01x12 - Stimutacs

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You'd better check
Under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
You'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab
At the bottom of the sea ♪♪

SPARKS:
All I wanted

was to make the world
a better place...

and make an a*s-load of money.

But it all went
so terribly wrong.

Hey, Skip.

How you feeling?

Feeling okay today?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Uh, oh, pretty good, you know.

Did you say "pretty good"?

Well, how'd you like
to feel really good?

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
See here, mister.

This is a clean ship,
and I won't have any of...

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Relax, skip.

It's merely
an herbal dietary supplement.

Gimme.

Gimme, gimme!

I call 'em Stimutacs.

Catchy, huh?
All natural.

Mostly kelp.

They give you more energy

and promote a...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gimme, gimme!

General sense of well-being...

Hey, come on! Hey.

Nothing. Give me
another one.

Hey, hey.

Give it a minute. You...

You've got to digest
the ingredients...

Look, I don't have all day

to start feeling good, okay?

Oh, hey...

[♪♪♪]

Whoa, hey!

Oh, hey, hey! It's, uh...

I mean, it's like a koala bear
crapped a rainbow in my brain!

Oh, h*, okay, captain.

Wow!

[TO HIMSELF] I'm gonna make
so much freaking money

with this stuff. I'm...

[CAPTAIN'S VOICE
RECEDING]

There he goes.

Dude, what's with Murphy?

Nothing.

Here, eat this.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

Should my physical self
feel created

from untold millions
of minute bubbles?

Uh, I don't know.

Sparks,

I have total cognizance

of every synapse
in my cerebral cortex.

No kidding.

I must ingest more
of the ovoid capsules.

Tomorrow.

What shall I do
until then?
Go...

bounce somewhere else.

Indeed.

Oh, uh, tell your friends.

QUINN: Do you even know
what's in it?

I don't care!

Colors are more vivid and...

and food tastes better, which...

actually, I haven't eaten
since yesterday, but...

but the air tastes better and...

Amazing air!

I have the energy of a bear

that has the energy
of two bears!

How are you hanging up there?

I dig my toes into the ceiling.

Into NASA-grade titanium?

Mm-hmm.

Don't you get it?
This isn't natural.

You shouldn't be that strong.

That's nothing compared
to my tele-ki-what-sis powers.

Behold!

Sir, what are you doing?

Silence!
I'm psycho-flexing.

Come on. Bend.

Rubber spoon, rubber spoon,

rubber spoon, rubber spoon,
rubber spoon,

rubber spoon, rubber spoon,

rubber spoon...
I'll be
right back.

Rubber spoon, rubber spoon,
rubber spoon, rubber spoon.

Yes.

Okay.

Rubber spoon...
Captain,

it is not the spoon
that you wish to bend,

but rather
the will of the spoon.

You just bought yourself

a ticket to pretzel town,

buddy!

[STRAINING]

Damn your non-metal body!

I told you already.
I made it.

You "made" a drug?

"Herbal supplement."
Totally safe.

Look, it's, like,


for crying out loud.

Kelp is crap.
What's the other 1 percent?

Secret ingredient.

What is it, Sparks?

Can't tell you.

Yeah, well, your little secret
is driving everybody crazy,

and now they're all addicted.

Yes, so now I'm gonna
start charging for it.

You can't test drugs on humans.

There are rules, procedures.

It has to be tested
on animals first.

Why?

Why does all the crap we consume

have to be tested
on animals first?

Because that...

A rat doesn't
wear lipstick, okay?

A rabbit doesn't use hair spray.

A monkey doesn't need pills

to get ramped up
for hot monkey sex!

It's people, man.

We're miserable,

so why shouldn't we
try it all first?

Well...

you've got a point
there, actually.

I'll try it.

Really?

Um, yeah. Give me one.

It'll be... scientific research.

That's the old pepper.

I, uh...
I just need a glass of water.

Uh, let me know how it works!

I wonder if it's legal
to sell this stuff to kids.

I will now bend
this Stillson wrench

using my psycho-flexative
powers.

Come on. Bend.

Oh, wow.

I bet I could k*ll a guy

with my toes.

Captain, give me that.

Oh, yeah!

Hey! My wrench!

Ah!

Whoa.

I'd be totally hacked
if Stimutacs weren't so...

Outrageously chill?

Word.

Stormy.

Float your a*s over here

and magic me up another wrench.

Me, captain?

Oh, yeah!

You're not
for earthly goods and pleasures.

Cast off this taint
and become taintless.

Hey, hey, shut up. It's 4:20!

Word up.
Time to go get some more pills.

Okay, Sparks, let's see here.

Kelp. Kelp.

Wait a min...

Oh, my God.
That's the secret ingredient!

Toxin from the fugu,
the world's most poisonous fish.

Its venom causes
massive neurological damage.

That's what's causing
the side effects.

I've got to warn the... Aah!

Oops. Dart in your neck.

You crazy-a*s son of a... Shh.

Ride the Stimutacs.

Stimutacs?

My God, do you realize
what you've done?

[♪♪♪]

Give me another one.

[CHUCKLES]

I knew you'd see the light.

Light! Light!

A thousand points
of delicious light,

sparkling like diamonds
in my brain!

Ooh, man!
Are you digging this air?

This air rules.

CREW: Sparks! Sparks!
Sparks! Sparks!

SPARKS:
Hey, whoa, whoa.

Hey, I'm serious here, people!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'm serious here, people.

No money, no Stimutacs.

Who's next?
Me!

Me, me, me, me, me, me!

♪ Me, me, me, me ♪

Hey, I think I need
to up my dosage,

because I'm not, you know,
like, feeling it like before.

One! Everybody just gets
one little pill.

Why?
Hey!

Are you running out?

Form a line!
Hey, he's
running out!

Hey, me first.
Get in line,
We're not out! Batman!

No frontsies.
I've got
to catch up.

It is imperative

that we be given preference
over these mendicants.

Marduk commands it.

Who the hell is Marduk?

The Sun God who
dwells inside me.

In front or in back?

Marduk, son of Iah,
slayer of Tiamat.

Marduk rules.

He totally does.

I want Marduk the Sun God

in me!

Everybody shut up!

Look at yourselves!

You're... You're like zombies!

Debbie? Debbie? Look at me.

What you need inside you
is some food.

If I eat food,

there won't be any room
for Marduk, slayer of Tiamat!

Marduk desires not
the barren wasteland

of your desiccated viscera.

He totally doesn't.

Hey, Marduk can
kiss my black a*s,

because I need
some more Stimutacs!

Quit being a b*tch
and pill me up!

b*tch? All right, that's it.

No more Stimutacs!

Everybody, get out!
The pharmacy is closed!

QUINN:
Closed?

DEBBIE: No, you can't
do that!

Hey, hey, hey.
Get back.
[ALL SHOUTING]

Everybody, get back!

Hey! It's...

No! No!

I need Stimutacs!

Get off! Get off!

STORMY:
Marduk commands it.

I need some Stimutacs!

CAPTAIN:
Gimme! Gimme!

Uh... later.

DEBBIE:
Get off of me!

Move!

MARCO:
Hey! Don't hit my hair!

Well, that's the last of it.

Just in time too.

Those guys are out of my...

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

DEBBIE: Sparks?

MARCO: Open this door,
Sparks, you b*stard!

CAPTAIN:
Come on, Sparks,
open up!

Hey!

There's no more Stimutacs, okay?

The fugu fish is extinct now,
thanks to...

Well, thanks to yours truly,
but whatever.

There's no more Stimutacs,
you freaks!

Look at yourselves!

Look at what you've become!

CAPTAIN:
Punch it, h*-bag!

DEBBIE: Hyah!

CAPTAIN: He's getting
away! Stop him!

He's got Stimutacs!
Hyah!

All that...

I'm coming in!

So long, suckers!
Good luck in rehab!

ALL: No!

We'll get you for this!

No!

[ALL WHINING AND SHOUTING]

You b*stard!

Come back here,
you dirty Republican!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

Damn!

Ah, damn it!

Ah, damn!

SPARKS: And so...
I barely escaped.

As for the crew of Sealab,

well, in the end,

sl*ves to their own
insatiable hunger

for my creation,

they destroyed themselves.

Somehow.

But my journey continues,

and where it will take me,
no one really knows.

But...

I am not alone.

Right, Marduk?

Eat some more pills, pillhead.

You totally rule.

I totally already know that.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Sea ♪

♪ Lab ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

Sealab.

MAN: Rubber spoon,
rubber spoon, rubber spoon.

Yes.