04x06 - Casinko

[bunniefuu]

♪ If you're looking for me ♪

♪ You better check
under the sea ♪

♪ 'Cause that is
where you'll find me ♪

♪ Underneath the sealab ♪

♪ Underneath the water ♪

♪ Sealab ♪

♪ At the bottom
of the sea ♪

Debbie: why the hell
are we sinking?

Sparks: I'm glad
you asked that, debbie.

Turns out that sealab
was built on an injun
burial ground...

Oh, sorry, john bear.

Uh, native american
burial ground, and...

Native american is p.c. Label
forced on us by white man.

I, john bear,
lokochi warrior,

Urinate in the river
of your ancestors.

What?
Psssss...

That is the sound
of my mighty urine.

Psssss...

Flowing out from the heavens
on your ancestors.

Pssss...

And their dinner guests.
Psssss...

Had so much firewater.

Psssss...

Oh, mercy.

Pssss...

How you like
john bear now?

Ssssss...

How you like
john bear now?

Sssss...

How you like
john bear now?

Sssss...

I peed on your car.

Uh, right.

Anyway... If we can't
stop the sinking,

We'll buried
alongside the native
whatchamadoodles.

So, does anybody
have any suggestions?

[Eagle caws]

Ok, any suggestions
that don't involve
peeing on ancestors?

[Eagle croaks]

Oh, we should make
a time capsule.

What?

After we sink,
future people will find it

And go, "holy crap,
look at this."

Only, they might not
talk english,

So we'll just fill it
with nerve gas.

Well, the way I see it,

Nakahoma's kinfolk got us
in this damn mess.

What'd you call me?

Just do one
of your crazy-a*s dances

And unsink us.

You are slow-footed buffalo
walking the path of the coyote.

Get out of the road, stupid.

You dance us
out of this,

I'll let you
turn the mess hall
into a casino.

With real
vegas-style gambling?

Like my ancestors had?

Anything you want,
sacajawea.

'Cause john bear's
not gonna do it

For a bunch of
half-assed video slots.

Have we learned nothing
from wounded knee?

[Big band music playing]

Ok, you got
your damn casino.

So, make with the old
shawnee shuffle, already.

John bear will only dance
when I have proper casino.

How...

Am I supposed
to run a casino with
a greeter like this?

Welcome to
buffalo chips casino.

Don't forget about
our trail of beers
happy hour.

Ha ha!

I don't get it.

John bear: my ancestors
would be most displeased.

Your ancestors' spirits
would be smellin' of pee.

What?

Uh... Thundercloud.

[Coughing]

Whoa, what the hell
was that?

Ahem. Anyhoo,

We need a headliner
for that lounge act.

Really?

Because I worked my way
through college

As a lounge singer.

It has been many winters
since a young squaw

Has brought john bear
bourbon and coke.

Easy on the coke, honey.
Chop-chop.



Oh, high 5!

Hey, quinn, aren't
you gonna fix the hull?

You do it.


Can't you see
I'm rollin' bones?

So, I'm in charge
of fixin' stuff?

Yeah, whatever,
just go.

Ok.


Tonight, sir... High 5!

Shut up.

Quinn!
I thought you gave up

Your dangerous addiction
to gambling

For your dangerous
addiction to alcohol.

Ha! Yeah!
You think a lot of stuff.

Wait! Are those my loaded
fake cheater dice?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

No.

High 5, huh?

Shouldn't you
be going onstage now?

No, I didn't get the job.

[Cheering, applause]

[Lounge music playing]

Dolphin boy,
shake it!

Oh, my god!
Dolphin boy!

Dolphin boy, I want
to have your baby!

[Women screaming]

Blow this hole,
dolphin boy!

Woman: oh, this is
the best part.

Oh, tell us what
he said next, stormy.

Quinn was like, "stormy,
you take care of it, man."

And I was like all,
you know,

"Quinn, no problem."

You are so responsible.
Ha ha ha ha!

I know, let's do
some body shots.

Ohhh!

I better supervise that.
For safety.

Come on, red.

Come on, 22. Double
deuce, double deuce!

Oh, yes!
Eat it, b*tches!

[Rumbling]

Black 34.
No winners.

Aww, dammit!

Hesh is down to
his last dollar.

Sir, that's a quarter.

Damn, boy!

Come on, come on,
start dancin', crazy horse.

We ain't got much time left.

What are you doing?

Just bein' an indian.

You know, for giggles.

Attention, sealab people.

Number one,
although I am an indian,

I am not
that kind of indian.

Number two,
sealab is still sinking,

And we are all
in grave danger... Oh!

Well, that's just
[bleeping] great.

Ugh!

Hello, ladies,
are your slots loose?

Hee hee hee!

I told you we would get
lucky tonight, ethel.

If you don't have sex
with me,

The t*rrorists have won.

Uh, what?

Just take
your pants off.

[Laughing]

No, no, no, no.
This must be
a misunderstanding.

See, hesh was just
asking about how hot
your... Box... Was.

Dammit.

I just... You know,
you stick it into the slot.

You... No, you grab
the handle and you pull.

And all that stuff
comes out.

Sounds... Come out
of the box.

I think
he's Ret*rded, ethel.

Jackpot!

Sir, perhaps
you'd be more comfortable

At the celebrity
poker table.

Who the [bleep]
do I look like, jimmy fallon?

Alarm! Someone doesn't
like jimmy fallon!

Pssssssssssss...

Showed you, a*s.

Wait, wait, you want me to
leave a cage full of money

To help you?

Yes. For the one thing
you love more

Than a cage full of money.

Two cages
full of money?

No, the other thing.

Whoa. Can I
wear my top hat?

[Chanting]

Oh, all right,
here we go.

Work your magic,
pocahontas.

What? Oh, no, no.

That was just john bear's
double down dance.

Ancestors say always split 8s.

And now, buffalo chips
casino is proud to present

Dolphin boy
and his animals of danger.

[Motors buzzing]

[Dolphin boy chirping]

[g*nsh*t]

Oh, my god,
dolphin boy.

What a tragedy.

Hit it.

[Animals wailing]

♪ The virus
took it up a notch ♪

♪ With the thrusting
of his baby crotch ♪

♪ Who'd take pleasure
in this little child croaking? ♪

♪ It doesn't matter, deb,
we're only joking ♪

Ah, thank you.
You're too kind.

Oh, sparks,
what are you doing here?

Come on, deb,
you know I couldn't

Let you do this
all alone.

Two, 3, 4...

♪ Racism is funny ♪

♪ And sexism, too ♪

♪ But juvenile
is better ♪

♪ Hey, I just
took a poo ♪

♪ Hey, jews, give us some money
and gays, you talk funny... ♪

Whatever!

♪ Too dumb to be sarcastic
so we keep provoking ♪

♪ Make fun of minorities
because of our inferiorities ♪

♪ But it doesn't matter,
we're only joking ♪

Oh, how clever.
An injun owning a casino.

How!

♪ Tune in next week,
marco drives an el camino ♪

♪ Here's a secret ♪

♪ Virjay's voiced
by a white male ♪

[Electric guitar solo]

Oh, goodness.

♪ Our incessant racism
will never get stale ♪

♪ Hey, jews,
give us some money ♪

♪ And gays, you talk funny ♪

Snip-snap!

♪ Too dumb to be sarcastic,
so we keep provoking ♪

♪ Make fun of minorities
because of our inferiorities ♪

♪ But it doesn't matter ♪

♪ It doesn't matter ♪

♪ No, it doesn't matter ♪

♪ It doesn't matter ♪

♪ We're only joking, yeah ♪

[Screaming,
indistinct yelling]

We're sinking!
We're sinking!

The floor is wet!

And you thought
canoe was silly,
slow-footed buffalo.

Hey, it's now or never.
Get to spirit dancin'.

Yeah, about that.

John bear don't know
any magic dances.

In fact, I am not
a real indian.

Whoa, my god,
if you ain't injun,

You're a bigger r*cist
than I am.

Normally that
would be true,

But in truth,
I am a native american

Pretending to be
a white man,

Pretending to be
a r*cist indian,

All done to teach you a lesson
about double reverse racism.

Uh... And what is
that lesson, exactly?

That racism...
Is for the birds.

[Eagle caws]

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

[Ripping]

Aaahhh!

♪ We're only joking ♪

Aww, dammit,
that is terrible.

Ha ha ha!

Oh, you guys are...
You guys are all fired.

I swear to god.

Oh, time capsule!

Word.

[Rushing air]

But we speak english.

Aahh.