04x04 - Sharko's Machine

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that
is where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom of the sea ♪

[Chomp]

Application denied.
Next!

You didn't even read
his application.

Don't need to. Next!

What about the equal
employment rules?

All they say is,
I can't discriminate

Based on race, religion,

Sex, age, handicaps,
or political affiliation.

Political affili... Ok.

So you won't hire him,
but you'll hire a n*zi?

He's freelance.

Und mitout benefits,
I might add.

Excuse me, but did you
just wink at me?

No. Cincinnati
hot plate?

What?
nicht.

Wait. You said handicap.
This doesn't qualify?

Hi.

He ain't crippled.
He's a shark man.

I actually prefer
h*m* carcharodon.

I bet you do.

Now, you show me where it says
I got to hire weresharks,

And I'll hire him.
I'm a fair man.

More than fair,
herr kapitan.

Crawl out of
my butt, hitler.

Come on, debbie.
Let's just go.

Shut up. What if he passes
the civil service exam?

Hmm, well, next exam
is friday morning.

If he passes, yeah,
I'll let him apply.

You hear that, sharko?
Mm-hmm.

On one condition.
What?

Tell him
to quit eating hitler.

I thought
he was a seal.

Cincinnati hot plate.

Quinn: forget it.
I'm not tutoring him.

Why won't you help me
help him?

Because you always
get all jacked up about
these little pet projects

And drop them the minute
you get bored.

I do not.
Oh, really?

Hey, how are those
bosnian refugees doing?

[Gasp]

Why does she no longer
bring us food?

Waah!

For your information...

Shut up.

Ok, sharko.
Let's start...

Did you see
stand and deliver?

Yes. Now, in your
grammar workbook...

With eddie olmos?

Sharko,
we've only got two days.

I didn't see it
because there's no tv
out in the ocean,

But my dad marco really
loved eddie olmos.

I think because
they're both latino.

That's why I wish my dad
was still around,

Because I feel
like I'm missing out
on my latino heritage,

And it's important.

I know.
Take out your workbook!

Debbie?
What?

I can't even
speak spanish.

Oh! Jeez!

You know how sensitive
my snoot is?

Yes! Now take out
your workbook!

Um...

I ate my workbook.

I thought the odds
were 5 to 1.

No, not if quinn
won't tutor him.

Then give me 5 beans
on shark man.

Hesh...
What's the word, sparks?

I'm gonna say this once more,
and I'm gonna speak slowly

Because I think it's
an important concept
for you to grasp.

We don't take beans!

But these are
magic beans.

Oh. Then why don't you just
go down to hesh's little acre

And plant those magic beans?

And when the giant
magic beanstalk
grows up to the sky,

You can shinny up there,
steal the evil giant's gold,

Outrun the golden goose
and the golden harp,

Then come back down here
to earth and place a real bet!

Well, how late
are you open?


Comprehension.

That's really good,
sharko.

Yeah. I read a lot
because I can't sleep.

Ooh, insomnia?

No. If I fall asleep,
I'll die.

I have to constantly
keep water moving
over my gills,

Or I'll suffocate.

Sharko, there's
no water in here.

You're breathing air.

Huh.

Ok. Now,
in your grammar...

God, what else
did she lie to me about?

I mean, jeez, she probably
lied about my dad being
in the foreign legion.

Sharko, I don't know
how to tell you this,

But your mom...
Ate your dad.

Oh, it all
makes sense now,

Like my aunt always
saying my mom had
good taste in men,

And then they'd look at me
and laugh, like, knowingly.

Maybe you should
bring this up with her.

Oh, I would, if that guy
hadn't have put a scuba
tank in her mouth

And shot it
so she exploded.

Oh, yeah.
We'd have a little talk.

Bet on it.

No more water.
You're gonna drown them.

Well, then why aren't
they growing faster?

Fish heads!
What?

Back in indian days,

They used fish heads
to fertilize their corn.

But these are
magic beans!

Yeah, but I think
the same principles
ought to apply, though.

Yeah, but damn it!

Just damn it!
What?

I should have never
traded that cow.

Ha! For a handful
of worthless beans.

[Moo]

Oh, shh shh shh.
Don't you worry, darling.

What are you doing?

Setting her free...
Once that ligament heals up.

Never mind.
She shouldn't even...

No.
She shouldn't even
be on that leg.

No.
They got her
so full of steroids...

Ha! Here's what's
so damn funny...

It makes the cow sterile.

So even if you wanted
to breed her

And pass on those genes,
you couldn't.

And I'll send
$5.00 american

To anybody who gets
that reference.

Anyway...

You're really
gonna hire sharko?

Hell, it won't
come to that.

He ain't even gonna
pass that test.

But what if he does?

Well, I'll think of
some excuse not to.

There's too many of y'all
around here already.

Excuse me?

We already got two blacks,
plus whatever virjay is.

You're lumping me
in with a wereshark?

Not just you.
All of y'all.

Well, you listen to me,
you... cr*cker.

[Moo]
easy, girl.

Sharko is gonna
pass that test.

I'm gonna make sure
of that,

And I'll be front and center
when you hire him...

With your
cr*cker a*s.

[Moo]

Naw. Don't worry.

They think we're
going to box canyon,

But we'll be 100 miles away
at silver reef.

What do you mean,
fish heads?

You know, like squanto
and the pilgrims.

I'm not that kind of indian,
you nincompoop.

Is this about money?

Because we're
gonna hook you up
in the back end.

If we get
the giant's gold.

When we get his
gold. Bam!

I am not
a native american.

[Beep] me,
he's right.

He's got facial hair.
Real indians can't grow it.

Hey, what are you
trying to pull?

Debbie: no.
You're solving for "x."

Uh... Oh, man.

Ok.

[Celesta music playing]

Sharko...
It's pretty... Like you,

And I'm the little bee...

Bringing you pollen.

Bzz.

What am I going
to do with you?

Let me pollinate
your stamens?

Do you want to end up
like the bosnians?

What?

If you don't pass this test,
you'll never get a job.

You'll never move
out of that sunken ship.

You'll never meet a girl
and fall in love.

Debbie, i...
I already have.

Quinn:
hang on there, romeo.

[Gasp]

We've got a lot
of studying to do.

[Rock music playing]

♪ Kno, kno, kno, kno... ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Ledge ♪

♪ When life puts you
to the test ♪

♪ It's time to sink or swim,
swim, swim, swim ♪

♪ Brush off your mind,
put on your... ♪

♪ Your thinking vest ♪

♪ And you're hitting
the books again ♪

♪ Knowing knowledge
is knowledgeable ♪

♪ Collecting data
that is factual ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'll tell you now,
it's the only way ♪

♪ And gather more every day ♪

♪ Look inside ♪

♪ Where you can long-divide ♪

♪ And memorize ♪

♪ The periodic table ♪

♪ Knowledge ♪

Hit me up high.
No.

How come? That was...

No high-five.

Respek knuckles.

♪ Respek knuckles ♪

Sharko, I've never seen
anybody learn so much so fast.

Well, sharks have
way bigger brains
than skeletal fish,

But I couldn't have done it
without you guys.

Oh, sharko,
I am so proud of you.

That means
so much to me.

[Sobs]

Nnh. Nnh.
Sharko?

Mm. Mm.
Sharko. Sharko?

Sharko!
Don't ruin it.

Oh, I always do that.

It's fine.
Try to get some sleep.

Hey, yeah.

This will be the first time
I've ever been to sleep.

See? Every day
is a new adventure.

Yeah, well,
good night.

I hope nothing
happens to me.

I'm so proud of him.

You know what?
I'm proud of you.

Really?

Yeah, because you finally
finished something you st...

Don't start about
the bosnians.

I swear to god,
I don't want to hear it.

God? There is no god.

Oh, then I guess you don't
want these zesty wings.

Oh, yes, we do,
sweet lord.

No. Sorry, daddy.

Please.
No, no, no, no.

You watch me do this.
No!

Who's laughing now,
cincinnati hot plate?

What?
Nothing.

Sparks: you had to piss
quinn off, huh?

I mean,
look at these odds.

There is no way
I can cover that.

You never saw me.
Giddyap, girl! Hyah!

[Moo]

[Moo moo]

[Smack]

[Door opens and closes]

Nobody gets that joke!

Man, he went down
like a bag of oats.

Wham!

But now where
are we gonna get
the fish heads?

Oh! You still
got that hacksaw?

[Rooster crows]

But that can't be.
Check again.

Sharko... Sharko...

Nope. Never signed in,
and this clipboard

Is almost never wrong,
cincinnati hot plate.

What?
Do what?

Damn! I bet he overslept.
Come on, quinn.

He's not in there.

Well, where
the hell is he?

Oh, man!
That is fricking nasty!

Oh, my god!
It smells so... Oh!

Hey, have you two seen...
Oh, my god!

What did you do?

Well, we were trying to get
these damn beans to grow.

So sharko got us
some fish heads. Wham!

And plenty more
where those came from.

Sharko!
Oh, hey, guys.

You had us
worried sick.

You're supposed to be
taking the exam right now.

Oh, man.
Is that today?

♪ Look inside ♪

♪ Where you can
long-divide ♪

♪ And memorize
the periodic table ♪

♪ Knowledge ♪

♪ Respek knuckles ♪