03x11 - Craptastic Voyage

[bunniefuu]

But, doc, that tumor's
gonna k*ll him.

You've got to operate!

He won't let me.

As an alvian
scientist,

His religion
forbids it.

Well, prayer isn't
gonna heal him.

Well, duh.

Are you all talking
about me?

No. Once again,
we are talking about
your tumor.

God, don't
give it a name.
That gives it power.

Sir, please.
Let virjay operate.

No. The church
of alvis scientist
says prayer heals all,

And so it shall be
with my god canker.

Plus,
I finally got a date
with debbie love,

And I want it to be perfect.

[Clears throat]
now, if you'll
excuse me.

[Crash]
damn.

Great.
So now what do we do?

Well... No,
it's too risky.

What? Tell us.
What is it?

We use the shrink ray
to make deep diver
and a crew

Very, very tiny.

Then we put them
into shanks.

They sh**t the tumor
with lasers

And zoom,
out through his nose.

You really think that'll work?

Well, I guess we'll see.

Yeah, a shrink ray.

Just like that time on
muppet babies.

When scooter had
spinal meningitis.

You guys see that one?

Hang on.

[Applause and cheering]

So, yeah,
I think we have a clip.

What's that, freddy?
Uh, freddy's signaling me.

[Sighs]
[laughter]

What?

You look dynamite,
by the way.

Oh, thanks.

How were your holidays?
What?

Oh, you're kidding.
Freddy says we don't
have a clip.

[Laughter]

Hey, we're going
to take a break and
get this sorted out.

Ok, people.
We only have 11 minutes

Before we go back to full size,

And if we're still in him,
he dies.

So, sparks, you've got to get
the dart in his carotid artery
or we won't...

Got it. Thanks.

Thank you.

Oh, crap.
How the hell am I gonna

Find the damn thing
and inject it?

Hey, we're gonna take a break
and get this sorted out.

Whoa!

Ok. We're in.

Ow!

Oops. Dart in your a*s.

What the hell did you
do that for?

Because shut up.

Man, this is nasty.

I'm never eating
people again.

Oh, my god.
Is that... Poo?

Oh, man, we're in the colon.
Sparks!

Thanks for calling onsparks.

You injected us
into his a*s!

Yeah. Carotid artery.

That's in the neck!

No, it isn't.
Yes, it is!

Yeah, ha ha ha.
I know.

Damn it!

Ha ha.
Hang on a sec.

Thanks for
calling onsparks.
How may I help you?

[Indistinct shouting]

Ok. Ok, just calm down.

Ma'am... Ok... Would you
shut the hell up, b*tch?

Dude, I got to take this.

Damn it, he hung up.

Never mind that. Look!

Mother...

Stormy! White blood cells!

Oh, my god!

Let's dance, you b*stards!

Twelve o'clock high, stormy.

Look out!

Eat it! Eat it!
Eat it! Eat it!

They're surrounding us!

There's another one.
sh**t it!

Woohoo! I got one!
Great, kid.

Don't get c*ck.

Shut up.

[Indistinct]

Stay on target.
Stay on target.

Look out!
I can't take 'em!

Get them.
Get them.

Beautiful, man.

Real beautiful.

Oh, my goodness.
This is beautiful.
Real romantic.

You know I only
agreed to go out with you

Because I feel bad you're
going to die soon, right?

Just as long as
it's not a pity date.

Oh, it's a pity date.

Ha ha. I'm sorry.
[Laughs]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
This is so funny.

Ok. I'm sorry.

Ok.

Breadstick?

They're coming in too fast!

Quinn, look!
There's a cave!

Hang on.

I think we lost them.

Yeah. It's quiet.

Maybe too quiet.

[Passes gas]
[laughs]

Knock it off, stormy.

[Groaning]

Stormy!

That wasn't me.

Oh, my god.

What?

This isn't a cave.

It's a...
Tapeworm!

Stormy! Eighty-six that thing!

Ow!

What's the matter?

Uhh. I feel as if
a tiny voice

Just cried out in terror

And was suddenly
silenced.

Probably just gas.

Boo-yah!
Smoke that b*tch!

Where in the hell did
that thing come from?

No, no, no, señor.
Don't do it.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Boo-yah!

Stormy, what the hell
are you doing?

Taking out his appendix.

That's his pancreas,
you idiot.

Ok.

Oh, my god.
What is that?

Whoop. Just my love
leaking out.

So, um, how were
your holidays?

Ok, people.

We're coming up on the heart.

Well, how in the hell
did that get there?

No, no, no, señor.
Don't do it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Hang on. I'm gonna
smoke that b*tch.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
Stormy, wait.

Aah!

Honey, you need
some damn rolaids.

Don't eat medicine.

Oh, my god!
Slow down! Slow down!

[Indistinct shouting]

We lost lateral control.

You idiot!

That block was holding back
a tsunami of blood!

Yeah, till I
smoked that b*tch.

We're going to crash
into his brain!

Turn-ons.
Well, I like me a tight a*s

And a man who can speak french.

Ick!
Aah!

Yeah, well, all right.

Way to go.

We crashed into the language
center of his brain.

Thank you.

Uh, hey, if I could
just reintroduce

The time limit parameter here.

We got 5 minutes, people.

Hang on.
I'm gonna back out of here.

[Engine revving]

Whoa!

[Engine revving]

Aah!
[Engine stops]

Try rocking it, dude.

Would you shut up?

[Engine revving]

ich!
Ich bin ein berliner!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
That's my line, tumor face.

Ok, we're pulling free.
[Engine revving]

Oh! Mother...

Hit the brake!

And, ah, you there,
ah, bootylicious,

I, uh, couldn't
help but notice
your mouth is empty.

Ha ha ha!
Shanks!

Are you going to let him
talk to me like that?

Yah, how about it
there, uh, lumpy?

Hey, hey, hey.
I don't want
any trouble.

[Sputtering]
ick!

Whoooaaa!

Way to go,
minnie can't driver.

Now we're in his
testosterone gland.

And then I'm gonna shove
your broke-a*s leg bones

Down your damn throat,

And toss your guts
like a freakin' salad!

[Engine revs,
then stops]

Damn it!

God, I'll drive
the damn thing.

I can do it.
"I can do it."

Watch and learn.
[Engine revving]

No, no, no.
You shouldn't have
had to see that.

You're a lady.

Well, you show me a woman

Who doesn't get turned on
watching her man

Beat the f-in' living [bleep]
out of somebody,

And I'll show you a l*sbian.

You mean you like that?

Well, let me put it this way.

I'm glad
I'm wearing a wet suit.

Yup. You look real purty.

No, i... Never mind.

Get the check, baby.

I got an idea for dessert.

I mean, it's an automatic,
for god's sake.

Go to hell.

Oh, and there's the tumor.

I said
there's the tumor, quinn.

Quinn? Who's quinn?

My name's "minnie can't driver."

Really? 'Cause
I thought it was

"Hey, I ain't
gettin' any tonight,

"And even if I was, I'd
probably be too drunk

To get it halfway up."

Oh! I want an indian name!

Ah, hey.
Time limit parameter?



Ok. I'll hold us
in position, and stormy...

Not stormy!

I'm "he who smokes b*tches"!

Whatever.
Just light it up.

Yeah. Just light it up.

Oh, I don't know.
The church of alvis scientist
frowns on...

Oh, that crazy-a*s
church of yours
frowns on everything.

Can't drink, can't smoke,
can't go to the doctor.

Interracial dating,
oh, that's a huge no-no.

See? Now, that's too bad,

'Cause I'd really like
to see you again.

Really?

Well, it might be because

I ain't never been
this messed up before, heh,

But yeah.

Well, hell.
Then I renounce my religion.

Take that, tumor.

Let's get out of here.

Get out of here.

I'm serious.
Your tumor's gone.

Well, I'll be dipped.

Hey, why don't you pack us
another [bleep]

In case I got any, uh,
colorectal polyps?

Hang on. We've
only got 30 seconds

To exit
through his nose

Before we go back
to full size.

Hurry, debbie!

Don't worry.
I'll get us there.

Oh, "don't worry.
I'll get us there."

Da da da da da.

And then I'll have sex
with all of you.

Yeah. You keep on
being a little b*tch.

We're getting close.
I see boogers!

Here we go.
Aah! We hit something!

Good driving, wh*re!

You've only got 10 seconds!

What the hell's
blocking his nose?

Hey, check this out.
I'm a walrus.

[Laughs]
shanks, you're so crazy.

Goo-goo-ga-joo... Aah!

Oh, my god!

[Door opens]

Hey, we're going to take
a break and get this
sorted out.

What's that, freddy?

Our producer freddy,
ladies and gentlemen.
[Applause and cheering]

Freddy, how were your holidays?
[Laughter]

What? You don't have
a promo cued up?
[Laughter]

Apparently, freddy's still
on vacation, folks.

[Applause and cheering]
must be why he's

Sucking on that daiquiri
like it's got
cancer vaccine in it.

Do we even have the live feed...