02x13 - Return to Oblivion

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're lookin' for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is
where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath
the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

Oh, my ribs!

Ben, go get help!

[Ben squeaks]

Good girl.

Ben? Ben?

[Ben squeaks]

Ah, great!

Cut!

Hal, could you suck
at it any harder?

Oh, crawl back in
your bottle, rummy!

You're sucking it.

Damn bug can't
hit his stupid mark.

You shut up
on the bug.

Bug is good.

Oh, turn it off, prescott.
Turn it off!

What about the dailies
from yesterday?

I said enough, prescott.

Didn't you hear him?
Enough, he said!

Clam it, you yes-brains!

Yes, j.j.!
Tip-top, j.j.!

Haven't heard anything
smarter than that!

Prescott, sealab's
out of control.

Overbudget!
Weak story lines!

It's like "fishtar"
down there.

Good one, j.j.!
Top hole, j.j.!

You're freaking hilarious!

Don't forget
sealab-con-scam-gate.

I've never been
more ashamed!

I'm disgusted!

I'm embarrassed!

I'm all those things
that end in "e-d."

This is their
last chance, prescott!

So, get down there.

Snoop around.

That's what you're
good at, isn't it?

Get the dirt.
Scuttlebutt.

Skinny.
The dope.

The skinny dope.
Wait a minute.

Where's my dope?
Left at home.

Are you sure?
Pretty sure.

In the car?
Call the dealer.

All right, come on!
Button up! Clam it! Stow it!

Prescott, find out if
the show can be salvaged.

And if it can't?

You know what to do.

[J.j. Laughs sinisterly]

Yes, j.j.

Hmm, yeah.

So, stormy's
really thirsty here.

[Burps]

Drowning
in a river of thirst.

Big, muddy,
thirsty river.

Yeah, dude!
That's you drowning.

I'm feeling it.
Let's go!

All right, then.
Action, [bleep].

How 'bout that?

[Grunts]

Give me my change!

God. You're crushing
my spine!

Nice ad-lib, hal!

Yeah! Yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.

Go with that!

Seriously!

You're breaking
my [bleep] back,

You [bleep]!

Hey, miller,

He knows this
is tv-pg, right?

Prescott!
No, no, no, no, no, no!

Say, pres!

Hey, hal!

How's the ponies
treating you, pal?

Ha ha ha!
Pres!

Look at me!
Look at me!

Prescott, what the hell
are you doing on my set?

Well, now, technically

The set belongs
to the network, right?

[Slurred] yeah, right.
What are you doing on my set?

Pres, I think
my back's broken.

Prescott: you're
looking good, halie.

You're aces!
You're number one!

You're my guy,
and I love you!

The network's
a little concerned

That things aren't,
you know, quite on track.

I can't work with
a bunch of bean counters

Looking over my...

Shoulder.

You won't even know
I'm here.

Whoa!

[Clatter]

You'll barely know I'm here.

Sorry about that, dave.

No worries, pres.
Ha ha!

Erik: what the hell's
he doing here?

I don't know, dude.

Snooping around, I guess.

Well, keep him away
from the trailer.

The network
must never find out.

What are you doing
in there?

No, nothing like that.

More of a fact-finding
trip, you could say.

Hush, baby-waby.

Well, here's a fact for you:

I am sick and tired
of my character being

This sex-crazed uber-sl*t!

Yes, I've been meaning
to speak to the writers.

Shut the [bleep] up!

The writers, exactly!

They suck.

And speaking of...

Oh! Oh!

You don't want to
suck that.

That's
the potty tentacle.

Well, what about that one?

Actually,
you know what?

I'm g*y.

How am I supposed
to scuba-dive in this?

No, man, the scuba mess
is all played out, man.

It's tired.
Come here, come here.

Come here, come here,
come here. Come here.

Now you solve crimes.
Crimes?

No, yeah, yeah!

You cruise around
in this macked out caddy, man,

With your partner.

Partner?! Wait.
What partner?

My brother
by another mother!

What's up, brett?

Ready to kick
it old-school style with kid

And turn this b*tch out?

♪ Whacka-chick a-wacka
whacka-chick a-wacka... ♪

It's fat city, dad!

Ah, man.
[Bleep] off.

What's his problem?

Um...

Who are you?

Chump, don't make
me pull out the pump,

You jive turkey!

Dude, he's got
little sucky cups!

Dude, is that polio?

Yeah, yeah.

That's exactly what it is.

Listen, you boys
are spending time

With the on-set tutor,
right?

Tutor?
We barely know her!

[Kids laughing]

Funny stuff.

Mmm! These craft
service foods

Don't look very nutritious.

Dude,
we never eat.

Really?

Say, how old are you boys?




Kids, time for your
special vitamins!

Mr. Estrada?
[g*nshots]

It's prescott
from the network!

Mr. Estrada!

I'm doing yoga!
I mean pilates!

I've got a residual
check for you.

Let's see it!

Oh, ha ha!

I made that up!

Listen, if you
want to get paid,

You actually have to
show up on the set.

Really?

You know,
the network really...

[Sniffs]

What is
that fishy smell?

Yeah, you might want to get
that checked out, hombre.

So, ahem, listen...

You want to bust somebody
about not being on the set,

Start with logan.

Ooh, yeah.

Me love your chair.

Does it go up and down?

Damn you, sir!

And damn your chair!

Hey.

Great stuff! Great! Yeah!

But you were contractually
obligated to sealab.

The network feels
the movies are...

Hey, look, there's
enough of the loganator

To go around...

The loganator!

Oh!

Oh, that's too good.

Ok, logan... Me...
Futuristic supersoldier

Goes back in time to
keep archenemy from...

Preventing invention
of the chair.

I'm sorry. Go ahead.

The network feels
the movies are...

Wait! Also he rescues
a little boy,

A little crippled boy.

The network feels...

Da-da-da-da-da!

Soderbergh.

Just make sure
you two fat finks

Have your story straight.

Yeah, man.
You told us.

Mum's the word on
the vitamin shots.

Yeah, man.
You told us.

Or no more "mommy's
little helpers."

Yeah, man.
You told us.

We're short,
not stupid.

[Chain saw revs]

Prescott: no, even worse.

There are some very weird
goings-on down here, j.j.

Get to the bottom
of it, prescott.

To the bottom.
Of the barrel.

The barrel with the monkey.

Get to the bottom of the
barrel with the monkeys

And talk to the monkeys.

The monkeys say yes,
you say no.

Say yes, yes, no, no.

They'll know what you mean.
They're monkeys...

I'll call you later,
big brain.

Whoo!

[Babies crying]

Mea culpa, dave.

No worries, pres.

Ugh, this show gets
worse every day.

My character's
a kindergarten teacher.

What's she need
a g*n for?

Hey, hey!

I smell a spin-off!

[Woman sniffs]

Ecch! I smell
potty tentacle.

And that ain't
a good thing, baby.

Ha ha! Right!

Say, do either of you...

Oh, please, buzz off,
squiddly diddly.

Whoa, whoa!

Real hot little number, huh?

Would you mind
if I asked her out?

Why the hell
are you asking me?!

Well, no, you know.
I just thought that perhaps...

Heard you
were g*y, anyway,

You tentacle-having,

Sigmund the
sea monster-looking mo...

Man, I tell you, I'm'a kick
that tentacle up your a*s.

No, I just told kate that.

Oh, don't worry...

That's a nonpotty one.

Ha! But let me ask
you something...

Can we just get
the damn shot

So I can get out
from under...

Oh, what's the point,
man, you know?

This shot, that shot.

At the end of the day, it's just
pixels flying through space.

And what do you got
to show for it?

A crushed spine?

You got a big house.
You got a lot of money.

You got a hot, big-lipped
ex-model wife who hates you

And who you've suspected,
for not sure is, you know,

With the, you know...

Accounting.

[g*nsh*t]

Bagged it!

Give me that!

Oh, papa's getting
a new bag, baby!

Hey, miller,
got a second?

A bag for papa!

Hey, brett?
Hey, hal.

Miller, listen...

Bag it up for daddy.

Brett, where'd you
get those shoes?

Not now, hal.
Look, miller...

Oh, my god!

Prescott's gonna tell
the network I've lost it.

Oh, he's gonna tell them
a lot more than that.

Shut up!

About our little secret.

He doesn't know anything!

Hal: 'cause those are really
great shoes, you know!

Yeah, um, yeah.
He knows everything.

Oh, [bleep]!

It was those damn twins!

They told him
all about the...

Human anti growth serum!

My god, you've been
sh**ting up those kids

With this junk
to keep them small

So they won't grow up
and leave the show!

What the frick-frack?

Oh, I'll get you little
[bleeps] for this!

Dude, he already
knew. Dude...

Somebody else told him.

You're gonna burn
for this, virjay!

This is nothing compared
to what estrada is doing.

I'll be the judge of that.
He...

[Virjay sniffs]

Oh, that was
the potty tentacle!

Dude, not cool!

Holy crap-a-roni!

[To tune of jingle bells]
♪ dolphin meat, dolphin meat ♪

♪ Nature's greatest treat ♪

♪ Oh what fun it is to eat ♪

♪ That damn, damn dolphin meat ♪

♪ Yeah ♪
oh, the dolphins!

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

All units, move in. Go!

Oh, man, those
blabber-mouth kids!

Come on! Come on!

I'm only going with you
because I'm drunk.

God! It's hot in here!

Put your damn... Wha!

Driver, step out
of the vehicle!

Drop the dolphin

And slowly put your blood-soaked
hands behind your head!

This is the child
welfare agency!

Where are
the children?

Oh, take that...
Dude!

You little b*stard boys!

[Kate yells]

[Kate laughing]

This is turner
standards and practices.

Put your breasts
back in your shirt,

You dirty wh*re!

They're blurred out,
you stupid [bleep]!

[Burps]

[Kids laughing]

Ow! Ow! My face!

This is helicopter
traffic control!

There are too many
helicopters here!

Ha ha ha! Yeah!

[Police siren]

We're never gonna
get this shot

With all this
damn noise!

Whaah!

No, I don't think we
can salvage it, j.j.

You know what
to do then.

[J.j. Laughing]

And do it I shall, j.j.

Fire!

Fire... Oop!

Ha ha.

Got to stop meeting
like this, dave!

No worries, pres!

[Babies crying]

Man, I wish I
still had that g*n.

Ha ha! I do have it.

Aah! My back!

You think next season we...

Ow!

If there even
is a next season.

Why?

What have you heard?

[c*ck p*stol]

Good work, prescott.

You took a dirty job,

And you burned it
to the ground.

You burned it down.

You burned the whole thing
down like the firestarter.

Little drew barrymore.

You ruined my heart,
my hopes, my dreams.

But in a good way.

I don't mind you
so much, prescott.

You're a bad golfer.

Well, it wasn't
a total loss, big brain,

Thanks to our informant,
brett butler.

At least we got
a new series out of it.

Brett butler is back
to do a job on the mob

As chunk.

There ain't no hope for
dudes that deal dope!

With debbie love
as golden brown.

You want to know
how sweet I am,

You better
ask somebody!

When I think about
the fun I could have had

With a good-looking
black stud like you.

You're
damn right!

Also starring
kid as huggy kid.

I should have kicked
your punk a*s

A long time ago.

Come on!
Where's mr. Big?

Holy crap!

Have no fear,

Chunk is here.

I'm being blaxsploited!