03x03 - Red Dawn

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is where
you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the... Sealab ♪

♪ Underneath
the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

[Cheering]

As the history, hitherto,
of class struggles

And modern
bourgeois society,

Class antagonisms,
feudal something
of oppression,

Serfdom, bourgeoisie,
tottering feudal society,

And victory
for the proletariat.

That's you.

[Cheering]

Power to the oligarchy.

Good night.

No, the... The chin
isn't jutting enough.

Yes, commissar.

It don't mean butt,
if it ain't got that jut.

Know what I'm saying?

Yes, commissar.

In fact,
put that on a poster.

Yes, commissar.

Um, sir, again,
I must express my...

Concerns a-about
the kelp harvest.

Nobody touches the kelp.

Sir, please.

Never say "please."

It means you're weak
and blithering.

How's that, phil?

There is a specter
haunting sealab,

And that specter
is my 5-year plan.

But the kelp is
rotting on the vine.

[Squeals]
whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

What the hell
is that?

Napoleon,
minister of agitprop.

Napoleon? Like,
from animal farm?

Stop it. No!

Hey, he likes you.

Shoo! Shoo!
Yeah, yeah.

You know, when he snuffles
your crotch like that,

That's good.

Sir, orwell
was using animal farm

As an allegory
to expose the inherent
flaws in commu...

Oh! Shoo! Bad pig!

What, do you got truffles
in your pants?

Commissar,
I have rehabilitated

Another group
of the party's enemies.

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Yeah, what does
"rehabilitated" mean again?

"Beaten the asses of."

Ha! Ha! Ha!
Yeah, I love newspeak.

Quinn, what were you saying?

And do it in newspeak.

No, I wasn't.

Something about
inherent flaws.

Uh, the bust...
The chin...
Doesn't jut.

I was just saying that.

I'm jutting it more,
commissar.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

We need to
rehabilitate phil...
In the face.

And I think the great struggle
is all made up,

And the only thing
we're struggling against is him.

So... So you're s...

You're...
So you're saying
murphy is bad?

Well, this idea is bad.

The kelp harvest
has all rotted, and...

Wait, y-you're saying
communism is bad?

What, are you 2 years old?

Hasn't history proven
that marx's vision

Of an egalitarian utopia
is unattainable,

Inevitably creating
an oligarchy more oppressive
to the proletariat

Than the bourgeoisie
it vilifies?

I have to pee.

I'll go with you.

And then he said

That communism was bad
and you were bad, too.

You did
the right thing, son.

I feel cleansed.

Snitchin' is bitchin'.

Phil, engrave that
on something.

And, debbie,
anything to add?

Just that it was
quinn and stormy

Saying all those
bad things.

What?
No, no, no! I...

Tell your story swinging.

Smooth move, ex-lax.

God, all right, already.

Just let it go.

Let it go?

The only thing that
ought to be let go
around here is me.

Quinn,
we're letting you go.

Yes!
Oh, man!

So you can build us
an atomic b*mb.

Oh, man.

Try to get word
to my mother.

Man, f-your mother.

The great leader.

Friend to all animals
and children.

Good stuff.

H-hey, what kind of
bird is that?

An eagle, commissar.

Yeah, well,
make it a parrot.

[Mumbling]
I don't care
how hard you work.

Debbie, I want you
to go undercover.

Anything
for the party,
commissar.

Yeah, start, uh,
seducing people and stuff.

S-sir?

Start slinging it around.

Try to dig up
some more enemies
for the party.

Uh, sure.

Remember,
it's not what the party
can do for your pooty,

It's what your pooty
can do for the party.

Phil, you gotta
give it up for that.

Man, why didn't
I just keep my mouth shut?

I had everything I needed:

Bread, vodka,
vodka-soaked bread.

Ah-choo!

And I further pledge
that before the decade is out...

[Cheering]

Shut up!

Before the decade is out,
we will have an atomic b*mb.

[Silence]

Now!

[Cheering]

Now the ladies.

[Women cheering]

Now guys,
give it up for the ladies.

[Men cheering]

And we're quiet.

You rock!

But not too quiet.

[Cheering]

So, we're gonna get a big,
honking atomic b*mb, people,

And we're gonna use it...

Maybe to get
some stuff we want

By implying that we will use it
to blow something up.

Like a church!

Or we'll just
blow something up.

I am the opiate
of the masses.

Good lord.
Sonar to conn.

Emergency!

Captain, get sinkpac
on the horn.

Roger.

Roger!

Damn it, roger.
Get in here.

Yes, admiral?

Get me the president
on the phone.

You'll have
to hang up first.

When are we gonna get
that damn second line in here?

I'm still shopping
for a good rate.

Lousy democrats.

I, er, uh,
have a, uh,

Urgent situation in
the, uh, situation room.

Hurry back.

Will do.

Uh, in the,
uh, meantime,

Uh, meet
my brother the, uh,
attorney general.

I, er, uh, need someone
to file my briefs.

Bob, you're an a*s.

Hey, hey!
The g*ng's
all here, huh?

Oh, hiya, sam.
You sit tight.

I'll have the steward
bring up, er, uh,

A pitcher
of tom collinses just
the way you like 'em.

Mm-hmm.

Yep.

Uh, tell me again,
what am I looking at?

The atomic b*mb
you made me build.

Oh, yeah.
All right, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

This is it, huh?

Something wrong?

Does it, uh, I mean,

Are we married
to this color?

Steel?

Nah. Hey,
it'll blow the crap

Out of something though,
right?

Well,
it's 200 megatons, so...

I didn't ask
for a graduate course
in nuclear...

Whatever. Physics.

It'll... It'll
blow the crap
out of something.

Then get it loaded
on the plane.

The plane?

The top secret
x-2 b*mber.

Uh...

Oh, yeah, I mean,
we're gonna need
a top secret x-2 b*mber.

I kind of
had dinner plans.

Hey, I've got
tons of plans.

You don't
see any of them
getting done, do you?

Intelligence reports
indicate they've
already got the b*mb.

And now...

They're working on
a top secret b*mber.

Aw, damn it to hell.

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

Oh, uh, sorry, padre.

Look, there,
uh, general,
don't we have bombs?

Are you saying
we launch a preemptive
nuclear strike

Against sealab?
[Giggling]

You're going
to b*mb sealab?

You, uh...
You weren't supposed
to hear that.

But they don't
have any weapons.

And just how
do you know that?

Uh, well...

Oh, way to go,
mr. President.

You've bedded
yet another spy.

Oh, dry up, ed.

You know
rosenberg was framed
as well as I do.

I say take
some pliers to her.

Find out what she knows
about sealab.

But sealab doesn't
have any weapons.

Oh, right.
And I'm not the son
of a bootlegger.

Now that, my boy,
is a weapon.

Can I get out from under
all these shotguns now?

Well,
you're gonna have to...

When you're flying
this bad boy

To the united states
of oppression.

Oh, man.

Mr. President,
they've launched

Some sort
of top secret b*mber.

You stay put, padre.

I'm gonna get
that crazy hat off you

If it's
the last thing I do.

Mr. President!

Well, let's scramble
all bombers

And nuke those dirty
sons of b*tches
once and for all.

Uh-uh-uh-uh.

I'll put a quarter
in the jar, padre.

It's gonna rock
to blow stuff up.

Well, we'll see
about that.

You better not
have some sort of plan...

Hey, look!
A little chee-chee bird.

Where?

Ha ha ha ha.

Our bombers
are on the way, sir.

Fine. Now, get that
hot little spy
cleaned up.

I'll be in the mood
for a celebration
after we blow the...

White house, come in.
Come in!

Their b*mber
is trying to contact us.

I want to defect
to the united states.

I won't b*mb you.

I just want to land.

How do we know
this isn't one of your
dirty commie tricks, huh?

I... Promise?

Good enough. Ed,
call back our bombers.

They can't
be called back, sir.

Son, ed here tells me

We can't call
our bombers back.

What?

Are we sure
about that, ed?

Uh, yeah.

Sorry about that.
[Telephone ringing]

Oh, pardon me
a moment, will you?

Yello?

Get ready
for a baptism of fire,

You capitalist
oppressive pig-dog.

That you, commissar?

Well, er, i, uh,
have your pilot
on the line as well.

Hi.
He says he wants
to defect.

What?
How do you like
them apples?

Well, you can tell him
to forget about
the statue.

Oh, man.

I have to inform you
that, uh,
we've launched our,

Uh, uh,
nuclear bombers.

I knew you'd pull
a trick like that.

Well, you launched
yours first, comrade.

Well, I knew
you'd launch some back.

Oh, yeah? Well... Hang on.

Son, listen here.

Now, when our bombers
reach their target,

We're gonna hear
a high-pitched tone.

I'm gonna rehabilitate
your a*s up and down this...

[High-pitched tone]

And that would be
the sound

Of the commissar's
phone melting.

Oh, my god!
You bombed sealab?

Well, unless their phone
spontaneously melted.

Uh...
Which they're...

No.
Telling me isn't likely.

Oh, the humanity!

Now, listen to me.

Bombing us
won't bring them back.

Two wrongs
don't make a right,

And such, and so forth.

Right. Yes.
I'll land the plane.

Super!
I tell you what,
my friend,

You, uh,
land yourself at andrews
and, uh, come on over.

We'll have some,
er, uh, tom collinses

And I'll introduce...
Ha ha, well,
you know her...

Hot little blonde
from sealab.

What, debbie's there?

Oh, h*! Hell, yes.

Yes, quite
a fast piece of,
er, uh, baggage there.

In fact, my brother's
probably hosing her down
as we speak.

Ha ha!
We can share, huh?

What?
You know I'm into that.

You filthy b*stard!

Son, you still there?

Hello?

Nobody shucks my corn but me!

Holy crap!
Did you see that?

The damn phone just
melted spontaneously.