01x08 - Waking Quinn

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You'd better check
Under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is
Where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the Sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab
At the bottom of the sea ♪♪

Man, this is relaxing.

Don't go on duty
for three hours.

Mm-mm!

[HUMMING]

Wait till Dr. Quinn
sees this.

Ahh.

Three whole hours.

♪ Gonna show Quinn
This thing in my hand ♪

♪ Doo doo-doo doo-doo doo-doo ♪

♪ Gonna show Quinn
This thing that I got ♪

Ahh.

Yes.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Quinn!

Check this out, guy!

[POWERS UP]

Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!

Stormy, is that a hair dryer?

Man, be careful.

What?

I can't hear you!

This awesome new hair dryer
is way too loud!

Hey, idiot!

That's really dangerous!

Yeah, it's got a diffuser.

It's pro grade, dude.

Get away from here!

I'm in a pool...

of water!

Can't you see that?

Oh, yeah! You can see it!

No, no, no! No!
Here!

Don't!

[ZAPPING]

[MOANING]

Quinn?

Quinner?

[GARBLED SOUND]

[GARBLED SOUND]

[ECHOING]

[WHOOSHING]

[BUZZING]

[ECHOING]
Wake up.

[BUZZING]

Wake up.

Wake up.

Hey, wake up.

QUINN:
What?

Well,

why won't you, you know...

God!

Could you just let it go?

Well, you drink tea.

So?

So why won't you kiss me there?

Oh, that's it!

I'm sleeping on the...

[GLASS BREAKING]

Oh!

Where's the light?

[CLICK]

Not that you care,

but I have to be at work

in three hours.

Jerk!

Oh!

Ha ha!

No fish can withstand
the terrifying might

of my powerful spear g*n,

so capably wielded.

Here we go.

Hey, man.

What the...

Listen, here's the deal.

You're...
You're talking?

How about you let me go?

I've got to be at work
in three hours.

I'll be rich.

Come on, let me go.
I'll grant you a wish.

No way.

I'm gonna sell you to Ocean Land

for about a zillion bucks.

Well, then, this is the part
where I do...

this!

[DISTANT VOICES OVER RADIO]

CAPTAIN: Did they
tell you why, Marco?

Why they want to
terminate my command?

They told me you had gone
totally insane, sir,

and that your methods
were... unsound.

Are my methods...
unsound?

I don't see any method...
at all, sir.

CAPTAIN: Are you an assassin?

I'm a soldier, sir.

You're neither.

You're an errand boy,

sent by grocery clerks
to collect a bill,

so wet willie for you!

[SQUISHING]

[MARCO LAUGHING]

Hey, cut it out!

I swallowed a bug.

Holy crap!

Hey, man, do you know
there's toxic waste,

like, right over there?

Ugh.

Humans and their filthy,
ravenous machines,

spewing out vile toxins.

Might even be radioactive.

I think we ought
to get everybody out of...

Did you know
that the average fish today

contains more mercury
than a rectal thermometer?

Yeah,

I think I read that someplace.

Would you eat
a rectal thermometer?

Answer me, damn you!

Uh... no.

Well, I would.

Hey!

Ah, mercury,

sweetest
of the transition metals.

QUINN: Hey! a*s!

I got to be at work
in three hours!

Do you hear me?
I have to be at...

Hey. Chubby Cox.

I beg your pardon?

Stinky Pete's the name, Chubby.

I'm your...

your what-do-you-call-it...

your foil
in this little picture.

I was just a talking fish.

Well, I didn't see you
in that one,

but I bet you were
just boffo in it.

I have got to get out of here.

Don't worry, kid.
You're going places.

Chubby Cox
is gonna be a household name

one of these days.

Maybe this will work.

Hey, kid, what is with the fire?

What are you,
whacked out on goofballs?

Shut up!

This will work!
This will work!

This will work.

This will work.

What... What the...

Don't worry, Quinn.

Stinky Pete?

I've seen this on TV
about a jillion times.

What? What?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
What are you doing?

Reviving you!

No, no, no!
Wait! I'm...
Clear!

[ZAPPING]

Oh! Oh. Oh...

Oh, it's beautiful, man.
Freaking beautiful!

QUINN:
Here comes a song.

[♪♪♪]

That's it. Now, let's have
some of that beautiful fat,

you little Christmas ham.

Who's fatter than you?

Nobody!

Now, I want you to really

poke that fat, little belly out.

Oh!

That is hot, fat stuff.

That's a big cup of hot fat.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's hot, baby.

I just want to pinch your fat.

I just want to jiggle
your fat, little belly

and squeeze

your fat, little fat face.

Mm!

God, you're fat!

[GARBLED SPEECH]

ROSE:
Oh, cool!

A date with Chubby Cox!

OLIVER:
Chubby Cox?

What's so big about Chubby Cox?

I hate Chubby Cox.

I wouldn't touch Chubby Cox
with a 10-inch pole.

Don't you see

what Chubby Cox can do for us?

I lure Chubby Cox down here,

then we hold
Chubby Cox for ransom!

Brilliant!

Chubby Cox has
the number one show on TV.

Yeah.

All Up in It with Chubby Cox.

Hollywood'll pay millions

for their
precious, little Chubby Cox.

Take a letter.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Dear, sweet Chubby Cox...

You should go out with me
because I live down in Sealab.

We'll have ever so much fun.

We'll go swimming
with our pet seal, Stinky Pete.

I'm gonna get you, Stinky Pete!

Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

Oh, crap! Oh, crap!
Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Oh, crap!

Oh, crap on a crap cr*cker!

Safe-ah!

Stinky!

Stinky Pete!

That's me.

Ha, cha-cha-cha,

cha-cha-cha-cha!

Delicious.

Oh, what a riot.

That big, dumb shark

is never gonna
catch Stinky Pete.

[LAUGHING]

[PASSES GAS]

I farted!

Oh, I passed gas!

Oh, that one ripped...

[LOUD BANG]

[POP]

Ha, cha-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

Delicious.

[GARBLED SPEECH]

Oh, hey.
My head's back... on me.

[LAUGHING]
Hey, Carl!

You see that?

[SIGHS HEAVILY]

No.

Uh... hey!

You wanna drive
your go-kart around?

Nah. One tire's
kind of flat.

I got a pump.

Huh?

Pumpy.

No.

Well, what do you want to do?

Ooh, buh-nah...
I don't know, man.

Watch TV?

Hesh can watch TV at my house!

So go home.
I am gonna watch TV.

Hey. We gonna ride
Carl's go-kart?

No. Big, fat, stupid jerk.

Oh, then let's play
the hammer game.

Yay!

The hammer game! Yay!

k*ll it!
k*ll it!

Come on, make it dead!

Do it! Come on!
Keep it coming!
Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!
You like it!

Don't stop for nothing!

Yeah!
Go for it!

Dead! Dead! Dead!

Dead-dead...

or alive?

Quinn, what's the deal here?

[GROANING]

I knew you were alive.

Stop trying
to fake me out, dude.

You a*s!

Totally jerk league.

You never throw elec...

Wait!
You've got to check out

this bitchen
homemade Tesla coil!

Stormy, stop!

Are you that stupid?

[SEALAB THEME PLAYING]

[SPLASHES]

[ELECTRICITY ZAPPING,
QUINN MOANING]

[MOANING STOPS]

Hi. I'm Brett Butler.

You probably know me
as Dr. Quinn,

from TV's Sealab 2021.

Now, I didn't get this rich
by being stupid.

I would never do something

like you saw
in tonight's episode.

Electricity and water
just do not mix,

so be a winner like Quinner
and don't play with electricity.

Right, ladies?

Yeah, that's right.

QUINN: All right.

Yeah, a little harder, please.

A little hard...
Not that hard.

Not that hard. Not that hard!