Lawrence...

I'll be right out, Leslie.

He wants me to fix him a bromo seltzer.

Well, that's a new approach.

I'll tell you what we'll do, Bill.

we'll fix two bromos.

I'll take mine out to the trailer,

and you can take yours

back to the Glenville Hotel.

- Oh, so that's why you...

- Yes, that's why I.

That's the joke of the year.

- Why don't you let me in on it?

- All right, I will.

We'll go down to the hotel right now

and I'm gonna show you something

and when I do

you'll get down on your hands and knees

and apologize to me.

Just wait till I get my shoes.

Are you sure you brought them home

with you, dear?

The more you say now, the more

you're gonna have to apologize for later.

- Third floor, Mr. Lawrence?

- Yeah, third floor.

- Who is it?

- Bill Lawrence.

- Who?

- It's me, Bill.

Bill!

Oh, you came back.

Amy!

- That's the bedroom furniture over there.

- Hm-hmm.

- It's very pretty.

- The bed looks good and sturdy.

Daddy!

Good morning, son?

Wh.. what's...

It's about the ad in the paper.

These people want to buy

the bedroom furniture.

What are you doing here?

Your mother locked me...

Never mind.

Well folks, it's...

a very fine type of furniture here...

it's genuine...

wood.

I'm sure you'll like it.

It's very...

...very comfortable.

I just slept like a baby.

Excuse me.

I didn't know this was second-hand.

I understood everything was brand new,

or I certainly wouldn't have bothered.

Phyllis, come on, now,

your eggs are getting cold.

I understand you have

a baby grand piano for sale.

That's right, that's right, come in.

- May I see the instrument, please?

- Yeah, it's right in here.

There she is.

Nice tone.

- Do you mind if I try?

- No, help yourself.

Harry Summers, please.

Hello, Harry?

- Harry...

Wait a minute, will you?

Hey... hey!

Hold it up a minute, will you?

I'm trying to use the phone.

Hello, Harry.

This is Bill.

Say, Harry, I'm going up to Chicago

on a buying trip today.

I just wanted... do you know anybody

up there that could use...

some of this jackpot stuff of mine?

You know, I still have that diamond ring...

and a whole lot of wristwatches.

You do? Who?

Flick Morgan.

He's a very sharp character, Bill.

Kind of a guy that'll try

and beat you down, so ask plenty.

Okay. And Harry...

let me put that address down.

Yeah...

Uh-huh.

All right, I got it.

Thanks a lot, Harry.

Bye.

It's all right now.

You can go ahead.

Oh, thank you!

Oh no, oh...

- Good morning, Phyllis.

- Good morning, Daddy.

Good morning, there.

- Who's that? The French maid?

- No, she wants to buy the washing machine.

We hooked it up so she could try it out.

That's her fourth row.

I'll hang these up to dry, Mrs. Lawrence,

while the other batch is washing.

Keep an eye on it for me, will you?

Yes, ma'am.

Phyllis, would you tell your father

there was a policeman here this morning?

Those fruit trees have to be

off the sidewalk by 5 o'clock.

Thank you.

Phyllis, would you tell your mother

that she'll have to get somebody else

to move the fruit trees

because I'm going to Chicago?

Are you two getting a divorce?

- What?

- Well, we have a right to know, Tommy and me.

You have indeed, fellas,

and you'll be the first to be notified.

Don't joke, Father. Children are the real

victims of broken homes.

I read an article in the Ladies' Home Journal

that said:

Children are the real

victims of broken homes, children are.

That article sort of repeats itself,

doesn't it?

It also said that when the parents

are always quarrelling,

this has a serious effect on the children...

and later in life it can change

their personality.

- Is that a fact?

- Yeah.

Well, Phyllis, sometimes I think a change

of personality might do you good.

And now, would you ask your mother

if she'd be kind enough to drive me

down to the station?

I have to catch the 9:15.

Tell your father the answer is no.

Good. Tell your mother I'll drive

myself to the train...

and leave the keys with the station master.

Bye, Daddy.

I want to buy a pack of chewing gum.

Sure.

I understand I can see Flick Morgan here.

- You do? Who told you?

- Harry Summers.

Oh, Harry.

Okay.

- Right through that door.

- Thank you.

In the stretch,

Sea Bird by three lengths.

Gallant Poise by a head.

Brunaheff third.

- The winner...

- Winner coming.

Gallant Poise.

Dobbert is second.

Brunaheff no show.

Ehhh!

Uh... can you tell me

where I could find Flick Morgan?

Sure, right over there.

The guy that's smiling.

Thanks a lot.

- Mr. Morgan?

- Yeah?

Say, my name's Lawrence, and uh...

Harry Summers told me to look you up.

- Oh, yeah, how's old Harry boy?

- He's fine.

He said he thought maybe

you might be interested in this.

Well, it's a nice-looking stone.

- Is it hot?

- What?

I said is it hot?

Hot... hot? No, no, I won it

on a jackpot program on the radio.

- Jackpot program?

- That's right.

Well, that's a new one anyway.

- How much do you want for it?

- Five thousand...

Five thousand dollars.

Hey, where are you going?

My ring!

- Where do you think you're going?

- I'm just going out...

Come on, come on, get over there.

Okay, everybody, hands on your heads

and line up against that wall.

We don't want any trouble

from anybody.

You're all under arrest

so just take it easy.

- Now Captain, I wasn't making any bets.

- No?

- What were you doing?

- I was just trying to sell a diamond ring.

Where is it?

- Well, he had it...

- Keep your hands on your head!

- Diamond ring, eh?

- Oh, those watches they...

- Keep quiet.

- They all belong to me.

- One of them I...

- Holy cow!

The guy's a walking jewelry store.

I won all those on a radio program...

Harry Summers...

Take him away!

I told you, I was minding

my own business.

I'd just come home from work.

We were gonna play canasta.

And the telephone rang

and I answered it...

and it was the Federal Broadcasting System.

And I'm gonna sue every one of you

for false arrest.

Listen, fella, if you don't cooperate,

we'll throw the book at you.

- Flick Morgan is your fence, isn't he?

- No!

Come on, bud, help us hang this on Flick

and we'll go easy on you.

Morgan was gonna buy this stuff

on you, isn't that right?

Yes... no.

- I don't know. I want a lawyer

- Where's the diamond ring?

What are you protecting Flick Morgan for?

Come on, tell the truth?

I told you.

I'd just come home from work.

We were gonna play canasta

and the phone...

Now listen, I don't have to answer

any of these questions!

I'm a citizen, I'm a taxpayer, I'm a...

oh, am I ever a taxpayer!

All right, all right,

let's not go into that.

You say you work for Mr. Andrew J Woodruff

at Glenville, Indiana?

I just told you that,

you don't believe me.

I'll give you a chance to prove it.

Here, call him up.

Ask operator for long distance.

You couldn't possibly have bought

this watch at my store.

- We don't carry this make.

- That's just what I told the gentleman.

I tell you I did buy it here!

And it don't work.

I want my $89.50 back.

What kind of a clip joint is this, anyhow?

I waited on you myself, sir,

but you couldn't find...

- It was a man sold it to me.

- A man? What did he look like?

How could anybody sell him

a watch we don't carry?

- Well, I only thought that if...

- Well, don't think so much!

Now...

- Yes?

- Mr. Lawrence calling you from Chicago.

Mr. Lawrence?

Mr. Lawrence.

Just a minute.

Take this man downstairs

and give him his $89.50.

And apologize to him for me.

Good day, sir.

Good day to you.

All right.

Put Mr. Lawrence on.

Hello, Mr. Woodruff?

It's Bill Lawrence.

Look, Mr. Woodruff, I'm kinda mixed up

in a little jam here, and uh...

it's a silly thing, but the police

want you to identify me.

The captain here doesn't believe

I work for you.

He doesn't, eh?

Well put him on.

A.J. Woodruff speaking.

Who's this?

Oh. No, captain, I have no

William J. Lawrence in my employ.

Of course I'm positive.

No one by that name on my payroll.

Yes, you can depend on it.

Not at all, Captain, it's a pleasure!

Good morning, Mr. Lawrence.

All right, buster, rise and shine.

Somebody just came in

and verified your story.

You're all cleared and accounted for.

You can go home now.

- Did you have a comfortable night.

- The beds were a little soft for me.

Come on, they're waiting for you upstairs.

Let's go.

Here he is, Captain.

- Hello, Harry.

- Hello, Bill.

- I drove up as soon as I heard.

- Seems like I owe you a lot these days.

Here, Lawrence, would you sign for this?

- What is it?

- The stuff you won in the jackpot.

You really did win a jackpot,

didn't you?

- Never met a fellow...

- Well, you've met one now!

Nix, nix, nix...

Thanks very much, Captain.

Come on, Bill.

How'd you find out about this?

Flick Morgan called me.

- Did he mention my ring?

- Why, has he got your ring?

You're darn right he's got my ring.

I wouldn't worry about it.

He's an honest Joe.

The people I talked to

didn't think so.

I had to say Harry James.

Why didn't I say Jacky Robinson

or Spike Jones?

- Even Aunt Jemima.

- Oh, you'll get straightened out.

Oh, no...

Gee whiz, when I remember how unhappy

I used to be in that rut I was in.

How I used to complain about it.

That nice comfortable rut.

Listen, Bill, you're going back

and make up with Amy...

and before you know it, you'll be back

in that rut again feeling fine.

- It won't be the same rut.

- Oh, yes it will.

- As soon as you get back home you'll...

- Harry, I...

I've been through a lot today.

How about stopping someplace

for a drink, huh?

Just one for the road.

- All right, but just one.

- Yeah, yeah.

There's a place.

Looks kinda friendly.

Hey, did I tell you tonight's

my anniversary?

- Yeah, pal, forty times.

- Right.

That's why you're going home

and celebrate with Amy.

- That's why we bought her the roses.

- But I can't go home.

I've been fired.

Did I tell you I've been fired, Harry?

- Pete Spooner told me and I told you.

- That is correct.

I've been fired.

I had to answer that telephone.

What are you shaking your heads for,

you would have answered it too.

Easy, pal, take it easy.

Easy, easy, pal.

Well, I guess we oughta stop for gas.

Buy me a glass. I'll drink it.

Buy me a glass, I'll drink it.

- It's long distance.

- Thanks.

Hello.

Yes, this is Mr. Spooner.

Oh, hello, Harry!

Yeah.

Bill?

No!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea.

Don't worry. You can count on me.

I'll spread the word around.

Okay, bye.

Well, thanks a lot, Harry.

Remember, Bill, be very g*y and happy

and don't tell Amy a thing.

Right!

Trust me.

Happy Anniversary, mother!

- Children, come on upstairs.

- Go on upstairs, children.

Hi, Tommy.

Phyl, how are the bogs?

Good old Phyl.

Amy, these are for you.

Hiya, Mother.

How about a little celebration?

Seems to me you've done

your celebrating. Overdone it.

Mother, it's our anniversary!

Thank you, lady.

- Hi, glad to see you.

- How do you do?

- I'll let you know tomorrow.

- Do that!

- Good night.

- Good night.

Good night.

Now, what was that?

That was number 8.

There was a string quartet here last night.

- Too bad you missed it.

- Too bad we can't have them tonight...

...we could have a celebration.

Come on, Mother, let's have a celebration.

- Phil, where have you been?

Secret. Harry told me not to tell you.

- Oh, so Harry was in on it.

- Oh, sure!

Well, if it hadn't been for Harry I would...

Ohhh no, you don't!

Oh, no, you're not gonna trick me.

You're not...

Well, if it isn't the old five-way

wire recorder,

air-conditioner, incubator, bar!

Hey, this is pretty good.

Come on, Mother, let's have a libation.

You name it and I'll dish it out.

I don't want anything... Father.

You don't want anything, Father?

What, you want me to drink alone?

Happy anniversary!

Why, Leslie, come on in.

I need a drinking partner.

Sorry, old boy, my stomach.

The duck.

Congratulations, however.

Well, this is a fine party.

I got a couple of...

t... to... toteetalers on my hand.

Rather an inauspicious moment,

wouldn't you say?

Very.

I doubt if he could even see it.

Well, we might as well go ahead

and get it over with.

Get what over with?

What are you two jabbering about?

Mr. Lawrence, we have

a nice little surprise for you.

Fine, I love surprises.

Well, if you'll just stand over here

for a moment.

Just about there will do.

Now then.

Are we ready?

Fire!

Ravishing, don't you think?

I think I'd better sit down.

Bill!

- Heavens!

- What happened?

Oh, Bill!

- What's that thing?

- That thing, Mr. Lawrence, is your chair.

It needed to be cut down,

so I cut it down.

You cut it down?

You cut my favorite chair...

For what?

What am I, a m*dget?

Now, don't get excited, Mr. Lawrence.

It was completely wrong.

- It threw the whole room off balance.

- Threw it off balance, eh? Why you!

Bill, really!

What?

What did I do?

You let him ruin my favorite chair

and he changes the den

into a funeral parlor

and puts the whole house turpsy-torvy...

and then you stick up for him!

Yes, I stick up for him

because you're wrong.

You stay out all night,

goodness knows where,

come home drunk, insult Leslie!

You ought to apologize to him!

- Me apologize to him?

- Yes, yes!

I ought to throw him off balance!

- That's what I...

- I wouldn't advise that in your condition.

Come on, come on!

Now, all together.

Happy Anniversary to you!

Happy Anniversary to you!

Happy Anniversary dear Bill and Amy!

Happy Anniversary...

to you.

Oh, you're awake, Bill, good.

- What time is it?

- Twelve o'clock. How are you feeling?

I know what you mean.

Here.

Well, it's all over, Harry.

- What is?

- Everything, my job, Amy.

And that singing.

Whose idea was that?

- Well, Bill, I thought it might help.

- Uh-huh, well, just do me a favor.

You know, Harry,

just don't help me anymore.

I see what you mean.

You'll feel better when you get cleaned up.

- Got a razor in there?

- I don't know.

Fine job of packing, huh?

Wait for me, please.

Hello. Is your father at home?

- No, ma'am.

- Your mother?

She is.

- Is that for us?

- Yes, it is.

I don't think we're taking

anything anymore.

Oh?

Hello, Mrs. Lawrence.

- My husband isn't here.

- May I come in, please?

- Certainly.

- Thank you.

Tommy, you run along

and play, dear.

I have the portrait here.

Oh, so there is a portrait.

Yes, and I hope that you will like it.

I don't think it matters very much

whether I like it or not.

Oh, I think when you see it

you will change your mind.

And you will find that you like it.

- It's of me!

- Yes.

Bill wanted to surprise you.

He wanted to give it to you himself.

But when I went to the Woodruff

store to find him

they told me he does not work

there any longer.

Yes, that's true.

- Will Bill be home soon?

- I wouldn't know.

I doubt it.

Oh, so it is like that, is it?

Yes, I'm afraid it is.

Thank you so much for the portrait.

It's really very nice.

I'm glad you like it.

It is not difficult to paint

such a beautiful face.

Thank you.

- Won't you...

- No, I have to go...

my plane leaves in half an hour

and my taxi is waiting.

You don't know where Bill is?

No, Mrs. Lawrence.

You were wrong about Bill.

I was a little wrong myself.

- Were you?

- Yes. He is very much in love with you.

I would think carefully

before you let him go.

To be truthful, if I thought

you were going to be so foolish...

I might not catch that train at all.

Good-bye, Miss Jones.

And thank you again.

Not at all.

- Mrs. Lawrence.

- Yes, Leslie.

You'll be very sorry to hear

that I'm leaving.

For my work I require an atmosphere

of rhythm and harmony.

What happened last night

has completely shattered me.

Why, Hilda darling.

You're here!

Is that your taxi?

Good, you may drive me to the station.

Good-bye, my dear.

You have my deepest sympathy.

Good-bye.

- How do you do?

- Yes?

Pritchard is my name, of the law firm of

Hammerhill, Pritchard and Scofield,

I've come to see Mr. Lawrence.

- He isn't here.

- Yes, I know,

I talked with Mr. Summers

at the newspaper office

Mr. Lawrence is on his way home.

May I wait?

- Of course. Won't you come in?

- Thank you.

Right in there.

Excuse me, I'll get this

out of your way.

It's perfectly all right.

Why does he want to see Daddy?

Are you and Daddy really going to...

- Children, go on upstairs.

- But I want to find out...

Then there's no question.

Just do as I say, run along.

Run along, Tommy.

Which one will you choose,

Mother or Dad?

I'm not going to choose anybody.

I'm going to stay right here.

I like it here.

- What's the matter with everybody?

- Oh, I don't know, Tommy.

Hello, Amy.

Mind if I come in?

Most of the stuff I packed is Tommy's,

I want to get my own.

Go right ahead.

Mr. Pritchard the lawyer's waiting.

All right, Amy.

- Mr. Pritchard.

- How do you do, Mr. Lawrence?

I think we'd better close these doors.

You'll excuse us?

I represent the firm of

Hammerhill, Pritchard and Scofield.

attorneys at law.

Whatever my wife told you is true,

Mr. Pritchard,

and I'm not going to contest anything.

I just hope you're not used to big fees

because this is one time...

Please, Mr. Lawrence...

All right, just say what you gotta say

and get it over with, huh?

Don't expect me to be calm about it.

Mr. Lawrence, I don't know

what domestic difficulties you're having...

nor can I be of any assistance to you.

That is not a branch of the law

with which I am familiar

nor have I any inclination

in that direction.

I'm here solely in behalf of my client,

Mr. Franklin Lasswell Morgan.

Mister who?

Franklin Lasswell Morgan.

Flick.

- Flick Morgan?

- Precisely. My client.

Well, what's that cheap crook

done with my diamond ring?

Unfortunately, in Mr. Morgan's

hasty departure the other day,

the ring, which was not a perfect fit,

slipped off his finger.

In short, it was lost.

In short, that's great.

However, Mr. Morgan is not only

an honorable man, but also a grateful man...

and he feels that in view of your

praiseworthy behavior in his behalf...

- Me?

- Oh, don't be modest,

Mr. Morgan is quite aware

of your refusal to implicate him.

We have certain friends

who have told us the whole story.

And Mr. Morgan wants you to know

that even though the ring has been lost...

...the loss is his own.

In short, Mr. Lawrence,

you have made a sale.

- You don't mind being paid in cash...

- In cash?

Oh, it's quite cool. You need have

no worry about spending this money.

Let's see now...

Hello, Amy.

I understand Bill's back.

- Yes.

- I'd like to talk to him.

Come in. He's busy,

but you can wait in the dining room.

Thank you.

Good day, Mrs. Lawrence.

I think you'd better take a look

at your husband.

He appears to be in a state

of acute shock.

Good day.

Good day, Mr. Pritchard.

Hey, Amy.

- Look. $5.000!

- Where did you get it?

Uh... Flick Morgan, a Chicago racketeer

- What for?

- I don't know.

- I think I kept the code.

- The code?

Honey, do you realize what this means?

We can use this to take care of the taxes.

We'd get back on our feet again.

We're out of the woods, honey.

All the time I thought that fellow

was your lawyer.

And I thought he was your lawyer.

You thought he was my lawyer

and I thought he was...

- Amy!

- Bill!

- Well, what do you want?

- I want to talk to you.

- Well, I don't want to talk to you!

- Oh now, look, Bill...

what I told the police was just a joke.

A joke, huh?

That's your idea of a joke!

Well, this is mine!

Oh, Bill!

Oh, good heavens!

I'd better get some smelling salts.

The phone, dear, the phone!

Hello!

Look, Bill, I want to tip you off.

You can hold Woodruff up for a raise.

He's on his way over to your place.

Yeah, you've got the job.

Vice-president!

Freddie? He lasted one day.

Mr. Woodruff.

Mr. Woodruff!

Here, Mr. Woodruff.

Here, Mr. Woodruff, come on.

Up you come.

Here, smell this.

Smell it... come on!

Bill!

Bill! What in the world

happened to you, honey?

Bill, Bill, wake up, baby.

Here, smell this.

Smell it! That's right.

That's the way...

Amy! Amy!

Bill, how did you make out?

Pack the trunks, honey.

We got three weeks' vacation.

No, how on earth did you make it?

I put my foot down, I said,

A.J. I've got to have two weeks' vacation or!

- Or what?

- I never got that far.

He said, Bill...

He calls me Bill now...

He said, Bill, take three.

- Oh, now we can take that trip to New York.

- No, no, no...

We're going someplace where

there's no telephone,

no radio, no modern conveniences,

except, of course,

for a few of the old-fashioned ones.

- What's that?

- I don't know.

Hello.

Yes, this is William Lawrence.

This is the Federal Broadcasting System,

Mr. Lawrence,

Will you be home tonight

between 9 and 10 o'clock to listen to...

What?

What did he say?

Next time you get any

bright ideas like that

you make your own telephone call.

And you too!

- And furthermore, you can...

- Bill, really!

Honey.

See, Phyllis, I told you

everything would be all right.